Terry Real

Is it really worth it to me to prove my point and nail her into the ground?

Or can we make peace efficiently and skillfully and move the hell on?

We behave with skill because it's in our interest to do so.

I'm not making peace with Belinda for her.

I'm making peace with Belinda for me.

activation state you get into that's the limbic system we all know it when it happens and just if that could just translate to the words like what do you need and as you pointed out that's best for both people let's prepare all relationships are an endless dance of harmony disharmony and repair i got this from ed tronic infant observational researcher ed and barry breseldon

were the first of a generation to stop thinking about mothers and infants reconstructed from adults and actually stuck cameras in front of mothers and infants and then fathers and infants and looked at what happened.

And I borrowed from Ed that all relationships are an endless rhythm of closeness, disruption, and a return.

And in our culture, we don't learn the skills of moving from disillusionment, distance, disruption, back into repair and return.

And what makes life even more dicey is when we're in that disrupted state, we lose our prefrontal quarterwise adult.

and move into the adaptive child.

So the first skill is getting back in your right mind and then, okay, honey, what do you need?

Let's fix this together.

I have two pieces of advice.

Yeah, we've taught them this.

My doc son, I was driving to school, and he's giving me shit.

And I tell him to stop.

He gives me shit.

And I look at him, and I go, do you think this is appropriate for our relationship?

And he falls on the floor.