Spencer Agnew

They were bookmarking stuff. Well, yeah, I've never bookmarked porn.

Yeah. Searching my... Yeah, I have the Sherlock Holmes... My Mind Palace. I go to my Mind Palace and scream with porn playing. Porn where they love each other. Only where they love each other, though. That's fun. Fucking homegrown... RedTube? I feel like RedTube was such a... I gotta make sure they're married before I watch it. I need to see that ring. Yeah, it's funny.

I mean, not to get too in the weeds, but I feel like RedTube was such a thing in 2013. But now it kind of fell off. It's a name I've not heard in a long time.

Whoa. I got to see if she's still up. Yeah, dude. I got to find this vid. Oh. Whoa.

This is silly. So silly.

Not wholesome.

No kissing?

Yeah.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Don't like that. Premarital? Not for me, bro. No, no. Silly? So anyways, I fucked that couch. Just kidding, everybody.

I've seen this film. The Mark Wahlberg one.

Yeah. No.

AI. The old movie? He's got the teddy bear that talks?

Stop now. That's a hard pick. Everything up to then, I was like, oh, it sounds like me and my cat.

Teddy is... It's like Stewie and Rupert.

Girl, leave.

It's not even kind of fucked up.

I don't like this story. Yeah, your man lacks curiosity. He's not exploring the fridge, he's not exploring what.

This is me with a Woody doll until I was like 24. Really?

Anymore? No, I made that up. I'm just kidding. Oh, I would love... You were doing Toy Story 3. Yeah, well, one of my secret desires, I would love like a real Woody doll. I think that'd be sick.

No, no, no, no, just like a one-to-one recreation of it. But like, as it is in the movie. Oh, that's cool, man.

Yeah, yeah. That's really awesome, man.

He's Willem Dafoe. No, this is silly, dude.

This guy is not crazy, he's silly.

I would argue this is the ideal husband. He's not asking questions. Whoa. He's like, yeah, there was hate in that. There was hate in that. And it sounds like he feels like he deserves it, like he knows he did something wrong.

Show us.

Bro, my feetsies were being kicked. Okay.

That's what I mean. As a kid, my mom had a teddy bear, and I was like... I think even as a kid, I was like, oh, it's weird that, like, an adult would have a teddy bear. But now being, like, realizing how old my mom was, like, in her late 20s. Yeah. Like, I don't know if you've ever dated anyone in their late 20s. Like, a lot of people have a lot of stuffed animals around.

Or, like, early 30s.

I'm picturing him having the Patrick Bateman reaction where he's sweating and he's like, those are the cream soda ones.

The cream soda ones. Impressive, yeah.

I'm sorry. There's no way he asked her normally. Like, I'd be like, like, he's like...

Your husband, he's kind of a chef, isn't he? Okay, yeah.

Yeah, there's something valid about, like, you know, like, oh, like, and they went into, like, if you have, like, a roommate, it's like, oh, and they went and ate all my blah, blah, blah. And there's, like, a, but it's the, again, it's what you said. It's the way in which he's delivered the story. It's the context that's heard it.

But he knows.

Like, dude... You got like, I'm sorry, you put the jelly beans out. You gotta let this one go.

I'm like, that's kind of like... Yeah, it's like, well, do you want your sister to go to a candy store, go to the... Like the cream soda, the thing, scoop it out, put that in the bag. Or do you want like a variety pack to pick them out of it? So I'm assuming he got a variety pack and dumped it in. Unless he went, he curated it, he went and he scooped them all and mixed them up.

What are the odds that the full grown man and a seven year old both share an intense love of cream soda?

You should get like the Bertie Botts ones and be like, oh, just kidding. That's shit flavor bean.

You never had it? It's like the Harry Potter.

He's saying they're watching it.

So he would have clocked the jelly. He would have been like, what is this? This isn't hate, this is lack of sugar. Yeah, exactly. And what is hate if not lack of sugar?

This is silly. Okay, this is funny. I can fuck up some cream soda. What?

Here comes nephew.

Oh.

Fuck you.

I love the, given the limits of this subreddit, that's a brilliant way to begin.

My first thought was Austin Powers as well.

Yeah, now given the limits, I'll declare.

a hog looking for trouble. Like a common bovine or a porcine creature. Okay, this guy is, he's a cartoon character.

As soon as you say rooting around, I'm like, what's the worst thing someone could say?

Being all nice and just. I think we would have a lot of fun if we just like fully fought. Oh my God. Like, that'd be crazy. Your whole body flies across the studio. No, that's like, that's like, it would truly be like a cartoon fight.

We should fully register. We're like, she just reads this recipes and we're like,

Yeah, Mr. Nice Guy.

Who Am I was definitely my favorite as a kid. Me too.

Not you.

I think you have to be like, that's why chefs are assholes.

So, Kiana.

Kiana told me this. She read me the title of this story and I was like, that's all I need to hear. This is the funniest story I've ever heard in my life. I hate you.

And the tear drops out of your closed eye.

You'd break me like Bane breaking Batman. You'd be like.

And then trying to get someone's attention while they're on the iPad, just like, hey, Shane, what's up? Shane, did you whisper I hate you to me? Also, I'm sorry about the pasta. That was dumb of me, though. All right, I'm going back to bed. I'm gonna make some spaghetti carbonara. I'm in my undies. I'm gonna go fuck the teddy bear. Oh my god. This is so silly.

I've never had an argument where my partner like stops talking to me in this, like, if you're in a shared space, it's like, oh, it might not be like a text back for a little bit. It's like, no, like, you know, I wanted to like kind of collect myself. But like, if you're in a shared space, but again, that doesn't look wrong.

I actually did this to you while you were napping earlier today.

I took a bite of my peanut butter, yeah.

No, I didn't do that. Just kidding.

Well, actually, I might do that, because it's really funny. That is actually very funny. I hate you. But the idea of them actually hearing it would, like, fill me with, like, dread.

You didn't read that in the right accent, bro. Naughty husbands get the sad jam. We shan't be telling your mother about this, shan't we?

This is probably the least bad of it, because it sounds like their fights have died down. He discovered Reddit.

Now he's posting.

There's an age gap there. Dating the 20-year-old when you're 29, it's interesting.

No, an argument starting over, it's like, oh, like, honey, you, well, sorry, I messed, I didn't start the pasta in the right order. It's not about the pasta.

This is pure hatred. What did the pasta taste like?

Is it lasagna, because you're fat, flat, lazy?

No, mine's actually a bow tie because I'm... No, it's angel hair.

Yeah.

Yeah, I want to know more about the delivery of I hate you. Same.

Confession. You're gay? This happened to Alex when I went to Gen Con, no. I was just, I already made that joke, because I think I was sitting in front of them in the bullpen when they found this story, and it spread like, it was an infectious.

Altitude changes everything. Yeah. Water boils at a different temperature.

I feel like if I were a dad, I'd be doing that.

That sounds legit, like of course this happened to him. Have you never been like an airplane? Have you never been up?

Rocky Mountain High. Yeah. Even helicopters for me, I become gay. And they're not going that high. I jump extra high, like if I'm dunking. You've never dunked in your life.

Well, I had to stop. Because it became gay.

I knew it because... Because of... Sorry. Sorry.

Well, no, they were at a lower altitude.

No, this is just clearly... No, dude, this guy's cheated on her so many times.

What would we do as like, on Smosh? You'd be like, oh, we take out a Reddit story. Yeah. We delete our best Reddit story.

The altitude. Altitude. But no, I would be dying to know if there's been any other instance of someone claiming a gay incident because of altitude.

I think both are like, but I think like he clearly like has something. I mean, yeah. And it's just like, and that's out of our pay grade.

Those kind of pranks are so funny. And I mean, I think in a way, I think maybe people perceived like when we had you guys do the staring contest, like that was like a punishment, but it's like, no, we just, we thought that was legitimately really funny.

Pretty much. Like, I'm Angela. Sorry.

