Ty
Appearances
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Which I think me and Kate kind of relate to because we're like, you know, when you come from such a fucked up family, you create your own. You pick and choose your friends.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
They become your tribe. And it becomes almost like closer. I'm closer to a lot of my friends than I ever would be to my family.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Okay. So I talk a lot and I, whatever. So I go into these tangents and I, it leads off into other shit.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
We'll see. But I'll be talking. Usually when we're driving or when something's happening. Or in bed.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
I'm just trying to watch fat people get surgery. You're over here talking about...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
No, my kids watch it. 600 Pound Life and lifting and scrubbing. I haven't watched my 600 Pound Life in like six months.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
She watches toxic shit, dude.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
All I know is I come in there. TLC fat people, bro. And I'm sorry now.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
A thousand pound scissors is the one with the brow, heavy brow. Yes, yes, yes. All right. Sorry. No shade. Not the heavy brow. No, no. Okay. I just saw a picture.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Okay. Come on, Tammy. Whatever you are.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Kale, you're on Kate and Ty Break It Down.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
But back to Blue Monkey. Okay, back to Blue Monkey. Okay, see what I'm saying? So Blue Monkey is like if I notice I'm talking a lot and I get annoyed at myself in my own head and I'll look over and I can tell that she's just a head nodder. Okay, she's head nodding right now. She's saying, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. And so I'll say like –
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
I'll be like, yeah, you know, talking about, you know, oh, my God, so maybe we'll build a deck in the Blue Monkey thing, and then we'll do that. And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, all right, that's how I know I need to shut my mouth. You say blue monkey in your sentence.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
In the middle of a sentence just to see if – because if you're really listening, you'll catch it and be like, blue monkey, deck. Like, what are you talking about?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Yeah, she just found it out. So where did you go? I swear to God. I said, no, you didn't. I swear. I was like – and she's like, what do you say? I said, I say blue monkey.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
because i know for a fact that i started dying dude because she knows she's like oh i do check out a lot because you go on these rambling things so i have so you guys are not together for a day like say you guys are like going separate ways for whatever reason and he wants to tell you a story of what happened
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
yes or you made that up no i don't make it i'm gonna tell lies and for a while i'm listening like oh wow that's interesting and it's just going wait it's in our dna and going your body's made of stardust yes are you lying listen google it girl go ahead and google it it's all about science but anyway that's a good example that's a good example yeah usually a lot of the stuff is are we made of stardust hold on let me google this i have to
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Well, that's why when we reached out, it was just out of advice at first. And then you were like, I mean, this is what's going on. I'm like, all right, well, it seems authentic enough. And what else do I have to lose? You know what I mean?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
That's why Blue Monkey's important because there's things that I'm interested in where she just is like, dude.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
nope no it's not this is me and my normal brain okay it's exhausting up here so what i want so the next um inside out movie is going to be tyler's brain seriously no too many too many things went on there but yeah so it's like a thing that i do yeah which it's funny because i guess i've been doing it for so long i never thought i'd have to tell you about it because listen this is why i do it i do it because i don't want to make her feel like an asshole for me to be like are you listening to me you know and she's like no like yeah i mean i don't know
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
It's like, I don't want to put the pressure on because I know I talk a lot. It's called accountability. I'm a jibber jabber, whatever. Right. And so it's my way of just being like, okay, it's okay. You're going on.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
No. Really? I knew. Do you have ADHD? Yes.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
No. Not like that. Not like.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Yeah. I just. Okay. It's my own way of. Actually, it's helping you. I don't want to make you feel like an asshole, but did you just hear what I said?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Yeah, because I know myself. It's like, shut the fuck up, Tyler.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
We joked about it where Kate's like, I'm about to get you a Tyler red button.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
so did you know and kate's like oh we're gonna do because i swear that's how it always starts out no because like oh you know how you do your book stuff yeah and i was talking about oh i have i read books too and i was like you do well yeah you would not like my books why what are your books the last very scientifical right now i'm reading uh um leaving faith and anyway it's all philosophy stuff like you should you should join book club
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Yeah, it's philosophy. Yeah, but you're reading like some... In reading matter.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
In the cleric, we're all fam. I'm just saying. The immortality key, I don't think anyone would be interested in the immortality key book.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Like right now I'm reading Deconstructing, Leaving Church, Finding Faith, which is a whole thing about, yeah. But so it's always like, I don't follow, what do you call it? Like stories.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Yeah, exactly. They're all like, I don't even know what you call it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
