Scott Barry Kaufman

Let's say you know you're starving and you know that there's something really sweet and fatty waiting for you in the fridge. All you have to do is open up the fridge and get it and move toward it. What you do is you check in with, well, what actually, you don't check in with what are my feelings right now. You check in with, well, what are my higher values?

That's what you check in with, your higher values. I want to lose weight. I want to not be the kind of person that immediately opens up that fridge every time I'm hungry and picks out the most unhealthiest thing I have in the fridge. Check in with all of that first and let the emotions and the desires and those quick feelings subside, but be with them. Don't label them.

That's what you check in with, your higher values. I want to lose weight. I want to not be the kind of person that immediately opens up that fridge every time I'm hungry and picks out the most unhealthiest thing I have in the fridge. Check in with all of that first and let the emotions and the desires and those quick feelings subside, but be with them. Don't label them.

That's what you check in with, your higher values. I want to lose weight. I want to not be the kind of person that immediately opens up that fridge every time I'm hungry and picks out the most unhealthiest thing I have in the fridge. Check in with all of that first and let the emotions and the desires and those quick feelings subside, but be with them. Don't label them.

Big one. A big one with low self-esteem. Well, actually, there's no such thing as low self-esteem. This is interesting. On psychological surveys, you very rarely will ever meet a human that says they have zero self-esteem. When you ask them to rate on a scale one to seven, how much self-esteem do they have? It's usually a bimodal distribution. So you usually see a lot of six and sevens.

Big one. A big one with low self-esteem. Well, actually, there's no such thing as low self-esteem. This is interesting. On psychological surveys, you very rarely will ever meet a human that says they have zero self-esteem. When you ask them to rate on a scale one to seven, how much self-esteem do they have? It's usually a bimodal distribution. So you usually see a lot of six and sevens.

Big one. A big one with low self-esteem. Well, actually, there's no such thing as low self-esteem. This is interesting. On psychological surveys, you very rarely will ever meet a human that says they have zero self-esteem. When you ask them to rate on a scale one to seven, how much self-esteem do they have? It's usually a bimodal distribution. So you usually see a lot of six and sevens.

The people with the high self-esteem are clear. But then the second type of person is usually it's in the middle somewhere. So that's unclear. So it's an uncertain self-esteem. Usually what we call a low self-esteem is really an uncertain self-esteem. The person is constantly looking outward, They don't have a good inner compass of what they think they should be.

The people with the high self-esteem are clear. But then the second type of person is usually it's in the middle somewhere. So that's unclear. So it's an uncertain self-esteem. Usually what we call a low self-esteem is really an uncertain self-esteem. The person is constantly looking outward, They don't have a good inner compass of what they think they should be.

The people with the high self-esteem are clear. But then the second type of person is usually it's in the middle somewhere. So that's unclear. So it's an uncertain self-esteem. Usually what we call a low self-esteem is really an uncertain self-esteem. The person is constantly looking outward, They don't have a good inner compass of what they think they should be.

And also from an evolutionary point of view, it's important to recognize there are different domains of self-esteem that evolved that are very separate from each other. You can have very high self-esteem for your work and have very low self-esteem for your mate value.

And also from an evolutionary point of view, it's important to recognize there are different domains of self-esteem that evolved that are very separate from each other. You can have very high self-esteem for your work and have very low self-esteem for your mate value.

And also from an evolutionary point of view, it's important to recognize there are different domains of self-esteem that evolved that are very separate from each other. You can have very high self-esteem for your work and have very low self-esteem for your mate value.

they can be very different things so I think there's domain specifically evolved self-esteem as well and there's some really great evolutionary psychology papers around that that I cite in my book right so

they can be very different things so I think there's domain specifically evolved self-esteem as well and there's some really great evolutionary psychology papers around that that I cite in my book right so

they can be very different things so I think there's domain specifically evolved self-esteem as well and there's some really great evolutionary psychology papers around that that I cite in my book right so

Yeah, absolutely. Vulnerable narcissism, which I talked about earlier, is very strongly correlated with this uncertain sense of self. The more that you can have an internal sense of who you are and what you want and be clear on your values, the less your self-esteem is gonna make a difference at all. You don't wanna be obsessed with your self-esteem.

Yeah, absolutely. Vulnerable narcissism, which I talked about earlier, is very strongly correlated with this uncertain sense of self. The more that you can have an internal sense of who you are and what you want and be clear on your values, the less your self-esteem is gonna make a difference at all. You don't wanna be obsessed with your self-esteem.

Yeah, absolutely. Vulnerable narcissism, which I talked about earlier, is very strongly correlated with this uncertain sense of self. The more that you can have an internal sense of who you are and what you want and be clear on your values, the less your self-esteem is gonna make a difference at all. You don't wanna be obsessed with your self-esteem.

You don't wanna be constantly in pursuit of high self-esteem. You don't want that to be your primary goal either. So that's why it's really important to get right with your own inner compass of what you want out of this life and what your actual real felt interests are and listen to them. I think a lot in life, we get values from our society. We get values from others and we want to belong.