Shante Joseph

is going to help you be a kind of better, know yourself better, be a better partner?

Or is it like tricks and games and tactics?

Like just be aware of your media and the things that you've been taught to believe about women.

Because this stuff starts really, really young.

But yeah, I do see the ways in which men might feel like this just was like another thing against us.

And like...

Yeah, I think what I've learned is that there's this sort of... From both sides, I think people are still trying to clamor onto the privilege that being in a relationship, particularly a straight relationship, gives them.

And I think for some people, their anger to this piece was about them realizing that I might lose this privilege, and they might not have many other privileges, and so losing this feels like a big deal.

And then also, I think the biggest reaction from this piece came from single women who were like, oh my God, for the first time, I don't feel a sense of shame for my identity.

And this was women in their 40s, but also teenagers.

Teenagers messaging me being like,

I've never had a boyfriend and I felt really ashamed about that.

And I felt bad about myself and I thought there was something wrong with me or that I was ugly.

And I was like, God, you are so young and you've already internalized all of these messages because you've been told your whole life to be in a relationship is the most important thing.

And everything outside of that doesn't render me as an individual or like fascinating person.

Like I'm glad they felt better, but also I felt so upset that that conditioning runs so deeply.

Do you know what?

I think I've come away thinking that they're more embarrassing.

I can't lie.

Because the men are being embarrassing and the women with boyfriends upset about this piece are even more embarrassing.