You're into fat people on TLC.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
She can turn it off, and I cannot. Turn her off. I'm always... Same.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
I wish I could. I'm envious of that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
So when you're... You got seven kids.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
So is that what you do? You read your books? Is that how you kind of escape?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Yo, our TVs are bluey in Miss Rachel, and that's just what it is. So I don't really watch TV. I just read.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
She's like stirring her coffee. Like dude, kid.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
you would internalize it a lot. And I'm like, whoa, whoa.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
And she would, I was like, do not emotional, emotionally monitor me.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
I'm not your mom. I'm not your, I'm not your abuser. I'm not, I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to love you and support you. So please don't emotionally monitor me. That's fine. And I felt like at the time I, but I didn't know any of that at first. So I was like, why are you so like,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
like paranoid almost like and i was like what is going on so yeah and really like you need to like and by the way that book it's a very easy read it's not very like probably read it on a plane ride yeah it's not it's not very like doctory okay yeah yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna send it to you okay because we're going to spain next week and we're there for two weeks so that's like oh that's sweet yeah lincoln got picked to play soccer to go awesome yeah so we're gonna go all right speaking of like kids sports okay so how many of your seven kids are in sports
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
I always want to do the debate team.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
And he's not, and he's in ninth grade.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Well, because in reality, it's like, how could you even realistically say fuck MTV? Because it's like, you wouldn't even... And I always... You wouldn't have what I have without it. I mean, so I was like, you know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
I reached out to you before. Remember when all that... I was like, I want to let you know as I'm like, you know, people just... Yeah, like... 100%. People have these weird... Where they'll categorize them. They'll try to do all these things. But it's because... I honestly feel like – and this is just my belief, but I feel like souls like Isaac are wiser.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
They may not be in age but in experience, in wisdom. They just have a way. And I think people – they kind of – They don't like it. They don't – and if they can't figure it out, they'll vilify it or they'll categorize it or label them.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
So is Elijah going over here and you're going over here? No.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What controversy is surrounding a nanny?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Wait, so, because I never even knew nannies lived with people. I always thought nannies, like you said, come clock in, clock out during the hours that parents came.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Okay, nanny living in the house is more... Yes.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
How did you find a nanny, Kale, that you trusted?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Yeah, because we just have three in our chaos. I do.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
So people think you still owe, you're saying that people... Like I should still be... Thankful? I mean, I think you are.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Well, it's funny, because I'm like, all right, let's reach out to Kale and ask her about it, and then all of a sudden it just turned into, like, I had no, we had no intention of, like, oh, we'll work together and do this.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Yeah, it's not like you're out here bashing MTV or trying to... Right, I get mad sometimes.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
I get, you know... But when you think about our show, I mean, as far as T-Mom goes, it's the only one that's out there that's like this. I mean, nothing has been followed this diligently, this long, this intense because... we're not a party show. We're not housewives. We are like us, nitty gritty, middle of trauma, parenting, and just marriage is divorce. I mean, the whole thing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
And I feel like for you, yeah, for you, that was a big thing. It was like all your relationship stuff.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Do you regret having your friendships be so involved in the TV world? Okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
And then you guys had a falling out, but it wasn't really publicized by TV cameras, right?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Are you still friends with any of those people that you had a falling out with publicly on camera?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Which is why we literally have the same... Friends that we've had since we were in middle school.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Oh yeah. And I've actually, no, I've actually helped a lot of people, but I never would even go public with it. Cause it was, my intention was really just to help you out. Right. Um, but.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Wow. We talked a little bit about that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
But that's different. Yeah, right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
No, I have. It's like, no, I refuse to watch my tribe suffer. And if I can do something about it, I will do something about it because like me and her and some people, even my mom was like, why would you do that? And I'm like, mom, it's just money is money. It comes and it goes. I could die tomorrow and it's gone. It's worthless.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
these people like cry yeah and nobody gets to see it christmas dinners i've we've adopted kids and you know because you should you should give back to people for sure you know need and also like as far as a lot of our friends were just kind of living the same childhoods that we did so like when they're doing all the right things like we we've gotten them houses we've helped them get cars houses i mean trailers but still
