Suave (David Luis Suave Gonzalez)
Appearances
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
There's really nothing to understand. I think that's the problem. You're trying to understand too much. There's nothing there to understand. I think so.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
I don't feel that I need to seek for help or advice from Maria all the time. I can do shit on my own. I can handle shit on my own. Serious. I don't need to share all my problems with Maria or with anybody else. That's not what I do. I process and deal with that shit on my own. Whether the results are good or bad. That's how it is.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
Maria, I like to say that she's not a mother figure. But she come across as a mother figure sometimes. Sometimes you say shit that you don't want to hear. They are truth. But you're like, oh, I want to hear this shit right now. Can't tell her that. So what you do? I call her later on. Because I know when I call her later on, she's probably going to be in a meeting or something.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
And she's going to say, I can't talk to you right now. I only got five minutes. I know that. So, yeah, but sometimes I don't want to hear it. Several times you mentioned, oh, you got other people. I don't trust other people. Can we be associates? Yeah, why not? But you're not in my trust circle. That's where it's at. Maria feels some way I respect. I got it. I understand.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
I got to do better with that. I really got to do better with that because I do tend to shut down from everybody and hide out.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
People forget, man, I'm just getting out that bubble, that prison bubble that I was in for decades. And within that bubble is that one thing a lot of people in the prison fear. They forgot about me. Nobody knows me. Nobody answered my phone calls. Nobody, you know, that's something that I carry with me all the time. Like when in reality, it might not even be that way.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
When it comes to friends, I don't even know what that is. Because I come from a place where there is no friends.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
First of all, I can't describe it because I don't know what friendship is. I really don't. I have a lot of people that I associate with, but when it comes to friends, I don't even know what that is because I come from a place where there is no friends.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
What I will say is that I do have people that I carry in my heart. And I don't consider that friend.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
I learned how to not take shit personal. I'm learning how to be a person in relationship, how to deal with relationship, how they really are in the real world. I like conflict. And when you bring that conflict into relationship, It's dangerous because you might miss out on something that could be good for you. It's just that I choose to hold on to that trauma for safety reasons.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
I'm tired of running. I'm tired of running. It's too costly. It's too costly. I mean, because when you run... The problem with running is that you want to run into another problem. You're not running into a solution. You're running into somebody that just want to fuck with you for a couple of weeks and, you know, whatever. Now you're back with your boo and you got a problem with this here.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
Now you got to deal with this. You know, I ain't got time for that, man. I really don't. I really don't.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
I think I got a good life, good relationship. Lucero, what's up? When you gonna ask me to marry you, mama?
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
Yeah, it could be, listen, it could be the candy ones. A ring pop? A ring pop, it could be that.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
There was hundreds, if not thousands of people in the DOC that he showed how to read and write, and I was one of them. You know, he always found a way, from every location in the jail, he always found a way to come to me. And now he's 90, and he still had that hope that I'm fighting, I'm trying to go home.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
Someone that's been in prison for decades It's going to take a long time to gain that trust. Because in the back of my mind, always going to be, if I ever get locked up, will you stick by me?
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
Take full responsibility for my action. I checked that one out. Find me a good woman to marry her. I haven't done that yet.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
I could have sex with a prison guard anytime I want and get away with it. It's exciting that you could have someone behind a soda machine in the visiting room and have some intercourse with them and don't get caught. I came home with the prison visiting room mentality. It was about, yeah, I just want to smash.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
And then you go after the woman that just want to be with dudes that come home from prison. Unfortunately, that's a whole lot of them. How much time you did? Oh, 31 years. You coming home with me tonight? Because in their head, it's some sexual fantasy shit going on. I just want some fun. And boom, that's not the way it goes in real life out here.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
Ladies want too much. They want you to call them when you get to work. What are you doing? When are you coming home? And that's what relationships and commitment feels like. That feels too much like prison to me. Being in a relationship is giving up part of your freedom. Am I willing to give my freedom up again because I'm searching for love? Man, fuck love.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
I like conflict. That comes from me being in prison, being ready for whatever. And when you bring that conflict into relationship, it's dangerous because you might miss out on something that could be good for you, but you just got this thing going on in your head that you don't want to hear it.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
Well, I hope so. I've been in the trauma unit for a while. A day and a half now.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
They put me under this machine, and I felt like I was being strapped down.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
So Maria called me like 7 o'clock in the morning. I didn't answer at first. She kept calling and calling and calling and calling. I was like, oh my God. Like she wouldn't stop calling. Let me talk to a doctor. I want to talk to the doctor. I'm like, there's no doctor here. That's too much. That is too much. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but that's too much.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
They're the fucking same way. Are you being nice to the nurses? You got to be nice. Make sure you say this. Don't say it this way. I'm like, yo, yo, stop. Like, I told you before to go to the hospital. Why didn't you listen? Oh, my God. I'm like, oh, my God, stop. I was like, man, listen, go to bed. You're more stressed out than I am.
