Tora

His family was incredibly complicated, incredibly damaged, incredibly dysfunctional. And these were the reasons that he's so guarded. These are the reasons that he doesn't have a relationship with them or see them or go to visit them.

His family was incredibly complicated, incredibly damaged, incredibly dysfunctional. And these were the reasons that he's so guarded. These are the reasons that he doesn't have a relationship with them or see them or go to visit them.

This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up. It sounds like a soap opera. It sounds like a drama movie. But it's so real and it's not the only one. There are things we might not know about somebody we live with. And there's so many stories like this.

This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up. It sounds like a soap opera. It sounds like a drama movie. But it's so real and it's not the only one. There are things we might not know about somebody we live with. And there's so many stories like this.

He got hurt in Iraq. They were on a drive through a city of some kind and hit an IED. And the Humvee in front of them blew up. Theirs didn't. But the impact knocked theirs off its balance. He got hurt. His foot was amputated because of that injury. And he was medically retired and then came home.

He got hurt in Iraq. They were on a drive through a city of some kind and hit an IED. And the Humvee in front of them blew up. Theirs didn't. But the impact knocked theirs off its balance. He got hurt. His foot was amputated because of that injury. And he was medically retired and then came home.

His dad showed up to the hospital and tried to get medical power of attorney so that he could sell Aaron's portion of land that he had been left by his grandparents on the Choctaw Reservation in Oklahoma. So Aaron fought tooth and nail to get better, to get stronger, and kicked his dad out of his life.

His dad showed up to the hospital and tried to get medical power of attorney so that he could sell Aaron's portion of land that he had been left by his grandparents on the Choctaw Reservation in Oklahoma. So Aaron fought tooth and nail to get better, to get stronger, and kicked his dad out of his life.

The man was covered in enormous scars. Everything about him screams, I have had a hard life. I have had a physically hard life. I've been injured. I've had surgeries.

The man was covered in enormous scars. Everything about him screams, I have had a hard life. I have had a physically hard life. I've been injured. I've had surgeries.

He walked with a very slight limp and kept that leg pretty stiff. But he always kept a sock on that foot. And I just figured he wanted to protect it. He had a couple of different doctors who were working on maybe a better prosthetic. because he ended up injuring his knee on that same leg, and we thought maybe he needed a little bit more support from that prosthetic.

He walked with a very slight limp and kept that leg pretty stiff. But he always kept a sock on that foot. And I just figured he wanted to protect it. He had a couple of different doctors who were working on maybe a better prosthetic. because he ended up injuring his knee on that same leg, and we thought maybe he needed a little bit more support from that prosthetic.

He was an incredible father. He was so attentive and so loving and so affectionate and just lit up when it came time to go get the boy out of bed or read the boy his bedtime story. We called him the boy. I'm going to call him the boy because I'm not going to say his name.

He was an incredible father. He was so attentive and so loving and so affectionate and just lit up when it came time to go get the boy out of bed or read the boy his bedtime story. We called him the boy. I'm going to call him the boy because I'm not going to say his name.

The boy and I were just absolutely connected at the hip from day one. When it was time for him to start eating solids, I was the one who decided how that should go because I have 20 years of childcare experience and this is his first child. He and I would just light up to be around each other.

The boy and I were just absolutely connected at the hip from day one. When it was time for him to start eating solids, I was the one who decided how that should go because I have 20 years of childcare experience and this is his first child. He and I would just light up to be around each other.

He's a retired veteran, so he gets some money, but, you know, life is expensive, so... We were always a little bit stressed on money. He really liked being a provider and making sure that the baby had everything he needed. But that usually meant that there was no food in the refrigerator for adults.

He's a retired veteran, so he gets some money, but, you know, life is expensive, so... We were always a little bit stressed on money. He really liked being a provider and making sure that the baby had everything he needed. But that usually meant that there was no food in the refrigerator for adults.

So I started doing things like pitching in on groceries, and I took over the Wi-Fi and the trash bills.

So I started doing things like pitching in on groceries, and I took over the Wi-Fi and the trash bills.

Oh gosh, it was just never ending. We needed a new roof, but we didn't have any money. We needed to pay off $5,000 in credit cards in order to get a refinance on the mortgage so we didn't lose the house.

Oh gosh, it was just never ending. We needed a new roof, but we didn't have any money. We needed to pay off $5,000 in credit cards in order to get a refinance on the mortgage so we didn't lose the house.

One of the things that they thought might be going on when he was in the ER was that he was having some kind of an infection from his amputation.

One of the things that they thought might be going on when he was in the ER was that he was having some kind of an infection from his amputation.

He said that they ended up accusing him of being pain med seeking. And he said that was racist. That was because he was brown. He literally ripped the IV out of his arm and stormed out of the hospital. And I kind of yelled at him all the way home. I'm like, what were you thinking? You obviously need help. Something is going on. He had a very high fever. He was in a lot of pain.

He said that they ended up accusing him of being pain med seeking. And he said that was racist. That was because he was brown. He literally ripped the IV out of his arm and stormed out of the hospital. And I kind of yelled at him all the way home. I'm like, what were you thinking? You obviously need help. Something is going on. He had a very high fever. He was in a lot of pain.

I could see that he was miserable. It had been a long, awful day sitting in the ER getting tests done on him and all of them coming back negative.

I could see that he was miserable. It had been a long, awful day sitting in the ER getting tests done on him and all of them coming back negative.

This whole time I'm icing his back. I'm getting the ice packs for his knee. He had special equipment for icing his shoulder. I'm driving him around to doctor's appointments because he's in too much pain to drive. I can see the pain on his face. I can see him changing and drawing into this pain in his life of being in chronic pain.

This whole time I'm icing his back. I'm getting the ice packs for his knee. He had special equipment for icing his shoulder. I'm driving him around to doctor's appointments because he's in too much pain to drive. I can see the pain on his face. I can see him changing and drawing into this pain in his life of being in chronic pain.

He stopped going to the gym and then he stopped working out in the garage. And then he stopped moving eventually. He just sat around all day. And the house stopped getting cleaned. And this is all because he's in excruciating pain and he's miserable.

He stopped going to the gym and then he stopped working out in the garage. And then he stopped moving eventually. He just sat around all day. And the house stopped getting cleaned. And this is all because he's in excruciating pain and he's miserable.

He mentioned, have you ever heard of Stolen Valor? And he pulled up YouTube. And we spent, I would say, probably an hour watching YouTube videos of people being exposed for stolen valor.

He mentioned, have you ever heard of Stolen Valor? And he pulled up YouTube. And we spent, I would say, probably an hour watching YouTube videos of people being exposed for stolen valor.

And so there's lots of videos on YouTube of people going up to a person wearing a uniform in, say, a mall and saying, your bars are on the wrong side of your collar. Your patch is upside down. You are not supposed to be in this uniform. You know, shaming them for this act of stolen valor. And this was something that he was very amused by, that these people are getting caught and shamed publicly.

And so there's lots of videos on YouTube of people going up to a person wearing a uniform in, say, a mall and saying, your bars are on the wrong side of your collar. Your patch is upside down. You are not supposed to be in this uniform. You know, shaming them for this act of stolen valor. And this was something that he was very amused by, that these people are getting caught and shamed publicly.

He loved it. He thought it was so entertaining.

He loved it. He thought it was so entertaining.

So as he withdraws into this chronic pain, I'm pushing harder and harder to to make sure that bills are paid, to make sure that the house is taken care of, make sure the baby has everything he needs, make sure the baby got to go to the park today and play outside. I just started picking up more and more of the slack as he withdrew into being miserable.

