Shauna Rae
Appearances
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I was in a very abusive relationship and it happens to like one in four women. Oh, it's fine.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, my boyfriend walked away from meeting my parents and saying, I think that's, like, the worst situation I've ever been in. It's worse than, like, a PSA test, like an estate test. Oh, my God. The anxiety your mother gave me. It's like she just was, like, basically, like, okay, how well are you doing in life? Like, what do you want from my daughter? Like...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I'm like, do you want his bank statement, basically? His middle name is this. Like, what do you need? She's like, I just, I need to know that he's, like, stable. I'm like... Grandpa already did a background check. I remember at the bar episode for TLC when I did the bartending gig at Jamesport and Dan was there and Tommy was there and I was kind of in this fling with Dan.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
My grandpa comes up to me and he's like, I don't know if I like him, but I did a background check on him. He is being honest about who he is. I didn't believe that quite honestly. I was like, Yeah, no, I know he is who he is. But I mean, he's like, but we have some things to talk about what he does. I was like, Oh, no, I know what he does.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
dan and i met well not met met but like we met before season two filmed physically as well and we met after season one like socially yeah and so he i when i was talking to him i was like look would you want to be on
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And she literally, when I made my new handle for people to find me easier from TLC, she made her handle like the exact copy. And I was like, mom, why'd you do that? She's like, because you did it. And that's like, that's like what we were doing. I was like, yeah, you could have just kept it at Patty's Wrinkles. She's like, no, at the real Patty's Wrinkles. Oh, that's funny.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
a television show with me and go on some dates because like we were kind of interested in each other and you know he was like well i'm in england i was like i can get you here if you want to go on some dates and he's like okay and i was like but we're gotta be honest i'm point blank saying we're not in a relationship yeah
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I don't want you to ever point it like we were in our relationship because that's unfair because if this comes out and we don't work out, that's unfair to my next thing.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Or like starting something out. I was like, it puts me in an unfair advantage and it puts you in an unfair situation to make everyone think you're booed up.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
So I don't ever want to point it that way. And I want it also to be, you know, we're just friends trying to test this out. Because that's what we were. I didn't want to ever make it seem like, no, this is a guy I want to be in a relationship with. I'm definitely committing to. Because he lives in a different country. I'm not stupid. I'm not paying that ticket every time to see him.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I don't want to do that. And then he wants to go traveling. I don't have a passport yet. I mean, I do now, but I didn't then. And so I was looking at it more like casual fun. And I told him that. And I think TLC took it and was like, OK, let's let's just send them on dates and like let them go and like we'll make it seem like it's going to be her relationship.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
When that happened and he released that message, they actually provided him with therapy.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, and he continued with that therapist after their provided sessions.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
So legally, I was basically told not to speak to him.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, because I can't say anything that he's confirming or going against. I can't affiliate with him because of my contract. So it was really hard. My dad reached out to him and was like, she can't talk to you right now. It's not that she's leaving you to hang dry. She just can't talk to you.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
She's literally being told she can't speak to you because if this goes sour for you, then it's sour for TLC.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And, you know, I think they just never wanted to attach with the word pedophile.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And I told him, I was like, look, if you go out there in the world, just don't say the word. The minute you say the word is the minute everyone on the internet is going, oh, he said it, he is it. Yeah. Like, that's just how it is. The minute you go, oh, I'm not this, I'm not a pedophile, I'm not a racist, I'm not, you know... I'm not a bad person. You're a bad person.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
If you have to defend yourself, then people view you as that. And that's just what I didn't want for him. And it did happen a little bit. It got a little worse, but it did get better for him eventually. And that's the thing about the pedophile predator comments. You just have to laugh it off.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
upsetting as a person and the fact that I have to live my everyday life and constantly battle FBI watch list comments and stuff like that. But I don't look at it. I try not to look at it. I tell my current significant other to not look at it. I told Dan to not look at it, but he did. And I think at the end of the day, it's more sad because I'm just looking at the lack of education.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I was like, I did that for a reason, but okay, you're cute.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
None of them on the internet want to listen. And it's just the fact that they haven't met me in person to understand that I am just a human being. I'm just short. Yeah, you're an adult. Yeah, I'm just a tiny person. There's women who are 3'8 out there that get the respect. And I'm like, but they maybe have more... boobs and butt and the hip area. And I'm like, I'm a skinny stick.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's my body type. I'm sorry. Like, and it, it makes me more upset knowing that Tommy or a male person in my situation could go out there and be like, look at the model I'm dating. She's six, five. And everyone would be like, Yeah, you go. You get that, girl. Look at you. And then it's reversed for females.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I think for females in a disability, it's a little worse just because as a male, we always expect them to get... more and improve their lives. And as a female, we're only as good as our significant other or what we look like and what we can provide for our significant other more likely. I think people are looking at me and like, oh, she can't provide anything. She can't have kids.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
What is she going to provide a dude? And I've had that question when it comes to dating. Oh, what is she going to do for you? She can't cook for you. She's not going to be a good wife. And I think that's where a little bit of it comes from is like that societal stereotype of they can't do as much as we can.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
So why would someone in an abled body choose them versus another abled person who can provide them more of what society expects to be provided by a woman?
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Thank you. I think it really just stems from the fact that no matter where I go, For every good thing that happens in my life, someone's like, oh, you're so amazing, you're so bright. There's also a little bit of discrimination behind it. So you have to build that resilience or that backbone. I could walk my dog and they'll be like, oh, look at you go, honey. I'm like...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
So my uncle worked at a bar, and he always watched me. Always made sure. He knew. He knew bars were creepy. Yeah. And so he wasn't working, but my dad and some family members and I went in, and I went to the bathroom, and some guy followed. And it was just really uncomfortable for a second. Like, I just... Did he go in the bathroom?