Suave
Someone's Hand to Hold - Ep. 3
I'm really, really focused on what it is that I'm doing and the mission.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
Maria asked me this morning, why am I? What's up with the diet? I don't know if you noticed, my clothes is going down. I've been doing this for the last month now.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
Orchard Beach is no ghetto for me. They say, you know, it's a little bit over there.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
For the last month, you know, I've been reluctant to, like, tell Maria, like, yo, I'm going through this. I already went through the process, doctor, all that shit.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
I think this is what we set out to do. To give a life. And you know, it's long overdue.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
Sometimes people come home from prison, we got resentment because we wasn't living up to the status quo in the prison system. We didn't have the big bag of commissary. We didn't have the color TV. And because our families didn't send us the money, so we resent that. Without understanding that there was out here living fucked up too. I don't come from a rich family.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
There was out here struggling, still struggling. I wouldn't want nobody coming home saying, you didn't send me a dollar. I hate you for it. You know, like, bro, I forgot. I forgot your number. Or I had a family. I got to take care of the family first. Like, we don't want to hear that because in prison we live in a bubble, right? Right?
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
And that bubble don't consist of me knowing that if that person got a job, if that person is sick, if that person have $10 to send me. Oh, for them $10 that person is sending me, what bill is not getting paid? Right?
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
I can't travel without permission. I can't move from one house to another house without asking permission.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
Being in a relationship is giving up part of your freedom. Am I willing to give my freedom up again because I'm searching for love? Man, fuck love, if it comes to that.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
I feel guilty that I left a lot of good men and women behind that deserved the same opportunities that I'm getting. And sometimes I feel like, dang, why can't it just be all of us?
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
He was having a mental breakdown. That's exactly what it was. Like, I was triggered to that point where it's like, man, I'm fucking you up. I'm going to go to jail. But I'm fucking you up.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
We all got demons, Maria. Like, we all got demons. And them demons is what kept me alive in prison. But I'll tell you this, it's like, I try not to bring that person out, suppress, the person is suppressed, where I gotta harm somebody to protect myself. That person is still there. For years, we say, oh, you rehabilitated. Still the same people, we just make better decisions today.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
Orchard Beach was the spot, Section 4. That's where my mom used to go sell bacalaito, pinchos, pastelillos, beer. That's where they did all the dance-offs. That's where the DJs came to do the music. That was like the hustle.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
It's my first time here, like, in 45 years. When I came here, I was a little kid. When I came here, I was, like, seven, right? Like, seven, eight. When my dad brought me here. Yeah, yeah.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
Nope. I'm living day by day. That's it. Just to stay alive. I'm not putting that pressure on me no more. Like writing and looking at a list, like I gotta do this. Cause if I don't do this, I'm gonna feel like I failed. I'm not doing that. Nope. I'm at peace with myself. If I'm at peace with myself, everybody around me is safe. I know it's hard for people to get it like
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
What's important to me now is to get up in the morning, make sure I do what I said I was going to do, which is give my sister a kidney. So that requires me to leave all that other shit behind and focus on one thing, which is getting up and staying healthy. Staying alive.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
Fulfill my duties. That ain't got nothing to do with me. All right, cool, peace. That's it. Peace. I'm not doing this to, you got to come back and love me. I'm not doing that shit for that.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
Maria and Suave walk down the subway steps on the corner of 125th Street in Harlem.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
I am not happy. I'm glad I'm home. But if you say describe happy, I should be able to describe happy. And I can't. I can't describe it because I'm not happy.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
It's not all. It's not a bouquet of roses. It's not. A lot of people think that freedom is you get out and you're free. You shouldn't complain about nothing. I went from one prison to another prison. What I learned from freedom is that it comes with a big price tag. You know, there's been time when I was like, shit. Shit.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
I wish I was back in prison because I didn't have to deal with none of this shit. Prison, I was free. It was locked up, but I was mentally, I was free because I was like, I had to deal with this, this, that, that, that, that, that. At one time, I defined freedom as I could go here, I could travel there, I could buy this, and I could buy that. That's not fucking freedom.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
That's just you going out and spending your fucking money in shit that don't matter. That's what that is. Freedom to me is where I could honestly just look you in the eyes and say, you know what? I had a great time. Like, I didn't have to hit gunshots. I didn't have to hit none of that shit. Right? I sold deer. I was free for that moment.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
It looked the same. Hamble quartz. I know how to get here. I ain't been here that long, but it don't change. Don't change. I can see my mother's table right there. My mom used to always park right here. Because we used to get here like six o'clock in the morning. Under this tree right here, this tree is two there. And we used to park there, put everything there, because it just blocked the sun.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
And my mom used to put a table right here, and with her little grill selling patelillos, all that stuff. This is it.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
You know, I never was a believer like the rest of my family, where they embody that stuff. To me, it was like, okay, if it works, it works. If it don't, psst. The rest of my family embody that. They live by them codes. You know, and that was like a highlight of a conversation or a prison visit. We got to take a picture. So every visit was like a new picture for the offering.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
Oh, that's exactly what it is. You get your hopes up, then it don't work. But did I believe in it? No, I really didn't. But do it works? Apparently it does.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
I can live in nature. Living in nature is like being in solitary confinement. You hear shit that nobody else hears.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
It's a good spot. I would definitely come back and walk around it. I'm just not prepared to be in this water here. This water contains some of my photos, part of it. I might be stepping on myself.
