Toddy Tindall

So I was manning the door at an establishment here on 6th Street with a fatty deterrent system in place. And as I stood at the bottom of them stairs, gorgeous young thing come to me with a little spaghetti strap, silky number on with no bra and half her ass hanging out. And she is of age, so I sit her up in the stairs and might have inadvertently found myself gazing up upon her undercarriage.

and held my gaze a little longer than anticipated. And in those 20 seconds, I could tell you with absolute certainty that she is not one of those butthole-bleaching bitches. And also, she has dynamite pussy. I seen a little white fuse sticking out of her panties.

And a week later, this chunky young thing with 50 pounds of fupa tucked into a miniskirt and a couple of X's too small decides she's going to stop halfway up the stairs and throw the ass back for the world to see. It was fucking horrendous. She had no panties on. I thought I was looking at a bulldog eating bologna. It was fucking, ugh, gross. Somebody obviously had lit her fuse.

It was ugly, yes, sir.

Three months.

All on 6th Street. No, sir, I moved from Carlsbad, New Mexico.

September, Labor Day.

Yes, sir.

47.

47.

I had just been wanting to forever, and I had just lost my job, but I was a good friend of mine. I had a room for it, and... I was like, what the hell?

I was working in the oil field.

No, I didn't like it.

Oh, my God. It just sucked. I spent 15, not 15 years, 10 years of my life on a boat. I worked offshore for a long time. Oh, okay. Joe List.

No, I was called a beautiful man just a few days ago by another man. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

My fucking night off and there I was again.

Get my balls busted on Kill Tony.

No, I'm a reptile, not erection, aficionado.

A reptile. I like reptiles. I've been catching red pythons for a decade. I sold my reptile business to move here.

I did.

Oh, yeah, plenty of times. No, but seriously. No, not like that, no. Right.

Getting bit by big snakes and screaming like a little girl with a skinny knee.

Your gaydar is strong?

Oh, that's not a new one, buddy. I've heard that many times.

All right. So I have five kids from four different women. Whoa, all right, David Lucas, slow down. So I am not gay.

My pull-out game is trash.

Oh, no. I've never lived in Arizona. I'm from New Mexico. Oh, that's what I meant. Yeah, it's all the same.

Potato, potato. Right. Okay.

No, sir. I have three in Louisiana, one in Texas, one in New Mexico.

It's like a game of Risk.

I'm playing the field. I'm single for the first time in a decade. And I'm trying to be a fucking coxswain out here on 6th Street.

My standards are on a sliding scale, and at the moment I'm kind of broke, so I'm... You said he's fucking with us?

There you go. I did just take a photo of the transvestite and send it to my baby brother to fuck with him. Told him she wanted to take me home tonight, and she's obviously not. She don't have the factory fuck stick. Sorry, factory fuck hole, rather.

This girl was born with the factory fuck stick. What does that mean? The OG dick born without the fucking regular old fuck hole. Girl had a dick is what I'm saying.

Oh, I kissed a dude one time.

No, it's not my kink. What is your kink? I like butt-fucking fat girls.

Real women with the factory fuckhole.

I think Metallica is the greatest American band of all time.

Money. You just send money? Well, they're older. They like money. My baby is eight, and she loves going to Walmart with a little card. Nice.

Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. White trash wonderful.

Okay, okay.