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah. I mean, the... Four bathrooms were split, so he just took a left, or took a right instead of a left.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I was, like, 10.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah. And I just... I dealt with a lot of onlookers at first, like, just watching.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And I'm like... At first, I was young, and I was like, maybe they're just making sure, like, I come out of the bathroom okay. And then I was, like, noticing that, like, they're not people talking to my uncle. They're creepers. And, you know, I...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
He tried to test my intellect, like my understanding of what he was trying to do.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's not like you had... Yeah, I mean, but I've always been a little more mature, I would say. I knew what could happen already. My parents had that conversation with me. And, you know, I kind of just was like...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
looking around to see if there was an adult and i saw like my sister and he was like asking like weird questions like about like my skin like is my hand soft enough like do i need lotion because he has lotion like does he want me to like do i want to get him a soda like does he want me to go in the back and get him stuff because he has stuff in the back he can give me he said that yeah
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And I was like, go in the back.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
So yeah, I'm like, wait, you don't work here. I know all the workers here. I'm like, I'm like, I'm okay. My dad's at the bar with the beer. He can probably get me, like, a Cherokee Red because that was the soda I drank. Yeah. And I was like, I can get some Hawaiian chips myself. Thank you. And, like, I mean, there were situations where it progressed because I was, like, a regular at that bar.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah. And, like, maybe there was a couple guys that were, like, leering. And, like, there was a couple times where they grabbed me or something. Yeah.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
That one, I don't think so. Maybe on a different occasion, like on the dance floor, because it was a dance floor.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I don't think anyone notices that stuff. It's also low-town PA.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
He followed my niece. I'm sure my uncle did bunch behind the scenes. He never let me see, but he always had an eye on me. But that was the day he wasn't there.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah. So it kind of happened on the days he wasn't there.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I think you're very aware that there's eyes on a child or eyes on a... young adult or a female at all times like someone who's looking to hurt someone yeah is very aware socially they're looking at the exits they're looking at cameras they're looking at all the people and if they're paying attention or not that's terrifying they are checking everything out beforehand
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
you're only making it a show because you think I'm a child walking my dog. Like we were walking, um, in garden city because my mom works around the area. So we were in the mall and someone was like, Oh, she's so cute. And like, she's like, she's just so intelligent and bright. And my mom's like, yeah, it's my daughter. And she's like, she like, how old are you? I'm like, I'm 25.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And they pick a vulnerable child that doesn't feel safe. And that's where a lot of grooming happens. And thankfully, I had the education. I had my resources there. And I knew that I was safe with my home people. You know, it makes me very scared for kids that don't have an education in those situations now where sex education is being limited or taken out of the libraries and stuff like that.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Just because... As someone who wouldn't have had that education in that situation, I would have been like, oh yeah, you got a soda? Cool. We all know stranger danger, but that was a very homey aspect. That's a bar my uncle works at. He's worked at my entire life. Everyone knows us. Like it's a very like comfortable aspect. And that's where I feel like predators and groomers tend to go.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
They go where a child is like somewhat comfortable. You know, if it's a kid at the park, they've been watching them for a bit. and they know their mom's routine where the mom looks at her phone or something or the mom goes by the carousel or whatever the situation is. He knows when the child's alone, she knows when the child's alone, they know when the child's alone.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And they go up to them in a comfortable situation where kids already know strangers are gonna come up to them. And that's why I'm like, it doesn't happen as much in schools except when a kid is vulnerable from home life and that teacher is their safe haven and that teacher takes advantage of that situation.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
interesting atmosphere for other people like have you been questioned so many times i'm more questioned from the public than the people that check your ids and the bartenders and stuff you know i have a new york id it's hard to copy they put so many things on it everyone's like these new york ids i can't even scan them i gotta like type you into the system sometimes i'm like yeah i get that
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I'm like, but that's fine for me because you pulling up the system, that means you can't deny it. And I mean, there's been situations where I was like at a restaurant bar and they kept checking my ID. Like it was like, everyone come check the disabled person's ID. It's like, you won't believe it.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
She's like, no, she's like, she's joking. Right. I'm like,
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
But I've had more instances where I'm sitting at a table or I'm drinking and then you can hear people over. Is she old enough to have that? Susie, it's not your business. It's not your business. Drink your Shirley Temple and talk to Bill and have a great day. Leave me alone. So it's a lot of other people being invasive when they don't have the right to.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
how how uh how old were you when you started drinking um i think we had like samples of things when i was younger there was a couple stories my mom says where i stole her mike's hard lemonade like straight out of chemo and was just down and then he was like they smell sweet they smell like a lemonade and she's like where's my fat toddler and i'm just running with a mike's and she's like oh my gosh shauna
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I think I was and then the pandemic hit. I turned 21 in quarantine. So I took shots with my dad.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
first time I've ever seen him drink what type of what type of shots were you taking with your dad whiskey what type of whiskey do you like um honey whiskey okay yeah I'm I'm a I think I'm more of an Irish whiskey person than a Scottish whiskey um I hate to say it Scottish whiskey just tastes like pure alcohol um but I'm a tequila and a whiskey person do you like bourbon
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, my boyfriend drinks gin and tonics. Well, he doesn't anymore, but he got a gin and tonic. And he's like, I haven't drank this since college. It used to make me feel so cold. I feel cold again. Yeah. It's like it's that vibe. And, I mean, if we really want to porn it, like, that's why I'm so open about everything. Yeah.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Because other countries, you know, are less open about the alcohol in the commercials. They're less open about, you know, even the funny commercials are less violent. You know, there's not a lot of violence going on. But they're more body positive.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
My dad lived in England for a bit, so as kids, we always heard something that I find funny about America now that I've lived in England is you see a lot of violence and alcohol and violent-infused commercials, while in Europe and England, they showed a lot of the body, like nude. Wait, what do you mean? Like, nude. Like, no clothes. Like, shower commercials.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's very common knowledge. Like, you can go to Italy and see boobs on TV as a very young kid.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah. I was like, you've never seen the movies? Like, we get to see boobs on TV. I was like, those were always in the Christmas movies we watched. But, like, yeah. So, like, in the, like, soap commercials, he's like, it's just like a body. And they do have statistics of having less sexual assault issues.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And then you have in America, teachers not allowing their kids to go to a museum for a field trip because they don't want them seeing...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
and stuff like that oh really yeah sing like the naked school trip David that's what I'm working with the what are they I forget their part the democracy place that I'm working with I'm we're funding them for the holiday season they fight these kind of things for kids to have equal education understanding you know I'm all for religious understanding on all ends but I grew up on a very religious aspect like take and choose what you want from each religion you know
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
You don't have to just be Christian. You don't have to be Catholic. You don't have to be Muslim. You don't have to be Jewish. You can be your own person, and that's okay. You don't have to follow religion 100%. And they're fighting the fact that they're trying to put the Holy Bible in Florida in schools and make the curriculum less LGBT-friendly, less—
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's a little hard with TLC because they reopened it. Then after they found out how much it was going to cost, they could not do it unless I paid for it myself.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