Suave
Patience - Ep. 7
Still friends. We're just not officially recording for a project. Still friends. I'm pretty sure Maria still got that little recorder she carried in her wallet. You know, that... Hold on, let me put the recorder on. It's just not the pressure of, we got a deadline, we got to do this. It's not that. It's just, let's record. It's almost like at the beginning. He's just recording.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
We go through the door, and you, like, in this space... High Stage, Spaceship, Smoke, DJ. It was like going into an OutKast Rack video. For real, it was like being in a video. But then the crowd, the energy. It's like, whoa. I met my friend's friend. He's like, what's up, bro? You good? You with me? But I see the buzz in his waistline, like, I'm like, shit, everybody in here has a gun.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Shit. Another day in this world. Five o'clock in the morning. Just getting up. Bella. Bella, I'm going to whip your ass, Bella.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
If somebody bump into me, I got to be the one to bitch up and be like, oh, my bad. You know, because I'm probably the only one there not packing. You get loud with somebody in Atlanta, you might get shot. Seriously. So I'm like, no, I'm cool. I'm out. I don't like being in them places where I feel defenseless.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Something jump off, dude. What was you even doing in that room?
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
You know, I'm not hanging with little Ray Ray and Rahim from down the block. I'm not. Now, when I came home, I wanted that. I wanted that 17 year old life. I wanted what I missed when I went to jail. Minus standing in the corner. But I like I like that shit. I like that smoke. I like I like that urban excitement where I could be in the corner and hit gunshots. But I'm not involved with it.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Somebody might say, well, that's a dangerous game. They could violate you. Truth. Those are the consequences that come with you making certain actions, man. So I do a lot of stuff that I'm not supposed to do only because I want to feel human.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Man, Bella just snuck in the bed and tucked in under my arms when I was sleeping, got hair all over my black sheets.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
This dude was like my brother. I got him a job. He told me straight up, I'm not going to work for them. No, you know, they're not paying me enough. And, you know, I left the conversation there because the guy was like my brother, right?
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
But then I'm thinking, like, he had no restrictions. He had no parole. So he free to go anywhere he want to go. That's dangerous. Know why it's dangerous? Because he could say, I don't want to work no way.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
See, but I keep telling you, I'm institutionalized. And what I mean by institutionalized, I do things in patterns, A, B, C. I can't do things with A and then C because I'm like, what happened to B? What was B? What I was supposed to do in B? That's because I'm institutionalized. When you're not on parole, you can say,
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
I'm going to sleep all day, and then tomorrow, I'm going to go ahead and smoke some weed. I can't do that shit.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Yeah, I probably would have been in a fucked up predicament because I like to do fucked up shit.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
I'll get her these little outfits. I think it's so cute. I don't think Bella understands she's a girl. So I'll put pink on her to let her know, like, look at yourself in the mirror. You are a girl, Bella.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
I wouldn't say safer. I say it's more structured. That's fair to say. I gotta have structure. I can't be like free to go, just do what you see, what you think is best. It's not gonna work. It won't work for me. Because I know, and I really, I hate to say this on tape, man, but it's the truth. Like I know that if I didn't have that safety net up the rope, I don't know.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
I'll probably be in some other shit, man, because I'm real emotional and I like to act on those emotions. And I realize that. Nobody got to tell me that. So it's like a balance. It's like a balance. Like, we're keeping you safe, bro.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
When it comes to friends, I don't even know what that is. I come from a place where there is no friends.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
No, no, I know. Because later on, they throw it in your face.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
He calls his apartment... A high-class prison cell. I don't need a whole lot. It's better than a house for me.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Sometimes, and you know, I don't even tell people this, but sometimes I just take a sheet or quilt, put it on the floor and lay on the floor.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
