Southern Charm Character

Where it's like, beta, you beta motherfucker. Hey, Austin, how about you stop being such a pussy? How about that, Austin?

Where it's like, beta, you beta motherfucker. Hey, Austin, how about you stop being such a pussy? How about that, Austin?

But now Madison treats me like her GVF. That means gay best friend.

But now Madison treats me like her GVF. That means gay best friend.

He's like, if you took the relationship out of it, we could have been hanging out years ago.

He's like, if you took the relationship out of it, we could have been hanging out years ago.

Okay, if I came all the way out here to sit with your saliva, I want to hear all the good tea.

Okay, if I came all the way out here to sit with your saliva, I want to hear all the good tea.

What do you think of our friendship?

What do you think of our friendship?

All right, what else? What else you got? What else you got, beta? That was some beta gossip. Give me some alpha shit.

All right, what else? What else you got? What else you got, beta? That was some beta gossip. Give me some alpha shit.

He's like, well, we left out Hunky Dory, but I don't want to play this little game anymore, so forth and so on.

He's like, well, we left out Hunky Dory, but I don't want to play this little game anymore, so forth and so on.

And she's like, oh, you know what? Just like middle finger up. You know what? Listen, Austin, look at you. You've got everything. You've got a shirt to wear every day of your life. You've got some 20-year-old girl who don't live here. You've got some kind of job nobody really understands. I mean, look at you, epitome of happiness.

And she's like, oh, you know what? Just like middle finger up. You know what? Listen, Austin, look at you. You've got everything. You've got a shirt to wear every day of your life. You've got some 20-year-old girl who don't live here. You've got some kind of job nobody really understands. I mean, look at you, epitome of happiness.

I didn't even know we were broken up. She never once told me that she didn't want to get married. I bought her a ring. We were on our way to Paris.

I didn't even know we were broken up. She never once told me that she didn't want to get married. I bought her a ring. We were on our way to Paris.

She's like... H-E...

She's like... H-E...

You just see the mullet lady come and drag Craig away to the elevator.

You just see the mullet lady come and drag Craig away to the elevator.

Why are you waiting? Is it your decision?

Why are you waiting? Is it your decision?

Or is it because Evil Peach is making you not have children? Baby killer!

Or is it because Evil Peach is making you not have children? Baby killer!

And so we got off and she goes, let me show you a secret. It's the elevator.

And so we got off and she goes, let me show you a secret. It's the elevator.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And he's like, all right. All right.

And he's like, all right. All right.

But I don't do that kind of shit. So I'm not going to shut my mouth.

But I don't do that kind of shit. So I'm not going to shut my mouth.

So Shep enters, and you're like, oh, gosh, look at Bob Evans over here, gosh.

So Shep enters, and you're like, oh, gosh, look at Bob Evans over here, gosh.

Thin air.

Thin air.

Hit him!

Hit him!

I don't care. I love this. I totally love not having a family or being married.

I don't care. I love this. I totally love not having a family or being married.

like, am I invited to the wedding?

like, am I invited to the wedding?

Glinda's like, don't forget about the elevator.

Glinda's like, don't forget about the elevator.

And that brings us to the end of Southern Tron.

And that brings us to the end of Southern Tron.

Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney.

Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney.

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. Dana see, Dana do. We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less.

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. Dana see, Dana do. We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less.

Hava Nagila Weber.

Hava Nagila Weber.

Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey Bee. Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay Dee. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.

Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey Bee. Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay Dee. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.

The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors.

The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors.

We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neil. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides. Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa.

We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neil. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides. Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa.

Previously on Southern Charm, an aging Peter Pan with wooden teeth pretended to be a good person so Twitter would stop making him cry like a little beta.

Previously on Southern Charm, an aging Peter Pan with wooden teeth pretended to be a good person so Twitter would stop making him cry like a little beta.

The Incredible Edible Matthew Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose.

The Incredible Edible Matthew Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose.

She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Couture. We love you guys.

She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Couture. We love you guys.

So I'm an adult, but also a little boy. Grrsh!

So I'm an adult, but also a little boy. Grrsh!

Craig! You don't even hang out with this anymore, Craig! God, it's insane right now, Craig!

Craig! You don't even hang out with this anymore, Craig! God, it's insane right now, Craig!

