Seth Shepard
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
Howdy, everybody. My name is Seth Shepard, and I'm from eastern Kentucky. Being from such a place means I come with an accent. An accent, mind you, that is mildly inconvenient depending on the circumstance. For instance, I know a fair amount of Spanish. I just try not to speak it because it just sounds like a hate crime coming out of this mouth. Buenos dias, senor. It means good day, mister.
Coming from me, though, it sounds about as friendly as a soft crackling of a burning cross. Thank y'all so much. This is almost a dated joke, I guess, because the election is over. Did y'all hear about the mechanic shop that the Harrison Waltz campaign was trying to come out with? They mostly do electrical work and radiator work, but their real specialty was rebuilding trannies.
This is less than my tenth time on stage. This is less than my tenth time. Look at you.
My dad gave me my first cigarette when I was four.
He said if you keep puffing, it won't go out. We're a Marlboro family.
No, sir. I moved here the end of September.
I have always wanted to do voiceover work. Yes, sir.
The end of September. I was working a dog shit job and just didn't get time to get up on stage. I quit it last Saturday. Paid rent up to the end of January. Yes, sir.
A studio apartment by myself.
It was a general manager spot for a chain pizza restaurant. What was the chain? Papa John's. It was awful. Yep.
My rent is paid up to the end of January, so I'm hoping for a job at maybe one of the clubs or if there's a farm locally that needs pigs killed, I've got guns.
Yes, sir. Wow, incredible. Do you have experience farming? Yes, sir. We grow, back at dad's house, we grow whatever you can think of, mushrooms, watermelons, anything. Why'd you say watermelon second? I've been trying to work on a joke about how I get asked a lot of the same questions as inner city black kids because I'm from Kentucky and everybody's like, how often do you eat fried chicken?
Anything need be done. I'm trying to get a job over at Mr. Red Band's club. Mr. Red Band.