In prison, you got to get up and the guard walk around and make sure you're physically there. They blow a bullhorn like 10 minutes before they come around. Count time, count time. That's what they would yell every morning. At home, it's almost the same thing. I get up, Bella and me are on time together.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Well, I appreciate the cannabis, right? But also I just want to make you aware and the whole team that if I do take some cannabis, whether it's medically or not, you are like saying we see you in about six months because that's like a direct violation for parole. Shit. Oh my God. I'm sorry.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
And that means... Basically, you're still incarcerated. You're just serving your time out in society.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
I can't travel without permission. I can't move from one house to another house without asking permission. He really can't have any interaction with the police. I can't be around certain people. I can't go to certain establishments.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
I can't drink. I cannot smoke a little bit of weed or smoke me a Philly blunt.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Can't do that because if they take the urine and it come up hot, it's a violation.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
You paying the parole board a monthly fee to supervise you.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Today is probably the first time I take my car down in six months. Out to a drive. I'm fucking nervous. I'm shaking. I get anxiety.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
For a lot of people, driving is something they look forward to doing. Not me. Not me. I hate fucking driving. I hate it. I don't know how to deal with my anxiety when I'm behind the wheel. My anxiety take over to the point where I just want to crash the car somewhere and stop and get out and leave it running. So I just don't drive. I just don't drive.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
I am really, really, really afraid to get stopped by the police. The minute they stop you and they find out you're on parole, you're getting handcuffed, now your car is getting searched. And if you don't report that traffic stop to parole, It's a violation of your conditions and they can lock you up.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
We got a file for complete commutation from the pardon board.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
It's almost like hitting the lottery. You got to have the attorney general's vote and then unanimous vote, basically, before it gets to the governor's office. And then he got to consider it. Like, not easy at all.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Sometimes I do think that I was better off locked up. That's hard to say, but it's the truth. You know, it's the truth. And whoever been locked up 31 years or more and tell you otherwise, it's lying. They lying. I'm still living. I still live like I'm in prison. Like locked up. Like I'm in my fucking jail cell. You know, that's the scary part for me. Because I haven't been able to shake it off.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Listen, I'm going to tell you, don't laugh at this, please. You can laugh.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
So we started off singing karaoke with Hector Lavo, and we had a few drinks. Oh, no.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
And guess what song we end up singing? Menudo. Suete a mi modo.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
And then she recorded me dancing to Marc Anthony. Dancing salsa? I was drunk.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
I'm having two or three of my friends that we've done time with. You know, my friend said something to me. He was like, damn, we walked the prison yard together for decades. And now we're sitting in your backyard drinking beer and eating burnt hot dogs. And they taste good.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
I don't have the desire to meet with guys that I did 30, 40 years.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
But a lot of it has to do with, y'all not on parole. I'm on parole. It's like a reality check. Like, bro, you really not free, bro. You really not free. You just alone for the ride.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Sometimes it feels like, wow, damn, man, I deserve that chance more than you. I get that feeling sometimes like, you got a chance and you ain't doing shit with it, man. I deserve that chance more than you.
Suave
Parole & The Pursuit of Happiness - Ep. 2
Sometimes, if, oh man, why is I'm saying this on tape, man? But sometimes it just feels, it just feels like, damn, I'm fucking jealous. Like, the fuck?
Suave
A Homecoming - Ep. 6
I don't want to talk about that shit no more, man. I literally don't. You give all the offerings you want. Last time I was talking, it was a headache. Yeah, I remember. That's why I was wondering. You ain't going to apologize to me. I'm Maria. I ain't a horse. Nobody goats me. And I was like, all right, bye. Oh, man. Yeah. My mind is made up. Once this shit is over, I'm goats.
Suave
A Homecoming - Ep. 6
Okay, so you got the dates, right, for Puerto Rico? Yeah, the ones you sent me. Yeah. Everything is set up down there. They're going to cook clothes and everything.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I do. I have a big ego. Yeah. I can say that now because I'm more comfortable with it. I remember I had a conversation with Julieta about a year ago. And we was talking about, damn, everything good that happened always end up with some bad shit. I always feel guilty about it. And Julieta told me, man, man, listen, you have the right to be happy. I'm like, you know what?
