Stacey Martino
Appearances
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Now, in relationship development, which is literally a framework and a paradigm that we created as a solution to demand relationship worked in an older time where one person said, do this, and the other person said, okay, thank you. Like independent, free people who both want to contribute to a partnership today don't want to be part of that, and good for them.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
It started to break down. That's exactly right. So, yeah, I love it. We're getting into it. So when you have this dynamic, which is what demand relationship is, where there's been a power player and a non-power player, which if you think 100 years ago, that's absolutely what was going on. And whatever, that's the way it was. But today, people just leave if they're not happy.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And once people could leave a relationship, once people became free to be equals in a relationship, that power player, non-power player of like, hey, if we disagree, what I say goes, stop working. And it's the same thing that's not working with our kids today. And so demand relationship is when someone is trying to be the power player, which is just using leverage, whatever leverage you have.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
For some people, it is commands, but for some people, it's guilt. For some people, it's pleasing. I'm going to please, I'm going to do what you want, not what I want, because then you'll be happy with me and I'll get my way next time. It's not always commands. Pleasing is also demand relationship.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
It's whenever you're doing something that you're trying to get the other person to change in response to you. When you put that into the loop, so to speak, they feel it. You feel it. You feel it when people interact with you where they're trying to get you to change your response. And that used to work, but it doesn't work today.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And so, yes, demand relationship has broken down, but we've never been taught a different skill set. Nobody knows a different way to be. And so we created this relationship development approach, which is really a skills-based approach for relating to humans.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Literally, that's all it is, is a skills-based approach for relating to other humans where both people are empowered and we have a way of communicating to build a bridge between between two people. One is not better. One is not worse. One is not right. One is not wrong, but we're building almost like a Google translate for how to talk to each other.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Um, and we learn how to be happy and peaceful while relating to people around us who are wired differently, but in a way that builds up our relationships with them instead of breaking it down.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Yeah, that was the ultimate funnel. Very successful.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Missingpiecebook.com.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
2019.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And I think what you captured there so beautifully is that this old pattern of demand relationship really is a pattern of control. And when you run to the end of your skill set, right, you're like, I just need you to do this because I'm looking out for you because this is going to be the best way for you. But unfortunately, when you do that, it breaks down the relationship.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And then when as soon as they can be free to get away from you, they can't get away fast enough. And then you don't have a relationship with them. All you have is a loss of control. And that is the fear that you felt on the horizon, like if we don't change now, when he gets out, we're never going to have that front row seat to be there for whatever's going to come that he's going to do.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And that is the key. That is what so many parents tell us, that whether it's what you're doing with your kids, your spouse, your family members, your team members, whatever it is, it's about changing things.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
the way that we interoperate with people so that we actually get a great outcome, the outcome we can be happy with and they can be happy with, but it also builds the relationship up at the same time. So we're not constantly having people get to a point of threshold where,
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
where they're like, I have to get away from you, which pretty much you can see everywhere right now is people hitting thresholds saying, I can't be around you anymore, right? And that is a result of demand relationship gone wild.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Yes.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
They own it because they got it.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Yeah, oh my gosh. So over 20 years ago, Paul and I have been together almost 30 years this year. And this was over 20 years ago. I was just like any other night sitting on the driveway with our dog waiting for Paul to come home. And he got out of the car and I immediately knew from looking at his face like something was wrong.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Demand relationship.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
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The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
You know how you get that feeling when you look at someone like what happened? And he sat down and told me like... He was done. He felt like there was no way this was going to work out. It wasn't like, hey, look, I'm not happy or hey, this is harder than it should be. He didn't want to sit down and talk about it. He was there to tell me he was leaving that night like it was already done.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
It almost felt like I was the last to know. And something about that just completely broke me open. Now, I wasn't the girl that you know me as now. I was the ice princess back then and really, really hardened and rough. And that did not come with a handbook for great relationships. So it's not like I was surprised every other relationship had also ended before that one. But it really broke me.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Thank you.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
I think it was the shock of it. And I will say now that was like the worst experience of my life was going through breaking down with Paul. But I will say that I don't know that this would have happened if I wasn't so shocked in that moment because I actually ended up breaking open and crying. And I was even to myself saying like, why are you crying? What the heck's going on with you?