So as he withdraws into this chronic pain, I'm pushing harder and harder to to make sure that bills are paid, to make sure that the house is taken care of, make sure the baby has everything he needs, make sure the baby got to go to the park today and play outside. I just started picking up more and more of the slack as he withdrew into being miserable.

It was awful to watch the person that you're so in love with falling apart in front of me.

It was awful to watch the person that you're so in love with falling apart in front of me.

And we grew up on a farm, so my life was kind of wild and crazy and great. Grew up super religious in the Seventh-day Adventist church.

And we grew up on a farm, so my life was kind of wild and crazy and great. Grew up super religious in the Seventh-day Adventist church.

He was taking oxycodone, I believe, Percocet. Anyway, he was taking one of those and he was supposed to take like one a day. He was taking like

He was taking oxycodone, I believe, Percocet. Anyway, he was taking one of those and he was supposed to take like one a day. He was taking like

One night, before he came to bed... I said, what's that? And he said, oh, it's fentanyl. It's great. I'm not in any pain. It's amazing. And I said, but you took your meds today? He said, yeah. And I said, isn't that how people overdose? I'm not an idiot. It's fine. I'm going to bed. Good night. I've had a bad day. We're not going to have a fight about this.

One night, before he came to bed... I said, what's that? And he said, oh, it's fentanyl. It's great. I'm not in any pain. It's amazing. And I said, but you took your meds today? He said, yeah. And I said, isn't that how people overdose? I'm not an idiot. It's fine. I'm going to bed. Good night. I've had a bad day. We're not going to have a fight about this.

Funny enough, I thought as a kid that 20 years old was being a grown-up. And 25-year-olds were old. And so I thought for sure that I would be married by 20. But I never really dated.

Funny enough, I thought as a kid that 20 years old was being a grown-up. And 25-year-olds were old. And so I thought for sure that I would be married by 20. But I never really dated.

I was so uncomfortable and I just sat there staring at his back, wanting to rip them off, but trusting him at the same time.

I was so uncomfortable and I just sat there staring at his back, wanting to rip them off, but trusting him at the same time.

So I grabbed my phone and I called 911 hysterical, said, my husband's not breathing.

So I grabbed my phone and I called 911 hysterical, said, my husband's not breathing.

And the whole time I'm doing chest compressions, I'm like, he's cold. He's gone. This man is not alive. The whole time in the background, the boy is just screaming my name out.

And the whole time I'm doing chest compressions, I'm like, he's cold. He's gone. This man is not alive. The whole time in the background, the boy is just screaming my name out.

He loved us a little prince and we started saying, you know, daddy went to hang out in the stars with the little prince and the fox.

He loved us a little prince and we started saying, you know, daddy went to hang out in the stars with the little prince and the fox.

We all went up and sat with Aaron and I sat down and I told him, I will miss you every day for the rest of my life. And then he was gone.

We all went up and sat with Aaron and I sat down and I told him, I will miss you every day for the rest of my life. And then he was gone.

About 10 o'clock, a knock on my door, and the boy's mom showed up and insisted on sitting down and talking to me. I don't know this person at all other than the reputation that I have been very carefully spoon-fed for three years, which is that she is awful and a horrible person.

About 10 o'clock, a knock on my door, and the boy's mom showed up and insisted on sitting down and talking to me. I don't know this person at all other than the reputation that I have been very carefully spoon-fed for three years, which is that she is awful and a horrible person.

And she came in like a blast of cold air, sat down in my living room, and said, if you want to be in my son's life, there's some things you need to know. First of all, Aaron's not Choctaw. Aaron's Black. And I kind of laughed at her. I'm like, okay lady, like really, we're gonna do this right now?

And she came in like a blast of cold air, sat down in my living room, and said, if you want to be in my son's life, there's some things you need to know. First of all, Aaron's not Choctaw. Aaron's Black. And I kind of laughed at her. I'm like, okay lady, like really, we're gonna do this right now?

It was Aaron's mom and Aaron's brother, who is very much a black man. They came in, they sat down in my living room, and I told them about me and my life with Aaron, how long we'd been together. And she said, he wasn't a good person. And I thought, well, that's a really weird thing to say to a grieving widow.

It was Aaron's mom and Aaron's brother, who is very much a black man. They came in, they sat down in my living room, and I told them about me and my life with Aaron, how long we'd been together. And she said, he wasn't a good person. And I thought, well, that's a really weird thing to say to a grieving widow.

I gave it a lot of thought, and I called my family on a Zoom call, and I said, okay, I'm going to vacate the house. I don't own it. The name's not on it. I don't have any right to it. And my friend, the lawyer said, take what's yours, what you bought together and nothing else.

I gave it a lot of thought, and I called my family on a Zoom call, and I said, okay, I'm going to vacate the house. I don't own it. The name's not on it. I don't have any right to it. And my friend, the lawyer said, take what's yours, what you bought together and nothing else.

I finally went on one date with a guy and gave him like a little peck at the end of the night. and was just like, nope, that was not for me. I did not like that. I don't want a date.

I finally went on one date with a guy and gave him like a little peck at the end of the night. and was just like, nope, that was not for me. I did not like that. I don't want a date.

I reached down and I picked him up and I held him really close and I said, never forget I love you and I'm your ama and that will never change. And she fell out of the road, drove away, and I never saw him again.

I reached down and I picked him up and I held him really close and I said, never forget I love you and I'm your ama and that will never change. And she fell out of the road, drove away, and I never saw him again.

I fell apart. I wasn't getting out of bed. I wasn't taking care of myself. I wasn't eating. I was a disaster.

I fell apart. I wasn't getting out of bed. I wasn't taking care of myself. I wasn't eating. I was a disaster.

When I got his autopsy, it was very much an overdose. He had on double the dose, and he had taken double the dose of oxycodone at the same time to go to bed.

When I got his autopsy, it was very much an overdose. He had on double the dose, and he had taken double the dose of oxycodone at the same time to go to bed.

On his autopsy, it said he had a brace on his leg. It said brace on his left leg. And I thought, well, that's a really weird way to say prosthetic. And that was the last I thought of it.

On his autopsy, it said he had a brace on his leg. It said brace on his left leg. And I thought, well, that's a really weird way to say prosthetic. And that was the last I thought of it.

I stayed very much in grieving widow mode for two months. And it wasn't until after the second month that I opened my eyes finally. So I just let a lot of this stuff slide and thought like, either I'll deal with it later or it's not true or it's a misunderstanding. And then after two months, I opened his computer and everything changed instantly.

I stayed very much in grieving widow mode for two months. And it wasn't until after the second month that I opened my eyes finally. So I just let a lot of this stuff slide and thought like, either I'll deal with it later or it's not true or it's a misunderstanding. And then after two months, I opened his computer and everything changed instantly.

So I opened the computer, got right in on the first try, knew the password. And I opened his pictures and I started looking through and there were some screenshots in there that sent me to his text messages. All of his text messages are on his computer. And immediately, within 20 seconds, I realized that he was in a relationship with somebody long distance.

So I opened the computer, got right in on the first try, knew the password. And I opened his pictures and I started looking through and there were some screenshots in there that sent me to his text messages. All of his text messages are on his computer. And immediately, within 20 seconds, I realized that he was in a relationship with somebody long distance.

I spent an hour combing through their text messages, which were graphic and filthy. And the worst part of all of it, there were two things that were just devastating. The first was that the things he said to her while they were having this like fantasy relationship is the same stuff he would say to me when we were intimate verbatim.

I spent an hour combing through their text messages, which were graphic and filthy. And the worst part of all of it, there were two things that were just devastating. The first was that the things he said to her while they were having this like fantasy relationship is the same stuff he would say to me when we were intimate verbatim.

