Stefanie O'Connell

Well, then that's not a me problem, that's a you problem.

I think it's a crisis.

I think the state of heterosexual relationships have probably always been in crisis in ways that we never reckoned with because of what I said before about how much of economic dependence by design really was something that forced women into trade-offs that we just would never expect of men.

And I don't think we have ever really had a moment where we, as much as we might recognize it in theory, but in practice to reckon with how much those relationships were inequitable is not something that I think we've really come to terms with.

The amount of sacrifice that women have been expected to make and continue to be expected to make.

I've talked about in my book, just like the level of household inequality in heterosexual relationships is huge.

astounding just how little that has changed over decades and decades, even as women have increased their workforce participation, outpace men in markers of wealth, status and income.

Even when women earn more than their male peers, they're still carrying so much more of the unpaid household labor, of the child care.

so much more of the sacrifices in ways that really hurt women's well-being.

And so I think what we're kind of coming to terms with now is how little has changed in terms of the expectations put upon men in relationships and how they show up, even as women are now carrying both the paid labor and all of the unpaid labor that they did in the past.

In fact,

time use status shows that women, again, even when they outpace their male peers on income, are spending more time than their mothers did in childcare.

And so we are seeing just enormous pressures on women in ways that I think really reveal just how broken heterosexual relationships are today.

And so I think

People who are dating, especially younger women who might be seeing women who are my age and midlife kind of in the trenches of having young children, being in their mid-career, really struggling through these things.

They're looking at this and saying, if that's what it takes, I don't want it.

And I think they're right.

i just want to say i empathize so so much like that's a really real struggle and i know how how how much it's painful i spoke to so many women who are in the same position but i do think she's on the right track with building a life she loves with people she loves anyway in other forms

I think we have valorized heterosexual romantic partnership in ways that it is the pinnacle of love, of family.

But family is many things.