Todd Davis

And he talked about his communication with the warden and with other prisoners and how this book had changed his life, even in this very challenging and sad situation. And again, he was there because of some choices he had made, but that was really powerful.

And he talked about his communication with the warden and with other prisoners and how this book had changed his life, even in this very challenging and sad situation. And again, he was there because of some choices he had made, but that was really powerful.

More specifically, so many of the situations I found myself in, helping leaders work a problem out between the two of them or helping an employee work with a leader better, We would reflect on all of the habits, but what I want to call out specifically is Habit 5 that I just mentioned. First to understand, then to be understood. This habit is based on the principle of respect and empathy.

More specifically, so many of the situations I found myself in, helping leaders work a problem out between the two of them or helping an employee work with a leader better, We would reflect on all of the habits, but what I want to call out specifically is Habit 5 that I just mentioned. First to understand, then to be understood. This habit is based on the principle of respect and empathy.

And so the point here is that as human beings, whether I live in the U.S., whether I live in Hong Kong, wherever, we have a tendency to listen to others with the intent to reply. Right. We're listening to someone and we may not be talking over them. We may be eye contact and nodding. But in our minds, we're already formulating what we want to say next. And it doesn't come from a bad place.

And so the point here is that as human beings, whether I live in the U.S., whether I live in Hong Kong, wherever, we have a tendency to listen to others with the intent to reply. Right. We're listening to someone and we may not be talking over them. We may be eye contact and nodding. But in our minds, we're already formulating what we want to say next. And it doesn't come from a bad place.

We're helpers. We're fixers. We want to solve the problem. And so we hear just enough of what the other person is saying that we think, oh, I know how to solve this. Or I know what I've dealt with this before. I know what their problem is. And instead of continuing to listen to them, our mind is already working on the solution.

We're helpers. We're fixers. We want to solve the problem. And so we hear just enough of what the other person is saying that we think, oh, I know how to solve this. Or I know what I've dealt with this before. I know what their problem is. And instead of continuing to listen to them, our mind is already working on the solution.

And again, those aren't bad, but people who are truly effective, those leaders who are truly effective, they, I love the word suspend. I'm assuming it translates the same, but suspend is to not give up on, but to put aside for a minute, my thoughts, my feelings, my response, and truly hear the other person. as much as I can, put myself in their place.

And again, those aren't bad, but people who are truly effective, those leaders who are truly effective, they, I love the word suspend. I'm assuming it translates the same, but suspend is to not give up on, but to put aside for a minute, my thoughts, my feelings, my response, and truly hear the other person. as much as I can, put myself in their place.

And I found a lot of people, they hesitate to do that because they think, gosh, if Vince is talking and I'm totally listening, they're going to think I'm agreeing with them. And people don't. If you just listen, you're not agreeing or disagreeing. You're just listening with the intent to truly understand. not to reply.

And I found a lot of people, they hesitate to do that because they think, gosh, if Vince is talking and I'm totally listening, they're going to think I'm agreeing with them. And people don't. If you just listen, you're not agreeing or disagreeing. You're just listening with the intent to truly understand. not to reply.

That is one of the most effective tools any human being, certainly leaders, but can do. I'll bet you have people in your life, Vince, that are like that. They don't judge. They're not advising or probing. They're just listening to understand. And yes, they may say something like, so when you say that frustrates you, tell me a little bit more about that. They're totally in your space.

That is one of the most effective tools any human being, certainly leaders, but can do. I'll bet you have people in your life, Vince, that are like that. They don't judge. They're not advising or probing. They're just listening to understand. And yes, they may say something like, so when you say that frustrates you, tell me a little bit more about that. They're totally in your space.

It is one of the most effective habits we can develop.

It is one of the most effective habits we can develop.

you said it perfectly. And I think you used a word a few minutes ago when you said, be curious, ask questions. In the course, in the book, and in my coaching, we talk about moving from I bet to I wonder. I bet Joe comes in late to work every day because he's probably as unorganized at home as he is here in the office. Two, I wonder why Joe seems so stressed out and hurried when he comes in.

you said it perfectly. And I think you used a word a few minutes ago when you said, be curious, ask questions. In the course, in the book, and in my coaching, we talk about moving from I bet to I wonder. I bet Joe comes in late to work every day because he's probably as unorganized at home as he is here in the office. Two, I wonder why Joe seems so stressed out and hurried when he comes in.

I wonder what's going on. I should maybe take some time and get to understand him better. So it's what you said, Vince, it's this natural curiosity, or maybe it's not so natural. Maybe it's this, but this mindful curiosity to have this active listening versus autobiographical listening. where we're listening through our own frame of reference.

I wonder what's going on. I should maybe take some time and get to understand him better. So it's what you said, Vince, it's this natural curiosity, or maybe it's not so natural. Maybe it's this, but this mindful curiosity to have this active listening versus autobiographical listening. where we're listening through our own frame of reference.