drug um awareness less sexual education awareness okay for me as someone who's open about everything and went to school for those things and learned so much because of those things that's really hard for me to see because you're taking a safe learning space away
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, and that's where that relation is and that's why I fight so hard for them and I'm fighting so hard against the book bannings and... you know, the, you know, segregation of certain things like an LGBT club being removed from schools after school programs and stuff.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Because if we don't provide that safe place for our children, they're going to go out and rebel against it and go for, you know, the hard drugs and stuff anyway. You know, I never did hard drugs because my family was like, Look, if you're going to try anything, there's things out there in life. We know this. We've been there. Your teachers have been there. We've been there.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Like, everyone's done something. But if you're going to do it, talk to us. Come home. We'll provide a safe place, and you can try it out. You know, don't ever go out in the wild and do it. And that was the best advice we've ever learned, you know. Tara.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
took advantage of that and was like yeah I want to try drinking at like 16 and they're like okay you can have a sip like a couple sips and you know I my sister Riley and I never took advantage of that we never did drugs we never did alcohol out or inside of the house and we told our parents mostly everything and I feel like that kind of parenting experience is going down the drain with the book banning and stuff because your children are going to come home with less questions
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
So it goes back to what happened with my chemo, my surgery, the brain cancer. So the pituitary gland went almost dormant and that controls seven hormones. And... One of those hormones is your growth hormone. One of them is also your fertility. And another one is also your emotional balances. Those are the three of mine out of the seven that it controls.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I think you evaluate the person. I think we all have a little insight on to if a person is okay with being educated or not. I think you evaluate the way they ask you a certain thing. Like if someone says, what's wrong with me? I'm like, nothing.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Because the hypothalamus has the pituitary gland in it. And that controls all 10. And that's where the aging is. And that's why people think I don't age. But that's not the pituitary gland. So I'm going to age. I'm going to get old. But my fertility was affected where I have low egg count.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And I probably can't have children like from my own eggs. And my growth was majorly affected.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's okay. I decided at 16 it wasn't going to happen physically. It's a little hard getting the wound opened again with TLC because they reopened it, and then they kind of ditched on the situation when they found out how much money it was going to cost to freeze my eggs. So I went kind of through a depression of, like, how the hell am I going to do this? I'm so sorry. Oh, it's fine.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And, you know, I recently went through the situation, spent a couple thousand dollars to figure out if I can do it, and... I'm too low that I feel I'm safe enough to go under and it be worth it. So the chances of getting like one egg or like I'd have to have three surgeries.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
They wanted to freeze my eggs. And then after they found out how much it was going to cost to freeze my eggs with that medical company that was not covering my insurance because there was another hospital that wouldn't let them film.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
um that would cover my insurance but they couldn't go there uh and they needed to make their money back with tlc they needed to be able to document it yeah they needed to be able to document it and they said that they could not do it unless i paid for it myself and i was not given the funds to pay ten thousand dollars for a surgery
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It was $10,000 without insurance for the procedure. Medicine is another $7,000 at this place specifically. The place I went through, I did have insurance coverage lately, and I decided to not go through with it. I had to go through fertility therapy. I had to go through an exam to see if I could physically carry a baby. I had to test my proteins in my urine. I had to go and get my blood tested.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I had to go and get my ovarian reserve tested, which is where your egg count is. And I had to go through all of these little gynecology appointments to make sure that I was okay. And that we were all ready to start with the freezing egg process. And that's when I found out through that testing that I wasn't a 0.4 anymore. I was a 0.16.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Oh, yeah. That's just, I'm like, what are you talking about? They're like, well, then why are you short? I'm like, cancer.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And the chances of getting an egg from that is like zil, in my opinion. Oh, so even if you did do the procedure... Yeah, the doctor I was working with didn't want to work any lower than 0.4. So once I hit 0.1... What's that number coming from? It's an ovarian reserve count. Okay. So basically how they measure your egg count is...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
through blood at least, is called your AMH hormone, your anti-malarian hormone. And that basically gets tested and there's a number. And from what they told me, one to four is our average age range. Anything lower than one is considered low and you need to do something about it. I was a .8 at the beginning of TLC's journey with it.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
After TLC's journey with it and I gathered enough funds to maybe cover it myself, two years later I was 0.4. And we really had to get started on it. And then I found out I was 0.1 after the second testing with my doctor. And I was still going to go through with it. But then I was waiting on anesthesia to clear me. And it took a month and a half. And I was like, I'm probably infertile by now.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And then they're like, oh, okay. I'm going to go now. Like, yeah, that made you feel uncomfortable, didn't it? Because you were an a-hole about it. But when people are genuinely asking, they usually like walk on eggshells. They're like tiptoeing almost, actually physically. And then they're like, can I ask you a question? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like... So what happened?
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Because I had dropped from 0.4 to 0.1 in three months. And they're like, so it's been two years since this drop? I was like, no, it's been three months. And they're like, oh, that's not normal. I'm like, yeah, cancer baby.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I would be on watch the entire nine months. My doctor was like, so typically when we do watches, we come in once every three months or once every month to three months, depending on the pregnancy for the first trimester. And then it's. Twice a month, you know, once every two weeks for the second trimester. And then the third trimester, I want to see you every week.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And, you know, maybe twice a week. And you might be on bed rest, so it might be a house call kind of situation. And, you know... We're going to make sure that you're on everything possible, like if the right medications, you know, she's the one that's like, I need you to go and get your urine tested.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
See if you have the right amount of proteins in your pee to carry a child properly to make sure, you know, I have dental issues like that. They're not taking my proteins that I need to function as well, because I mean, that was something I was concerned and my mom's been pregnant many times and each pregnancy hit her hard. She got diabetic.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
she went anemic and then she lost like the vitamins in her teeth for her calcium and stuff because Riley just took it all. And it happens with kids. They say the third kid kills you. Oh my gosh. They say it hits you hard. But
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I think that they wanted to evaluate to make sure that I was just normal enough on the scales that I could actually carry a child with no risk to myself other than the obvious physical risk.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And she was like, it's automatically. I'm not even going to talk about this situation. It's a C-section. You're too tiny. I was like, yeah, no, I don't want a break. And she's like, so we would do a C-section. You would be on watch. We would have someone come in and check on you if you're house sit or on bed rest.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Is there a reason you're short? Because you're obviously not a kid. If you watch me work or do anything or talk to me, you can evaluate. I feel like if you're smart enough or you have enough common sense, you can realize I'm not actually 8 or 10 or whatever. I mean, even kids can do it, so adults can do it. It's not that hard for them. It's just some brain power. Yeah.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And you would probably be on specific prescription prenatals because I can't take a one a day. without having an overdose of calcium or vitamin E or something. And I've spoken to that with them at Stony Brook. I've been on prescription vitamin D for a very long time because I couldn't take a one a day. I was just puking. Right.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And I'm like, I think I have an overdose from the symptoms, my doctor. And she's like, yeah, sounds like it. I'm going to just prescribe you the right amount for your body. And that's going to be the same situation for when I'm pregnant. I mean, I'm sure they would up it a little bit. Like, I've always been low on iron. So they'd probably give me a little boost of iron for the child. But...