Steve Carell
Appearances
Office Ladies
Peacock Superfan Episode: Hot Girl
Toby's divorced. God, that's hard. That really ripped you up. She got the kids, right? That'll damage you. Sorry, man. That's a rather bad one. How much are you paying her? You can't even afford anything now, right? You're all right, though, right? Don't ask me for a raise. Oh, a cup of soup's a good idea, though. That'll... That's a good budgetary thing to do. Well, they're good snacks.
Office Ladies
Peacock Superfan Episode: Hot Girl
They're good food. Good meals. Good lunch. Ramen noodles are good, too. You still sleeping in the car? No. Because he slept in the car a couple times. Are you still taking the antidepressants? This is a good idea. I said it'll help. It'll help, man.
Office Ladies
Peacock Superfan Episode: Hot Girl
I'll see you in a bit. She's pretty cute, isn't she? See you in a bit.
Office Ladies
Peacock Superfan Episode: Hot Girl
Why do women find Michael Scott attractive? Why do women appeal to Michael Scott? I guess because I'm an authority figure, because I have a lot of power. Women are attracted to that. That's appealing to women. I think I'm a little bit of a bad boy. They're a little mystery to me. I don't just lay it all out there. You know, you have to hold something back. I don't think I'm too shabby to look at.
Office Ladies
Peacock Superfan Episode: Hot Girl
I wouldn't kick me out of bed for eating crackers. But I think my comedy really is the topper. That's the way to get in, you know? I think that's really what... What's the saying? Once they're laughing, that's 50% of them being horizontal. So not that I'm just, not that that's my, that's what I'm trying to do, but I think it helps. It kind of melts the ice. Breaks the ice.
Office Ladies
Peacock Superfan Episode: Hot Girl
I should never have let the temp touch this thing. I had all these great icons, and now I have four folders. So it's actually better this way. No, it's not because I could just click on the icon and then I'm on to something.
Office Ladies
Peacock Superfan Episode: Hot Girl
I think in order to be a ladies' man... It's imperative that people don't know you're a ladies' man. So I kind of play that close to the chest.
Office Ladies
Peacock Superfan Episode: Hot Girl
I mean, it's not like I'm showing off. Ryan, what did you do to my computer? I'm supposed to have maps, right? But, uh... Where? They see me as a big, powerful businessman here. Kind of swaggers around a little bit. It's really not even fair. I don't know. What can I say? Women are attracted to power. And I think other people have told me I have a very symmetrical face. I don't know. I don't know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
What's the weather like up your own ass? Tonight's topic, should medical marijuana be legalized? Yes. No. Yes! Yes!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
Far out, Steve. Groovy point, man. You're blowing my mind. Face it. You and your Dr. Dopes are just hiding behind Grandma's oxygen tent. The real reason you're pushing pro-pot legislation is so you can suck on a tie stick and watch the walls begin to pulse and breathe.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
And now that you've duped a few misguided state legislatures, I'm sure we can all look forward to you coming down with a convenient case of glaucoma real soon.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
You love ganja and the exhilarating rush of freedom and the heightened textural sensations it gives you. Whereas I wouldn't know where to start looking for a dime bag, I'm sure you've got great connections. So let me in on the dirty little secret, Steve. Where do you get your pot?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
Don't change the subject, Steve. You know exactly where I can get my hands on some really deep chronic, don't you? Let's get back to my wife-swapping metaphor.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
Would that idea appeal to you? I don't know, Steve. Would we be high? I don't know. Would you bring the dope? Steve, you're not listening to my argument. My argument is that if, for instance, I tried to buy pot, I couldn't get any, but I think you could get me some.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
Clear as crystal, Steve, but let me see if I can just recap your really twisted argument. You're saying that if we were to enter into some bizarre love quadrangle, you'd be supplying the weed. Yes. Okay, that sounds perfect. Great. I'm Stephen Colbert.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
Even Stephen. Should we bring anything? Yeah, a bottle of wine would be nice.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Well, there are so many, but I'd say one picture I'll never get out of my mind was that of the Macedonian tank columns rolling into Tedavo. devouring everything beneath their ravenous steel treads and reducing this once great civilization to a nightmarish hellscape of unspeakable anguish.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Are you kidding? We're going to miss it for the world. When Julia won, I was crying. I mean, I started crying because of an atrocity I saw perpetrated on a busload of refugees, but I saved a few tears for Julia. She earned them.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
I sure will. Oh, do me a favor. Will you tell my wife that I love her, you know, just in case?