Shankar Vedantam

And if the answer to that question is yes,

that is a situation where you should try to eat the blame.

So strategies like acceptance and eating the blame are clearly not going to be panaceas for all relationships.

And it's worth pointing out that not all relationships might be worth saving.

We heard from listeners who were grappling with how to know whether their relationship fell into that not worth saving category.

Here's a message we received from one listener who wanted to remain anonymous.

So first off, James, I just want to say that I hear the anguish that this question springs from.

But how do you draw a line between behavior that may be hurtful but changeable and behavior that is potentially abusive and a sign that you should probably end your relationship?

When we come back, the payoff of doing the hard work in your relationship.

Plus, we hear from listeners about their techniques to make relationships last.

You're listening to Hidden Brain.

I'm Shankar Vedanta.

This is Hidden Brain.

I'm Shankar Vedanta.

Have you ever met a couple who've been together for 40 or 50 years?

We often assume that these people were an ideal match and that the love that they have for each other is special and rare.

But chances are good that these relationships succeed not because they are wildly in love or meant to be, but because they're adept at navigating conflicts and supporting each other through tough times.

James Cordova is a psychologist at Clark University.

He's the author of The Mindful Path to Intimacy, Cultivating a Deeper Connection with Your Partner.

James, I'd like to start this segment with a listener story.