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Honestly, I've kind of just thrown it to the wind because if I do decide to have a family, it's going to be adoption or surrogacy or something because I value my life enough in a way, which is weird. I would probably get an abortion if it was going to put me at risk just because I don't want my child to grow up without a parent.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I think that's a bigger hole in someone's life than deciding to have a child at the right moment. I am pro-choice in that way because if I got pregnant myself, I'd probably have to get an abortion. There's a very high chance of it.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It could kill me during the birth. It could kill the child. And because I've always known there's a medical risk to me being pregnant, I've always been pro-choice with that because... There's a lot of unfortunate situations that can happen with anyone with pregnancy. And we have to evaluate her health and my health and the woman's health. And it takes a lot out of the body. And that can be scary.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And I feel like sometimes that's not worth the risk of bringing a child into this world when there's other children in this world that can be loved.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah. Well, I mean, I use contraceptive, of course. That's number one. But I... I'm not active with anyone I don't trust. I think that goes back to dating a bit. I make sure they get tested physically. They go through tests emotionally, and they come back with a blood scan saying they're clean, and they get their protection, and I make sure they're a responsible adult.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I am in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to bring his own children into this world, who wants to adopt, if anything, just for mental health reasons. I understand that. I mean, my family has mental health issues I don't want to bring into this world.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
You know, when you have a lot of depression and, you know, those really harsh mental disabilities on your family's side, it's really hard to decide to have a child or not. But back to how I protect myself. I know my body. I get my period. I go through my monthly. And... I make sure that I'm safe doctor wise. We're always checking things. If I'm active, I know if there's a slip up or something.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
But, you know, it's really just about having a conversation with your significant other or your boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever. And being like, look. There's always risks when it comes to sex, no matter who it is. There's always risks when it comes to pregnancy. But as a disabled person, it's different.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And it's going to be a little different sex-wise anyway, but it's going to be a little different emotionally. For what could happen if it happens. And, you know, my boyfriend and I are on a clear space, you know, like if there's a chance, plan B. Just because we don't want to ever have to go through that mental decision of like choosing my life for a child's life.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I think you take it day by day. With anything, like building friendships or anything, you have to be worried. Someone could be just using you because you get a lot of attention. Some people can be using you because they want a disabled friend. It's like having a gay best friend. It's like a little quirk.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I do and I don't sometimes. I feel like sometimes with disability people, some people, because they've been brought up differently, they view it as a competition. And I don't think it has to be a competition. I think that a lot of people are just competitive. I think, you know, you have... Competitive in which way? Like, there's jealousies. There's, you know...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
In a sense, they still want to color with me. They still want to play games with me.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's the same kind of thing you'll go through with high school, with the pettiness and stuff. We're human. That happens in the disability community. But I think at the same time, it's harder to keep touch with people in the disability community because... you're not always interacting physically. It's a lot of social because we're not down the street as common.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
You can go down the street and probably find some dude that would like to watch football with you if that's what you like to do. He doesn't watch football.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I don't care about football either. I was like, I'm not a big football fan. I was like, my family, my significant other's family is now college football people, and I'm like, now I've got to get a sweatshirt. I don't know anything. That's funny. It's the same kind of high school mentalities. I think people are always looking to be better than someone else or have something someone else has.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
They think, like, I'm just a mature kid almost sometimes. And then there's sometimes, like, they're like, no, I'm older, but they just think I'm an older child.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
We're never happy in our situations. So I feel like a lot of disability... For the people that are happy in their disability, happy to be alive, it's easier to make a friendship with them. For the people that are...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
coming to grasp with their disability and the life they're living in their disabled life, it's hard because they're constantly sometimes like, well, it's easy for you because you're pretty and short, or it's easy for you because you're not in a chair. And I'm like, no, it's easy for me because I put myself out there as I am vulnerably. And I tell people to not fuck with me.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And it's hard for you because you're just sitting there behind a screen, not putting yourself out there. You know, I have a friend who I met after I Am Shauna Rae season one, and she's like, I want to be able to do what you're doing with the activism and stuff. And I was like, hey, you have to do lives. You have to, you know, be there. You got to put yourself out there socially.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And she's like, well, I do. It's just like no one's there. I'm like, well, you have to build it up. You have to post your videos. You have to build it up. You have to build up your brand in a sense. And I feel like as a disabled person, becoming confident, I feel like this stands for everyone, becoming confident within yourself is building your brand.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And with specifically the disability community, until your brand is somewhat built, you're always going to look at other people's brands or other people in the community and be like, why can't I be like them? So I feel like that comes a little bit, though, from the abled societal community where you're always pressuring the disabled community to be better than they are. She's in a chair.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Well, she could walk and do this and get this for me. No, she can't. This is how she lives. And, you know, I feel like the abled community, unfortunately, is always thinking that they have to bend to us to help us and, you know, adapt us. When we're adapted to you, we were raised in this world. You weren't raised in a disabled world. We were raised in an abled world. We're adapted.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Like, probably, like, 12 to 14. I don't think they can quite grasp the concept that I'm a full-fledged adult, like on a one-off. My neighbor, when I moved to New York, my neighbors had two boys, young, four and two, like four, six, like around that age. They lived next to us for a bit, and the one boy fell in love with me. Fell in love. And they were over her house all the time.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And some people aren't adapted, and they're learning, and we have to be okay with that. But most of the time, 8 out of 10 times, that person you're seeing as a disabled person Is lived with it mostly most of their days.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's not like their first rodeo on them It's very slim that you'll find someone who's newly disabled out in public and ready to go out and that's because of the way society views them and
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I think that puts a hindrance in the disability community making friends with other disabled people and other abled people because they always feel like there is going to be an automatic judgment and there is going to always be an automatic jealousy on their end.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Go for it.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
When it comes to romantic relationships and navigating as someone with dwarfism that is perceived young, I don't say I look young. When I look in the mirror, I think I look 25, but perceived young I think is the right way. I'm not saying you offended me. Sorry, yeah, I really don't. I'm just saying that's my perspective of it.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I know people think perceiving and looks are the same thing, but I think that's another thing with the disability community is you perceive us a certain way. So I've built up being perceived as a young kid, and that's why I let people get to know me. That's why I tend to date my friends.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
That's why I tend to date people I've seen on more than a one chance that actually know my personality, and I can feel their personality out. I don't want to give you my time if you're some loser guy that doesn't have anything in common with me. So I need to get to know you a little bit too before I give you my number or something. And that's kind of always been my dating life.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I've never dated someone like on a whim. Like, yeah, I've had some guy like ask me out and ask for my number and be like, so are you an adult? And I'm like, yeah. You didn't have to stare that long to figure it out, though. And he's like, well, then how do I go about getting your number? And I'm like, you'd be respectful in the beginning. And he's like, well, can I still get it?
