Simon Sinek

Two days later, when all the adrenaline has calmed down and there's no more emotion, I said to her, hey, you asked me what I thought about the play. Can I tell you, can we talk about it? She goes, yeah, absolutely. And then I can say, eh, I thought the directing was a bit weak. I thought the thing, and we can have a rational conversation about it. If I did that in the moment,

Two days later, when all the adrenaline has calmed down and there's no more emotion, I said to her, hey, you asked me what I thought about the play. Can I tell you, can we talk about it? She goes, yeah, absolutely. And then I can say, eh, I thought the directing was a bit weak. I thought the thing, and we can have a rational conversation about it. If I did that in the moment,

I would've hurt her feelings. Yeah, of course. For no reason whatsoever. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. Right? Somebody gives you a gift. It's the ugliest sweater you've ever seen. They go, what do you think? You can't say it's ugly. You can't say it's ugly. You go, well, thank you so much for thinking of me. This was so unnecessary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then three days later you go, hey,

I would've hurt her feelings. Yeah, of course. For no reason whatsoever. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. Right? Somebody gives you a gift. It's the ugliest sweater you've ever seen. They go, what do you think? You can't say it's ugly. You can't say it's ugly. You go, well, thank you so much for thinking of me. This was so unnecessary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then three days later you go, hey,

Do you have the gift receipt? Do you mind if I exchange it for something else? I'm not crazy about the color. They'd be like, yeah, totally fine. So you can't bring facts to an emotional gunfight. You meet emotion with emotion. You meet facts with facts.

Do you have the gift receipt? Do you mind if I exchange it for something else? I'm not crazy about the color. They'd be like, yeah, totally fine. So you can't bring facts to an emotional gunfight. You meet emotion with emotion. You meet facts with facts.

And sometimes if somebody's in an emotional state, if you're not, you have to allow them to be in the emotional state, which means you have to hold space. And it sounds ooey-gooey, sort of hippy-dippy. Hold space. All it means is allow the emotions to be heard. That's all they want is to feel, feel, not think. All they want to do is feel heard. So there's one really easy trick to do it.

And sometimes if somebody's in an emotional state, if you're not, you have to allow them to be in the emotional state, which means you have to hold space. And it sounds ooey-gooey, sort of hippy-dippy. Hold space. All it means is allow the emotions to be heard. That's all they want is to feel, feel, not think. All they want to do is feel heard. So there's one really easy trick to do it.

Whatever they're saying to you, and I've had this happen to me as having my girlfriend decided to tell me what she thought. And she was saying things that were untrue, made me super defensive, super defensive and really unfair. And I fought back a couple of times and it didn't work because it never does, because I'm bringing facts to an emotional gunfight and I should know better.

Whatever they're saying to you, and I've had this happen to me as having my girlfriend decided to tell me what she thought. And she was saying things that were untrue, made me super defensive, super defensive and really unfair. And I fought back a couple of times and it didn't work because it never does, because I'm bringing facts to an emotional gunfight and I should know better.

So in my head, I said to myself, this is her story. Her story doesn't have to be true. Your job is to listen to her story. I literally said it. And she would say things that really like made me, they triggered me. And I would say to myself, this is her story. Her story doesn't have to be true. Your job is to listen to her story.

So in my head, I said to myself, this is her story. Her story doesn't have to be true. Your job is to listen to her story. I literally said it. And she would say things that really like made me, they triggered me. And I would say to myself, this is her story. Her story doesn't have to be true. Your job is to listen to her story.

And I sat there and I would nod and I'd say, tell me more, go on, what else? And I acted, I listened to a story that I removed myself as one of the characters. Yeah, so hard to do. She was talking about somebody else. And I just let her get it all out. And I affirmed. I said, yeah, uh-huh, I hear that. I hear that hurt. Tell me more. What else? Go on. Tell me more. What else? Go on.

And I sat there and I would nod and I'd say, tell me more, go on, what else? And I acted, I listened to a story that I removed myself as one of the characters. Yeah, so hard to do. She was talking about somebody else. And I just let her get it all out. And I affirmed. I said, yeah, uh-huh, I hear that. I hear that hurt. Tell me more. What else? Go on. Tell me more. What else? Go on.

This is her story. Her story doesn't have to be true. My job is to listen to her story. And at the end, she goes, thank you. Thank you. I probably overstated some of those things. I know you've been struggling, and I know you've been overworked, and that's probably... And she gave me all the passes. I didn't have to say, what are you talking about? I'm distressed out of my mind. How can you...

This is her story. Her story doesn't have to be true. My job is to listen to her story. And at the end, she goes, thank you. Thank you. I probably overstated some of those things. I know you've been struggling, and I know you've been overworked, and that's probably... And she gave me all the passes. I didn't have to say, what are you talking about? I'm distressed out of my mind. How can you...

Because I'm not listening to her, right? Yes. And so this is how we resolve conflict. Conflict resolution is not efficient. And what I've learned is that it gets more and more efficient over time. Because you get really good. You get really good at making somebody feel heard really quickly. And you get really good at backing away really quickly.

Because I'm not listening to her, right? Yes. And so this is how we resolve conflict. Conflict resolution is not efficient. And what I've learned is that it gets more and more efficient over time. Because you get really good. You get really good at making somebody feel heard really quickly. And you get really good at backing away really quickly.

And you get really good at understanding that if their response is above a five, it's probably about something else. You always leave the cap off the toothpaste. It's not about the toothpaste. You get really good about not having a whole fight to find out it wasn't about the toothpaste. Because that's usually why it's inefficient.

And you get really good at understanding that if their response is above a five, it's probably about something else. You always leave the cap off the toothpaste. It's not about the toothpaste. You get really good about not having a whole fight to find out it wasn't about the toothpaste. Because that's usually why it's inefficient.