Stephen Collar

speaker

310 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Jan 2025 last heard Jan 2025

Stephen Collar’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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The Home Service Expert Podcast · Achieving 500% Productivity Through Flow States · 10 Jan 2025 podcast

So a lot of people won't be like, okay, have discussion with my wife about what to do about my son's drinking problem isn't going to go on most people's clear goals list. but it's got to, because it's going to take a mass, that's a fricking hard conversation. It's going to take a ton of energy, right? So like working out needs to go on your goal list. Why?

Because it's going to take a bunch of energy, right? And this, you're just, it's energy management we're doing with this thing, right? It's focus and energy management. And then the most important thing is once you figured out, oh, I can do nine things in a day and be excellent at them. Once you've done those nine things, you've won your day. Now it's time to shut it down and recover, right?

You have to be able to tell your brain, okay, you've done enough. This is a win. You pulled it off. Now turn off. Now recover. Let me calm down my nervous system. Let me have this active recovery protocol. Let me be able to sleep at night. Take your mind off this stuff. And one of the reasons that's so important is... The brain has a built-in pattern recognition system.

So you do a lot of problem solving once you can get your conscious mind off the problem and let your subconscious chew on stuff. That's why, you know, if you're, one of the reasons I'm such an extreme lark is like, I always tell people like, I'm not the guy, if you're having a crisis and you need like somebody to come into the room and solve that problem right there, then I'm not the guy.

If you can wait a night,

You've got to keep your word to yourself, most importantly. I think keeping your word to me would be walking away from the neighbor and being like, fuck you. You know what I mean? I don't cut grass anymore. I fix garage doors. I'm better than, you know what I mean? That's breaking your word.

You're sort of renegotiating and trying to fulfill on your promise and take care of the person, but you're just trying to re-strategize. How are you doing?

Yeah, that's a different, I'm thinking about that differently.

logistically digest it all and we're both we're all curious the only reason I've been the only reason I'm not as screwed on that one as other people is because I came up as a book writer and books are like they're you know in the beginning I mean now I can write a book in a year but in the beginning it was three four five six these were you know projects and this was all what I could do like six seven hours a day so there was a limited amount of time and it sort of taught me one of the things I think of and who don't think about it this way but

Think about like, how do we define our lives? Like what are the defining things we make? our lives are much more defined by what we say no to than what we say yes to, right? We say yes to very few things. You're going to say yes to like how many partners over the course of a lifetime. You know what I mean? Like there are not a lot of yeses compared to the amount of no's.

You're saying you walk into a bookstore, you're saying no to most of the books. You're going to walk out with two or three books, right? You go see a movie, you're saying no to 30 movies. You're saying yes to to one of them, we're defined by our no's way more than our yeses. So I just think about it that way a lot, which sort of like makes no a little more empowering.

It doesn't like sort of like I'm a people pleaser too, right? I grew up in a, you know, it was scary at home. It was scary at school. And so like the first thing I want to do is make sure you're happy, you're okay. So you're not going to kick my teeth in. Cause I'm not a particularly big guy and I don't like losing fights.

Yeah. I mean, like this is a hard one, but I have found, I'll give a Joe example. So I'll just give a marketing sample. So I wrote three cult classics in three different genres before I had a bestseller. And I, the first bestseller I had was abundance, which I co-wrote with Peter.

Now, most people don't ever manage to write one cult classic in their lifetime, let alone three in three different areas, which sounds really fancy. What it tells you is I couldn't fucking find the mainstream with two hands and a flashlight. Like, where are people? I couldn't do it. I couldn't figure out where are. I'm a weird dude.

So like I can write these little sliver for super niche books for like, like these people over here, these people over here. But I had to partner with Peter. He was like, no, no, the mainstream is over here. We're going to write abundance for everybody. It's wide. I didn't know how to do that. Nor did I know how to market it. So when I partnered with Peter, Peter partnered with Joe.

at this was 10 years ago 12 years ago when you were doing a lot more fear-based stuff that i was morally and ethically joel tell you this like we butted heads we liked each other we were but we butted heads a lot we first made each other because i had all kinds of ethical qualms moral qualms and i had standards it's got to be and one of the things that i learned but what i decided with abundance was i don't know what the i'm doing these guys clearly do

So I'm going to watch Peter and Joe and everybody else sell the hell out of this book. I'm going to figure out exactly what they're doing. And then I'm going to make it my own and do it my own way, which is exactly what I did. And my next book was rises man and all the things without all that stuff.

But I had to go through a period where I was like the stuff that was out there that was representing me. I wasn't comfortable with any of it for really for a while, but I needed to go through that period to sort of like, This is what's okay. This is what's not okay. This is the same thing with delegation.

You have to, most people don't realize, and I guess if you do this public speaking a lot, you know, you guys both know this. As long as your mouth keeps moving, like you could stop making sense for a good like three, four minutes. But as long as your mouth keeps moving, you look like you know what you're talking about. 95% of the people are not going to even notice.

I'm not telling you to do this, but you could literally stand on a stage and start going from English to like, most people aren't going to notice as long as you present it as if you, right? Nobody is paying as much attention as you are. And you start to realize that there's certain things where 100% quality, you know what I mean?

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