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And I was like, fine, I'm bored. And I was like, and we talked for a bit and... He could have had that potential, but he just didn't show up physically when he needed to. You know, like, we don't date. Yeah. And, you know, he just wanted to hang out on the phone. And I was like, no, I want to physically go out somewhere. Like, take me out. I want to see how this is physically, like, in person.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And that's part of the test, is testing them to see how they do in public. Yeah. So... They have to go through a lot of tests, you know?
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
So the physical test is when I'm out in public with them and we're being affectionate. And you get stares. And how you deal with that. Do you get mad and explode? Because I don't want that. Do you laugh at it? That's good. Or do you get shy and embarrassed and let go of my hand? And that's bad. Okay. So the physical test is like the physical boundaries, you know? Okay.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Will you hold my hand at the zoo? Will you like...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
canoodle and like cuddle me like or are you gonna treat me like your child and the emotional test is going through that emotionally and figuring out can you handle it like my significant other my boyfriend we were at the dog park with my dog and someone's like is it your dog or your dad's dog and he's like i'm not her dad i'm her boyfriend and she's like oh he's joking right he's your dad i'm like no i'm i'm a woman i'm
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I just have dwarfism. And she's like, oh, and she got uncomfortable and left. And so that's an emotional test for him is seeing people react to it and how he deals with it. And, you know, is it going to weigh on him? Is it going to be an issue? Is it going to constantly come up? Or is he going to shrug it off?
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I was basically babysitting them. They were like hanging out with my bunny and my dog. And they slowly grasped the concept that I was not a child child. And when the mom...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
So there's that test, there's the physical test, and then there's the sexual test, which is where they get tested for any diseases. Because that's very important to be open and honest about in the beginning, especially with a medical situation where we don't know what anything can happen to me.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I could get a disease, I could get COVID, I could get the flu, and it could react to my body differently, and I'm out for the count. We don't know. We genuinely don't know. I have a great, great system. I'm very grateful for it. I'm very strong in the immune system area. But if I wasn't, I could be in and out of the hospital sick all the time like my one friend who's disabled.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Well, I think there's always the, Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. That's, that's a good way to start it off to know that you did something wrong. Acknowledge that.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's the thing that we have an issue with nowadays is acknowledging when we're wrong.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Acknowledge when you're wrong. And then after that,
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
have a casual conversation if you want to ask about my disability that's fine but make it casual you know don't don't try to be like oh i'm so sorry so then what happened you know be like i i'm so sorry i'm that's terrible that that happened to you do you mind explaining why you're short like there's a different approach yeah and the gentle approach is i don't like to call it like
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
The gentle approach, in a sense, because I feel like gentle approach is babyish and talking down to them. But the humane approach, I think, is the proper word. And remembering that this person is not just a book of information for you to peel through. That they are a human being. They have boundaries. They have levels of comfortableness. And you may be bouncing on those lines.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
was moving she saw me on the back porch she's like it's gonna be so upsetting for her kid because he like is in love with you i was like oh okay that's weird i mean it happens but yeah i i mean i don't want to be like your kid's first love like that's that's like really bad he's leaving i was because i've been kids like love situation i was i took care of a kid in child development he's like you're my girlfriend so i was used to it and i was like that's just really i
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, I explain myself to my dog's vet. I explain myself to people at the grocery store. I explain myself to the gas station people. It's hard, but I mean, you have to look at it as like maybe that person's going to walk away differently and the next person that comes in, they'll be a little less harsh too and they'll be more respectful too.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Oh, yeah. Isn't it easier to stay home away from everything?
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I feel like it's the best vibe. Just stay home. Don't have to deal with anything. But if we don't go out, then the world shuns us.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I want to go out to make a difference. I don't want to go out to have to go grocery shopping and stuff.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I order my groceries and pick them up. Yeah, I was like, I don't like to have to put myself out in public more often just because like if I'm not with someone, it is a vulnerable situation. But I like to go out with a purpose.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
No, I live with my boyfriend.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I mean, it's technically alone.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's weird. I mean, I was already very independent in that house, but it's weird not having to take care of the things I took care of for my parents and do their dishes and go get Riley from work and stuff. I think the biggest thing is we were in that house together for eight years with all those dogs, that entire vibe. So my house is just very quiet. And that's strange for me.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I'm so used to noise. My family's entirely so loud. Like my dad's always doing something, whether it's music or watching something or like in the kitchen banging pots around. Like there's always so much noise. So it's been very quiet. And then I was actually shocked. My mom hasn't called me that much. She's like, I wanted to give you space.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I'm like, yeah, but this amount of space makes me feel like you don't care. This is a lot of space. I was like, you haven't checked in. I've called you twice. That's it. That's the amount we've talked in a month and a half. And she's like, I know, but I want to give you space. I don't want to cry. I was like, okay. And then when I came...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And when she picked me up to come to this, on the way home, she was like welling up in tears. I was like, ah, here come the tears. And my mom, until I am Shauna Gray, didn't shed a tear. Didn't shed a dang tear. And now she's all welled up at any moment now. I think it's something to do with age, honestly. As you get older, you get more sentimental.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
We do. We're very close. I mean, we've gone through a lot together. I mean, I was the sick kid, and then on top of it, I went through issues with family and, you know, being different. I went through issues with my friends. I was very much a homebody. And, you know, my parents always made it very clear to us, family is the most important thing. At the end of the day, guys, girls...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Even our cousins will go by the wayside sometimes. They'll stop picking up the phone. But your sisters, your sisters are not ever supposed to stop picking up the phone. They will always be there. And we've always had that family mentality that if I call them and I need them, they may not pick up the phone, but they'll call back. My mom sucks at the film, but she'll come back.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
weird but for you to tell me the mom yeah and she's like yeah it's just gonna be really hard he he knows that you know you're not a child like him though he knows that you're older he just thinks that like you're perfect for him because i don't think he grasps the concept that he's gonna grow and i'm like so he just thinks we're two like munchkins in a pod i was like how cute like how adorable
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
My parents are like, we're not always going to be here. We're going to pass away. When that time happens, you have to go to your sister's. So I feel like when times get hard, you can see that in my sisters. But at the same time... We're very antisocial ourselves. So we're also like very okay being away from each other. But then every once in a while we get together and my mom's like, I miss this.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I want to move everyone close together. I'm like, I don't want to be a village. I don't want to be a village. That's too close.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, I think the fact that it's helped with pituitary dwarfism being more on the medical field awareness, but the personal awareness, I think disability activism, I think that's all become better. I think on a personal scale, when you look at it as someone who is like an influencer or something like that, I wouldn't say my life is better privately.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
