Shadé Zahrai

You're not going to be prioritizing how other people will see you because that's that validation piece.

So you trust that you're enough as you are and you'll give it a go.

The importance piece here around performance or quality of performance, which is what you're touching on, that comes under agency.

And so you have to trust that you have the capability to do the thing.

That doesn't mean that you have blind trust.

There's going to be some element of reality there.

So if you're doing something you've never done before, of course, you're not going to have the trust that you're going to be able to do it perfectly, but you trust that you can figure it out, you can try, you can persist, and then be better next time.

So it's the trust in the ability to take the step forward rather than the trust that everything will work out, it will be perfect, you'll succeed, and it will be great.

stopper for people that i i don't want to do this because i'm afraid of what other people will think we have that fear because it's fundamentally linked to social rejection so if we look at our evolution we evolved to live in communities and belonging equaled survival if we belonged we had a tribe we had protection we had food we had community

Rejection almost invariably meant death because we don't have the support of the people around us that we need.

Our brains operate in very similar ways in the sense that if someone disapproves of us, we see that as social rejection.

And researchers have found when they're looking at brain scans of people, social rejection and physical pain are processed in the same areas of the brain.

So they have a very similar neurological blueprint, if you like.

And just as the body and the brain are wired to protect you from physical pain because it hurts, we're also wired to protect ourselves from social pain because it hurts on a neurological level.

And one of the functions of the brain is to really keep us safe and functioning and protected.

So this obsession that we have about what will people think becomes a protective mechanism so that we don't avoid, rather, so that we don't experience the rejection that could come if people then disapprove of us.

The next question that's really interesting here comes around agreeableness.

So agreeableness is one of the personality traits.

Someone who, you know, if you're speaking to someone and they agree with what you're saying and they agree with the idea and they're just, they're collaborative.

They prioritize harmony.