Shane Parrish

It's a lot harder to say no to people in person.

So I was at Daniel Kahneman's penthouse in New York, and this came up with me.

And Daniel Kahneman is a Nobel laureate.

He studied cognitive biases for 65 years.

He is the godfather of cognitive biases.

And he picked up the phone when we were having a conversation because he had to answer this call.

And towards the end of the call, he said, you know, my rule is I don't say yes on the phone.

And then he sort of like hung up.

You know, he's like, I'll get back to you tomorrow.

And I was like, whoa, pause.

What did you just say there?

And he said, well, my rule is I don't say yes on the phone.

And I said, well, what do you mean?

He's like, well, I want people to like me.

So I tend to say yes in situations that I don't want to.

So I end up doing all these things that I don't really want to do.

And so he's like, I created a rule.

And he's like, I noticed that, you know, I don't argue with my own rule and nobody else argues with my rule.

And so I just say my rule is, and it's really important to use those words, my rule is, and that allows the other person to say, oh, okay, he's going to get back to me tomorrow perfectly.

And so he's like, now I say yes to 10% of the things.