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Really? Wow. Wow. Hey, whatever.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
But yeah, even recently we got our friend who just got her child back from not – and we got her a car because she was struggling and didn't have a car. And it's just like – and also letting one of our friends borrow my car. I'm not going to sit there with two cars in my driveway and then have someone in my tribe.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Yeah, and not have a car. I'm like, I'm not even driving this. Take it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
And they're like, oh my god, really? I'm like, yeah, it's fine. Like I feel like – If you take care of your people, your people take care of you. And that's how awesome our friends are.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
So you have no childhood friends from when you were young?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
what is your like longest friendship like years? Like, well, how, who's your, I mean, cause if you're moving all the time, how do you even get connect? How do you like establish?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Woo! Okay, so we're here. We're here.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
again like i don't want to discredit anyone listening to this yeah we're friends but i mean like on a like a really intimate personal level i don't think that i have any really childhood friends yeah so do you feel like because i do you feel like people like get that misconception about you that like oh you you have so many friends because i remember becky said something about which i didn't even know she's like yeah you know kayla always gets this this hate for having revolving door friends and can't keep
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Like, friendships or whatever.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
So, okay. So with the friendships that you had for like 10 years or whatever, obviously you had kids in those 10 years. And so do your friends, are they close with your children? And then your children, I mean, do you have to explain to your kids that, oh, the reason my Becky's not around anymore or whatever? You know what I mean?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
No, definitely off limits. Yeah, for sure.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
That's what I'm saying. That's what Macy said. Yeah, because you said that like all my friends became this huge part of my TV story.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
And it was kind of the same thing, you know, where we grew up. It was majority white. You know, we had, like, two different kids that were different races. You know, we didn't have... you know, lesbians or, you know, any queer people. Yeah. There was all of that. Just a small little town, but we all knew.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I'll never forget when she told me like, hey, you know, I just want to let you know like I'm gay. And I said, what?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I it's okay I know it's okay I love you and I know and I just tried to hold that space for her but I was just like yeah I know I've known you know just waiting for you to want to come and say it but I hope you guys know that if you haven't recognized it you guys probably saved and healed a lot of parts of her
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Right, right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I was going to say, because I feel like when you are coming out to people or telling people, who you really are as a person, it's scary. And you, there's gotta be fear and you're being very vulnerable. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
And now people watch the video. She's standing outside your door and she's already bawling her eyes out before she even sees you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
When people are doing good and they're making changes, it's important. I feel like if you see it and you are a true friend, you do tell them those things.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah. Um, especially being, you know, like a lesbian couple, you know,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I was going to say, no, like I've met Becky, you know, I think it's been more than once.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
And it shouldn't be.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Oh, so you both are going to carry.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Thank you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Thank you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Thank you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Oh, congrats. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
It looked beautiful wherever you had it at. It was at my house. Wow, really? Yeah. Yes, Tyler. That's what I mean.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I'm like, oh, my God. You guys are so beautiful. I'm like a little puddle over here. Seriously. I'm a puddle.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Sometimes I'm like, come on, can we please leave? I know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Now it's time to settle down and give that to a little person.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
It's like your child can experience it with you guys and her for the first time, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
That's beautiful.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
That's what I mean for the younger generations too, you know, somebody who feels maybe a little different, you know, like to see people and be like, oh, it's okay. Cause in the future I could have these things. I feel like a lot of queer people and trans people, you know, they don't, Have that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
You know, it's becoming more common because people like, uh, like you and our friends, they talk about it by sharing their story.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Even if it's one person that I did what I was supposed to, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Well, and we can dive deeper into things that are important to us.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
thankfully we're people that think like that everybody does you know something that's really important that me and kate strive for is just staying curious i always want to be curious i don't ever label something and just be done with it and put it on the shelf i want to like always keep it open and that's why like when we saw we were you know gonna interview interview you you um i was like we don't know anything about becky i only know a little bit yeah and he was like well that makes it even better we're gonna have the best conversation ever and