And he would tell her, well, I have time and I won't have the boy on these dates because I was going to be gone for a conference on those dates. So that was a lot to realize, like he was manipulating her and me to keep us both on the hook back and forth. But then the worst thing I found in everything I found was him saying, nobody has ever loved me. Nobody, except for you.

And he would tell her, well, I have time and I won't have the boy on these dates because I was going to be gone for a conference on those dates. So that was a lot to realize, like he was manipulating her and me to keep us both on the hook back and forth. But then the worst thing I found in everything I found was him saying, nobody has ever loved me. Nobody, except for you.

I decided to go to college, and I studied history, which was really fun.

I decided to go to college, and I studied history, which was really fun.

And that is the biggest lie he ever told. And just the most infuriating lie devastating, cruel thing he could have said was that nobody had ever loved him. And here I had just spent eight weeks bottomed out, devastated, flatlined because this man had died. And I had given him everything.

And that is the biggest lie he ever told. And just the most infuriating lie devastating, cruel thing he could have said was that nobody had ever loved him. And here I had just spent eight weeks bottomed out, devastated, flatlined because this man had died. And I had given him everything.

and found more women. He was texting four other girls, couple from Tinder, couple from school. One of my favorites was a girl he had been in school with who had been to our house and knew me. And they were talking about how she could move in and her teenager could live in the basement bedroom. It's a three bedroom house. And his son lives in one of those bedrooms.

and found more women. He was texting four other girls, couple from Tinder, couple from school. One of my favorites was a girl he had been in school with who had been to our house and knew me. And they were talking about how she could move in and her teenager could live in the basement bedroom. It's a three bedroom house. And his son lives in one of those bedrooms.

So presumably I'm not living there as she's moving in. So that was like, what the heck is he just going to kick me out? Like, this is recent.

So presumably I'm not living there as she's moving in. So that was like, what the heck is he just going to kick me out? Like, this is recent.

And he was saying, well, you know, I don't ever have anything going on on Tuesday nights. We could come over for dinner. We could watch a movie. But then I have to go to bed around 10 because I was teaching. I was at class 7 to 10 on Tuesdays. So he knew I would stay at work and go to class. So that was like. I guess kind of opening that box of like, okay, so he's been doing stuff behind my back.

And he was saying, well, you know, I don't ever have anything going on on Tuesday nights. We could come over for dinner. We could watch a movie. But then I have to go to bed around 10 because I was teaching. I was at class 7 to 10 on Tuesdays. So he knew I would stay at work and go to class. So that was like. I guess kind of opening that box of like, okay, so he's been doing stuff behind my back.

I don't know what. I still don't. I don't need to. It doesn't matter. He offered it.

I don't know what. I still don't. I don't need to. It doesn't matter. He offered it.

The girlfriend messaged me back. What? No, this isn't real. What's going on? Who are you really? Did you steal his phone? Just And I said, yeah, no, real. Here's some pictures of us. We've been together for this amount of time, three years. And she said, we've been together for longer than that. They've been together when he was married to his other wife.

The girlfriend messaged me back. What? No, this isn't real. What's going on? Who are you really? Did you steal his phone? Just And I said, yeah, no, real. Here's some pictures of us. We've been together for this amount of time, three years. And she said, we've been together for longer than that. They've been together when he was married to his other wife.

I was living in this really cute tiny apartment in the older section of Colorado Springs. So cute. And just loving my life. I felt like I had really kind of arrived. I had a job. I was teaching. I had friends. I was very happy.

I was living in this really cute tiny apartment in the older section of Colorado Springs. So cute. And just loving my life. I felt like I had really kind of arrived. I had a job. I was teaching. I had friends. I was very happy.

On his computer were all these pictures of his honeymoon, including his two fully attacked feet on the beach. much, much after he was supposedly injured. I just stared at these feet. Like, these are his feet. I recognized one of them, but I'd seen one of them without a sock on.

On his computer were all these pictures of his honeymoon, including his two fully attacked feet on the beach. much, much after he was supposedly injured. I just stared at these feet. Like, these are his feet. I recognized one of them, but I'd seen one of them without a sock on.

He didn't ever recognize like pop off a prosthetic or anything like that in front of me. And he needed to shower downstairs because it was really hard for him to step into the shower upstairs. It was a tub shower combo. So he basically had his own bathroom in the downstairs part of the house. So I never saw him fully unclothed. because he kept a sock on it when we were sleeping.

He didn't ever recognize like pop off a prosthetic or anything like that in front of me. And he needed to shower downstairs because it was really hard for him to step into the shower upstairs. It was a tub shower combo. So he basically had his own bathroom in the downstairs part of the house. So I never saw him fully unclothed. because he kept a sock on it when we were sleeping.

So I never questioned it. It was his private business. That's his medical history. And there was nothing for me to say, well, that seems off.

So I never questioned it. It was his private business. That's his medical history. And there was nothing for me to say, well, that seems off.

I said, did you ever look at his prosthetic or look at his amputation site? And she said, oh, I'm sure I did. Well... Maybe not actually, let me think. Maybe I didn't. And I just sat there flabbergasted. And at that point, that was what was finally like, yeah, this man did not have an amputated foot. I don't know what he was wearing.

I said, did you ever look at his prosthetic or look at his amputation site? And she said, oh, I'm sure I did. Well... Maybe not actually, let me think. Maybe I didn't. And I just sat there flabbergasted. And at that point, that was what was finally like, yeah, this man did not have an amputated foot. I don't know what he was wearing.

I don't know why he was wearing it, but it wasn't a prosthetic foot.

I don't know why he was wearing it, but it wasn't a prosthetic foot.

Found his DD-214, which is like his exit paperwork from the military, and it didn't add up with what he told me.

Found his DD-214, which is like his exit paperwork from the military, and it didn't add up with what he told me.

And I went out into the kitchen and I poured myself, I am not joking, eight ounces of tequila down to that. My dad lives in the country, thank goodness, walked out way out into the hills and just screamed and screamed and screamed until I lost my voice. The person I had just spent three years loving and caring for and two months devastated over his loss didn't exist.

And I went out into the kitchen and I poured myself, I am not joking, eight ounces of tequila down to that. My dad lives in the country, thank goodness, walked out way out into the hills and just screamed and screamed and screamed until I lost my voice. The person I had just spent three years loving and caring for and two months devastated over his loss didn't exist.

It was so much fun. Keep this in mind. It's January of 2017, and I decided it would be a good time to teach conspiracy, culture, and elections in United States political history.

It was so much fun. Keep this in mind. It's January of 2017, and I decided it would be a good time to teach conspiracy, culture, and elections in United States political history.

And I came to this point that day where I said, at the end of the day, he took everything from me. And when there was nothing left to take, The person I had loved and been in a relationship with disappeared. And with him went three years of my life into a black hole.

And I came to this point that day where I said, at the end of the day, he took everything from me. And when there was nothing left to take, The person I had loved and been in a relationship with disappeared. And with him went three years of my life into a black hole.

I was Googling everything I could. I'm a historian. I can research like nobody's business. So I'm just Googling everything I can think of to try to find out who this person is. I'm looking on Facebook. I'm looking on Instagram, social media.

I was Googling everything I could. I'm a historian. I can research like nobody's business. So I'm just Googling everything I can think of to try to find out who this person is. I'm looking on Facebook. I'm looking on Instagram, social media.

You know, now I'm asking questions, right? What about these people? It's not real. Grandparents were not those people. Those people didn't exist at all. I mean, it was an entirely crafted life. His family is fake. His military experience was not his. And I don't know how he kept it all straight.

You know, now I'm asking questions, right? What about these people? It's not real. Grandparents were not those people. Those people didn't exist at all. I mean, it was an entirely crafted life. His family is fake. His military experience was not his. And I don't know how he kept it all straight.