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
oh, if we're going to teach them that compromise is breaking down relationship, then we're going to have to teach them how to actually design a win-win solution from something that's been a stalemate for 25 years. Like those things had to go in. So we really fundamentally picked out
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
I don't know how many dozens of tools, principles, and strategies that somebody could literally start using and change their life just from the book. And from my perspective, the learning from you, I'm like, this book, I always said, this book has to land with a thud. Like, I'm not doing a lead magnet book. I love lead magnets. Like, nobody's business, but... Like, I'm not transcribing my event.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
I am not using AI. I am unfortunately not using a ghostwriter. I am not doing, like, it has to land with a fund, and it has to still be here 100 years from now for somebody's grandchild to be able to get this if they still need it, and hopefully they won't. But, like, that was kind of how we figured out what the book should be about. And so my goal was that no matter who the reader is,
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
If that reader just thinks of the three pain point kerfuffles in their life right now, whatever it may be, it may be a spouse, it may be your mother, it may be a team member who's causing too much trauma, whatever it is, the solution should be in that book. And that's what we did.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
What's wrong with you? Pull it together. And like I couldn't. And in that breakdown, I felt this surge of love for Paul and also this knowing that he's not wrong. You know, our relationship is crap. And in my mind, I was always like, well, whose is it? Right. But and to be fair, I'm like, you know, I don't know how to do this.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And so for some absolutely insane reason, which I really don't still know to this day, I decided I need another chance to figure this out. I can't go through life being blindsided by relationships that break down. And I hope that it saves us. But even if it doesn't, not to be selfish, but in that moment, I was like, it has to save me. I can't. I just cannot.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Because here, I'm living in my icy tower, closed off from the world, thinking I'm going to protect myself from heartbreak. And the biggest heartbreak of my entire life, I'm like, how do I move forward from today? And so with that almost desperation moment, I decided to dive in and try to figure out everything I could figure out. Luckily, I came from like a personal growth background.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
So the tool is for you listening at home, masculine will only ask for help at the very end. Don't acknowledge it until the very end. But when feminine beings ask for help, they're actually inviting you to be part of of their journey. They're not, they're not at the end. They're at square one. You're at square 15. They're at square one.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
They're like, I'm thinking about facing this for the first time. And I'm going to invite you to support me through that. And literally that's what help means. It's like, I haven't even, how many times have you heard someone feminine say, I don't even know what I think yet. Don't tell me what you think. I haven't even figured out what I think about it.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And that's because she's literally at square one.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Right, because you are autonomous and would have thought through this whole thing, put it in order, deleted what was irrelevant before you vocalized anything. You're on the last square of the Candyland. She's on the first square of the Candyland, and she's like, I don't want to go Candyland by myself, so I'm picking you. Would you help me?