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah. So now, moving forward, all I know now is I want to meet your wife now. You guys sound like amazing people.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I think we need to set something up if she's ever comfortable, even Zoom. Like, I want to, like, keep up with your story a little bit.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I would love to keep up on your guys' story. Because, like I said, I have a... And I just want to say thank you for coming on and just being vulnerable and sharing who you are as a person. I think it's beautiful. And...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
We need to come on that. Yeah. A thousand percent fits with us. Like,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Well, all right. We got some things to. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
If a kid at that point. It's been a while. It really has.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah, I was. Yeah, I like 17.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
And also, I think the beautiful thing about it is when you are, you know, you're committed to somebody for so long and you're engaged for a while.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
uh ty is my best friend you know what i mean i look at my friends my friend group and i'm like he's my best friend he knows everything about me we've been through so much together and i feel being best friends is the perfect foundation to a relationship absolutely you know because yeah
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Especially the person you're going to be with forever. It should be like, you should want to spend all the time and travel with them and have fun. Even when you're doing nothing, it's still fun, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Right. We actually like each other.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
So, you know. Sorry.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
What a shocker. So, obviously, you're a lesbian. You have a wife, as you said. I was kind of interested in what... whatever you feel comfortable sharing, but what was, like, your coming out journey? Like, how old were you when you realized and kind of your journey of, you know, coming out and letting everybody know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
It's like, Ashley, we have a friend just like him.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Welcome back to Kate and Ty break it down.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
You love a beautiful woman.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Our whole friend group knew it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
We're about to get married. I'm like, who am I marrying? What's this? You know what I mean? I'm going through my own shit, but I didn't want to like pour all out because I didn't know what was going on. And so I was trying to tread lightly and I just, I guess I sucked at treading lightly because I am too blunt and I just speak and whatever. Like I...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, I just know, I just remember feeling very stuck. Yeah. Super, like, stuck. And also concerned that, is this the rest of our life? Is this what it's going to be like? Like, this is crazy.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. I like it. Unless they say like, hey, you can say my name. Right. Even if you tell us so that we can say your name, we're probably not going to say your name. I think it's better when it's anonymous. Yeah. Because, hey, it just works.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, it's like post-relinquishment parenting. Yeah. They call it like, you know, a birth mom who was placed and then she goes on to have other kids. Like, post-relinquishing parenting is a super triggering thing. And I think, honestly, like, look back at it. I think it's exactly what happened. You had Nova. We were all... We're supposed to be happy.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And you're like, why am I not, like, feeling like what's going... I think it just was...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. Yeah, because it's not like you didn't bond with Nova. Oh, no, I definitely did. Yeah, some women, like, you know, talk about, like, not even being able to bond, didn't really hold, didn't, like, have the desire. And you weren't like that at all. You just seemed very robotic. Yeah. It's just, like, I remember talking to you, and you'd be like, you know, yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I was just like, God, there's no, like... like reciprocal anything.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And you were like, just, just, just like this numb walking thing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So I knew something was off. I just didn't know how to deal with it. And, like, yeah, I don't know. I just feel... Looking back, I just feel really bad. I wish I would have been more educated. I wish someone would have, like, pulled me aside and said, like, hey, have you asked for this? Have you tried this? Have you done that? You know what I mean?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I was just trying to, like... I was almost, like, trying to pretend, like, it would just go away.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I was worried for sure. But I think the worry manifested in the frustration. Cause I'm like, all right, get up. We're going to go for a walk. You're like, come on. Like, like, you know, and, and then when you just didn't want to do it or you had no enthusiasm, I was like, I just want to shake.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
you like what's wrong with you like you know what i mean like so that concern turned into frustration i think the frustration is what was delivered when we were filming because they wanted of course to dive deep into that oh she's on the oh what's going on and i'm like you know so yeah i don't know i just feel bad i feel if i can go back in time i wish i would have been you know much more educated and more softer well and obviously you must have you must have had a
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