Yeah, it's true. Wow. I feel like I've been rude to the crew the whole time because I haven't been looking at them, but it's just no, like... They feel bad. I hope we made you laugh a little.

They don't care. I heard someone laugh behind me.

Very serious shit. So the last time I was on Reddit Stories, I think, I tried to do the bit where you combine all the stories. And Angela was like, oh, you're doing that? And I was like, well, I think it's funny. But I'm like, I feel like if you were to combine these stories, you would have the most awesome story of all time. That might actually be true. That'd be a horror anthology. Yeah, yeah.

Like, I would like to, like, this is part of an extended universe. This crazy place we call Earth. Yeah.

Do you and Shane have like a shared fear of dolls?

I don't like them at all because- That's where I really hate that one Resident Evil part. Oh. Yeah, there's a doll part. Okay, sorry.

No, it's a different one. The preview. Oh, okay.

That's legitimately so funny. And I'm sorry, I'm always gonna, but people love to cite that as like, oh, Smosh games is washed. It's like, I counter that and say that was actually one of the funniest things we've ever done.

Oh. Me looking at my DVD collection. Like John Wick, I guess.

I don't want too much. My neck hurts, so it hurts for me to be like... Don't do that, Ben.

I think I'm a little empathetic because this sounds like something I would do.

Yeah. Like, hey, sorry, but it's also a little crazy that there are candles you aren't supposed to light.

Well, no, it hurts to prolong to keep it. I was worried when we did Resident Evil because I like to look back at you guys. I just wanted to take one more look at you.

She's going to love that. She's going to be like, honey, you were right. What? It's Christmas?

Yeah, I mean, to me it's just like, it's more of a fuck you to this Reddit, like, you know, if Reddit attacked me for being like, dude, you didn't trim the wick, what are you, fucking stupid? I'd be like, fuck you guys, I'm gonna go live my life. I'm gonna go sleep next to my girlfriend. Like...

I'm friends with Kiana, who's a candle expert. But I feel like that's a like, you're in the know of candles.

I think anything can be silly to Kiana with the right, like, mood. Packaging.

I love it. What about like a three-wick candle?

Ooh, see, I like it, because I like the throw. Peyton Manning. It's fucking crazy, man. The throw is like how much... Ew, does it taste like a Peyton Manning? It's how much scent it puts out. It's like, ooh, this candle is a good throw, means it puts out a lot of smell. This thing is throwing scent around. Whoa. I went in the club, she was throwing candle. Slang and scent. She was throwing, yeah.

Ja, genau.

Sie brechen die Materialien ab und die Erde wird sie wiederabsorben.

Aber wir würden ihn immer noch lieben.

Nothing fancy.

Just nothing fancy or anything. Dude, I'm sorry. I could not give less of you fuck about a work anniversary.

Ja, und du hast es noch nicht geschafft.

Ich würde sagen, du hast es geschafft. Es ist wie, wow, du hast für so lange bei Smosh gearbeitet.

2014, so probably 10 years. 24 years. Yeah, it's probably been about 10 years since I've worked on Smosh in some capacity. Crazy. Bring out the party. Yeah, and where's my party?

He can commune with the dead.

Wenn ich Games-Videos drehe, sind ihr alle meine Mitarbeiter.

My coworker, sorry, I mean my employee. That's a crazy way to look at things.

Und ehrlich gesagt, viele Sachen.

You are so lucky if I acknowledge how long you've worked somewhere. Du bist so verdammt glücklich. Du solltest mich bedanken.

Es ist wie, oh, Glückwunsch, du bekommst mehr Geld.

Ja, ich meine, das ist... Ansonsten ist es eine günstige Sache, komm schon. Ansonsten ist es so dumm. Ansonsten ist es Spaghetti-Stain-Wrap. Ja, und dann ist es einfach so, komm schon. Du machst ihnen einen Favorit. Ich wollte das Spaghetti-Stain-Tupperware wegwerfen.

And check her phone. White people did pop off with big whoop.

Wie wenn Kiana all diese Motorräder gekauft hätte.

Keanu, sorry. Keanu hat uns alle Motorräder gekauft.

It's like the pizza party meme.

I like to imagine that all the coworkers are in their 20s and there's this 38-year-old woman who's just terrorizing us.

We can finally talk about our Shane Guesses pitch.

Du hast den Gäste gesehen, oder? Ja. Wenn er zurück in seine Wohnung kommt und einfach... Dieser Kerl ist großartig.

Ich meine, ich versuche zu denken, ich glaube, es gab Zeiten, wo ich dachte, dass jemand so war. Und dann kennst du sie besser. Es ist wie, oh nein, sie haben es, sie sind einfach besser, sich zu verstecken oder sich damit zu kümmern, aber es ist... Nein, ich habe einen Freund, ich werde sicher sein, ich glaube nicht, dass hier jemand so ist.

Also, ich habe mir eigentlich gesagt, dass ich manchmal nicht so nervös bin. Ich habe nicht so einen Worst-Case-Szenario-Brain, wie viele Leute haben. Und ich denke, für einige ist es schwierig, kind of relate to.

To me, it's like, I kind of just don't believe it. Like, I don't believe that you can have that lack of Ich glaube, das ist auch sehr möglich.

Ich meine, es macht mich ein bisschen daran erinnern, ihr kennt den Film Unbreakable. Ihr wisst, wie er seine ganze Theorie ist, wie, Samuel L. Jackson, der Charakter ist so, sein Körper ist so gebrochen und so weich und so brittel. Er bricht alle seine Beine, wenn er sich bewegt. Und er ist so, wenn das wahr ist, dann muss es das Gegenteil sein.

Wo jemand so stark ist, dass nichts auf seinem Körper bricht. Ich frage mich, wenn jemand so mentale ill ist, dass es das Gegenteil sein muss, wo jemand so nicht erwähnt wird. Wenn es ein Spektrum gibt, vielleicht ist es der ganze Ende des Spektrums, wo man sagt, ja, ich habe das nicht wirklich.

They're specifically saying that they are busy watching Stranger Things and eating their weight in pizza, which is so epic, I have to add. Yeah, and I loved that. It's so epic. Very cool.

Nein, es ist nicht, glaube nicht an seine Lüge. Nichts davon. Finde mir eine Familie, die nicht so verdammt ist.

I don't remember the last time I saw someone like that.

I think it's a good habit, honestly.

I think you're fully living a different life.

We should have like a challenge pit. Like who can be the most normal for like an hour? Yeah, be normal for 10 minutes. I need you to be normal for like 5 fucking minutes.

Asshole! Maybe.

Er flippt sofort und sagt, er ist seltsam. Ich glaube nicht, dass ich jemals...

Und klar, der Person, der das postet, empathisiert mit ihnen. Sie fühlen sich schlecht. Ja. Ich will nicht klar sagen, ich will glauben, dass sie das tun, aber es ist wie, hey, du weißt... Maybe ask someone else. I'm sure if they were kinder about it and tried to work something out, maybe they could.

I was gonna say, it feels like a newer trend where it's like, oh, we're gonna do our honeymoon way later.

Yeah. Bro, I just saw you. I was hanging out like all day.

Ja, es ist so, dass du es machen willst, wenn du ein Geburtstag und eine Weihnachtszeit planst, das klingt wie ein Schmerz an mir, aber das ist ein ganz anderes.

Ja, und es war, es war sie, es war sie, die sofort umgekehrt und ihn seltsam genannt hat oder schnell danach, ihn seltsam genannt hat oder sie seltsam.

What we're saying with Redditors being so quickly like, oh, just cut them out of your life. I don't think you ever think about the implications of fully shutting someone down. There's a reason people don't go around saying how they feel exactly.

You're there. Maintain civility.

Ja, das ist ein Smosh-Games. Nein, du hast gesagt, es ist ein Pit.

Some say that's the beginning of a story.

