Tobin Low

But this question popped up. And the first time I noticed it happening, it was with my aunt. Kind of out of nowhere, she was like, oh, which one of you is handy? Is one of you handy? And I was just like, why does she want to know that? Like, why does she care? And I had, like, feelings about it, and I couldn't tell why. And then it just kind of kept happening with other family members.

But this question popped up. And the first time I noticed it happening, it was with my aunt. Kind of out of nowhere, she was like, oh, which one of you is handy? Is one of you handy? And I was just like, why does she want to know that? Like, why does she care? And I had, like, feelings about it, and I couldn't tell why. And then it just kind of kept happening with other family members.

Like, they would be talking about, like, oh, you guys moved in together into this house. Which one of you is handy? Yeah. And on its face, it was kind of like, oh, we know when you're in a house, there's a lot of things to fix and a lot of things to do. But it felt like there was something else happening there, and it kind of bothered me.

Like, they would be talking about, like, oh, you guys moved in together into this house. Which one of you is handy? Yeah. And on its face, it was kind of like, oh, we know when you're in a house, there's a lot of things to fix and a lot of things to do. But it felt like there was something else happening there, and it kind of bothered me.

Yeah, like there was something else trying to be figured out. And I don't know, like the more I thought about it, and why I was having feelings about it, it was kind of like this weird aha moment of like, oh, I think you're asking who the man is in my relationship.

Yeah, like there was something else trying to be figured out. And I don't know, like the more I thought about it, and why I was having feelings about it, it was kind of like this weird aha moment of like, oh, I think you're asking who the man is in my relationship.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Like, it was weird because whenever they would ask it, I could feel myself getting defensive. I didn't want to give them that picture. And I think part of my defensiveness came from, I think, well, oh man, not to take us in a whole other direction, but if you spend any amount of time in the closet.

Like, it was weird because whenever they would ask it, I could feel myself getting defensive. I didn't want to give them that picture. And I think part of my defensiveness came from, I think, well, oh man, not to take us in a whole other direction, but if you spend any amount of time in the closet.

I think you're afraid of being found out at all as being effeminate in any way. Like I know for me, I was very conscious of if anyone could detect quote unquote, you know, feminine traits about me and then figure out if I was gay or not. And so I do think that like myself and a lot of gay men like carry that around for like kind of the rest of your life.

I think you're afraid of being found out at all as being effeminate in any way. Like I know for me, I was very conscious of if anyone could detect quote unquote, you know, feminine traits about me and then figure out if I was gay or not. And so I do think that like myself and a lot of gay men like carry that around for like kind of the rest of your life.

And so I think that comes up in having to answer a question like this also.

And so I think that comes up in having to answer a question like this also.

Yeah, it feels like it hits on a thing, at least for me, that I spent a lot of time as a kid running from. or spent a lot of time trying to not have to answer.

Yeah, it feels like it hits on a thing, at least for me, that I spent a lot of time as a kid running from. or spent a lot of time trying to not have to answer.

Like, how masculine am I? And is somebody else more masculine than I am? And like, I do want to make room for the idea that they could have meant none of this. Like, absolutely none of this. Did you address it directly with any of them? No, because that would be bonkers to say, oh, you asked me who's handy. You're trying to say I'm not a man like that.

Like, how masculine am I? And is somebody else more masculine than I am? And like, I do want to make room for the idea that they could have meant none of this. Like, absolutely none of this. Did you address it directly with any of them? No, because that would be bonkers to say, oh, you asked me who's handy. You're trying to say I'm not a man like that.

The leap in logic to say that outright is so huge.

The leap in logic to say that outright is so huge.