So I didn't know about his real mom, even though she's a real person who lives in a real place. I knew about some other version of someone that he could completely control that narrative. And I'm never going to look her up and say, is this the truth? I was the perfect person for him because I chose to trust him. And he practiced different things.

So I didn't know about his real mom, even though she's a real person who lives in a real place. I knew about some other version of someone that he could completely control that narrative. And I'm never going to look her up and say, is this the truth? I was the perfect person for him because I chose to trust him. And he practiced different things.

He tried out different things to test me to see if I would trust him. And I did. I always did. He very carefully curated my life.

He tried out different things to test me to see if I would trust him. And I did. I always did. He very carefully curated my life.

When I finally learned everything and could sort of lay out a life timeline for him, there is about a three to five year capacity on the stories he was telling people. And then he would move on in some way. He would leave town. He would start a new school program, something like that. He'd get married. So he was coming to the end of that. And his stories were getting a little thin.

When I finally learned everything and could sort of lay out a life timeline for him, there is about a three to five year capacity on the stories he was telling people. And then he would move on in some way. He would leave town. He would start a new school program, something like that. He'd get married. So he was coming to the end of that. And his stories were getting a little thin.

He's an addict. So he's always looking for kind of that next better hit of whatever it was. And sometimes it was a partner and sometimes it was becoming a parent and sometimes it was a new degree in school. But, you know, he's tying things together, trying to make himself a life that he would have been happy with.

He's an addict. So he's always looking for kind of that next better hit of whatever it was. And sometimes it was a partner and sometimes it was becoming a parent and sometimes it was a new degree in school. But, you know, he's tying things together, trying to make himself a life that he would have been happy with.

So he just kept shifting it into this story that he liked a little better and a little better, a little better. And it still didn't satisfy him. He still needed narcotics. I feel very strongly that he wanted to stay in our life, but wasn't sure how to do that. Do I think that he put the patches on and hoped he would fall asleep and never wake up? Yeah, I do.

So he just kept shifting it into this story that he liked a little better and a little better, a little better. And it still didn't satisfy him. He still needed narcotics. I feel very strongly that he wanted to stay in our life, but wasn't sure how to do that. Do I think that he put the patches on and hoped he would fall asleep and never wake up? Yeah, I do.

Dating and romantic relationships were not going to be part of my life, and I was sort of settled into that in a very comfortable way where it didn't bother me. It wasn't something I was seeking out. I wasn't on dating apps. I wasn't looking for it. And I certainly was not looking for him.

Dating and romantic relationships were not going to be part of my life, and I was sort of settled into that in a very comfortable way where it didn't bother me. It wasn't something I was seeking out. I wasn't on dating apps. I wasn't looking for it. And I certainly was not looking for him.

My doctor had me talk to the therapist in her office. And I owe everything to his methods. He gave me terminology, and that terminology completely changed how I was going through this. He was the first person to say, you have PTSD. And I thought, no, no, no, PTSD is for soldiers, which is a really common thought, that PTSD is for people who've been to war or through war. He was really good about

My doctor had me talk to the therapist in her office. And I owe everything to his methods. He gave me terminology, and that terminology completely changed how I was going through this. He was the first person to say, you have PTSD. And I thought, no, no, no, PTSD is for soldiers, which is a really common thought, that PTSD is for people who've been to war or through war. He was really good about

This is what I think might be going on. Read it and let's talk about it next time. He was providing me information to heal myself.

This is what I think might be going on. Read it and let's talk about it next time. He was providing me information to heal myself.

I'll still be driving down the road and have a random memory and go, oh, yeah, that's probably what happened. I'm still less and less and less and less putting things together and making the pieces fit. but I'll never know everything and I'll never have closure. And I think that's probably the most important thing. It's like closure isn't necessary for you to move on and heal. It's really not.

I'll still be driving down the road and have a random memory and go, oh, yeah, that's probably what happened. I'm still less and less and less and less putting things together and making the pieces fit. but I'll never know everything and I'll never have closure. And I think that's probably the most important thing. It's like closure isn't necessary for you to move on and heal. It's really not.

It would help, but it's not necessary.

It would help, but it's not necessary.

He was broken. He was broken by a world that breaks people and spits them out. I think he grew up feeling inadequate. He grew up feeling unloved. And he wanted to write himself a better story than that. And instead of becoming someone who would be loved, he became someone who he thought was lovable. and adjusted it for each person as he met them.

He was broken. He was broken by a world that breaks people and spits them out. I think he grew up feeling inadequate. He grew up feeling unloved. And he wanted to write himself a better story than that. And instead of becoming someone who would be loved, he became someone who he thought was lovable. and adjusted it for each person as he met them.

This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up. It sounds like a soap opera. It sounds like a drama movie. But it's so real and it's not the only one. And there's so many stories like this. The more we talk about it, the more out in the open we bring these people who exist in the shadows and want to operate from the shadows. We have to understand

This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up. It sounds like a soap opera. It sounds like a drama movie. But it's so real and it's not the only one. And there's so many stories like this. The more we talk about it, the more out in the open we bring these people who exist in the shadows and want to operate from the shadows. We have to understand

assign terminology to the disorders that cause them to act in these ways. And we have to support people who've been through it. And my mission through all of this became sort of explaining to more and more people that you can heal. You will heal. What you're experiencing is valid. Something that I say so often to this day is my story was true and my experiences were valid. My story was true.

assign terminology to the disorders that cause them to act in these ways. And we have to support people who've been through it. And my mission through all of this became sort of explaining to more and more people that you can heal. You will heal. What you're experiencing is valid. Something that I say so often to this day is my story was true and my experiences were valid. My story was true.

Even if his wasn't, mine was.

Even if his wasn't, mine was.

I went out into the garage area. The car was gone. Like, where did he go?

I went out into the garage area. The car was gone. Like, where did he go?

He had a service dog, this really cute English Mastiff named Osa. And she had the best underbite, and she would be in the back of class chomping on a bone. So I was always very aware of his presence, partially because of her. He would come up after class, and we would pet the dog and chat a little bit.

He had a service dog, this really cute English Mastiff named Osa. And she had the best underbite, and she would be in the back of class chomping on a bone. So I was always very aware of his presence, partially because of her. He would come up after class, and we would pet the dog and chat a little bit.

I knew that he had had an amputation to his leg. He talked about it fairly frequently. He had a handy cat parking pass.

I knew that he had had an amputation to his leg. He talked about it fairly frequently. He had a handy cat parking pass.

He had a very slow way of speaking. There was no rush for anything in life. I always had the vibe that he was one of those people that would talk forever if you let them. And so I would start to gather my things and eventually he started walking me to my car because my class was from 7 to 10 p.m. And it was very surface level chat.

He had a very slow way of speaking. There was no rush for anything in life. I always had the vibe that he was one of those people that would talk forever if you let them. And so I would start to gather my things and eventually he started walking me to my car because my class was from 7 to 10 p.m. And it was very surface level chat.

Throughout the whole time I was his teacher, usually about class and usually about some interesting fact, he was like a sponge for information.

Throughout the whole time I was his teacher, usually about class and usually about some interesting fact, he was like a sponge for information.

He had kind of long hair that he kept tied back in this low knot on the back of his head, kind of slicked back, low hair. I hesitate to call it a man bun because I know that would hurt Aaron's feelings, but that's what it was. And he had a cowboy western vibe almost, not like costumey, but he wore a lot of very nice button-ups and jeans and leather boots. So that was pretty much his uniform.

He had kind of long hair that he kept tied back in this low knot on the back of his head, kind of slicked back, low hair. I hesitate to call it a man bun because I know that would hurt Aaron's feelings, but that's what it was. And he had a cowboy western vibe almost, not like costumey, but he wore a lot of very nice button-ups and jeans and leather boots. So that was pretty much his uniform.