Last seen meowing, this man. Yeah, I mean, look, he did what he had to. He matched their freak and was punished for it. Like Jesus.

Okay.

Not yet, but they're about to. Someone meows at me at the bar. I'm like, okay. I'm arching my back. To make myself look bigger.

Ja. Eure Ehre. Ich würde sagen, er meinte.

Sie meinte zuerst.

Wuff. Yeah. That's rough, buddy. He had utter humiliation. Also, like, the idea of that, I don't think I could survive in an environment where if you do one cringe thing, everybody gives you the cold shoulder. Oh, yeah, no. Ich habe mein Leben gelebt.

I must do this on my way to saving lives at 4 a.m.

All day? Yeah.

I mean, here's the thing I figured out.

Ich möchte glauben, dass ich einen anonymen Tipp hinterlassen würde. Total. Und denk daran, was, wenn sie Peters Job bekommt?

So Peter is her manager. I didn't know his job was up for... Yeah, so that will... No, I'm saying he will get fired for going on work trips.

Also being invited to the wedding, if I was ever invited to the wedding of someone who I know is actively cheating on their fiancé, I would be like, you know, we gotta tell them.

I might. Oh my God.

Legit. I'm trying to think of what's like the... It's gonna be like the Bourne Identity theme song. Like the Moby song.

And then the sex in the office. Whoa, that was... Feels like a crime. I don't know what the crime would be.

Nein, sie haben nichts gemacht.

And then Joe walks away, takes off the Mission Impossible mask. He's Peter.

By the grand boss. By the grand boss.

Where does Ethan Hunt fit into this?

I don't know. Well, they couldn't get time off because their co-worker was going on their vacation.

Yeah, so my coworker, you know, we were on the show together and, you know, I thought I'd make a bit. I thought that joke would kill.

Yeah. Yeah, this has been great. Hey, lass uns niemals eine Co-Arbeiter-Negativ-Erfahrung haben.

I saw Brennan walk away as you did that. Brennan was like, I don't want to work with you. He's flicking me off, man, dude.

Das ist so ein Co-Worker-Behör. Es fühlt sich so an, als ob wir... Das ist wie der Co-Worker, über den ich Schmerzen habe. Wo du dich irgendwie mit ihnen verletzt machst oder so. Wo es so ist... No, I mean, like, do you know people like that, where they come over, they're like, blah, blah, blah, and you're like, yeah, man, I'm like, I'm at work.

You know, and I think people here have good boundaries with that, where it's like, you know, if we see someone sitting off kind of in the corner, it's not like, hey, let's bring them into the bit.

Yeah, it's like they're doing their own thing.

I think to the funeral theming stuff, I wonder if it's almost like a... You know when people try and talk things out, out loud to almost like, not normalize it, but make it feel a little less scary. Yeah, like what? Where it's like, it feels, it's like, you know, reclaiming.

Yeah, sure.

See, I don't even think it's cool.

I think it's corny. The funeral divorce party, it's a little corny.

Ja, wenn jemand in der Werkstatt arbeitet und sagt, das ist verrückt, Alter. Das ist verrückt, Alter.

Because it's...

Would you care? I think we should be allowed to see what would happen after we died. That's my hot take. Okay, Tom Sawyer. Yeah, that was a good fantasy, like a little fantasy moment. Für mich als Kind.

Du hattest eine Reddit-Story zu lesen um 5 Uhr.

Unfortunately, I think if I got a party invite, they're like, well, it's a celebration of life.

Und wie insensibel sie ist zu anderen, die durch echte Verletzungen gehen. Ich liebe das Reddit-Gespräch. Wo sie sagen, du musst sie schulden. Du musst sie schulden. Du, Herr, schulde sie. Ja.

Yeah.

What if you all show up to the party and she's legit dead? She's like in a casket. That would be crazy. Yeah, and it's a murder mystery. It's like one of you killed me.

It's like the Tegan and Sarah song, working with a ghost. Whoa.

You know, we figured out a way to monetize this.

Yeah, for sure. Ours makes money.

Like, here's a roast.

Hey, hey, hey. Manchmal fühle ich Druck, in die Arbeit zu gehen. Ich kann mich daran erinnern, als sie gesagt haben, hey, Spencer, wir brauchen dich heute, weil du heute in den Filmen bist. Es ist wie diese unfreie Druck, die... What if I don't feel like going? It's just not, it's like, it's kind of like, it feels a little invasive.

And it's like, you know, I should show up and like, you know, I should show up and be like, you know what, you're narcissistic, you're like self-serving.

Like, you don't know what I'm going through. Exactly. I was up late. I had to squeeze in a shower this morning. You don't know what I'm going through. You want me here at 8.30 in the morning? I was supposed to be here at 8. I showed up at 8.20 and I'm sorry.

That's true, but... Oh, that's real.

If you get hit in melee and you're making your death saves, it's two failed death saves, but... I had succeeded my first death save, and I succeeded the next one after the attack. So I was hoping to hold out for one more round to survive, but for some reason this bird takes a legendary action. Despite this not even being a boss, not meaning to be a tough encounter, just a creature in a dungeon.

This is the SpongeBob, I don't know, I guess he just doesn't like you. And it kills me for this, I would hope understandably, pisses me off because there is no reason a DM should fish for a kill like that. I was just stuck spectating afterward and sat there for upward of an hour. After that session, I was barely invested in my character or the story. You could read a visual novel.

You could play four of my girlfriend's visual novels. After that session, I was barely invested in my character or the story because the DM set the precedent that he could just kill me out of the blue and remove my story from the rest of the campaign. I think the campaign ended fine, but I just had zero agency for the rest of the campaign. George, can I ask a question? He hates you.

Yeah, like a floor-dwelling bird. Oh, a floor-dwelling bird. So like an ostrich?

Without flight. I don't know, maybe eggs that don't like the sun. Yeah, that's good. That's the best thing I can think of. There's like burrowing owls. Sure, an owlbear would be a perfect example of a cave-dwelling bird creature. So maybe they were set up and the guy just didn't clock it.

The funny thing is about that story is that it's all kind of fair game except for the first thing, which is insane, where you're just like, you're rusty as a heroic adventurer. Disadvantage, if people don't know, if you have disadvantage on every roll, you're not gonna do anything. It's not gonna be a fun game. There's a reason that you only have disadvantage a little bit of the time.

So that's basically the DM giving away the game there of like, you're not gonna be able to have fun today. There's no official rules in D&D of if you miss a session, your character now sucks. The it hates you is one of the craziest things I've ever heard. Could the DM have done everything they did there? Technically, yeah.

Technically, if they hate someone. Yeah, that sounds. So that one is not legit. And then so it takes a legendary action. That is a thing, dude. Technically, they used the full might of the DM's toolbox to kill him.

Spencer, I mean, I don't know where you do your gaming.

Technically, they've broken no rules except for that disadvantage nonsense. So overall, fair game, but it is... Do you think this person, because the verdict on this one on D&D Horror Stories is, is it a bad DM or not? Is it a bad DM or not? It's fair game, but it's shitty DMing. Out the gate.

This bird that just saw you hates you.

Yeah, but George, you're over at Critical Role doing all sorts of fun stuff. Yeah, yeah. I am one of the co-DMs for the Reslayer's Take on Critical Role. I'm the DM for a podcast called Hero Club and do all sorts of D&D related stuff on a podcast called Total Party Skill. So I'm all up in the D&D world right now.

As I will say, perhaps the better choice there is to go after the other threatening party members. Yeah. But hey man, secure that kill if you gotta, I guess. Just maybe you don't give disadvantage to everything. That's basically, you're rolling two dice and taking the lower result every time. So you're gonna roll poorly. That's so funny. That's incredible.

That shit's really funny.

You would like Paranoia as a game. It's a great TTRPG. But yeah, that is cuckoo bananas. That is amazing. Comments. Yeah, this DM is an immature child. If the DM had a problem with you missing a game, they should have talked with you about it like an adult. You don't punish people in-game for real-life issues. OP said, not to mention the session I missed was little more than a shopping episode.