That kind of stuff, the stuff that you want to keep private, that's non-existent. Yeah, everything's out there. Yeah, there's nothing to hide. But the opportunities I've been given, the opportunities I've allowed to have happen for other people in the disability community, they make everything worth it. I went into this, I signed that contract, and I said, if I can make one kid go...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Look, I'm not alone. It's worth it.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Honestly, neither one of us care if his face is out there. I'm more worried because he has a nice work job. I don't want anything going bad to the job. The job knows who I am. They know what I do for my living. They love me. They sent me a gift basket because I was really, really insecure. I was like, no, don't tell them you're dating me because they're going to be like, no, she's a TV star.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
You can't be affiliated with that. So they sent me a basket and they're like, You know, we think you're great. We'd love to meet you. So that's really comforting. But with everything that social media is and everything I know my boyfriend isn't, I just don't want him to be labeled something and him not be my partner forever.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
At this point, unless I'm marrying him or spending the rest of my life with him, his face isn't going to be shown. Because if we break up tomorrow... His face being out there, his life is still ruined. It's still different, and that's not fair to him.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I miss being alone a little bit, like having my own space in that sense. But, I mean, he works in IT, so my Wi-Fi is amazing. We're safe as can be. All the newest gear is, like, in our house. And he's like, here's a laptop. And I'm like, yay. But I think, like, the hardest thing...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
adapting to is the fact that i'm probably more relationship mature than he is okay um i'm definitely his longest relationship i'm the first big step relationship he's made and that's been the adapting part is like i know how our relationships work i'm like no we split bills like we do i'll do groceries you do this that kind of stuff And he's very old school vibe.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Like he's like, I feel bad that you're covering this portion or you're paying for groceries. I'm like, paid for bills, like calm down. And so he's very much adjusting to having to take care of someone as well. He's also adjusting to having a dog. He's only had small dogs and Sahara is not a small dog. She's bigger than me. She weighs more than me and she's loud.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And I mean, today is a real test with him being alone with her. Bye. I think the biggest adjustment is, yeah, the fact that we came into this relationship knowing what we wanted, knowing we wanted the same things, but with different experience. Because he's just a little more immature in the relationship area. Like, he's not as prepared for it. But he's more mature in the sense of adulthood.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Wow. So I feel like they have to grasp the concepts of themselves a little bit before they can understand a disability fully. Because you introduce a kid to someone in a wheelchair or someone who's an amputee, they only understand fully because they're not in a wheelchair. They have another arm. They see other people with other arms.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
He's lived longer on his own. He lived with a roommate. He did all these other things that I didn't do.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
He's two years older.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, he's 27.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Um, well, I mean, his name has been out there. His name is Trent. Um, he's the sweetest guy I've ever met. He's 27. He's got like those Midwestern morals. Um, and he just, he literally, he works in it, set up most of my gaming systems and got me started there. He's the reason I actually started it. And, um, He's really intelligent. He's really anti-social.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
He's just... He's not as common sense smart, I will say. He's a little... I had to teach him girls are going to come on to him and flirt with him. I didn't know that happens. Yeah, you may be a nerd, but girls are still going to come on to you. He's such a cute little nerd. He's just the sweetest thing. I can scream... for something like we're out of toilet paper and he's running towards me.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
If I drop something, he's running into the kitchen. He's like, I'm going to take you out of the kitchen because there's glass on the ground and I'm going to take care of this. I feel like if I was abandoned on the side of the street and I didn't know where I was, he would come and get me. And that's what I've always wanted. I've wanted someone that was going to give me that safety and
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And also, his family is always what I've wanted. They're close. They do things with their significant or their son's significant others. They, like, want them to be a part of the family. And, like, that's what I've always wanted. I've always dealt with moms that are like, oh, well, you know, holidays are just family. And, you know, she's not going to stick around.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I mean, I feel like past relationships, it was always a little more hush-hush.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Even with my ex of five years, I feel like his mom didn't know as long as we were dating. I think she knew about, like, three years. And I didn't meet her until, like, the end of our relationship. And... and was always like hush-hush, like my mom's around and stuff like that. And in past relationships, I didn't feel like I was enough for the family. And that's what I've wanted.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
They don't see people on a daily basis in a wheelchair or something. And, you know, they're not going to see me on a daily basis, so they're not going to fully grasp it. But the ones that see me on a daily basis see change happening to other people, see change happening to themselves. They're like, you're not changing.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I've wanted a family to look at me and go, no, she can still be a good girlfriend, a good wife, and be everything our nephew, son, grandson wants. And that's how his family looks at me, and I was really concerned. Because they are Midwestern and I didn't know how the censorship and viewership is there.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's a little more open for disabilities in the East Coast than it is in the South and the West or the Midwest. The West is open. So I was a little concerned, but they embraced me with open arms, and they really never questioned anything. They did watch a couple episodes of the show before meeting me, which was weird because my boyfriend came into me not knowing who I was.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
He just found me on Instagram and was like, she's pretty. And then he found out about the show, and he watched it for the first time with his family, showing them who he was dating. And he's like, it was weird watching you dance with Dan. Yeah. I was like, yeah. But you were kind of around when I was talking to Dan. I was like, we were friends then. That's funny.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I think the toughest part about living together is the fact that he goes away for work and a lot of my work is at home or around home. So I'm home a lot more. And
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
he hasn't found the boundary for when i'm working and when he's just home and we're just home together um he lets me do my video streams and stuff he he loves watching me do that um but if i'm not doing that and i'm like doing editing or i'm doing content making and stuff he's like coming into the room he's like you want ice cream i'm like i'm working he's like oh Oh, I'm sorry.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
So he has to adjust to the fact that I work partially at home because he doesn't do that. He can work from home with his IT, but he goes in almost on the daily basis. So he has that ADHD mentality of, like, I'm at work, I'm focused, I come home, I'm relaxed, I get to have fun. And when I can't have fun with him, he's like...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I think – so Trent and I started out as friends. And then about three months into our friendship, I started developing feelings. And I was like, no, I'm not getting into a relationship. I just got out of this five-year relationship. I just want to have fun. I just want to enjoy myself. I had the fling with Dan that was kind of like at that point at its end.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I told him that I just wanted to be friends because I didn't want to do distance and I honestly didn't see much of a romantic forward with him. I didn't want to string him along because I was just looking for something casual and I didn't want a relationship. And so I was very honest about that and I was honest with that about Trent and he was chill.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
