Stefanie O'Connell

As soon as women's either financial means or status surpassed that of the man they were dating or seeing, suddenly these negative responses started to show up.

Thank you for having me.

So I had been writing about women in the workplace managing their money for a really long time.

And what I saw covering personal finance was that women could do all of the quote unquote right things and follow all of the correct steps and still not get the same outcomes as their male peers.

And so it struck me that there was this disconnect between the advice women were getting and the outcomes they were receiving.

And as I started to report on how the very same ambition that men could implement to get ahead at work, to access higher pay, to get more opportunity.

how that same ambition was weaponized against women, used to label them too difficult, too hard to work with, not a good fit, not a team player, and ways that held back their opportunity and their pay and their advancement.

I started to see that this was not just a workplace phenomenon.

This was a world phenomenon.

something women were experiencing well beyond the workplace, in their homes, in their communities, among their families, in ways that really puts pressure constantly on women to want less, to shrink, to contain their ambition, rather than have it celebrated, supported, and rewarded.

Yes.

So this story specifically where women who are homeowners were going on dates with men and finding that these men would suddenly either shut down and withdraw from the conversation or kind of get aggressive and really a little bit combative and hostile as soon as the men found out that the women owned their homes.

And it came about because I was interviewing women for my book and I was researching the way ambition was being weaponized against women in their home lives, in their dating lives, and how that really stuck with them.

And in these interviews, it wasn't just about becoming a property owner that triggered this kind of withdrawal or hostility against them.

It was really kind of any metric of traditional success, whether it was income, whether it was job status, whether it was something like owning a home, a major financial milestone.

As soon as women's either financial means or status, quote unquote, surpassed that of the man they were dating or seeing or trying to date.

Suddenly, these negative responses started to show up in that environment.

And in this piece, I spoke to women who had men say things like, well, I guess if you're going to buy a house, what am I supposed to do for you?

What's a guy supposed to do for you?

Well, good luck finding someone else when you're just Little Miss Independent.