Oh my God. We learned a lot at Macy's though. Someone said, unless you are constantly late or a no-show and that was the reason your own campaign fell apart, then this is seriously egregious. I wouldn't have even gone back, just packed my stuff and left right then and there. Lastly, someone said, as the bird furiously claws and pecks at you, it squawks, you shouldn't have missed the last session.

I hate you. The justification in the storyline of like, why is it attacking me? It's like, it hates you. Yeah. It's just really funny. It's very funny. We need to, can we promise in the next Dread to have a moment where something inexplicably hates you? A monster attacks you. Someone in there like, why? It's like, it hates you.

I'll take that note. Yeah. Yeah, got it. Roger that. Elephants. Oh my God. Wow. That's unbelievable. Damn. Have you ever experienced, like, in D&D sessions where, obviously, because I don't feel like you would ever do this as a DM. Gosh, no. Have you witnessed this type of behavior? Like, when it bleeds into the game. Like, just punishing, like, not this extremely.

So, this is long enough ago that I think I can say it. There was a character who was role-playing. Like, they had just taken down, like, a zombie. And they were, like, you know, as their character, they're, like, a monk. They're doing, like, a little ceremony to, like... They feel bad that they killed the zombie before looking for a cure or whatever.

And the DM didn't like that because they were religious and viewed it as something that wasn't religious. And so they fireballed that. Satan's game. Satan's game. They fireballed that person out of nowhere and just added enemies because they saw a ritual they didn't like. And it was the most uncomfortable I've ever been in a player seat. That's God.

And God deems that fire cleanses. Yeah, right. Wow. That whole DM as, like, the arbiter of, like, the real life is so crazy and unhealthy.

It's extremely funny because wasn't like D&D hated by the religious community? It's like a famously, yeah. Oh, 100%. Anything with like a cult and witchcraft and stuff like that was immediately, it was like a moral panic. So everybody was just trying to blame stuff to be like, look how crazy this game is.

And if you haven't checked out Dread, our Dread series over at Smosh Games, George is the one who runs all those stories for us, and man, it's always a blast. Those are so fun. If you haven't checked those out, go check those out.

Okay. Yeah. What was Tim doing in the 80s? Yeah, I also feel like missing games is, whenever, I don't play D&D outside of like, we've played here, but I haven't played D&D in my regular life, but hearing about it, I feel like missing games is like one of the most common things in D&D. It's impossible to get a bunch of adults together on a regular basis, so missing games is normal. To be expected.

And unless it's a broadcast and you're performing it for other people, then those obligations extend a little further. But if it's a personal game, I can't tell you how many times I've been at a game with six people that are supposed to show up and four people show up. And that's great, we can play.

You know what I mean? And to punish somebody for not showing up, is not gonna make them show up next time. Right. You know? I also feel like the whole point of it that I feel like most of the D&D horror stories we've read is it seems like DMs forget is like the point of it is to have fun. Yes. So when you're making choices that are just actually making it all a bummer.

The DM seat is a seductive seat for an asshole. It's like, oh, I can lord over all my friends. Yeah, it can maketh a monster if you're not trusting everybody around the table. That's why it's like a weird thing when like adults reenter into like an imagination land and you realize, oh, we can still hurt each other's feelings.

Yeah. Yeah, that pretend thing you said to me did hurt my feelings because you were being a jerk in real life kind of level about that. Oh, man. Just have grace with your players if you're a DM. That's just, this should be lesson number one, two, and three. Sure. Yeah. All right, our next story. So this was an ad on Craigslist that was reposted onto RPG Horror Stories. Ooh, that's tough.

That's a rough start. I get a Facebook Marketplace for my D&D adventures. Honestly, this Craigslist ad could have been made by Spencer.

Oh, man. It's a lot of fun. Every time it's a blast. So board games, there's some video game stories in here, but board games really are a catalyst for a lot of drama, right? Like that'll put people to the test. We've seen it time and time again over at Smosh Games, right? I mean, we have a blast. I think we do a great job, but things can get heated.

We need a healer. We're finding some underground owls. So mind you, this was posted on Craigslist. Beautiful priestess is a terrible, okay. Hi, my group of friends, 30-year-old men, have a multi-year Dungeons and Dragons adventure going. This Sunday, there's a small scene where we encounter a beautiful naked priestess, and I thought it would be fun to have an actor play the part.

It would require you to be topless on our virtual Zoom, so obviously you'd have to be comfortable with that. Our session starts at 4 p.m. this Sunday.

It's like, so is one of you guys getting married or? The one trick is I don't know exactly when we will encounter this priestess, but it will be at some point. She's just camera off.

The one trick is I don't know exactly when we will encounter this priestess, but it will be at some point between 4 to 6 p.m. Eastern time. Ideally, you could be available in the timeframe, and then I can text you the precise time to join the Zoom link. The actual scene won't be more than five minutes, so it won't be much acting. I'll provide some guidance on the part beforehand.

Feel free to reply with any questions. Also, if you could include a picture with your reply, that would be helpful. No. Thanks. No. I've never thought of the idea of hiring an actor to join in on a Zoom, like, for D&D. It sounds really funny. I would love it, like, to hire, like, some, like, 70-year-old, like, guy. A wizened. Like, guy who'd be like, oh, we're going to go talk to the wise wizard.

And, like, not even give the actor much before. But I'm like, whatever he says goes. Get a cameo from someone who doesn't know D&D and it's like. Like Boston Rob's gonna tell us where the magic sword is.

So when we're talking about families, partners playing board games, shit can get real. Oh yeah. We're about to see some stories here and see what happens. Our first story comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the asshole for not wanting to play a game my girlfriend created?

That's a question. Okay, okay. Apparently OP was asking $100. That's not enough.

If she's getting paid and she needs to be paid.

Oh, man.

Look, Pam from Reno is calling in. It's like, priestess, where should we go? You're gonna wanna go...

All right. Just imagine you're just calling and smoking a cigarette.

Right, right.

It's funny. Right, right. Yeah. There is a major element of, like, clearly this is a consenting individual. That's all fine. I want to be nowhere near this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. If I was there, I'd be like, no, thanks. No, dude, I'll be logging out. Here's the problem with Zoom, though, is that, like, I don't trust that these guys aren't going to record. Screenshot them. They're going to record this.

And it's like, hey, like, come on. That's not worth $100. No, no protections. That's more. No, there is a lot of nuance. There's tons of nuance. But I get what you're saying of like, hey, if you're paying someone and they said they're down, fine. Do I want to be in that game?

It's still funny as fuck. It's not lasting five minutes. You'll be like, oh, priestess, actually, not yet. Join us on our quest. And the DM's like, you have to join them.

Yeah, dude. Okay, comment. Imagine the hour and 55 minutes.

Comments, I'm on the fence with this. It seems pretty straight and upfront about what they're looking for. Yeah, it's straight. Even if it feels a bit, even if it feels a bit cringey, I know a couple of extroverted RPG playing friends who wouldn't immediately rule this out, though they'd certainly have questions. And one would definitely be whether the players were all on board with the nudity.

Otherwise, I'd say there's enough info for it to seem like a legit inquiry for a brief cameo from an outsider, rather than just a group of guys wanting to see some boobs. There's a whole internet to see boobs on. Low key, yeah. Someone said, my DM will occasionally ask us to play an NPC for a session or two in one of the other campaigns he runs. It's pretty fun.

Dude, I played a video game with my friend once. It was pretty fun. Have you guys ever checked out visual novels? That's just hilarious. That's some really funny stuff. Oh, man. Something about that. I'm going to be telling people about this. I'm going to tell people about this story.

Dude, already, that's a heater. Oh, this is awesome. Kim coming out hot. So we have a 27-year-old guy here. He says, my girlfriend, who's 24, has been working on a visual novel game as a side project for almost two years and recently finished it.