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I'm going to celebrate this. It'll be 20 years from now. You can't take that away. I don't care if it's 20 years, 30 years, we won. If I could inspire other young people to believe that they could do the same, why not?
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
You know, we're not talking about traditional students. We're talking about people that are still living in shelters. We talk about people that are basically homeless coming to school. So the school is a safe haven for them. They come to school early because they don't want to be in the streets.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
Being surrounded by younger people They looking at me like a father figure. They do.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
You're saying that you sing like Usher, right? He said that. We can't be shy now. Are you ready?
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I'm telling you, bro. I'm telling you, bro. You know how much ice cream you can sell out here, bro? You'd be rich selling ice cream out here versus being jailhouse. I'm rich in the yard.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
And I'm going to leave it at that. I ain't going to preach to you no more.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
All right, bro. Love you, bro. And you better call me again, bro. You better call me soon.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I get phone calls every day, at least 20, 30 phone calls a day from prison. And, you know, guys that never seen a Pulitzer. Right. Calling me, telling about, man, you representing all of us. This is a win for all of us. And it is. When I get phone calls from politicians, you know, they want me to go speak because they're trying to pass a bill for for lifers.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
And they think that I'm the poster child. I'm like, at first I used to get pissed off because I'm not a poster child. But now I've realized that like somebody has to be the voice. And this is what it means to being the voice for the voiceless. Bro, no matter how much you try to run from it, you are the voice for those that you left behind. And I'm not running from it. I'm embracing it.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I'm embracing it because I still got hope that them brothers and sisters are going to come home one day.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I just feel sometimes that... Being free is not what everybody think it is. It's really not. And it's not really, everybody hype it up. Like, you're free. You can do whatever you want to do. All your pains and misery are gone. That's bullshit, man. My miseries and pains are just starting. Like, seriously, I never had this much misery and pain in my life when I was in prison. I didn't.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I was shut out from the world. You know, cold. Shut everything down. And out here, you can't do that because you got people looking for you. You got people that want, they lean on you for their support, for their comfort. I don't want to live up to nobody's expectations and none of that. You know, I'm done with that. I am not happy. I'm glad I'm home. I'm glad about that.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
But if you say describe happy, I should be able to describe happy. And I can't. I can't. I won't even know how to start to describe happy. Even with a Pulitzer, even what I can't describe it because I'm not.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
You know, as much as I like to fake myself out and think that I'm ready to for this life, I wasn't ready. You know, I'm learning how to get through it. But I wasn't I wasn't ready. Nobody gave me a crash course like this is what's going to happen. You know, you got to pay bills. You're going to confront this. You're going to be heartbroken. You're going to have doubts about this.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
It's just hard, you know, and. And sometimes from the outside, it looks like I'm living a good life and now, but I'm really not, you know, I'm just getting by.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I'm walking in and I'm looking. And I'm looking at all these expensive suits. I only paid like $90 for my suit.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
What's going on for you? This is my first time here like in 45 years when I came out with another kid.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I'm happy that I'm here sharing with my family because I was in prison. This is history.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I don't know how to deal with relationships. I dealt with that relationship the same way I dealt with a cellmate. Me and you are not getting along. You got to move the fuck out the cell. Then you start getting phone calls. What time you get off from work? What are you doing? Oh, I don't know. Mentally, it's like, I'm not ready for this.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
You want to fuck with me, that's how it's going to go down. That's the dude y'all wanted, y'all got him. I swear to my mother's grave.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
We go outside, and in my head, I'm thinking, tonight is the night that I realize I'm free. I'm really free. It was like one of the movies that I watch in prison that you know is a sad movie, but at the end, you know when they sit like in the steps and they see the sunlight, you know it's like something magical is gonna happen.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I know what it is. Yeah, this is your man Swap. Yeah, I'm just chilling in the tub, man. Ready to take a shot of bath. But I just want to introduce y'all, man. Yo, this is the adventures of Swap Gonzalez and his Pulitzer. So, yeah, I'm in the tub with my Pulitzer. I'm ready to give my Pulitzer a shower because, you know, we got to stay clean, man.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I'm not a pussy. I'm not a pussy at all. What make you think you could try me and I'm not going to react? Because if I get triggered, somebody's going to get hurt. Real hurt. Not fake hurt. Real hurt.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
Season four in life. Listen, season one, I was living life. I wasn't having fun. I was fucking boring. I was, I wouldn't say stressed out, but I was out of touch with my community, if you want to call it that. I'm living the hood, but I was out of touch. I chose to do that. Now it's like, man, fuck, I'm gone. I'm gonna have some fun. And I know that it can lead to destruction ways.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I know that already. And I'm trying not to, you know, cross that destructive path. But I'm having fun on all levels. I'm having fun. So with season two, I'm hoping that people get it, man. Like, we human beings, we just been... deny certain things because of our incarceration. I'm a human being. I'm only 30 right now. I came home when I was 21.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I've been awarded like three different awards. Well, there's been a couple of new stories.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I was given a second chance for a reason. Making music. Making music. That's something that I'm doing, you know. You ain't wanna hold me back.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
I started my own true crime, true story episodes of podcasts with different people. As Lieutenant Governor, what is your position on juvenile lifers coming home and being on parole for life?
