Shankar Vedantam

We can start to do it ourselves?

You say that one way we can begin to foster a sense of mattering is to reflect on all the ways in which we are already making an impact on the people around us.

Say more about this idea, Gord.

I want to spend a moment talking about how and why we lose track of what we have actually done for others and how we actually do matter to others.

I want to play you a clip from the 1995 film, Mr. Holland's Opus.

In that movie, Richard Dreyfuss plays a music teacher who is determined to write a great symphony.

He struggles to achieve this lofty goal, and toward the end of his life, he feels like he has failed.

At a gathering to commemorate his retirement, a former student of his takes the podium, and here's the clip of what the student tells him.

One of the things that has come up in this conversation that I think is worth flagging here is that, you know, mattering might be more a matter of quality rather than quantity.

And what I mean by that is you don't need necessarily, you know, 5 billion people to think that you're great.

for you to have your psychological needs met.

You might need one person.

You might need two people.

And this speaks to the story you just told me.

This guy is in trouble.

He's basically speaking to a parole officer, and he's referring the parole officer to someone who was in his very distant past because that's the person his mind gravitates toward.

You say that it's also possible for us to intentionally set out to make others in our lives feel like they matter.

If we are parents or teachers, for example, we can engage in what you call micro-practices that promote mattering in children.

What are these practices?

So in addition to our role as parents and teachers, you say that as leaders of all kinds, as managers or coaches, we can help others feel like they matter.