Thomas Curran

And it was at the end of a very long rally in which, really, the shot that was missed was one of the easiest shots.

And...

that intense emotion and outburst that came from a place of just complete self-loathing for the fact that having made all of these really tough shots you couldn't make the easy one and these are the intense expectations that self-oriented perfectionistic people hold themselves to and the moment they fall short of it particularly in very important situations the self-loathing

the sense of how on earth could you have been so stupid?

What on earth are you thinking?

How could you have let yourself make that mistake?

It can be really so intense that in the extreme cases like this one, they can engage in some really quite aggressive self-castigation.

And that's a signature of a self-oriented perfectionist.

There is just simply a lack of self-compassion and a strong sense of self-loathing.

Yeah, other-oriented perfectionism is when we turn perfectionism outwards onto other people and we expect them to be perfect and nothing but perfect and we'll certainly let them know.

You'll know other-oriented perfectionists when you meet one.

They tend to be quite brash.

They will let you know when things haven't gone quite to plan.

And it's what we call, I suppose, what Freud would call projection, the sense that my intense desire to be perfect is projected outwards onto you two.

Well, the line is really the inability to accept at any time that things are good enough.

Whereas someone that's demanding yes, wants high standards, yes, is also somebody who can accept and appreciate when things have gone well, when there's been a success, and can give praise and appreciation for that.

And I think that's the difference.

Socially prescribed perfectionism is the...

most extreme form of perfectionism and it's a perfectionism that comes from outside, a sense that everybody and all around me expects me to be perfect and they're watching and waiting to pounce if I show any form of weakness.

And carrying that around with you all the time is really tough.