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
It was pack house, really. I'm talking about, we had to turn people away.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
Ashley Biden, as in that Biden, the former president's daughter. She lives in Philadelphia and has been an outspoken supporter of criminal justice reform. Okay. And she's like, So that's where we are today. You could say that it's a new day for Suave. But really, it's a whole new life. You know, Mr. Pulitzer is killing it.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
At this point, I don't give a fuck who go to jail or not. Y'all poke the teddy bear, not y'all got the grisly bear. And the reason? The reason, as the cliche goes, is that you can leave prison, but prison never really leaves you.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
No, this is the thing. Motherfucker, if a white man come in here with a Grammy Award and tell you that cheesesteak is not right, excuse me, sir, we're going to make it right for you.
Suave
Roses and Manure - Ep. 1
That shit plays in my egos. I was like, yes. You love it. I do. You love it. Listen, I ain't gonna lie. And, you know, the young people tend to have this swag with it. Yeah. My old head's got a Pulitzer that's bigger than a Grammy. It's bigger than Jay-Z and Beyonce. I was like, whoa. They was like, you should collaborate with Kendrick Lamar.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going crazy now. I just went through, brought on them. I went on every social platform. I'm about to get some ads on Instagram that run 24 hours a day. Tomorrow is Friday. When I wake up Monday morning, right, because I already paid for them ads, I'm releasing everything.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
A lot of advocates are like, bro, man, we need on the bench. I need my car. To them, it's nothing. To me, it's everything. You're blowing this up about a car. It's my fucking car, goddammit. What the fuck are y'all talking about?
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I just want to make sure that all the work that you've done isn't undone. That's my only concern.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I just don't want to see you back locked up, Slava. I know you don't want that either, but hearing you say that, that scares the fucking shit out of me.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
Listen, at this point, it don't matter if I get the car back or not. It don't matter. See, because now y'all triggering me to be the motherfucker that I always was. A real nasty motherfucker. Now you've seen that nasty part and y'all don't like it. I'm not the only one that's going to take a loss. That's why I was fucking pissed when Maria called that meeting.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
Talking about, I understand your mental health. Man, get the fuck out of here. You don't know my fucking mental health.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I know that, you know, we were talking about you potentially applying, like, you know, for a pardon or something next year.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I'm not even thinking about that, Julieta. I'll be honest with you. At this point, I'm not even thinking about that.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I want to be supportive, but at the same time, he's saying things that are very concerning. If you don't mind, I want to try to call him one more time today. Well, maybe I should try calling him. You should. You should.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I just want to express myself. I appreciate you and everybody else. I really do. Thank you for your words. You know, I don't know how much fucking time I'm going to be alive or whatever the fuck. I really don't. You know, and that's nothing to get spooky about. It's just what it is. I get frustrated because I'm very institutionalized. I need to have a structure.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
When I don't have a structure in my life, I feel like I'm fucking going downhill with shit. Seriously. It's none of y'all fault. It's nobody's fault. It's just how I'm feeling. Like, fuck it.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
Yeah. What happened? They called me on the 23rd and said, we think they located your car. And I said, okay. Then I got a call from the police station to come pick it up.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
Listen, I told you already. Right. This situation showed me a whole different side of this advocacy shit. This shit is not real. This shit is like the rap game. This shit is like the music game. Got a bunch of phony people who are trying to beat something. that they're not going to confront it with some real shit. It's fake.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
You know, I'm sorry to say it like that, but it's the fakest thing I've ever seen.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I'm trying my best to be the bigger person. I'm trying my best. to be one of them monks up there. I painted them motherfuckers.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I'm trying to be the fourth one. That's why I left a space there, right? The problem is that every time I'm trying to get to the bottom of that spot right there, I gotta get through all that shit first.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
People always want to rationalize shit when it's not happening to them. What will you do if you're on their spot? It was only a car. No, no individuals came in my space and violated my space, disrupted my fucking life. I spent 31 years in prison. Real tough motherfuckers, hardcore dudes. I ain't never let a soul, nobody, take a fucking odors and noodles suit from me.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
But yeah, you gonna take my car? And then act like I ain't supposed to do nothing about it. You acting like you built for this life and you not. Oh, you should have never done that.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I feel you. Whatever it is you're saying, I feel it. You're not feeling me, though. I don't think people understand. And they don't. And I understand. That's why I can't be mad. then when you start using words like mental state and shit like that, that shit been used against me all my life.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
You got to pay a fucking car. I still got to walk around with these motherfuckers driving my shit. Driving my shit that I work hard for. And just wave at them. Because that's exactly what you asked me to do. Become a bitch ass dude that you never was in prison. Do that out here. Somebody wants something, just give it to them. It's not worth it. At what point do it become worth it?
