Tamsin
Appearances
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
The very thing they're trying to get me to stop, which is those negative thoughts, just seemed to be even worse. Because I'm like, oh, you know, if I'd have known sooner or if I was different or...
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
if I was better but at the same time I'm trying not to do it and then there was another thing like oh when you do exercise make sure it's different exercises and have variety and like try different things oh but make sure you do this consistently and have structure and scaffolding and it's like my brain's just like oh I can't be bothered
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
maybe I just won't do any of it and then I'm like oh but that's that's ADHD as well and so I'm just I'm just feeling a little bit nervous about being able to be better and I think I'm a bit nervous as well about because my husband's here like yeah like getting home and and him being like You know, the story we heard the first day of, oh, now you know all this.
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
Now you can pick your clothes up off the floor. And it's like, no, that's not how it works. That's not how it works at all. I try not to beat myself up too much. That's the best I can hope for. I'm not going to go home and clean my whole house. Well, I might, but I'm not going to do it forever. I'm still going to be me. I'm still going to be a little bit crap at everything.
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
Also, it's like... As much as I don't want to do anything to kind of make myself better, at the same time, I'm like, I'm doing loads and I've got a label and a diagnosis, but everyone else is like, everyone else really annoys me. And I don't think that's because of my ADHD. I think other people are annoying. They just haven't got a label.
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
So it's like, why do I have to take the rap for everything? Just because there's a smaller percentage of people with ADHD in the world doesn't mean we're the only ones that are messing up and being annoying.
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
We're often told that, like, the good part about ADHD is, like, the creativity and the out-the-box thinking and all the good stuff that we can do and the energy and the, like, the reflection and stuff. So, you know, if we're that good, why can't we, like, be more supported? Like, why aren't we given more of a space to, like, go about on the floor if we want to, you know?
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
I think I have some anger already, which just kind of plays into it, just like being a woman in the world already. I'm always already a bit annoyed about the way women are treated. So now being a woman and having ADHD, it's like this double whammy of like being annoyed about the way the world is, right?
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
when I first came in this morning and saw everyone in here I felt like I had a big like neon light with ADHD like flashing arrow pointing at my head like everyone's gonna know because because like I'm just so aware of it like everything I'm doing or saying or thinking I'm I'm re-analyzing the way I am in the world so that's kind of weird but I'm glad I'm doing it in this environment where other people are aware of that everyone or you know a lot of people here have
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
And then, yeah, just by chance, I got diagnosed with ADHD as well.
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
I was really suffering badly from withdrawals, so I went to a psychiatrist to find out about getting off the antidepressants, and she just diagnosed me with ADHD. And then I went back and had some more assessments and tests, and yeah, I was just really blindsided by it, really shocked. But as soon as I thought about it, even a little bit, I was like, how could I get to 48 and not have any idea?
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
You know, like two kids with ADHD. You know, I've worked in mental health. You know, my brother's a teacher.
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
We kind of came to the conclusion it's because when, so I'm 48, and I had a parent that was narcissistic. You know, I had some trauma. I'm now perimenopausal. I've got kids with ADHD. I had Like, I think six years of IVF treatments, you know, I mean, I'm an average 48 year old woman, like I've got massive life stuff behind me. So was it...
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
Was the way I am in the world any, all of that, or was it ADHD?
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
So much of my life now makes sense. Decisions I've made, friendships I've had, careers I've chosen, laundry piles. So much makes sense. But the diagnosis also brought on some new fears. And I think the worst bit is worrying that people in my life are going to say Oh, now we know what the problem was. It was you.
Climbing the Walls
Stories from ADHD camp | 5
Like, that's my biggest fear of being like, oh, now we can like, you know, every argument I've ever had, oh, it's because you're shit. But I'm also learning that like, that's part of the ADHD as well. It's like feeling that everything is my fault and I'm just not doing something quite right.