Steve Arnott
speaker
315 appearances
2 recordings
1 series
first heard Sep 2024
last heard Sep 2024
Steve Arnott’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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And that's it. Maybe they're a sex worker and they see you and they're like, hello, sailor. That's flirting and that is romance in RPGs. And I think understanding where different types of interactions fall on that spectrum and understanding... people's comfort levels on that spectrum is a really important part of it.
And you have to be able to kind of vibe check as well, because someone might not be able to articulate where they fall on that spectrum.
Exactly. So you've got to, whether you're the GM or you're the person that's involved in that, you need to... be able to kind of keep an eye on the situation and see how it's evolving, see how comfortable the other person is. And the beautiful thing about romance in TTRPGs versus romance in real life is that it's not weird to then afterward just be like, so how did you feel about that?
You can have a really transparent conversation. Is that weird to do in real life? It shouldn't be, Jess. It shouldn't be. But sometimes people feel a little bit weird doing that.
It is, but also you want to, again, you want to make sure that you're not using it as a gateway in an exploitative way. That, you know, if you're easing your way up that spectrum, that everyone that's involved, not just... the DM, not just the PCs involved, but also every other character that's there, their players are all comfortable with what's happening. Like Jess said, it's like horror.
One person might be really, really uncomfortable with cannibalism. in horror, that's now a no-no for the whole table. And similarly, there might be people at your table that are uncomfortable with certain types of romance interactions, regardless of who they're happening with. There might be some people who are only uncomfortable with that happening with their characters.
In the campaign that I'm running at the moment, the Lines and Veils spreadsheet that I created, and I've got a survey that goes along with it that I actually make my players retake every six months, it incorporates that. So it really, really details all of the possible types of romance interactions. I mean, I'm never going to personally run anything explicit in my games.
You might have DMs that are open to that, but I think that's going to be the exception.
over the line for me i wouldn't do that it'll be over the line for me and that's you know what i do for a living is write romance novels but yeah it's different when you're kind of acting it out with a person i would say like the level of detail that i go to tends to be you know um first of all you separate it into pc on pc or pc on npc because those are two very different
dynamics at the table um and then within that you've got to break it down to what are the actual things that you're comfortable with the flirtation are you comfortable with that the stating of we did x we
slept together last night or we kissed or whatever is happening there or are you comfortable with people having to roll performance checks to see how well that particular activity went or acrobatics checks you know that kind of thing it's you've got to be really specific and I think that for a lot of people it feels over the top to be that specific especially if there's no intention for the campaign to go in that direction
But because a lot of these things evolve organically, it's really easy if you don't have those things defined to let it get away from you. And for a couple of people in the spirit of a joke to be like, oh, well, you know, we went to bed together last night. Roll a performance check to see how well you did. I'm going to roll a deception check to see if you realize something.
It gets to be a bit much. And if there's someone at the table who's uncomfortable with that, then you're putting them in a really bad position. And so being really explicit from the beginning and then also making sure that people are revisiting those things over time as the story goes on.
And especially if you see those stories starting to develop at your table, making people reiterate their positions on things and reevaluate them, that's a way to keep everybody safe and make sure everyone's having a good time.
And I would also say don't be afraid for people that are running games where maybe PCs do want to interact in that way. Don't be afraid to take certain things off of the overall table if that feels right. So, for example, if two characters really want to RP going on a date and the rest of your table is like, we want nothing to do with this. Yeah. Let those two people RP going on a date.
Like, just do it with just the two of them. And, you know, be willing to be flexible to make sure that everyone at your table is having fun. But the priority is that everyone is having fun and that no one is uncomfortable because of someone else's idea of fun.
I'd love to say yes. I don't think you can avoid falling into that trap if that's just the vibe that your group has. I'm going to be honest, me and my friends act like 12-year-old boys sometimes. We'll be in the middle of a very heartfelt RP scene, and one of us will just say something really... snide to the side and it's hilarious, but then we're right back into it.
So I think sometimes that happens. I think the important thing is, is that vibe feeling right for everyone? And again, it's your responsibility as either the GM or as one of the people involved in that to make sure that everybody else at the table is comfortable with that.
So like I said in my Candela game where I'm heavily involved in a romance arc, I will regularly check in with other people who are playing in that game and say, how did you feel about that? I'm making sure that we're not taking up too much time at the table with romance RP when there's actual missions that we need to go on, that kind of thing.
And it might feel stilted as a conversation topic for people that don't often talk about those kinds of things, but... It's a worthwhile thing to do and people will get more comfortable talking about it over time.
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