I just had this confident air about him that he knew he was smart, he knew he was good looking, but he was also kind and respectful and interesting and funny and talented. And I was a fan very quickly, just of his entire aura.

I just had this confident air about him that he knew he was smart, he knew he was good looking, but he was also kind and respectful and interesting and funny and talented. And I was a fan very quickly, just of his entire aura.

At some point in those conversations, I brought up the fact that I had been a nanny. And a few months later, he came to me after class one day and said, we need to switch where my son is going to daycare. What do you know about maybe hiring a nanny? So we chatted a little bit about that. And that's how I found out he had a child. I didn't know that before.

At some point in those conversations, I brought up the fact that I had been a nanny. And a few months later, he came to me after class one day and said, we need to switch where my son is going to daycare. What do you know about maybe hiring a nanny? So we chatted a little bit about that. And that's how I found out he had a child. I didn't know that before.

He wore a ring, so I knew he was married, but I didn't know that he had a kid. He was a baby at the time, maybe four or five months old. So that was sort of our first foray into anything personal was just that bit of advice he was seeking about finding good childcare.

He wore a ring, so I knew he was married, but I didn't know that he had a kid. He was a baby at the time, maybe four or five months old. So that was sort of our first foray into anything personal was just that bit of advice he was seeking about finding good childcare.

And then about a week later, he sent me a message about nine, 10 o'clock at night. I was already in bed and I thought, well, that's weird. What the heck? And so rolled over and checked the message. It was from him. And he just said, you know, something very casual. How are you? And I said, oh, I'm good. The whole time thinking like, what does this guy want?

And then about a week later, he sent me a message about nine, 10 o'clock at night. I was already in bed and I thought, well, that's weird. What the heck? And so rolled over and checked the message. It was from him. And he just said, you know, something very casual. How are you? And I said, oh, I'm good. The whole time thinking like, what does this guy want?

Keep in mind, I am very single, very happy to be single, not looking for anything. I think he's great. Hadn't really given any thought. The man's married with a baby, right?

Keep in mind, I am very single, very happy to be single, not looking for anything. I think he's great. Hadn't really given any thought. The man's married with a baby, right?

He said, do you know that I'm going through a pretty bad divorce? And I said, oh, no, I had no idea. So we chat a little bit about it. He said, yeah, actually, she was arrested last night. We got into an argument and she got physical. And I said, oh, that's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that.

He said, do you know that I'm going through a pretty bad divorce? And I said, oh, no, I had no idea. So we chat a little bit about it. He said, yeah, actually, she was arrested last night. We got into an argument and she got physical. And I said, oh, that's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that.

And then I did the nice thing, which I've since learned not to do, which is I said, is there anything I can do to help? And he said, well, I might need some help with my son.

And then I did the nice thing, which I've since learned not to do, which is I said, is there anything I can do to help? And he said, well, I might need some help with my son.

And I sat and listened to him and I held the baby. And oh, my gosh, he was the cutest little thing. And then as we sort of wrapped up that conversation, it was the end of my day. And I said, OK, well, if you need anything, let me know. And he said, well, actually, I have paper I have to work on tonight.

And I sat and listened to him and I held the baby. And oh, my gosh, he was the cutest little thing. And then as we sort of wrapped up that conversation, it was the end of my day. And I said, OK, well, if you need anything, let me know. And he said, well, actually, I have paper I have to work on tonight.

Would you be able to come over and just hang out with him while I do my homework for an hour or two? And then I'll make dinner.

Would you be able to come over and just hang out with him while I do my homework for an hour or two? And then I'll make dinner.

It was more this like Christian sense of duty that I had been trained into. Someone needs help, you show up even if it's inconvenient or you don't really want to. And that was my first thought is I don't really want to. I don't really want someone who's going to rely on me. I don't really want to be involved in someone else's drama. And I have a full-time job. I'm teaching. I'm busy.

It was more this like Christian sense of duty that I had been trained into. Someone needs help, you show up even if it's inconvenient or you don't really want to. And that was my first thought is I don't really want to. I don't really want someone who's going to rely on me. I don't really want to be involved in someone else's drama. And I have a full-time job. I'm teaching. I'm busy.

I'm worried all the time that men are going to take my presence as some sort of an invitation. And I was so anti-dating and relationships that it was just something I never wanted to foster. So I'm thinking about all this as I'm driving the 20 minutes to his house. Like, okay, I'm going to have to think of boundaries. I'm going to have to be careful with saying yes.

I'm worried all the time that men are going to take my presence as some sort of an invitation. And I was so anti-dating and relationships that it was just something I never wanted to foster. So I'm thinking about all this as I'm driving the 20 minutes to his house. Like, okay, I'm going to have to think of boundaries. I'm going to have to be careful with saying yes.

He was just Aaron, and that made her feel comfortable. He was himself, the way he always was with me after class, just very warm and friendly and kind and thoughtful. So I stayed, had dinner, and then, you know, stay and we'll have an adult beverage is what he used to call them. Stay and we'll have an adult beverage after the boy goes to bed. And I didn't really have anything going on, so why not?

He was just Aaron, and that made her feel comfortable. He was himself, the way he always was with me after class, just very warm and friendly and kind and thoughtful. So I stayed, had dinner, and then, you know, stay and we'll have an adult beverage is what he used to call them. Stay and we'll have an adult beverage after the boy goes to bed. And I didn't really have anything going on, so why not?

So I stayed and we had a beer, sat on the back patio. And he told me a little bit more about what was going on. And it was pretty bad. There were holes in the wall going up the stairs. There was a hole in the wall in the dining room. And we just talked and talked and talked and talked. He shared a little bit of the emotions that came up with him.

So I stayed and we had a beer, sat on the back patio. And he told me a little bit more about what was going on. And it was pretty bad. There were holes in the wall going up the stairs. There was a hole in the wall in the dining room. And we just talked and talked and talked and talked. He shared a little bit of the emotions that came up with him.

Oh, I feel bad, and she is my son's mother, but also we can't keep doing this, and I need to get out of this marriage. That night, they ended up talking until 1 a.m. I have work at 8 a.m., and he said, just crash in my guest room. Here's some clean pajamas. Here's a toothbrush. Just crash downstairs. And I did, which is so out of character for me.

Oh, I feel bad, and she is my son's mother, but also we can't keep doing this, and I need to get out of this marriage. That night, they ended up talking until 1 a.m. I have work at 8 a.m., and he said, just crash in my guest room. Here's some clean pajamas. Here's a toothbrush. Just crash downstairs. And I did, which is so out of character for me.

I felt a little weird, but I was very happy to be around him and just wanted to stay there and be helpful. I love to be helpful. I love to be needed. So I stayed the night, got up in the morning, trucked off to work. And then the next day he said, hey, I've got a test coming up if you're free later on. I went back over there.

I felt a little weird, but I was very happy to be around him and just wanted to stay there and be helpful. I love to be helpful. I love to be needed. So I stayed the night, got up in the morning, trucked off to work. And then the next day he said, hey, I've got a test coming up if you're free later on. I went back over there.

I was always sleeping in the guest room. I made it very clear to him. I don't let people touch me. I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. I'm just here to help. I want to be your friend. I want you to feel supported. But that's as far as this is going to go. And I just kept telling him, like, we're just friends. I don't let people touch me.

I was always sleeping in the guest room. I made it very clear to him. I don't let people touch me. I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. I'm just here to help. I want to be your friend. I want you to feel supported. But that's as far as this is going to go. And I just kept telling him, like, we're just friends. I don't let people touch me.

