Suleika Jaouad

speaker

1,033 appearances 4 recordings 3 series first heard Sep 2025 last heard 29 May

Suleika Jaouad’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 2 in all, peaking in May 2026 with 1.

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Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky · Suleika Jaouad · 31 Mar 2026 podcast

my friends and peers accelerate into adulthood, you know, getting jobs and getting married and all the other big and small milestones of early adulthood.

And I felt so profoundly stuck.

And I think with each diagnosis, I felt...

an added sense of urgency around time and making the most of time, while also, to your earlier point, having these moments of, what is the point of all of this?

There's nothing quite like staring your mortality in the eye to strip away all the BS, to make

to have a sense of clarity about what really matters to you, who really matters to you, how you want to fill your days.

And what I'm clocking into in myself is that feeling of making up time, of doing the most that I can with the time that I have is often at odds with what really matters to me.

And for me, the guilt and the gratitude

It feels gendered in the sense that I want so badly to be good.

And...

that striving to be good for me is what exhausts me.

It's what leaves me feeling empty and wrecked with fatigue at the end of the day.

When I learned two summers ago that the leukemia was back a third time and that this time it was incurable,

I'll be living with this illness for the rest of my life, however long or short that is.

I spent about a month in bed where I just couldn't drag myself out of a feeling of being doomed.

I couldn't daydream about the future because I didn't know if I was going to get to exist in that future.

And so making a plan three months out felt totally destabilizing.

And I kept saying to my doctor, like, I don't know how to deal with this level of uncertainty.

I don't know how to keep living my life when I don't know what's going to happen.

And he said to me the thing people often say, which is that you have to live every day as if it's your last.

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