He was like, I'm chill, I just want to be friends, you're pretty. But there's obviously a distance between us, so it's not possible right now. And I started, like, talking with, like, seven other guys after. And I just went through, like, this routine of talking to them on and off.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Well, you can't even ask a kid if they're okay with them grasping the concept fully. They're just like, no, I have to cry. Aww. Yeah, I'm like...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And then when it came, like, down to, like, him and, like, Trent and another guy, I was going to go with this other guy, but then he did a no-call no-show, or, like, he did a no-show. And I was like, meh. Next. And then I started just hanging out with Trent more friendship wise. I wasn't talking to anyone. And then I told my friend on Halloween, I was like, I think I'm in love with him.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And she's like, no, I thought we were trying not to do this. I was like, I know. But like, he's really nice. He's funny. We have the same humor. She's like, no, I love Trent. He's just really far away and you don't want to date. And I was like, yeah, but I think I love him. So then we went out and I drank a little and then I texted him. I was like, I think I'm in love with you.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And we've kind of been dating ever since. Because he had told me he loved me before then. But I was like, I'm not there. I'm not ready for that. I was like, casual. Casual. So we started casual and we just grew.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Or is it typical to how most people... I'm kind of a one-strike person. Like if you do me really bad now, I'm one-strike. As a 25-year-old, I've decided that. In my early dating, I would do three strikes.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Cheating. Physical violence, even if it's just like you get mad and you shove me. That's happened before. Oh, yeah. I was in a very abusive relationship.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Oh, it's okay. Life is life. And it happens to like one in four women. Gosh.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It started with physically grabbing my wrists and then getting mad at video games and going to punch the couch that I'm right next to. And then next thing I know is it escalates into grabbing my wrists further and pulling me. And next thing they know, they're not taking the anger out on the couch. They're taking it out on you.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Oh, it's fine.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's not fine. Nothing's fine about that. It's fine now for me because I've gone through my therapy. They've... I don't know. I think they went to a church and got better, but I don't believe that. But...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I mean, I think I was very used to being in abusive situations because I've been neglected a lot by the public and I've always been told that I was less than and told that I deserved a lot of the bad things that were happening in my life. I was told as a young age that the cancer should have killed me. So I was very, I personally was very vulnerable to those situations.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
So I, when it comes to stereotyping words, like the M-I-D-G-E-T word, I don't say that. Tommy from TLC, who was on it, says it with pride. I find no power in that word because it was used in freak show days. Munchkin, I don't view really as a term for my disability or people who have dwarfism. I feel like if you call someone a munchkin, you're being an a-hole no matter what.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And, you know, I dated the wrong dude.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
They found out after and almost.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
the day i broke up they found out that he was a horrible person and how long did that go on for then um that relationship was two weeks and it was two weeks it escalated to get he got physically violent in two weeks we were best friends for six months and he escalated in two weeks did you know him in person or was he like an online best friends like he lived down the road For six to eight months.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, I was like in, I was 17, 18.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And so he lived right down the road and he had another girlfriend. And then when they broke up, we started dating and it just escalated. And I mean, it started with threats on text.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
That he was going to hurt me or that he was going to tell people things about me. And I think that's kind of like... When your significant other starts putting your best out the wayside and starts looking at it as a way to threaten you, that's the time to leave.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I was just really confused because we were just having conversations about, you know, how I was not okay with it and he's just sitting there threatening me more. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm going to go to bed. And, like, I've always been, like, an aborter in those situations, like, with the confrontation. And that's why, like, as I've gotten older, it's a one-strike because I put up with –
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
you know, getting hit, getting cheated on, getting told I was worthless, and... See, when you said strike, like, I thought you were referring to, oh, he just, like... Didn't show up.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I think I wish I would have gone to my family and my friends first. I think I did talk to them pretty early on in the second situation, but it's happened before. And...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
like that's the thing it's a repeat thing it's a repetitive thing and it's i'm trying to break the cycle as an older adult and so i think the best thing is don't let yourself get cut off you know don't cut off my family yeah don't let people get cut off from you don't let them tell you you're less than yeah once you start hearing anything that is
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
somewhat not uplifting you because a relationship should make you a better version of yourself bingo and if it's not doing that then you should really walk away but if it starts to get to the point where the other person is being emotionally physically in any way scaring you you start talking to someone and you start learning to walk away
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's the first sign. It's the first step because they want to isolate you. That's the same thing with kind of grooming and guys that isolate or humans that isolate you. It's the same kind of thing. They try to cut you off from your safety. from your places you would go to ask if this is okay. Because they know it's not okay, and they don't want you to ask it. So that's the first sign in grooming.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's the first sign in becoming in an abusive relationship. I mean, grooming is a form of abuse, and they have the same tactics. So I think I've always been very aware of that, but I let myself be in an abusive relationship because I admitted defeat and said, Yeah, I am worthless. I don't deserve better than this. If I do leave, a guy's just going to cheat and beat me too.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, my on and off one was exactly that. I kept going back to an abuser. For those situations... you, it almost takes someone else. Or it takes a revelation, whatever you want to call it, to realize your worth. And I mean, it's why I'm such an advocate for self-love and positivity because no matter the disability, no matter the situation, minority or whatever, These feelings, we all feel.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
If you do it directed towards someone with a disability, that is a bad move. But talking about it in like the fantasy context like um munchkins gnomes dwarfs like it's hard to say i'm i have dwarfism when there's dwarfs in the fantasy world yeah um so like talking about it in that concept i feel like is fine But directing it, like, saying, oh, you're not, like, an average human.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
We all understand. We all can connect with. And that's what it's really about. It's knowing your self-worth. So when I'm preaching self-worth and self-love and all this stuff, it doesn't just go to the people with disabilities. It doesn't just go to the abled people that follow me. It doesn't just go to the minorities. It goes to everyone.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And who knows, maybe Amanda just scrolling on the internet needed to hear that that day, and it helps her. That's why using social media in that aspect is really important. If you don't have anyone and you are isolated, because that is someone you can use to help get you out. But you also have to start building your foundations yourself.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
That's another thing that happens with abusers is they take away your own foundation. They isolate you from your job, or they take you out of your career, or they change your lifestyle. So when you're ready to leave, you're like, where am I going to go?
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
So you have to be able to pick up on those cues and each change that happens in your life, you have to go, is this the best thing for me? When you're in a relationship with someone, you are skeptical of being an abuser or being someone that's taking advantage of you. You have to go, is this the best decision for me or is this the best decision for them?
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
you know having having that realization is is what needs to happen and thankfully it sounds like you had your family and had your friends to help you you know come to that conclusion and maybe the scariest things an individual does is leaving that situation but i feel like a better happiness is always around the corner you know i wasn't so sure with leaving my ex that i was gonna be okay
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
But I was, and then I found Trent. And I've never found anyone that's made me happier. And that's the important thing, is I feel like after going through such a traumatizing situation, yes, anything can be better, and you can go back into another traumatizing situation. But when you find that person that's not gonna traumatize you, It feels weird. It feels uncomfortable. It feels not normal.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And I feel like that's the feeling you have to get used to is not being in a relationship that's not going to hurt you.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Brings me food.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, brings me food. What type of food?