I've heard of people hiring, like, cosplayers to come on and do, like, they dress up in, like, a sorcerer outfit and they do, like, a little cameo. That's cool. And that's, you know, if you've got the money to pay somebody to do that, I do think that's cool. The Craigslist of it all... Oh, asking anything on Craigslist is crazy.

Craigslist ads are always the most insane shit you'll ever read because it requires a level of honesty about stuff. Because it's like, okay, I need to put this ask out here and I need to be asking specifically what I want. And it's always amazing. It's incredible. Unfiltered. Yeah, truly.

Totally. Yeah. As long as legally I'm allowed to laugh.

Yeah, it's still funny that everybody said yes to it. Yeah. To that one comment, let's be 100% clear. That's gotta be 80% of the reason. There's a lot of element at play of these guys wanna see some boobs. And it's also like, I mean. Like the character is a sexy priestess.

You think the players don't know? There's no chance the DM is checking with the players being like, hey guys, five minutes of this game are gonna be crazy. I need you to sign these. Can I pitch something that would be incredible, which is you hire two different actors. You pay them both up front at the start and you go, you may or may not be needed.

But it comes to a part where the cast of characters is like, okay, there's two doors. Behind one is the sexy priestess and behind the other is a naked man who It was really gross. It's just like, make your choice wisely. My uncle is waiting in room B. Uncle Stu, get out of here.

She wanted me to play it, but I initially declined since I'm not into visual novels or reading long stories, but after she begged, I gave it a try and played for a good 15 minutes. Now I can tell she put in a lot of effort in the writing and the art and it was a good start but I just got tired of reading and stopped.

Hey guys, I'm topless over here. Welcome to my grotto. And the other is Danny DeVito. And it's kind of a tough choice. It's like, I kind of want to see Danny DeVito. I kind of want to see Danny DeVito in this RPG. Yeah, it's tough. Incredible. Incredible shit. All right, our next story. Am I the asshole for not giving my coworker my day off because I want to play a video game? Oh, all right.

Go on. Okay, so anyone in the video game world knows that next week the new Legend of Zelda game comes out after like five plus years of waiting. I'm a massive fan. When the release date was revealed, I immediately requested PTO for that date as I plan on staying home that day and enjoying the new game. What I didn't realize was that the day I asked off for is the Friday before Mother's Day.

My company has had to limit the requests off for that date now as many people have been asking for it off. I had previously told some of my coworkers I was planning on staying home to play the game and I guess word got around because one of my other coworkers asked me after work to give her my PTO so she can travel for Mother's Day.

I explained to her that I requested this day off months ago for a specific reason and I really wasn't willing to change it. She got pretty upset with me claiming I care more about video games than family and whatnot. I honestly don't really care about her not being able to travel because I feel like... I honestly don't care about her. I honestly don't give a shit about her.

I honestly don't really care about her not being able to travel because I feel like if this was an important date, then you would have requested off early like I did. Anyways, I firmly told her no. That's how priorities work. Anyways, I firmly told her no, but she told some of my other coworkers and they are all pissed at me and calling me an a-hole for not giving up the date. Am I the asshole?

Okay. Oh, man.

I'm sorry. I guess some people might travel to see their moms. I'll call my mom. I haven't taken a plane for Mother's Day. No, I have not either. But I'll send an edible arrangement. Whoa. Whoa.

This is one of those where we work in a sphere where it's hard to like, I understand jobs work differently, but in our job, it's not like, oh, someone else is taking PTO, so I can't, so I'm asking for them to switch it out. The idea of like asking someone to, to take away their own PTO to give it to me. That's crazy. I just wouldn't ever operate that way. I'd be like, oh, I can't.

She asked what I thought and wanted me to eventually finish it and tell her what I thought about the choices and the endings but I told her I had no plans to. She looked shocked and asked if it was boring. I told her no, it's just that I'm just not into this type of genre and she knows I'm not into reading but asked me to make an exception this time since she made it.

Oh, that's not an option for me. If you're asking somebody to give you their PTO, you're basically asking them to pay them.

They need to go to work so that you can, because someone needs to be in. So like, can I take PTO so that, instead of you taking PTO. It's the equivalent of like, cover my shift, or like, yeah. Then, oh man, that is tough. Because if I'm in the Legend of Zelda guy's seat, that's my time. It's my work hour, I decide that, right?

If PTO is PTO, you can't really say, well, my PTO is because of what I'm doing with my PTO. I deserve it more, because he kind of has the point, he's like, I took it off months ago. Maybe this guy's mom stinks.

Yeah, I mean, of course the system is the ultimate bad guy here. The fact that people can't take time off to see their families is a bigger issue. But in regards to the situation at hand, this guy's not an asshole. He took PTO off... It's like that's the situation. Sucks for her. The big thing about weaponizing the reason for his PTO is like something that an employer could never do.

So a fellow employee should also not, I think. Yeah. Yeah, he went around telling everyone. That is his fault. Gave everyone the ammunition. Yeah, right.

Yeah, I remember working. You don't tell people you play video games.

And a tricycle. When people ask, it's like, oh, I'm taking the day off. It's like, why? It's like, you don't want to know. It's like Saving the Princess.

This came out early 2023. Tears of the Kingdom. I get it. Yeah, dude. Tim took the day off for Tears of the Kingdom. I think a lot of people talk about it.

Damn, I'm sorry. I don't know him. I'm so sorry. I remember Courtney and I had a trip. I wouldn't have done anything about this, right? But we had like a big trip planned. She wanted me to play her visual novel. And I wouldn't do it for five minutes. But we had a big international trip planned.

I got upset because I think she is being childish and wants to blackmail me into doing something I don't want. After I made it clear I wasn't continuing, she hasn't talked to me since. I already know that she is talented and smart, so just because I don't wanna play it doesn't mean I don't support her. Some of my friends agree she's being immature, but others think I should be more supportive.

And I remember like having the date set for it and then being like, oh shit, when does Tears of the Kingdom come out? And I was like, I'm obviously not gonna change our trip. Obviously I'm not gonna change the trip. I'm obviously not gonna change it, but I was definitely relieved when I was like, okay, good, the game comes out once we're back home. I can download it.

I was definitely like, fuck, that's gonna suck if we're out of the game.

Yeah, it's really cool. Oh, it's gonna be a bike out of 15 wheels. Yeah. I could be doing that. Comments on this. Not the asshole, Mother's Day is listed on a calendar every year even though the actual date may vary. Poor planning on their part does not equal an emergency on yours. You planned, you deserve it, and it doesn't matter why you booked it off.

For what it's worth, I've booked vacation around video game releases and it's amazing. Enjoy your time off and your game. Someone else said, not the asshole. Same goes for any other holiday. I'm child free, my choice, and people always seem to think that means I should be the one working holidays. It doesn't matter if the reason you have the day off is for a video game. It's your day off.

Enjoy it. Lastly, someone said, not the asshole. It doesn't matter why you took the PTO. It was approved and it is yours to take. This is a management problem, not your problem. Agreed. That's fix-it management.

Gamers together strong. Well, if you go to Reddit, four players. If you go to Reddit, you're gonna have gamers.

Okay, our next story. We are back on D&D Horror Stories. My player fell in love with me, the DM, but I'm married and one of the players is my husband. No, dude.

Right. Oh, God, what a nightmare. Angela and Amanda were fighting tooth and nail for Carol. I'm typing this on mobile, so apologies for the formatting. I've been playing D&D with my husband for five years, and this is my first campaign DMing. We are playing with his friend group, who are Pat, Mary, and Dylan. Not real names.

We have been playing for the last three months, and everything has been going great so far. The party works well together, and there is really no issue except anger. Dylan is playing a half-orc barbarian who fell in love with a half-elf named Shelia, and this has been a progressing storyline.