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
If I wasn't on parole and probation, I'd be fucking somebody up. That's the real truth. I'm not in the street no more. I'm a fucking regular citizen. Been working hard. I don't fuck with nobody. I don't mess around with nobody. I mind my business. I help where I can help. Why would you want to do this to me? I'm not a pussy. I'm not a pussy at all.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
What make you think you could try me and I'm not going to react? Because if I get triggered, somebody's going to get hurt. Not fake hurt, real hurt. At this point, I don't give a fuck who go to jail or not. Because at the end of the day, I have no sympathy. I have no loyalty to these people.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
Y'all pulled the teddy bear, now y'all got the grizzly bear. You want to fuck with me, that's how it's going to go down. It's on site. It's not going to be let's talk outside. It's on site. I don't know where we at. It's going to be on site. That's the dude y'all wanted, y'all got him.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I mean, it's going to get crazier because I'm going public with this stuff.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
What I'm going to do is clear the shit stone for a bunch of people. That's what I'm about to do. I'm dropping a whole bunch of stuff on social media. I'm dropping everything.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
See, these liberal judges, they think because somebody don't want somebody to go to jail that, oh, we all liberal. Get the fuck out of here. I'm not that fucking liberal that I'm taking a loss on a car. You want me to shut the fuck up? You don't want me to say shit? Give me my money for my car. At this point, I don't give a fuck.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
Your life is worth more than a car. I get on site, but I also get that on site leads to a lot of people not making it out.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
Well, let me say this, right? I appreciate the conversation from the bottom of my heart, but I'm only doing this because Maria asked me not to go public at the time I wanted to go to. At the end of the day, I'm going to defend myself regardless of what the circumstances may be. If I got to go back to prison, fuck it. That's what it's going to be. I'm not no nut. I'm not no sucker.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
Yeah, protect yourself is one thing. On sight is different. If they come at you first, then yes, you have a right to protect yourself.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I'm using everything I got. I'm using my Facebook, Instagram, everything. Trust me, it's going to be a shitstorm for somebody. See, because at this point, it's not even about a fucking car no more. It's not even about a car.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I mean, I understand what you're saying, but you're wrong. To say that I'm desperate? What am I desperate for? I'm not desperate. I'm not desperate. I know what I'm doing. I'm not desperate. I know I'm dealing with motherfuckers. They don't want to lose their seat in the beds. Fuck them. What, I'm supposed to be scared? I'm supposed to let them run over me?
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
I'm supposed to just say, hey, do whatever you want with Swag? I'm not doing that shit.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
Like, that's really upsetting to even like, I swear to my mother's grave. If I see them first, they're not going to get a chance to drop on me. Only way you're going to catch me is if you catch me with my back turned or slipping, and you're not going to do that. Because I'm a paranoid motherfucker anyway. So I'm walking on ice right now.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
You know what? Anyway, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. Sorry. Sorry for interrupting.