The fact that I give you hugs is kind of exceptional. You have to respect that. And he really did.

The fact that I give you hugs is kind of exceptional. You have to respect that. And he really did.

He was a very guarded person. So a lot of what he would talk about was things that were very present right now. If he brought up the past, it always felt like kind of an honor that he trusted me with that story. And he would point that out in a very subtle way of, oh, I don't really tell people this story, but you're different.

He was a very guarded person. So a lot of what he would talk about was things that were very present right now. If he brought up the past, it always felt like kind of an honor that he trusted me with that story. And he would point that out in a very subtle way of, oh, I don't really tell people this story, but you're different.

The whole time I'm with my family, I'm bringing him up and I'm talking with him on the phone. And they're seeing that this person is making me kind of giddy and smiley and those kinds of things.

The whole time I'm with my family, I'm bringing him up and I'm talking with him on the phone. And they're seeing that this person is making me kind of giddy and smiley and those kinds of things.

He had cleaned the whole house. He had some of my favorite music on. Baby was in bed. He had, you know, a bouquet of flowers and a card welcoming me home and thanking me for being his friend. And that was my first sort of inkling, like, hmm, I'm going to have to keep an eye on this because here I was at home kind of being giddy about this person. Here he is bringing me flowers.

He had cleaned the whole house. He had some of my favorite music on. Baby was in bed. He had, you know, a bouquet of flowers and a card welcoming me home and thanking me for being his friend. And that was my first sort of inkling, like, hmm, I'm going to have to keep an eye on this because here I was at home kind of being giddy about this person. Here he is bringing me flowers.

So there was this undercurrent starting where I'm repeatedly saying, like, we're just friends, but we're friends who are snuggling on the couch watching a movie and not touching, he just started just leaning like my head on his shoulder or something. So benign, so middle school, but it was perfect for me because I wasn't ready to do that.

So there was this undercurrent starting where I'm repeatedly saying, like, we're just friends, but we're friends who are snuggling on the couch watching a movie and not touching, he just started just leaning like my head on his shoulder or something. So benign, so middle school, but it was perfect for me because I wasn't ready to do that.

He said something to me like, I think you're in love with me. And I said, I think you're in love with me. And that was it. We were in a relationship after that.

He said something to me like, I think you're in love with me. And I said, I think you're in love with me. And that was it. We were in a relationship after that.

I leaned in and it was the most fulfilling time of my whole entire existence. I'm getting emotional just talking about it because that part is perfect in my mind.

I leaned in and it was the most fulfilling time of my whole entire existence. I'm getting emotional just talking about it because that part is perfect in my mind.

His family was incredibly complicated, incredibly damaged, incredibly dysfunctional. And these were the reasons that he's so guarded. These are the reasons that he doesn't have a relationship with them or see them or go to visit them.

This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up. It sounds like a soap opera. It sounds like a drama movie. But it's so real and it's not the only one. There are things we might not know about somebody we live with. And there's so many stories like this.

He got hurt in Iraq. They were on a drive through a city of some kind and hit an IED. And the Humvee in front of them blew up. Theirs didn't. But the impact knocked theirs off its balance. He got hurt. His foot was amputated because of that injury. And he was medically retired and then came home.

His dad showed up to the hospital and tried to get medical power of attorney so that he could sell Aaron's portion of land that he had been left by his grandparents on the Choctaw Reservation in Oklahoma. So Aaron fought tooth and nail to get better, to get stronger, and kicked his dad out of his life.

The man was covered in enormous scars. Everything about him screams, I have had a hard life. I have had a physically hard life. I've been injured. I've had surgeries.

He walked with a very slight limp and kept that leg pretty stiff. But he always kept a sock on that foot. And I just figured he wanted to protect it. He had a couple of different doctors who were working on maybe a better prosthetic. because he ended up injuring his knee on that same leg, and we thought maybe he needed a little bit more support from that prosthetic.

He was an incredible father. He was so attentive and so loving and so affectionate and just lit up when it came time to go get the boy out of bed or read the boy his bedtime story. We called him the boy. I'm going to call him the boy because I'm not going to say his name.

The boy and I were just absolutely connected at the hip from day one. When it was time for him to start eating solids, I was the one who decided how that should go because I have 20 years of childcare experience and this is his first child. He and I would just light up to be around each other.

He's a retired veteran, so he gets some money, but, you know, life is expensive, so... We were always a little bit stressed on money. He really liked being a provider and making sure that the baby had everything he needed. But that usually meant that there was no food in the refrigerator for adults.

So I started doing things like pitching in on groceries, and I took over the Wi-Fi and the trash bills.

Oh gosh, it was just never ending. We needed a new roof, but we didn't have any money. We needed to pay off $5,000 in credit cards in order to get a refinance on the mortgage so we didn't lose the house.

One of the things that they thought might be going on when he was in the ER was that he was having some kind of an infection from his amputation.

He said that they ended up accusing him of being pain med seeking. And he said that was racist. That was because he was brown. He literally ripped the IV out of his arm and stormed out of the hospital. And I kind of yelled at him all the way home. I'm like, what were you thinking? You obviously need help. Something is going on. He had a very high fever. He was in a lot of pain.

I could see that he was miserable. It had been a long, awful day sitting in the ER getting tests done on him and all of them coming back negative.

This whole time I'm icing his back. I'm getting the ice packs for his knee. He had special equipment for icing his shoulder. I'm driving him around to doctor's appointments because he's in too much pain to drive. I can see the pain on his face. I can see him changing and drawing into this pain in his life of being in chronic pain.

He stopped going to the gym and then he stopped working out in the garage. And then he stopped moving eventually. He just sat around all day. And the house stopped getting cleaned. And this is all because he's in excruciating pain and he's miserable.

He mentioned, have you ever heard of Stolen Valor? And he pulled up YouTube. And we spent, I would say, probably an hour watching YouTube videos of people being exposed for stolen valor.

And so there's lots of videos on YouTube of people going up to a person wearing a uniform in, say, a mall and saying, your bars are on the wrong side of your collar. Your patch is upside down. You are not supposed to be in this uniform. You know, shaming them for this act of stolen valor. And this was something that he was very amused by, that these people are getting caught and shamed publicly.

He loved it. He thought it was so entertaining.

So as he withdraws into this chronic pain, I'm pushing harder and harder to to make sure that bills are paid, to make sure that the house is taken care of, make sure the baby has everything he needs, make sure the baby got to go to the park today and play outside. I just started picking up more and more of the slack as he withdrew into being miserable.

It was awful to watch the person that you're so in love with falling apart in front of me.

And we grew up on a farm, so my life was kind of wild and crazy and great. Grew up super religious in the Seventh-day Adventist church.

He was taking oxycodone, I believe, Percocet. Anyway, he was taking one of those and he was supposed to take like one a day. He was taking like

One night, before he came to bed... I said, what's that? And he said, oh, it's fentanyl. It's great. I'm not in any pain. It's amazing. And I said, but you took your meds today? He said, yeah. And I said, isn't that how people overdose? I'm not an idiot. It's fine. I'm going to bed. Good night. I've had a bad day. We're not going to have a fight about this.

Funny enough, I thought as a kid that 20 years old was being a grown-up. And 25-year-olds were old. And so I thought for sure that I would be married by 20. But I never really dated.

I was so uncomfortable and I just sat there staring at his back, wanting to rip them off, but trusting him at the same time.

So I grabbed my phone and I called 911 hysterical, said, my husband's not breathing.

And the whole time I'm doing chest compressions, I'm like, he's cold. He's gone. This man is not alive. The whole time in the background, the boy is just screaming my name out.

He loved us a little prince and we started saying, you know, daddy went to hang out in the stars with the little prince and the fox.