For reference, he is not the only one who is romancing an NPC, and the rest of the party has not professed their love over text to me. After the session last night, the group went home and Dylan sent me a bunch of texts saying that he had noticed tension between us and that we can't deny it and he is open to taking the next steps.

I am horrified, of course, and inform my husband immediately because this is his friend. My husband texts Dylan for a bit, then calls and berates him for his actions. Dylan then says that my husband is standing in the way of our love and my husband hangs up and blocks him on both of our phones. We discussed next steps and decided to cancel D&D for the time being because I am freaked out.

So am I the asshole?

The rest of the group are understanding, but man, this has been a weird Christmas.

They just die-hearted that where they snuck Christmas at the end. And by the way, prom is tomorrow. Yeah, wow. It was the best summer ever. This was posted on Christmas of last year. Oh, my goodness.

Or Christmas. Yeah, isn't it funny how so many of these D&D horror stories are just people like deeply misreading the room?

I seriously think it's all about reading energy and understanding where people are at and knowing when to go to people and when to let them wait, just in terms of being entertained, how much someone's talking. But like, Yeah, this is the DM that the person fell in love with, essentially?

Yes, because she's DMing, and this friend of theirs is playing, and he's romancing an NPC, so she's playing the NPC that he's romancing, and so clearly they probably had some sequences together where they're professing their love within the game. I've definitely heard of this happening before, and it is really stupid. It's...

It's just like, if you're showing up to play a game of trouble, no one's about to fall in love with the person who presses the bubble the most. You know what I mean? It's people just... You never know. You're on Smosh Games. Yeah, so it's just when people give the DM... I think it's something to do with mysticizing it or something like that.

When somebody's just pretending to be this NPC, you're like, wow, they're infusing magic into this. This is all personal to them. I'm gonna make it personal to me. Now we have a personal connection that's unseen by all the others, because it's just our secret private little moment. But you're forgetting that there are five other people in the room. I've got my dice and I'm ready to attack.

You know?

Yeah, here we go. I'm ready to get these goblins. Here we go. And you got a lady on a Zoom call just waiting to hop in.

Oh, man. What a loose use of the word blackmail.

Yeah. I love how they felt like they had to include the fact that they canceled D&D the next episode. As if that were like, we did it. Unfortunately, we had to.

I'd be like, I'm never playing this again. Yeah, he lost his friend? Oh my god, yeah.

I'm also insanely bold to not only text her and then be like, what are our next steps? What are next steps? Texting your crush, next steps? And then the husband calls you, he's like, you're standing in the way of us. It's like, whoa, man, okay. Comments, I am so sorry this happened.

It seems that Dylan is not mature enough to separate what is being simulated in the RPG with real life, which is troubling to say the least. I hope you can continue DMing, but it seems that Dylan needs to leave the game under normal conditions. I think he maybe needs to leave.

Under normal conditions, I'd suggest talking to the player and working something out, but I think this is a case where you should probably skip that step. Thanks, Reddit. Dylan seems divorced from reality. In any case, good luck. I know this is a very strange situation. That's not the divorce Dylan wants. It is insane that Dylan...

You mean asking?

this is also like, even if he had no other intentions, but if you are in a D&D group where it's like, the DM is married to someone else at the table, and you're doing a romance sequence with that person, it's like, this has gotta be at least a little silly. Like, at least make it a silly romance.

It has to be a little silly, or it just has to be like, people who've known each other for a long time, and there's no fear of, they're gonna steal my husband.

And once, I think a lot of these issues tend to occur with people who don't know each other very well, and then they meet through D&D, and they're like, I feel a part of this group.

It's like that's almost... But Dylan was their friend. Dylan was the friend. Dylan was their friend. So it's like he did know these people. OP left a comment saying, my husband thinks he built a version of me in his head and fell in love with that. He is definitely not playing with us again as he insulted my husband and said he wanted to have sex with me. I just think I need to break.

Left that part out. I just think I need a break until the New Year's. In five days. In five days, I'll be good.

And the other guy's like, I just don't have time to read a visual novel. Oh my God. Someone said, unfortunately, this has happened to me more than once as a female DM. It's frustrating, a violation of boundaries, and really disappointing. Unfortunately, you will learn to recognize the signs and indications that someone is starting to manic pixie dream NPC you and cut it off.

15 minutes. So at least you should work out for two years. He knows I don't like to read. It's like, uh. Babe, you know I don't like reading. Uh, reading and artwork? Uh, it's a whole lot, babe.

Don't let one bad player shake your confidence as a DM. The game is for all of us, and you are entitled to boundaries, safety, and comfort while running a game for your players, just as they are entitled to the same from you. Send Dylan down to the dungeon and be like, you come across a bird. And it hates you, man. That's so funny. And it fucking hates you.

Yeah, sorry, this bird fucking hates you. This bird hates you. God, I think it's not... It sucks how many women have that exact same story when they play D&D and they have like, oh, my first experience was terrible. And it's like...

Yeah, good on this group for nixing that guy and getting him out of here, standing up for a person who deserves to be, I mean, I hope, yeah, I mean, the fact that it was even a thought scares me a little, but yeah. Well, we have a mini little update. It was in the comments. She said, D&D is back on and the rest of the players promised to not fall in love with me.

So I'm assuming she kicked Dylan out.

Dylan's there, but he's just kind of arms crossed. Yeah. She's like, whatever. I won't fall in love with you anymore. Yeah, that's awful. I think people need to go outside. That's crazy to say as a DM. Yeah, right? Thousands of games under my belt and I'm like, more grass, I think. Our next story also comes from D&D Horror Stories. Our DM went to pee and never returned. Oof, scary. Oh, man.

Common fear. And that's it. Hate to see it manifest. It was a title-only post. I'm not kidding. Is that a two-sentence horror? What happened? It was a one-sentence horror story. Comments goes, details? And someone else said he went to pee and didn't come back.

Did he leave stuff? I have so many questions. He went to pee. Have you ever heard of a DM just leaving, just bouncing and ghosting everyone at the table? No, that's crazy. In any scenario. That's pretty funny. Maybe the DM didn't like him. Maybe. Leading any activity and then leaving in the middle. It's kind of hilarious. It's really funny.

If you ever have a game going on April 1st, that's what you should do. That is good, yeah. I'll steal that.

Yeah, I think he's clearly missing the entire point of like, oh, this isn't my genre. It's like, that's cool, man. Who cares? Yeah, it doesn't really matter. She's been working on this for two years.

Even funnier. Oh, man. Really funny. Yeah, I wonder where the stopping point was. Maybe he's still peeing. Maybe he's in there. Maybe he's part of the lore. He rolled a nat one on his penis.

Fuck. All right. Our next story. Got it. Our next story is from RPG Horror Stories. DM says I can't be a bard. Bad start.

Well, yeah, let's wait, because maybe this guy's like, I've committed a lot of various social offenses as a bard in the past, and now I can't do that. Someone said, I kinda like that though. Because he hates you.

So I made a bard who wrote poetry because she read somewhere that poems used to hold magic and then one day she gave a performance of one of her darker poems and an audience member died. Believing it to be her fault, she fled the city and lived a solitary life to avoid hurting others with her magic, who the party then found and convinced her she could use her powers for good instead of evil.

DM said no because the idea was cliche. It's for mystery men.

Killing someone with a poem is cliche? Guess so. What an incredible character concept. So I made a bard slash sorcerer who stole a young girl's voice. This is like the fourth character they come with, like, so I did this. So I made a bard slash sorcerer who stole a young girl's voice in return for her heart's desire. The catch, when she died, her soul would belong to me to use as an eternal slave.

Yeah, I basically made Ursula. DM said no because it was too OP. Ursula is pretty OP. Ursula is pretty OP. As in octopus.

So I outright asked him if I could play a bard at all, and he said, no, bards are stupid. Pick another class. It's pretty funny. Lots of bards. Bards are great. I mean, I love how sometimes this will be like, the title will be like, ooh, I wonder what the interesting twist is, and it's like, DM said I couldn't, because fuck me. I don't know.