You know, first I remember at first, like, I don't know. And I was like, you don't know. Like, I mean, usually people answer like, yeah, I'm good. Or no, I'm not. You were like, I don't know. And I'm like, that's, that's what I'm saying. Like, yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And yeah, like I remember like going up to the room too, because obviously when you went up there to take a nap, I just left, you know, I'm like, whatever, it's fine. But I remember going up there, I'm like, I can't do this anymore.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Because I remember thinking in my head, it comes to a point when you're dealing with someone else who has a mental illness or has something going on, where burnout fatigue, it's like you get- Well, it takes a toll on the other person. Yeah, the caretaker gets caretaking fatigue. They get burnt out. They feel whatever they feel. And so I felt like, I can't do this anymore. Right. Because then what?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I think it kind of all comes together in that realm.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
If I lose myself- by trying to always protect this, then, then what?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Now Nova's got two parents who are checked out, you know what I mean? Because I'm over here, you know, whatever. So I remember going up to the room and just being like, we got it. Something's gotta, something's gotta happen.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
But I think it's important that we, in the beginning of this, kind of go through... Stuff that we feel we should just clarify things on or explain further or whatever.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, it was scary. Oh yeah, it was scary for me too. Because I also feel like people don't know what it's like to be the other person. They're like, oh my God, I feel so bad. She's depressed. But no one knows what it's like when you love somebody watching them do it. Watching them just crumble in front of you and you can't do anything about it. It's like you feel so helpless.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
It's like, oh my God, what do I do? So I feel like... At the same time, I was going through my own stuff, just putting it on the back burner. Yeah, which is not fair. Well, no, but knowing that I'll come back to this. Yeah. Like you said, I had a little bit more experience with therapy and stuff like that, being a younger kid. So I knew I was like, I'm just going to put this on the back burner.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
But you were the priority at that point. So I feel like... You know, I just, I don't know. I just feel like the postpartum depression stuff needs to be talked about more.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
and just help out there. Well, it's one of those things too, like you said, you go to the doctor and they say, here's some pills. That's half the treatment plan.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Any psychiatrist or therapist will tell you pills are half, 50%. The other 50% is therapy. Like, dude, you can't just take a pill. If you could just take a pill, everyone would be okay. We would have no mental health crises, right? You just take a pill and everything would be fine.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And the first thing that I was like, well, what I see a lot of is obviously people are taking the clips that we filmed, you know, I don't know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So that's the whole point is that pills are 50% of the treatment plan.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I think a lot of people don't even 50. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
It's my therapist. It's like, Oh, you you're, you're burnt out. And I'm like, okay. I'm a dad. And yeah, like, sure. Yeah. No, no, no. You're not understanding. It's like a thing. It's like a caretaking fatigue. Like you literally, and they can lead into caretaking. You can get depressed. Right. Oh, it makes sense. And I remember I, like I said, I was freaked out.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I was like, Oh my God, I can't afford that. I said, we can't both be depressed people. Like, Oh,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I'm like, Oh my God. Like what? And so I remember like learning about it and reading about it and then, Oh, okay. Like this is what I got to do. And that's when I kind of was like, that's when I was kind of like, okay, I can't put this in the back burner for too much. No, bring it forward.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
But, yeah, I just think, yeah, I think the post-birth resources for women should be higher.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
10 12 years ago whatever and they're kind of using it in nowadays way and like oh this is what was going on back then and how trying to dissect it yeah whatever they're trying to do and um and of course it always comes back to like your when you were just had severe postpartum depression and when you were down and out and when you were worried about your weight and and remember we did a whole it was like a whole season oh my god that was the worst season of my life
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, there's a lot of books out there now where people talk about their experience. And also, what about genetic testing? Genetic testing is what you do to figure out what your body metabolizes as far as medication goes. It works for everything from Tylenol to antipsychotics. It'll tell you exactly what medication will not work and what medication will work.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Why we're not implementing that into the medical field is weird to me. Like that should be a literally a paid for insurance covered thing where you get a genetic test done every time that you go to a doctor. And, and then once you get that list, you know, okay, that why, why be a guinea pig? For medications.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Which I think brings up a good point. People say, oh, she got back from treatment, went back to it, going back to it. It's like, no, no, no. She went back to treatment because her symptoms were not gone.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yep. Genetic testing. Isn't that crazy?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I think it did, too. Because after the six weeks or whatever, after you being on the new stuff, I was like, oh, wow. There's a little bit... I can see a little bit of light coming back. Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I think I'm proud of you because I think in spite of that, like you were worried about, Oh my God, he's in a, be burdened and he's going to feel this and he's going to feel that, but you're still like, it's worth the risk. I had to do it for myself. I had to do it. I remember I looked back and I'm like, damn, I'm so glad you did that because we wouldn't even be where we are.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I think it saved it. Yeah. Because I don't know what would have happened.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
