Stephanie Moss

I'm going to say about maybe 15 years ago, I got introduced to a different way, a different mentality, if you will, thought process of working with conversation resistance. And that's what I want to share today. The second part of today is going to focus on not the how we handle this, but rather when do we handle this?

We here at Thinking Ahead have been using this pretty religiously, and it's made a significant impact, not only in the quality of the work that we do and how we serve others, but I think it's also really helped us have a healthier mindset when it comes to conversation resistance. So let's dive in. First and foremost, you've got to get in the right mentality.

When it comes to handling conversation resistance, what we have to understand is this is really an opportunity for us to put others at ease, put our listening caps on and be sophisticated enough to navigate a conversation in a way that is productive.

let me take the mystery out of all of this first and foremost you have probably heard me say good recruiters are good listeners great recruiters are phenomenal listeners and this is one of the first opportunities we have to really show what incredible listeners that we can be this is often where trust and true rapport not hey how's the weather how are the kids but very sincere rapport can be built

And that is when we come up against conversational resistance, how we handle it. And the key is handling it through the science of listening. There are five points to being a phenomenal listener when it comes to handling conversation resistance. It spells out the acronym CONVERSATION. Laces. L-A-C-E-S. I'm going to break it down and then we'll give some real world examples. Laces is listen.

I cannot emphasize that enough. Listen, listen, listen. And understand what we are listening for. is not just what people say, but we understand people tend to speak in half sentences. And we are often, especially as recruiters, you know, I love us, but it's true.

We are often so anxious to talk or to communicate what's rattling around in our brain that when people get the first half of a sentence out, we immediately jump in. And where a great recruiter shines is they allow for a pause to see if the person who's speaking will jump in with the back half of their statement. Second part of LACES is acknowledge. This is also like validation.

Third part is the C and that's clarify. E is expand and S is seek agreement. This is a little bit counterintuitive to a natural way of listening. So we are going to have to practice this for it to become natural to us, intuitive to us. I strongly encourage you to write out a script that you can follow along until it becomes old hat, second nature.

So let's go back and start again at this listening. Again, the idea here, good recruiters are good listeners. Great recruiters are phenomenal listeners. We're listening for the back half of what people say. We're listening for what people don't say. And a couple of thoughts on the art, if you will, of listening is being able. patient listener.

Again, we as recruiters love to jump in and start talking and start sharing. And especially if you came from that old school mentality where you jump in and want to immediately annihilate a quote unquote objection, or as soon as you hear resistance, you want to squash it. Instead, I want to strongly encourage you to give it space, to let it fit.

I'm a big fan of hitting the mute button so that you have to bring a ton of intention and consciousness before you start speaking. Or even better, you start speaking, but you're on mute so they don't hear you. So then they start speaking again. Patient listening just needs to be practiced with discipline. And my favorite way to do that is through the mute button.

Once we listen, then we want to acknowledge. And this is where we really are validating what we think we heard and validating to the speaker that we are really trying to hear them. Easy things are when you're in the midst of conversation. Hey, John, I really appreciate a couple of things that you just shared with me.

I have some questions, but before we move on, can I just repeat back what I think I heard? And please correct me if I'm wrong or if I missed something or if I'm not quite getting it. What I think I just heard you say was dot, dot, dot. And then you repeat back. Now, you may repeat back in summary, but that's certainly fine. And you repeat it back. And one of two things is going to happen.

You're going to hear John go, yeah, yeah, that's exactly what I'm trying to say. Or he's going to say, well, I'm not sure. And then he's going to keep talking and he is going to naturally move us into the next step, which is the clarifying step. Now, if he goes, yes, thank you. That's exactly what I'm trying to say. You go, awesome. Okay, I just wanted to make sure we're tracking.

And then you guide into clarify. And a way that you do that is phrases such as, hey, now that I think I understand, let me ask you a couple clarifying questions. Or can you tell me more about this? Or you mentioned the commute could be an issue with this opportunity. Can you tell me more about that? Or if you're in a business development call,

Hey, you mentioned that you might have a need for your team in the next six months, but you weren't sure you were going to need a search firm to help fill that. Help me understand what's happening. Where's your bench strength coming from? Walk me through that. Or, you know, hey, you've been super successful hiring on your own their last couple of hires. Clarify. Help me understand.

What's your secret sauce in this incredible talent race? We are hearing folks are really struggling. What are you doing well? Help me understand. And clarifying what you're hearing, things like, help me understand, can you tell me more about that, etc. And again, keep in mind, this is when we hear objections, resistance, etc. So then we want them to put a little bit more meat on the bone for us.

Then we can come in and expand the conversation further. Expansion can look like, hey, John, so again, if I'm hearing you right, you might have some talent needs down the road.

However, your system to recruit on your own, work through internal referrals, work through your internal talent acquisition team has really provided you with the level of talent that you've needed to fill your back couple positions, right? And they go, yes. They go, question, if that wouldn't work, What would you do? Or if that wasn't working, what would that look like?

And you just try to expand and you're not necessarily providing solutions, but you're asking them to guide the conversation on what's a plan B and how would they come up with a solution to their problem? Same thing if you're in a recruiting mode. Hey, the commute would be an issue.