Steve Byrne

And they're both pinned up against, one's holding the right door, the other's holding the left door, pushed up while it's in its pocket, just leaning there going, we were waiting for dad.

And I'm like, this is a fucking, this is out of a movie, right?

Somebody, the shit gods decided that my key couldn't work.

And then two fucking white trash kids with a star, the Texas star shaved in their head are going to pinch the doors open.

Like, my ass cheeks were flying open at this time.

And I was like, at least...

I mean, to be fair to them, I said, look, if your dad's not coming, you got to let the door go.

And they're like, OK, mister.

And they just let it go.

I just went back, went back down and got my key card and hustled the hell back up the back up the room.

But it was a weird thing.

Like when when has two kids ever pinned both doors open with stars in their stars in their head with for someone who never materialized?

Also, oh.

Daddy's coming, I promise.

Dear God, I got to tell you this.

Somebody tweeted me something today, and I thought it was very profound, and I'm going to modify it a little bit, but it was something to the extent of,

25 year old security guards will do nothing for you.

And 50 year old security guards will never stop doing things for you.

And I've noticed that as I travel from theater to theater.

And then I realized, Oh yeah, we've ruined all the 25 year olds and they're all narcissistic pieces of shit.