Suleika Jaouad

Physical pain is not something that we always have control over.

Suffering is something we do have agency over to some extent.

Hi, I'm so happy to be here.

Hello, Suleika.

Hi, Ginny.

Hello, everybody.

I love that parable so much.

It feels especially resonant in the context of the last year of my life, which I'll get into a little bit more later.

So as someone who has an over-anxious mind, I'm constantly struggling to figure out how to swim in the ocean of uncertainty.

And I've heard anxiety defined as fear of some future unknown or threat and the belief that you can't handle it if it comes to pass.

And so that has been my constant work my whole life.

It's been my work in a more heightened way as of late.

But I would say that for me, the bad wolf, so to speak, is the temptation to feel like

I can troubleshoot or solve for the uncertain.

And of course, you know, the forever acceptance that I'm trying to practice, which is that I can't, none of us can.

We instead have to figure out how to live with fear, to coexist with pain without trying to dodge it or numb it or in my case, fix it.

Yes, so it was a literal itch, not a metaphorical itch or, you know, a quarter-life crisis.

When I was 22 years old in my final semester of college, I began having these mysterious symptoms.

First the itch and then this sort of bone deep fatigue.

But youth and health are supposed to go hand in hand.