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
That's literally saying, like, get on square one of this journey. Listen to me dump out everything that I think to get my thoughts sorted. Then I will welcome your perspective. And without knowing that, you're like, I thought we were over here. What? What do you mean you haven't even like, and it causes unnecessary kerfuffles and it's not because anybody is the bad guy.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
It was just this not understanding these masculine feminine differences.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And so I'm like, hey, this must be figureoutable. Thank goodness I have that going for me. But everything I picked up, every book, every audio program, back then it was on tape, every speaker I could listen to, Everything I put into place with me and Paul ended up making things worse.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
The bell is in the book. Oh, is it? Yep.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Missingpiecebook.com.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
missingpiecebook.com what should they expect they see there there's links to go buy it yeah you can buy well you buy wherever you want and there's links there and then you can opt in for the book bonuses and get like we made tool cards for the tools in the book like there's a lot of um because that's how we work right there's a lot of experiential to get for helping you actualize it like the chart the chart is in the book bonuses so you can hang out put it on your fridge like i did it'll change everything for you
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And thanks for, like, holding my hand.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
That was a really rough journey.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
But using my personal development approach, I would reverse engineer what wasn't working and try things that would work. And it was just through trial and error that eventually I accidentally figured out that, hey, actually, I could figure out what works. Paul's just wired completely differently than me.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And if I can wrap things that I say in ways that someone with his wiring can understand, oh, my gosh, things that used to be problems aren't problems anymore. And then I'm like, and it only took me. Paul wasn't touching this with the 10-foot pole. Like, so it only took me, and that's how we accidentally discovered it.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And I know Paul was very certain that night, and this changed for him as well in that moment.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Well, right now, according to most studies, first marriages are ending at like 50% divorce rate. The average marriage right now only lasts eight years.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
average so think of how many people you know getting divorced after 15 20 years can you imagine what else is happening to balance so and like second marriages and third and beyond is larger and in our world we had a six year study of our relationship you students and during that six year we had a 1% divorce rate the whole time and our students not only and they're not you know just saving a
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
crappy marriage they're truly rebuilding re-transforming their relationship and saying they themselves are becoming the happiest that they've ever been and it really comes down to not just working on yourself like look we're huge fans of personal development like we're done tons of personal you have like love it love it love it and
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
The missing piece really has been relationship development because personal development, you're becoming the best version of yourself almost in spite of everybody else, regardless of everybody else getting on board. The missing skill set has been this relationship development.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Now, how can I relate to anyone else, regardless of how they're wired, in a way that builds up our relationship instead of breaking it down? That has been this missing piece in our understanding of human dynamics, regardless if it's your team members, your coworkers, your kids, your spouse, your family members, it doesn't matter.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Yeah. So, I mean, the old way that people have done relationship for hundreds of years is what we kind of put into a label of demand relationship. Demand relationship is where you tell other people or someone or something outside of you how things need to change in order for yourself to be happy, peaceful, comfortable, right? So it's like, don't use that tone with me. I don't like that tone.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
Or the backpack can't be there every day. You got to hang up that backpack. And This is literally the pattern of how relationships have worked for a very, very long time, whether it's your parents with you or spouses with each other or teachers with students. It doesn't matter. It's always about telling other people.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And, like, you don't have to look far right now to see people telling other people how they need to think, what they need to feel. And the truth is, we all know by now.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
doesn't work the people don't love it like people really do not love it when you tell people are so sick and tired of being told to think differently to feel differently what you think isn't the right way like there there's so many people on the planet and everybody has their own way of seeing the world and
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
And so when we're constantly in this spiral of telling people what they need to change, it breaks down the relationship. And what Paul and I like to do is kind of show people it's like putting bricks in a wall. And every time there's this unsettled upset or unrest or disagreement between you and another person in a long-term relationship, it's like you put another brick in
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
in the wall between you. And in short-term relationships like that, those things don't matter. But when you stay with the same person for a long time, these bricks start going in the wall. And that's what's happening right now is that when we don't have the skill set to come to a win-win,
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
When we find ourselves in the win-lose or we're compromising, we're pleasing, we're trying to convince other people to see it our way, and we're stuck in this my way or your way tug of war, win-lose, and we don't know what else to do, bricks are going in the wall. And before you know it, in a long-term relationship... You don't even see the other person. You can't feel them anymore.
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
You wonder, do I even love them anymore? I don't even know who we are anymore. And people start to say things, like Paul was saying about the false beliefs, like love just fades over time, or we grew apart, or we're too different, or there's something about... And all of that is not true. But when the brick wall becomes a certain height...
The Russell Brunson Show
Relationship Tools Every Entrepreneur Needs but Nobody Teaches | #Success - Ep. 20
then everything your partner does or says gets filtered by or flavored by this brick wall. And you're not really seeing them. You're seeing all the pains lighting up in the brick wall every time you try to interact with them. And when people don't have the skills to take the bricks out, that's what's happening right now.