Meanwhile, Craig kept vowing to marry a chicken. The South can be a sick place, y'all.

Meanwhile, Craig kept vowing to marry a chicken. The South can be a sick place, y'all.

I hate you.

I hate you.

May I interrupt this party to give the majestic Miss Patricia a cane?

May I interrupt this party to give the majestic Miss Patricia a cane?

Well, I never. He just called Patricia a bitch, everybody.

Well, I never. He just called Patricia a bitch, everybody.

I did not. I would never mistreat a woman.

I did not. I would never mistreat a woman.

Taylor, your boyfriend is a man whore.

Taylor, your boyfriend is a man whore.

Taylor, you deserve a committed relationship with a real short man.

Taylor, you deserve a committed relationship with a real short man.

Yeah, like the one I have with the 20 year old.

Yeah, like the one I have with the 20 year old.

Oh gosh, or the one that I have with the 20 year old.

Oh gosh, or the one that I have with the 20 year old.

Now who's the bitch? And scene.

Now who's the bitch? And scene.

Rudy Royale Chicken and Cocktails. So say, hey, hey, welcome home, welcome home. I got us some oyster shooters this time. All right, well, I've never had this before.

Rudy Royale Chicken and Cocktails. So say, hey, hey, welcome home, welcome home. I got us some oyster shooters this time. All right, well, I've never had this before.

Literal streams of oyster gum.

Literal streams of oyster gum.

Where it's like, beta, you beta motherfucker. Hey, Austin, how about you stop being such a pussy? How about that, Austin?

But now Madison treats me like her GVF. That means gay best friend.

He's like, if you took the relationship out of it, we could have been hanging out years ago.

Okay, if I came all the way out here to sit with your saliva, I want to hear all the good tea.

What do you think of our friendship?

All right, what else? What else you got? What else you got, beta? That was some beta gossip. Give me some alpha shit.

He's like, well, we left out Hunky Dory, but I don't want to play this little game anymore, so forth and so on.

And she's like, oh, you know what? Just like middle finger up. You know what? Listen, Austin, look at you. You've got everything. You've got a shirt to wear every day of your life. You've got some 20-year-old girl who don't live here. You've got some kind of job nobody really understands. I mean, look at you, epitome of happiness.

I didn't even know we were broken up. She never once told me that she didn't want to get married. I bought her a ring. We were on our way to Paris.

She's like... H-E...

You just see the mullet lady come and drag Craig away to the elevator.

Why are you waiting? Is it your decision?

Or is it because Evil Peach is making you not have children? Baby killer!

And so we got off and she goes, let me show you a secret. It's the elevator.

Thank you.

And he's like, all right. All right.

But I don't do that kind of shit. So I'm not going to shut my mouth.

So Shep enters, and you're like, oh, gosh, look at Bob Evans over here, gosh.

Thin air.

Hit him!

I don't care. I love this. I totally love not having a family or being married.

like, am I invited to the wedding?

Glinda's like, don't forget about the elevator.

And that brings us to the end of Southern Tron.

Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney.

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. Dana see, Dana do. We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less.

Hava Nagila Weber.

Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey Bee. Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay Dee. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.

The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors.

We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neil. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides. Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa.

Previously on Southern Charm, an aging Peter Pan with wooden teeth pretended to be a good person so Twitter would stop making him cry like a little beta.

The Incredible Edible Matthew Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose.

She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Couture. We love you guys.

So I'm an adult, but also a little boy. Grrsh!

Craig! You don't even hang out with this anymore, Craig! God, it's insane right now, Craig!

Meanwhile, Craig kept vowing to marry a chicken. The South can be a sick place, y'all.

I hate you.

May I interrupt this party to give the majestic Miss Patricia a cane?

Well, I never. He just called Patricia a bitch, everybody.

I did not. I would never mistreat a woman.

Taylor, your boyfriend is a man whore.

Taylor, you deserve a committed relationship with a real short man.

Yeah, like the one I have with the 20 year old.

Oh gosh, or the one that I have with the 20 year old.

Now who's the bitch? And scene.

Rudy Royale Chicken and Cocktails. So say, hey, hey, welcome home, welcome home. I got us some oyster shooters this time. All right, well, I've never had this before.

Literal streams of oyster gum.