Suave
Let The Chips Fall - Ep. 5
Question is, why is these people so invested in the theft of my car? I don't want to put nobody in prison. I don't want nobody to get in trouble over this. All I want is my car.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
So that death by incarceration sentence still linger over your, even if you get compassionate release.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
And that was my greatest fear. Like, you know, I witnessed my mother die, my grandmother die, my grandfather die. I mean, multiple family members die all while I was in prison. And the only thing I feared was I don't want them to see me dying here.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
Well, who died? Oh, Sussan Shaw, man, he was a good dude. And I'm like, shit, I do not want to go out like that. I mean, I think that's the reason why I got like a sleeping disorder where I can't sleep at night. Because I remember I used to lay in bed. I used to wonder like, shit, I don't want to sleep because I don't want my heart to stop. I mean, I used to think about this stuff.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
And even today, I'll be like, shit, I don't want to go to bed because if I get a little chest pain, I'm going to fucking die in my sleep.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
Ross is 90 years old, 90 years old, fighting cancer. But because he haven't been yet classified as terminally ill, he can't apply for compassion release. I mean, what a 90-year-old man with cancer going to do out here? I mean, seriously, think about it. He's not a threat to nobody.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
We're in a car. We're going to go pick up a package and talk to Frank Raw's nephew. Frank would type like a thousand pages, front and back, and then want me to put it on Facebook. And I'm like, Frank, Facebook is for old people. And he'd be like, well, damn it, I'm 90 years old. I'm old.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
that I'm paying honor to someone that made a difference in my life. I paid him back by coming to Broadway and re-winning his pieces.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
Look at the way it's wrapped up. It's wrapped up in a yellow envelope. Wrapped up in newspaper. Taped up. So I'm opening it up and it kind of reminds me of an offering. When you go offer something, it's wrapped up with tape, newspapers. Look at it.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
The Arthur family gratefully acknowledge Mr. David Suave Gonzalez, spell my name with an S, Frank, kind effort to highlight his body of work to the world. Frank, I'm going to let you slide with that.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
I'm just trying to let go of that prison attachment that I had. And I think it was guilt from leaving my homies behind. I'd get phone calls, people died, this person died, that person died. I used to feel guilty because those was my family. I grew up with them in prison. 31 years, I grew up with them. What I did, I kept like three people on my phone list.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
The rest, I just told them I need a year, bro. I just need a year. I kept three people, Frank, Freddie, and another young brother named Fox, right? Because they don't even call that much. But I needed to detach myself. I realized that I'm like, oh, like most of my phone calls were prison calls, right? And it was guilt, like, damn, they ain't got nobody. You know, they need to talk to somebody.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
But I still send them money, and, you know, I got them on the tablet, get their e-mails. But phone calls, I only get phone calls from three people now. And that was intentionally. That was on purpose for me.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
From the guy in the prison that I always tell him to check on Frank. He just sent me a text. Well, I'm gonna let you read it. You read better than me. Can you read it out?
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
He was an old guy when I met him. I never knew his real name. Had an Indian nickname. Once in a while, I almost came up with it. It wasn't like Bray Warren or Running Bear. He was called after one of the tribes like Apache's. It's on the tip of my tongue.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
I'm a fucking regular citizen. Been working hard. I don't fuck with nobody. I help where I can help. Why would you want to do this to me? I'm not a pussy. I'm not a pussy at all. What make you think you can try me and I'm not going to react? Because if I get triggered, if I get triggered, somebody's going to get hurt. Real hurt.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
At this point, I don't give a fuck. If I got to fucking die for this shit, I would do it.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
That man showed me how to read and write, which is like the survival in prison. Because if you can't read, you can't read your legal papers. You can't appeal your case. He showed me that.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
Hey, Frank, what's going on, buddy? Not much. I'm over here, man. I'm over here telling my people how much you showed me when I was in prison, right? How old are you, Frank, for the records? Ninety-what? And what do you do?
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
Frank Ross is like a late, I used to call him the late criminal. Family man, grown kids. He ended up with a life sentence.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
So he gets to Greta's fault and he began writing and he became like this real famous writer. A lot of people wrote stories about him because he was that good of a writer. And he started writing movie scripts and books. But what he got satisfaction was teaching other people how to read and write.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
There was hundreds, if not thousands of people in the DOC that he showed how to read and write. And I was one of them.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
When I first got to Gratiform, he was one of the dudes that he had enough heart to step to me, I guess. He was like, hey, young boy, let me talk to you. And I used to tell him, look, man, what can you get for me, right? And he said, I got some pen and paper for you.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
And he still had that hope that I'm fighting, I'm trying to go home. And to me, that's like, wow. Because yes, I always think about it like, dang, that could have been me 40 years from now. That could have been me, easily. I know plenty of Frank Ross. I know plenty of people that I seen young that now are wrinkled and you be like, dang, what happened?
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
All right, bro, so call me the day... Call me the day of tomorrow, man. Love you, and I'll talk to you the day of tomorrow. All right, take care.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
The piece that I'm reading, it was written by a gentleman called Frank Ross. Frank Ross is a lifer. They probably taught thousands and thousands of young guys in prison how to read and write, including me. Now I'm on stage in Broadway reading a piece from the guy that taught me how to read and write.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
Oh, my bad, bro. I didn't realize that. I thought you beat it the first time. No, no, no, no, no.
Suave
Old Head - Ep. 4
So what is it, Frank? What is it that keeps you pushing to want to come home?