Thais Gibson

is that it gives you the gift of self-attunement.

Because rather than being in a position where we feel emotion, let's like hide it through scrolling on social media or turning on the TV or drinking a beer or whatever it might be.

It's actually the practice of learning in hard moments to come back and return to being fully present within oneself.

So pillar four, so you actually said this a moment ago, and I thought this was, you were like on the money, you knew it was coming.

So you mentioned regulation, so people regulating through other people.

And what I actually found over and over again for people is that people can't co-regulate very effectively in relationships if they have no ability to self-regulate on their own, because it goes back to that kind of concept where they overpressure the person to kind of do it for them.

And that may work in specific cases for periods of time, like, oh, you have a friend there and they really help you and they make you feel better.

But like, let's take an anxious attachment.

So somebody who's very anxiously attached, for example, they would usually end up in these themes or patterns over time where they would always be relying on their friends to do that.

And then eventually their friends say, well, they always come to me for stuff, but then they don't change their patterns or behaviors.

And then the friend starts kind of drifting back or pulling away or not being as present.

And then the anxious person gets frustrated or stressed.

And then the other friend is becoming more resentful.

And it just what may work in the short term isn't really working in the long term unless we learn to

to self-regulate.

So in those five pillars, the first three are all about self.

They're all about how do I heal my own internal conditioning, rewire the wounds, meet my own needs, regulate my own nervous system.

The next two are actually about regulating with, so with people together.

So the next two pillars are about communication and boundaries.

So what we do for the communication pillar number four is now that we know our needs, we can communicate about them.