We all went up and sat with Aaron and I sat down and I told him, I will miss you every day for the rest of my life. And then he was gone.

About 10 o'clock, a knock on my door, and the boy's mom showed up and insisted on sitting down and talking to me. I don't know this person at all other than the reputation that I have been very carefully spoon-fed for three years, which is that she is awful and a horrible person.

And she came in like a blast of cold air, sat down in my living room, and said, if you want to be in my son's life, there's some things you need to know. First of all, Aaron's not Choctaw. Aaron's Black. And I kind of laughed at her. I'm like, okay lady, like really, we're gonna do this right now?

It was Aaron's mom and Aaron's brother, who is very much a black man. They came in, they sat down in my living room, and I told them about me and my life with Aaron, how long we'd been together. And she said, he wasn't a good person. And I thought, well, that's a really weird thing to say to a grieving widow.

I gave it a lot of thought, and I called my family on a Zoom call, and I said, okay, I'm going to vacate the house. I don't own it. The name's not on it. I don't have any right to it. And my friend, the lawyer said, take what's yours, what you bought together and nothing else.

I finally went on one date with a guy and gave him like a little peck at the end of the night. and was just like, nope, that was not for me. I did not like that. I don't want a date.

I reached down and I picked him up and I held him really close and I said, never forget I love you and I'm your ama and that will never change. And she fell out of the road, drove away, and I never saw him again.

I fell apart. I wasn't getting out of bed. I wasn't taking care of myself. I wasn't eating. I was a disaster.

When I got his autopsy, it was very much an overdose. He had on double the dose, and he had taken double the dose of oxycodone at the same time to go to bed.

On his autopsy, it said he had a brace on his leg. It said brace on his left leg. And I thought, well, that's a really weird way to say prosthetic. And that was the last I thought of it.

I stayed very much in grieving widow mode for two months. And it wasn't until after the second month that I opened my eyes finally. So I just let a lot of this stuff slide and thought like, either I'll deal with it later or it's not true or it's a misunderstanding. And then after two months, I opened his computer and everything changed instantly.

So I opened the computer, got right in on the first try, knew the password. And I opened his pictures and I started looking through and there were some screenshots in there that sent me to his text messages. All of his text messages are on his computer. And immediately, within 20 seconds, I realized that he was in a relationship with somebody long distance.

I spent an hour combing through their text messages, which were graphic and filthy. And the worst part of all of it, there were two things that were just devastating. The first was that the things he said to her while they were having this like fantasy relationship is the same stuff he would say to me when we were intimate verbatim.

And he would tell her, well, I have time and I won't have the boy on these dates because I was going to be gone for a conference on those dates. So that was a lot to realize, like he was manipulating her and me to keep us both on the hook back and forth. But then the worst thing I found in everything I found was him saying, nobody has ever loved me. Nobody, except for you.

I decided to go to college, and I studied history, which was really fun.

And that is the biggest lie he ever told. And just the most infuriating lie devastating, cruel thing he could have said was that nobody had ever loved him. And here I had just spent eight weeks bottomed out, devastated, flatlined because this man had died. And I had given him everything.

and found more women. He was texting four other girls, couple from Tinder, couple from school. One of my favorites was a girl he had been in school with who had been to our house and knew me. And they were talking about how she could move in and her teenager could live in the basement bedroom. It's a three bedroom house. And his son lives in one of those bedrooms.

So presumably I'm not living there as she's moving in. So that was like, what the heck is he just going to kick me out? Like, this is recent.

And he was saying, well, you know, I don't ever have anything going on on Tuesday nights. We could come over for dinner. We could watch a movie. But then I have to go to bed around 10 because I was teaching. I was at class 7 to 10 on Tuesdays. So he knew I would stay at work and go to class. So that was like. I guess kind of opening that box of like, okay, so he's been doing stuff behind my back.

I don't know what. I still don't. I don't need to. It doesn't matter. He offered it.

The girlfriend messaged me back. What? No, this isn't real. What's going on? Who are you really? Did you steal his phone? Just And I said, yeah, no, real. Here's some pictures of us. We've been together for this amount of time, three years. And she said, we've been together for longer than that. They've been together when he was married to his other wife.

I was living in this really cute tiny apartment in the older section of Colorado Springs. So cute. And just loving my life. I felt like I had really kind of arrived. I had a job. I was teaching. I had friends. I was very happy.

On his computer were all these pictures of his honeymoon, including his two fully attacked feet on the beach. much, much after he was supposedly injured. I just stared at these feet. Like, these are his feet. I recognized one of them, but I'd seen one of them without a sock on.

He didn't ever recognize like pop off a prosthetic or anything like that in front of me. And he needed to shower downstairs because it was really hard for him to step into the shower upstairs. It was a tub shower combo. So he basically had his own bathroom in the downstairs part of the house. So I never saw him fully unclothed. because he kept a sock on it when we were sleeping.

So I never questioned it. It was his private business. That's his medical history. And there was nothing for me to say, well, that seems off.

I said, did you ever look at his prosthetic or look at his amputation site? And she said, oh, I'm sure I did. Well... Maybe not actually, let me think. Maybe I didn't. And I just sat there flabbergasted. And at that point, that was what was finally like, yeah, this man did not have an amputated foot. I don't know what he was wearing.

I don't know why he was wearing it, but it wasn't a prosthetic foot.

Found his DD-214, which is like his exit paperwork from the military, and it didn't add up with what he told me.

And I went out into the kitchen and I poured myself, I am not joking, eight ounces of tequila down to that. My dad lives in the country, thank goodness, walked out way out into the hills and just screamed and screamed and screamed until I lost my voice. The person I had just spent three years loving and caring for and two months devastated over his loss didn't exist.

It was so much fun. Keep this in mind. It's January of 2017, and I decided it would be a good time to teach conspiracy, culture, and elections in United States political history.

And I came to this point that day where I said, at the end of the day, he took everything from me. And when there was nothing left to take, The person I had loved and been in a relationship with disappeared. And with him went three years of my life into a black hole.

I was Googling everything I could. I'm a historian. I can research like nobody's business. So I'm just Googling everything I can think of to try to find out who this person is. I'm looking on Facebook. I'm looking on Instagram, social media.

You know, now I'm asking questions, right? What about these people? It's not real. Grandparents were not those people. Those people didn't exist at all. I mean, it was an entirely crafted life. His family is fake. His military experience was not his. And I don't know how he kept it all straight.

So I didn't know about his real mom, even though she's a real person who lives in a real place. I knew about some other version of someone that he could completely control that narrative. And I'm never going to look her up and say, is this the truth? I was the perfect person for him because I chose to trust him. And he practiced different things.

He tried out different things to test me to see if I would trust him. And I did. I always did. He very carefully curated my life.

When I finally learned everything and could sort of lay out a life timeline for him, there is about a three to five year capacity on the stories he was telling people. And then he would move on in some way. He would leave town. He would start a new school program, something like that. He'd get married. So he was coming to the end of that. And his stories were getting a little thin.

He's an addict. So he's always looking for kind of that next better hit of whatever it was. And sometimes it was a partner and sometimes it was becoming a parent and sometimes it was a new degree in school. But, you know, he's tying things together, trying to make himself a life that he would have been happy with.

So he just kept shifting it into this story that he liked a little better and a little better, a little better. And it still didn't satisfy him. He still needed narcotics. I feel very strongly that he wanted to stay in our life, but wasn't sure how to do that. Do I think that he put the patches on and hoped he would fall asleep and never wake up? Yeah, I do.

Dating and romantic relationships were not going to be part of my life, and I was sort of settled into that in a very comfortable way where it didn't bother me. It wasn't something I was seeking out. I wasn't on dating apps. I wasn't looking for it. And I certainly was not looking for him.