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
He knows you're like... Yeah, I was like, he's IT for a coffee shop, and I can't drink coffee, so he makes me drinks and stuff. And he comes home with that stuff. He takes care of Sahara, my dog. If my dog didn't like him, I wouldn't be with him.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Oh, yeah. My dog doesn't like a lot of people. And if she doesn't like you, you're done. Done, done, done. And then he's very family oriented. And that's important to me because I wanted that family vibe. Like my... immediate family, we don't have much beyond that. You know, we've had a lot of deaths or we just don't talk to some people or we've lost contact.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And I wanted a closeness with my significant other's family. I wanted that, like, you know, if I have kids, they're cousins or they're best friends kind of feel. And his family has that feeling, has that vibe about them. And the fact that he's so about them and, you know, he's a little bit of a mama's boy, but But he's not a mama's boy enough that he has to be next to her every second.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And that, I feel like, is a healthy amount of mama's boy that is something I was looking for. Because if you respect your mother, if you respect your family, that shows how you're going to treat me as a woman.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
You're a munchkin. You're a dwarf. Like, then it's like, okay, no, because I'm still just a human. Like, we're not going to someone who's a wheelchair-bound person and be like, you're wheelchair-bound. No, they're still just human. Like, you might just be like, yeah, you're disabled. And I don't think there's anything wrong with the word disabled either. I think...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I think I connect with people most through Instagram, which is at therealshawnaray.com. with a couple underscores in there, pops up though. And then Facebook is Shauna Rae. That's where a lot of the older crowd come in or actually a large part of the disability community is on Facebook because sometimes their parents get restrictive with social media. And then TikTok is my biggest community.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Oh, cool. It's just ShaunaRay99. And then, of course, I do have my Twitch community, which is more personal and gets a more personal conversation. We talk about disabilities while I'm streaming and stuff. And that's ShaunaRay1999 on Twitch.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Abled people put a bad connotation on the word disabled because abled people think since someone's disabled they can't do other things. I can do everything you can do. You're two people of me. And I can get on that counter. I can do all the mics. I can do all the lights. I can do anything. It's just going to take me a different avenue.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And that's what I feel like able people misconcept when it comes to disabled. And that's where those words come from when it comes to the minorities and the bad connotations. It's because it's fine in a concept usually, like talking, civil conversations. It's not fine to direct language. I mean, I was raised the same way with cursing. My dad was like, there's nothing wrong with cursing.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's not fine. Nothing's fine about that. It's fine now for me. It's very easy to be prey in this world as a tiny little girl. My parents taught me that from a very young age. Any guy that's interested in you, you have to read into them because there's a chance that it's about your size.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
They're just adjectives. They're just additional words. But if you use it in a certain context, then it becomes wrong.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah. You can say it two ways and it'd be fine. But you say it at someone, it's not okay. Okay.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
The best way is to say human.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, I think if you want to come at someone respectfully, no matter their difference, disabled, minority, different ethnics, like LGBT, whatever, you want to be respectful about a situation, you approach them like a human. You approach them like a matured human. Even if...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
they're emotionally or mentally handicapped and you know maybe they won't respond exactly like a mentally aged human that age, still treat them like that because treating someone as younger or less than is when we get those issues.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Oh, it was mine. I think I was looking for a stupid bio when the show started because I wasn't on social media. I took a whole social media break. And then when the show came out and I was looking, I was like 19. I was like, what do I do? I'm short. And my mom was like, you listen to me. To Riley or something. Oh yeah, I listened.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
A big conversation that comes up with me is grooming and predator. You know, pedophiles are a big topic with me, especially now that I'm dating.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
It's very easy to be prey in this world as a tiny little girl. And my parents taught me that from a very young age. And they were like, look, any guy that's interested in you, any person that's interested in you, you have to read into them. Because there's a chance, even at a young age, like they could have a little tingle feeling. that it's about your size.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
So I grew up knowing that and that was scary. I think there could have been a little more cushion in that because I was scared to date. I was scared to flirt with anyone. I was scared to even be asked out. When I was asked out on the cafeteria the first day, I was like,
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
are you a predator i was like i can't say yes i can't say yes i was like those are the thoughts that go through my head what was the conversation like with your mom and your stepdad about dating I feel like when the conversation happened, I already knew what was going to happen. Like, I already knew the concept. Because my entire life, you know, I have older sisters.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
They're like, what are you going to do when Shauna dates? Like, what are you going to do when she gets older? And I'm like, well, anyone she dates is a predator. Like, that's concerning. I'm going to have to, you know, bring some brass knuckles or something. I'm going to have to go to, like, a...
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
store and find something to hurt them with or something i'm gonna put a tracker on their car and i i just overheard this my entire life yeah so when they finally came to having the conversation they were like look people view you differently yeah people when it comes to romantic things are going to potentially view you differently but what you want to look for is building a friendship
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
building a base because at the end of the day it's not about looks yeah you're gonna get old you're gonna get ugly you're gonna get grouchy you're gonna get crotchety and so you have to love that crotchety humor and crotchety i've never heard the word crotchety before crotchety it's like an old person it's like grouchy and like you know kind of I don't know.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
I just smell mothballs when I think about it. It's just like that final stage in life when you're like, no, I've done everything. I don't want to do anything more. Then you're crotchety.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
Yeah, crotchety. Like, legit, you don't want to move your crotch. If you need to put it in those terms. But, yeah, so... they were like, you want to find someone who you can build a base bond with. And it's probably going to end up, you're probably going to end up with someone who was your friend for a really, really long time. And then they finally decided that they like you.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And that's going to be your situation. And I was like, well, that's,
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
boring i was like friends first then i can't like have any fun but then i learned that i could because i'm pretty i guess in guys eyes sometimes and i'm like yeah they want to take it for a spin but i don't i don't want to take you for a spin like i'm like there's definitely a bunch of people out there that are like yeah no i'll i'll have fun with you i'll be your casual hookup and i'm like
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And then I was just, I listened when my mama told me not to grow up. And I was like, mom, look at my thing. And she's like, I like it. I like it. I was like, I'm in it. She's like, I made it. I made it to the captions. She didn't know what it was. That's funny. I was like, my mom is not social savvy at all, but.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
And then I'm like, oh, I don't want that. You're boring. I don't do the casual hookup either because of, I think, the whole friendship thing. Even if I was to do a casual hookup or a friends with benefits thing, it'd have to be a friend I've known for a very long time. And then I'm also one of those people, I'm like, you're going to get tested because I am not getting anything.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
If I get something, I'm going to die. Small body's not going to handle it well.
The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Shauna Rae on Infertility, Leaving an Abusive Relationship & Hiding My Boyfriend from the Public
um so i make i make anyone get tested before i even like date them i'm like oh yeah i'm like you're gonna get tested emotionally you're gonna get tested physically and you're gonna get tested sexually and i'm like that's just how it is and most people know my family before they date me because my family's a whole different test they're a whole different test i'm sure they're hardcore