Yeah, it's like, come on, man. Bards tend to be like the problematic class because they're like the high charisma class. So you can like go to an NPC the DM is controlling and kind of like impose your will on that NPC by just rolling ridiculously high numbers or charming, making you like mind control magic and stuff. Right.

Sometimes DMs have good reasons for like, hey, let's limit our bard shenanigans. But this is not one of those moments.

This is something better. Much better. A couple comments, more like pick another DM, am I right? Hey, wow, you got him. OP said, essentially what I'm gonna do, I love bards, they're my favorite class. Someone else said, DMs who veto PC ideas for being cliche always start the party off by meeting in a tavern and being tasked to deal with the local goblins, always. Get him. Prove me wrong.

How full a cereal is 15 minutes? She's not even asking him to read it and enjoy it. She's like, I want your help. Here's something I'm passionate about. Here's something I'm working on. Can I get your opinion on this? And that could be anything. What does he care about? I don't fucking know what this guy actually likes. That guy likes Gatorade and bicep day. He's like, I don't read. Sorry, babe.

Get him, snatch the wig, absolutely. Forget it. Wow. Man, have you ever had to turn down a character? Because if someone pitched something so... Mostly because the name was so inappropriate I couldn't say it at the table. Oh my god. You obviously can't come to the table with that for every reason that is on this paper.

So yeah, and the DM should be able to filter what's allowed at the table, but I don't think not liking it is a good enough reason. That's not a, yeah.

Oh, well, one of my, yeah. It can be from here. He was like, you wanna name your character Guy Wood? Go watch Moss vs. Christmas, it's so good.

I think, yeah, there are definitely sometimes when a player will come in and it's like, my whole character's deal is all about my phallus, and you gotta be like, hey man, there's gonna be five other people at this table, and I don't think anybody's gonna wanna hear your section of the role play. The adventures of Penis Man.

Yeah, every time, and like, you know, a certain person could make that very funny, but that person's rare, and I think it's fair to filter that out. My character's Slur Johnson.

That's getting closer to the first example I mentioned, yeah. Wow. So yeah, you should have a little filter power. Some boundaries there, okay. I think the poem idea is one of the most beautiful bars I've ever heard. I like the Ursula one. I like the idea of a D&D game where all the characters are just like Disney villains. Yeah, fun. Super fun. Yeah. All right, our last story. Ooh.

It comes from RPG Horror Stories. They write, playing a woman, I think I got the tiniest taste of real world sexism. Whoa. Okay. Whoa. Okay. Go on. Really? This guy like talking to women now is like, I get it, I lived it, I understand. Yeah, I know. I've been playing D&D on and off for 15 years now in multiple campaigns that got to level 20. But three years ago, I did something new.

I played a female character. It's fully the scene from White Lotus. I'm playing something new. I played a female character. We're a five person party, three men and two women in real life. In character, it's three women and two men because of me. Because of me. Thanks for clarifying. Because of Woke. Because of Woke.

As the years have gone by, I've started to notice little things here and there in how the NPCs treat me. I'm trying to play this character as kind of a take charge type person, but the NPCs tend to kind of brush me off when I feel like they shouldn't. I'm a powerful sorcerer with a kind of dark reputation, so I would expect they'd show me some respect, but often, well, they don't.

and it feels like sometimes certain other PCs just get a little more recognition, a little more respect for reasons I can't quite put my finger on. I've brought it up to the DM a couple times, and he's always had a reason. Well, this NPC talked to you like that because of X reason, or when the Barbarian in the group did X, that really earned the King's respect because of Y reason.

It's like each individual instance had a reason that could be valid, and no one instance is a big deal. But it's just that it kept happening. I've played with this DM before and never felt like this before, so it was kind of baffling to me.

Then some more time went by and I started noticing that NPCs would talk like that to other female characters too, and it was always the male characters who seemed to get the respect. And at first I was like, nah, that's crazy.

No. No. And at first I was like, sexism doesn't exist though. It's the children who are wrong. The DM is an old friend of mine and I know he's not sexist or anything, but once I noticed it, I kept noticing it. And I didn't say anything because come on, how whiny would it be for a straight white dude to complain about low-grade fantasy sexism?

I'm done reading. I got to go back to watching porn. I just, if anything, the fact that he doesn't like it means that he would probably have valuable insight to improve it and make it more broadly applicable if he actually cared about giving some feedback. Yeah, like a non, just a different perspective on it.

Honestly, sometimes I'd notice a little thing and be sure it was sexism, and then the next time I'd be sure I must be imagining it. Like an NPC might talk to one of the male characters before us, or he might give them more respect than us.

I mentioned to one of the other guys, who I've been friends with since high school, that I felt like my character was getting shortchanged sometimes, not mentioning sexism as the cause. And he kind of shrugged it off, so I let it drop. This Sunday, as everyone was leaving, I found myself alone in the parking lot with one of the real-life women of the group.

Yet another NPC had low-level disrespected our characters in favor of one of the guys in this game, and it was on my mind. I said something like, is it just me, or does person A and person B, the guys, though I didn't say that, get just a little bit more respect than we do? She just shrugged and said, it's a man's world.

Also, it's funny how they're like, man, this world is sexist. And I'm like, it's the guy DMing. Yeah, it's that guy. It's him. They're talking about it as if the fantasy world is like part of. It just be how it is. It's like, yeah, there's nothing we can do about it. How can we enact change in this fantasy world? Talk to Greg. Tell him to stop.

Greg is the one actively making these decisions every day. Oh, man. We talked a little more because I wasn't sure she was serious at first, but she was. And she didn't seem particularly upset or bent out of shape about it. As far as she was concerned, this is just how it goes. First, I felt immediately relieved. Like, I'm not crazy. It wasn't all in my head.

Like I said earlier, I didn't bring up sexism to her. She brought it up first. And it felt great to have my perceptions validated. But I've really been dwelling on it since then. Like, she was so matter-of-fact about it. It bothers me that it must happen all the time to women and I just don't notice it. I mean, obviously this is a really small sample size.

The DM whose NPCs act that way and the other guy players who don't notice it. And obviously I don't really understand what a woman goes through. I don't want to pretend like my little thing here is on the same level as what real women experience every day. It's really her reaction that stuck with me. The sort of welcome to the club vibe I got.

Honestly, if this is normal for women, I don't know how they deal with it. I find it low-grade infuriating, and I only have to deal with it every now and then in the fantasy world. I think this guy just became a feminist.

Think about how infuriating it is for all the women at the table for all the men to constantly not notice that it's happening until you have to pretend to be a woman for a little bit, and then you're like, something's not right. Yeah. And it's affecting me. Oh my God. There's one comment on it. That was it. There's no update. One comment that kind of represents all the comments in this.

And he's even admitting like she's put in a lot of effort and it was really, it's a good start. I just got tired of reading and stopped. It's like, okay, so you even acknowledge that it's not like bad. I got tired of reading? Yeah. Is such like a, what does that mean? You just like, you went like.

Welcome to the club, it sucks, but of course, if you were to push back against all those little slights, you'd be painted as a huge bitch who gets offended at everything. It's exhausting to navigate, so you probably can see why a lot of women just deal with it. I don't think your male friends are sexist, but there's some sexist behaviors that are just so normalized that men don't think about it.

Hopefully you can take this experience and be a bit more mindful of your own interactions with women in the real world. That sums it up.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's pretty good. D&D is cool in that it lets you get outside your perspective sometimes, but that is also a dangerous thing, as you can see with Dylan. Yeah. And birds. Dylan and birds.

Yeah, also... He hates you. Yeah. About every NPC, though. It'd be funny if he talked to her and he's like, does it feel like we get distracted? She's like, no, all of us are fine. He just hates you. Yeah.

I feel very respected. Everyone's respected except for you. Oh, man. Well... This has been a blast. Oh, thank you guys so much for having me on.

