Sheldon (Jonathan's Uncle)
Appearances
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
We invited him to your bar mitzvah, and he returned a very cold card. Sorry, we will not be attending. It was, you know, so mean. You know what I mean? Even the writing...
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
I'm relaxed. I'm kind of old to get anxious, you know what I mean?
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
Yeah. It's going to be very strange. I mean, the man is a stranger to me now, and yet he's my brother. You understand? It's a very strange feeling.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
I wonder if he's getting nervous. Maybe. Because he's waiting for us, right?
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
Now there's things I want to know. You said that Rainy died. Yeah, she did die.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
The uncle died. The uncle died? He was the youngest brother. Oh, he died long ago. He died, eh? Oh, you know who died? Who? Hoffman. Hoffman? A real prick. Yeah, I didn't know him that well. A real prick. Yeah, yeah. Knish. Oh, that shocked him. Yeah, he was fat. He was fat. Redhead. Redhead, right. Yeah, yeah. Knish.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
Remember the hallabaloo he had with the hair dyer, that heavyset girl? She was a manicurist. She was a hair dyer. Manicurist. No, she was a hair dyer. Here's what happened. She went over to Irving.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
I found her body. I did. I opened the door. No. I did. My mother was across the street at Greenberg. I remember walking in. I looked in on her. And I knew she was dead as soon as I saw her. I never saw a dead body in my life, but I knew she was dead.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
I remember looking in on the room to see how she was. I said it was awfully quiet.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
Smacking her around, yeah. She ran out. Yeah. So what happened the next morning?
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
Yeah. Look in the closet, her clothes were gone. She left.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
And they came back to try to get you. They wanted you to come back with them. And where were you? I was there, but they were trying to drag you out of the house.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
Why? We got nice neighbors. It's nice. It's okay. What was I going to say?
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
Oh, about 35, 38 years. Something like that. I'm happy to.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
He sent me. Oh, Dominican Republic. They make a damn good cigar in Dominican Republic.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
He took Sheldon once. Sheldon happened to say the word fuck.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
With debacle. And, you know, I can understand it leaving a feeling of resentment and dislike.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
He wasn't that easy, but he was tough on Sheldon. I know you were closer to him than I was.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
You know, it's sad that my father had such a negative impact on him, you know? Just awful. Because he had so much going for him. He was a wonderful son. He worked hard. He was a good boy. He went to school.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
No, you weren't a failure. That's the thing that I'm saying. You weren't a failure. But all I'm saying is that emotionally, he left an impact on you.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
They put a lot of the responsibility on him that my dad should have been taking that responsibility. And he shouldered that.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
He was good to me. A lot of times I was mean to you. Yeah, mean, you know. You were my older brother. You used to knock the shit out of me sometimes. But, you know, that's the way it is with brothers. Well, I was good in some ways. Some ways I was mean. Who was not? Who was not? Who was not?
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
Sure. Easy answer, yes. Yes, because we're not getting any younger. What's down the road? I'm 80, he's 85. Right? I mean, because there was a lot of water under the bridge and we want to close that bridge now. I want to feel easy now. I want to say now he's going to be 86. I want to call him on his birthday and say happy birthday to him now.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
If anything happens, I'll take care of the cat. I'll take care of the cat. I'm happy I came to see you. That I am.
Revisionist History
Welcoming Heavyweight
Press where to and then type. Do you have an address? Yeah, I do. Okay.