Steve Byrne

with the leaf blowers spread their toxic plume with impunity.

I'm not an internist.

Damoshek's dad is, right?

But even I can figure out that smoke from a Marlboro ultralight two lifeguard stations away possesses no health risk.

But the vacuum bag full of weed killer and vulcanized rubber I inhale annually because of these asswipes is more dangerous than working in a coal mine.

Settle down, Dawson.

It's not killing the kind of weed.

It's a different thing entirely.

Chill out, man.

I grew up thinking by 2010 we'd all have jetpacks.

So far, all we have is Mexicans with lawnmower engines strapped to their asses.

Now, dear leaf blower sympathizer slash asshole, because I like to speak to my critics.

I know what you're thinking right now.

If these guys had to put down their leaf blowers and pick up a rake, it would take them an extra hour to do your yard.

And who's going to pay for that hour?

Answer, anyone who wants a gardener.

And I think that's good enough for now.

That's it.

Why not?

Why do we put up with this shit?