That's it. Yeah, all the nuance wrapped up. Yeah. George, thank you for joining us. Thanks for having me, guys. Thanks for... for allowing me to talk about nerd shit. Oh, this is great. I could listen to these RPG stories all day. Yeah. I know. They're all so terrible sometimes. Definitely. All so terrible sometimes.

There are some that are so bad that you're like, thank God that wasn't my introduction. You know what I mean to this? I know that our producers went through a lot of stories that we didn't include because they're so bad they're not even fun to read. Yeah, that is what I, honestly, what I feared the most was some of the ones that are- Seeking beautiful princess.

We want to have a little bit of fun while reading these. They have to be a little funny. But there's a lot of actual nightmares. But, George, if people want to see really good storytelling, really good D&D, where can they find it? Oh, man. Check out Hero Club and The Reeslayer's Take.

We take our live recorded D&D sessions and we mix them down with sound effects and music and stuff like that and makes it like an audio book. but it's all actually played around the table, which is really cool. And go check those out, and go check out the Smosh Versus videos where we play Dread, which is a Jenga tower game, and if you knock the tower over while playing, you die.

Lots of fun, and these guys are brilliant Dread players and TTRPGers in general. We got a good one coming out. Thank you both for being here. Thank you guys for watching. Let us know what other themes and subreddits you'd like to see on the show, and we will see you next Saturday. Bye! Speaking beautiful priestess.

But he's like, I'm not gonna revisit it. Yeah, I'm not going to. That's frigging wild, man. I also think it's like, it's such a show of like care, especially like, this is his girlfriend, right? You know, like this is his partner. Like showing interest in someone's interest is almost more important than anything, right?

Yeah, right. Yeah, I'm such a believer in that, because there are, I'm not really a believer of like, that's not my genre, so I don't partake in it, right? I'm like, anything can be fun. What a closed-minded way to approach everything.

Anything can be fun, but I'm like, oh, if something matters to someone, like, I'll check it out to understand why you like it, or to learn more about you in the process. He's kind of removed, like, he's not thinking about the relationship element of this. He's just thinking about this thing in itself as if he found it at a store and he's like, oh, well, I'm not into this. Like, that's cool.

That's fine. You don't owe, like, anything to a thing you randomly found. But, like, you know, you should give your partner attention and try to share their interests in a way that is productive. And, I don't know, the whole element of I'm not going to revisit it is so crazy to me. Just do it tomorrow if you're not feeling it today. I think I'm never gonna read that again. I don't know.

That doesn't make any sense to me.

The only reason I was even a little apprehensive about maybe this guy's got nothing is maybe she laid their relationship bare in this novel.

That'd be him being uncomfortable with it. Uncomfortable with it. This is him being like, no. I can't do this anymore. Yeah. Yeah, like, this is brutal. Like, if I knew someone, she's like, yeah, I've been working on this visual novel for two years, and I asked my boyfriend if he could read it, and he spent 15 minutes on it and then said, no, I'm good. I'd be like, damn. I know you can do it.

Like, damn, okay, so the bar's there. All right. The verdict is asshole. Comments? You're the asshole. Your girlfriend worked for years on this project and you can't be bothered to spend an hour or two supporting her by playing it. You're the immature one here. Partners do things for each other. Get off the internet and apologize to her. It's 25,000 up, folks.

He probably spent like 15 minutes on this post. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He wrote this whole post? Yeah. He spent more time on this. Easily more than 15. Someone said, you're the asshole. Relationships require effort. If you aren't willing to put in the effort to support her work and do something for her, I hope she can find someone who does. Lastly, someone said, you're the asshole.

Why did you ask here? You realize you have to read the answers, right? Tell your girlfriend you prefer to read bullshit from strangers before her game and then come here and tell us how it goes. We would like reading that.

Girls just don't even see us gamers as guys. Oh, dude. She wants me to read like, I don't know. I'm like scared of reading. I don't know. Have you guys ever read a visual or played a visual novel? I don't think I have. That's like a choice-based visual medium, right? That you kind of like are guided through the story. It's a choose-your-own-adventure in a video game form. Yeah, with pictures.

Oh, that sounds cool. That does sound cool. I've read Goosebumps choose-your-own-adventure, so I guess I have.

Fancy a story? Fancy a tale? The closest that I've had that I definitely hit this kind of thing where I'm like, I'm just not in the zone for this was this game called Disco Elysium. It's one of the best games ever made, but it's like truly just, it's like, oh, every time your character talks to someone, it's like you're gonna be reading for like 10 minutes.

But it's like intense stuff. I don't have five minutes for this. I was like, uh-uh.

Doki Doki Literature Club is like close. And then also there's Dream Daddy. Yeah, exactly. I've not heard of a single one of these so far. These are like dating sims. So it's like Dream Daddy is the one where like you're a new dad in this neighborhood where there's tons of hot dads. You're a hot dad talking to other hot dads. Okay, cool. It's really cool.

There's a walking simulator that is kind of a visual novel that I love called Firewatch. Oh, I love Firewatch. Our sound guy, Scott, loves Firewatch too. I saw his hands pumping in the air. Firewatch is incredible. No, I respect it, but I have not participated too much. But I wouldn't play more than 15 minutes. I'd probably play a little bit. Otherwise, that's blackmail. Yeah.

Legally, I shouldn't be talking to you. Today's Red Stories is brought to you by ZocDoc.

Have you ever woken up with a weird symptom like a tight pain in your neck or a weird rash on your legs and then immediately Googled it to see what's wrong? We've all gone down that medical rabbit hole, but now it's easy to get the help and care you really need with ZocDoc.

ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, are located nearby, are a good fit for any medical need you may have, and are highly rated by verified patients.

Plus, appointments made through ZocDoc also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments. I, for one, knew that for a long time I needed to just have an annual checkup with a doctor, but I had pushed it off for years because the process of finding a doctor felt, I don't know, really tough and agonizing, and it gave me a lot of anxiety.

But ZocDoc made it so simple that I finally did it. I was able to just look and find a doctor nearby, and I could find an appointment within that week. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash Pitt Reddit to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash pitreddit. ZocDoc.com slash pitreddit. Back to the show.

Our next story comes from the subreddit D&D Horror Stories. Oh no, they're always so bad.

Yeah, I wish. Okay. DM kills my character for no reason. This story happened a couple of years ago. Basically, it was me and I think three or four other friends. Typically, I would DM, and after my campaign fizzled out for whatever reason, one of my players wanted to try DMing. I helped him set up a campaign. The time comes for him to start DMing the campaign I helped him build.

Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane and today the theme is gaming. A lot of tabletop gaming. We have two people here who know a little bit about tabletop gaming. We have Spencer and George Primavera joining us. What's up? Two game masters. Gamers. You guys are professional gamers. Quite literally. On the regular, yeah. Yeah.

I think we started at level one or two. I was playing a tiefling bard. The other players were, I think, a druid, a barbarian, and an artificer. After a couple of sessions, it was going pretty smooth. We were having a good time. At one point, I had to miss a session, but it was cool with them continuing without me.

The next session, I was there, and I joined back with the party before we went into a dungeon. We went into the dungeon, and we were going through it like normal, just some puzzles. But before our first combat, the DM decided to tell me that since I was rusty after missing a session, I had disadvantage on every role in combat. That annoyed me, but I just went with it.

I had taken some damage but figured I'd be fine because I usually play backline support. Eventually, we approach a big door, and I decide to enter the room and suddenly get attacked by a big bird, and it takes me down to one hit point. The rest of the party makes their way in to try to help me, but DM decides that despite my teammates wanting to protect me,

and attacking the bird, the DM decides that the bird continues to attack me, obviously downing me. I'm a little baffled at that decision, but it's whatever. So I just start rolling my saving throws on my turn, but DM says the bird continues to attack me because it hates you. So it hits me again. And I don't know if this is a real rule, but he said that it's an automatic two failed death saves.