My doctor had me talk to the therapist in her office. And I owe everything to his methods. He gave me terminology, and that terminology completely changed how I was going through this. He was the first person to say, you have PTSD. And I thought, no, no, no, PTSD is for soldiers, which is a really common thought, that PTSD is for people who've been to war or through war. He was really good about

This is what I think might be going on. Read it and let's talk about it next time. He was providing me information to heal myself.

I'll still be driving down the road and have a random memory and go, oh, yeah, that's probably what happened. I'm still less and less and less and less putting things together and making the pieces fit. but I'll never know everything and I'll never have closure. And I think that's probably the most important thing. It's like closure isn't necessary for you to move on and heal. It's really not.

It would help, but it's not necessary.

He was broken. He was broken by a world that breaks people and spits them out. I think he grew up feeling inadequate. He grew up feeling unloved. And he wanted to write himself a better story than that. And instead of becoming someone who would be loved, he became someone who he thought was lovable. and adjusted it for each person as he met them.

This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up. It sounds like a soap opera. It sounds like a drama movie. But it's so real and it's not the only one. And there's so many stories like this. The more we talk about it, the more out in the open we bring these people who exist in the shadows and want to operate from the shadows. We have to understand

assign terminology to the disorders that cause them to act in these ways. And we have to support people who've been through it. And my mission through all of this became sort of explaining to more and more people that you can heal. You will heal. What you're experiencing is valid. Something that I say so often to this day is my story was true and my experiences were valid. My story was true.

Even if his wasn't, mine was.

I went out into the garage area. The car was gone. Like, where did he go?

He had a service dog, this really cute English Mastiff named Osa. And she had the best underbite, and she would be in the back of class chomping on a bone. So I was always very aware of his presence, partially because of her. He would come up after class, and we would pet the dog and chat a little bit.

I knew that he had had an amputation to his leg. He talked about it fairly frequently. He had a handy cat parking pass.

He had a very slow way of speaking. There was no rush for anything in life. I always had the vibe that he was one of those people that would talk forever if you let them. And so I would start to gather my things and eventually he started walking me to my car because my class was from 7 to 10 p.m. And it was very surface level chat.

Throughout the whole time I was his teacher, usually about class and usually about some interesting fact, he was like a sponge for information.

He had kind of long hair that he kept tied back in this low knot on the back of his head, kind of slicked back, low hair. I hesitate to call it a man bun because I know that would hurt Aaron's feelings, but that's what it was. And he had a cowboy western vibe almost, not like costumey, but he wore a lot of very nice button-ups and jeans and leather boots. So that was pretty much his uniform.

I just had this confident air about him that he knew he was smart, he knew he was good looking, but he was also kind and respectful and interesting and funny and talented. And I was a fan very quickly, just of his entire aura.

At some point in those conversations, I brought up the fact that I had been a nanny. And a few months later, he came to me after class one day and said, we need to switch where my son is going to daycare. What do you know about maybe hiring a nanny? So we chatted a little bit about that. And that's how I found out he had a child. I didn't know that before.

He wore a ring, so I knew he was married, but I didn't know that he had a kid. He was a baby at the time, maybe four or five months old. So that was sort of our first foray into anything personal was just that bit of advice he was seeking about finding good childcare.

And then about a week later, he sent me a message about nine, 10 o'clock at night. I was already in bed and I thought, well, that's weird. What the heck? And so rolled over and checked the message. It was from him. And he just said, you know, something very casual. How are you? And I said, oh, I'm good. The whole time thinking like, what does this guy want?

Keep in mind, I am very single, very happy to be single, not looking for anything. I think he's great. Hadn't really given any thought. The man's married with a baby, right?

He said, do you know that I'm going through a pretty bad divorce? And I said, oh, no, I had no idea. So we chat a little bit about it. He said, yeah, actually, she was arrested last night. We got into an argument and she got physical. And I said, oh, that's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that.

And then I did the nice thing, which I've since learned not to do, which is I said, is there anything I can do to help? And he said, well, I might need some help with my son.

And I sat and listened to him and I held the baby. And oh, my gosh, he was the cutest little thing. And then as we sort of wrapped up that conversation, it was the end of my day. And I said, OK, well, if you need anything, let me know. And he said, well, actually, I have paper I have to work on tonight.

Would you be able to come over and just hang out with him while I do my homework for an hour or two? And then I'll make dinner.

It was more this like Christian sense of duty that I had been trained into. Someone needs help, you show up even if it's inconvenient or you don't really want to. And that was my first thought is I don't really want to. I don't really want someone who's going to rely on me. I don't really want to be involved in someone else's drama. And I have a full-time job. I'm teaching. I'm busy.

I'm worried all the time that men are going to take my presence as some sort of an invitation. And I was so anti-dating and relationships that it was just something I never wanted to foster. So I'm thinking about all this as I'm driving the 20 minutes to his house. Like, okay, I'm going to have to think of boundaries. I'm going to have to be careful with saying yes.

He was just Aaron, and that made her feel comfortable. He was himself, the way he always was with me after class, just very warm and friendly and kind and thoughtful. So I stayed, had dinner, and then, you know, stay and we'll have an adult beverage is what he used to call them. Stay and we'll have an adult beverage after the boy goes to bed. And I didn't really have anything going on, so why not?

So I stayed and we had a beer, sat on the back patio. And he told me a little bit more about what was going on. And it was pretty bad. There were holes in the wall going up the stairs. There was a hole in the wall in the dining room. And we just talked and talked and talked and talked. He shared a little bit of the emotions that came up with him.

Oh, I feel bad, and she is my son's mother, but also we can't keep doing this, and I need to get out of this marriage. That night, they ended up talking until 1 a.m. I have work at 8 a.m., and he said, just crash in my guest room. Here's some clean pajamas. Here's a toothbrush. Just crash downstairs. And I did, which is so out of character for me.

I felt a little weird, but I was very happy to be around him and just wanted to stay there and be helpful. I love to be helpful. I love to be needed. So I stayed the night, got up in the morning, trucked off to work. And then the next day he said, hey, I've got a test coming up if you're free later on. I went back over there.

I was always sleeping in the guest room. I made it very clear to him. I don't let people touch me. I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. I'm just here to help. I want to be your friend. I want you to feel supported. But that's as far as this is going to go. And I just kept telling him, like, we're just friends. I don't let people touch me.

The fact that I give you hugs is kind of exceptional. You have to respect that. And he really did.

He was a very guarded person. So a lot of what he would talk about was things that were very present right now. If he brought up the past, it always felt like kind of an honor that he trusted me with that story. And he would point that out in a very subtle way of, oh, I don't really tell people this story, but you're different.

The whole time I'm with my family, I'm bringing him up and I'm talking with him on the phone. And they're seeing that this person is making me kind of giddy and smiley and those kinds of things.

He had cleaned the whole house. He had some of my favorite music on. Baby was in bed. He had, you know, a bouquet of flowers and a card welcoming me home and thanking me for being his friend. And that was my first sort of inkling, like, hmm, I'm going to have to keep an eye on this because here I was at home kind of being giddy about this person. Here he is bringing me flowers.

So there was this undercurrent starting where I'm repeatedly saying, like, we're just friends, but we're friends who are snuggling on the couch watching a movie and not touching, he just started just leaning like my head on his shoulder or something. So benign, so middle school, but it was perfect for me because I wasn't ready to do that.

He said something to me like, I think you're in love with me. And I said, I think you're in love with me. And that was it. We were in a relationship after that.

I leaned in and it was the most fulfilling time of my whole entire existence. I'm getting emotional just talking about it because that part is perfect in my mind.