What's worse? Oh, it's true. And that's what I think people don't understand is that... And also, like, I remember telling you that I can't do this anymore. If this is what it's going to be like, then we just... We're not going to work. Yeah. Because there comes a point in time where I have to retreat and I have to figure out my shit.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Honestly. It was the worst season. Actually, it was like two seasons. I feel like we had a certain producer and it just wasn't working.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I think when you got back from treatment, that's when I felt... the freedom to do so. I was like, okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. I was learning. Yeah. And then you got back and I'm like, all right, you feel... I feel good. I'm going to... Now I'm going to put the... back on the front burner. Right. And I think people... criticized me a lot for that, which is fine. I mean, they criticize you for leaving. Yeah, of course.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
That's what we're here for. But I remember getting criticized because it was like, oh, you know, now you're going to do a trial separation. Now you're going to do all these things.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I couldn't help it. I thought that... He wants to play big bad, you know? No, I... Hey, I... No, I fully admit, I was a bitch. I could... I didn't do... The therapist that I was seeing... I mean, you did for a minute. Yeah, the therapist that I was seeing was like, this is what a... This is what it's called, and it's called... You know, you just kind of, like...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
you know, you just separate, focus on yourself for a little bit. Yeah. It feels like, and then I remember going to my therapist after a week of it. And I was like, no, it ain't for me. And she's like, well, why? And I'm like, well, because I, I said, I don't, I want to be with my wife. I want to be with my kid. I said, and I supported it. Like it was hard for me. I know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. Yeah. Cause I think that's, I mean, that's what it was required. I think for me, cause I was like, I have to do this or else what am I going to do? I didn't want to work out trial separation.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
You're going to divorce me. The very first time you ever asked me that, I said, divorce is not even on my radar.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
He wants to divorce me. It wasn't even close. I wasn't even thinking about divorcing. I'm thinking about, I got to separate myself from the... And I think it was important for me to do that because when you were gone, I got in robot mode of kind of, like, monitoring your depression, making sure Noah was good. And I got in, like, you know, my own dad robotic mode.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I knew that I had to, like, remove myself from it so that way I could, like, look at it from a different perspective.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, it was hard. I mean, missing and then on top of it, you know, it's like.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Schools and all. Yeah. Just all of it. And so I knew I needed to get out of it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. And then I remember thinking, feeling guilty. I mean, I got to go back to the house because my therapist told me I can't do this. That's why I feel like I'm breaking the rules. I'm not listening.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I look back at now and it wasn't necessary. But maybe it was. I don't know. I don't think it was. And I'm not saying don't listen to your therapist. I'm saying follow your intuition. My intuition never told me to do the trial separation. My intuition was saying.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Because I'm not a professional therapist.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And she was talking about all these things. And I'm like, okay, so maybe there's things.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. Well, I also feel like it's almost like when you're filming a reality show, it's like you bring up one thing. Even if you're just talking to the producer, like, just chilling.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
are you serious i mean she helped me a lot elvis i mean she talked no that stuff yeah but some of the scenes and stuff i've seen i'm like oh she hates me she thinks i'm crazy wow i never got okay i mean i get i guess what you're watching it from your whatever okay yeah but i mean i don't know all i know is my intuition was saying otherwise but i knew i had to be logical because i'm not a mental health professional and i could be addicted to you or i could be whatever the fuck was going on we're trauma yeah we're trauma bonded oh
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Listen, I'll be honest with you, everyone out there. If we're trauma-bonded, I really highly suggest it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Like we've been using our Instagram page to kind of like, kind of bring you guys into this whole experience, which I think is the best because you guys bring up stuff that we never even, I would never even have thought of.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And they also said that everyone to a point, if you're with someone long enough throughout a period of your life... Yeah. You will bond over trauma. Of course. It won't be the only bond you have. No. But you go through, like, for instance, growing up and being married for a long time, you know, the spouse's parent dies. That's trauma. Right. You're going to bond over that. You are. Of course.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So I think it's interesting when Dr. Mike was like, well, everyone's trauma-bonded. And I was like, whoa, whoa, what does that mean? And he's like, well, everyone, he said, what I mean by is that there's a healthy level and there's a toxic level. Right. He's like, and, but everyone, just like everyone to a point is codependent.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And then they go, oh, and they, like, attack that situation and go, okay, let's, let's, let's.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
We have to be or else all babies would die. We'd all die. So he's like, it just, there's a spectrum and a level of where it's toxic.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
okay well love it yeah oh we love each other i don't know bring it you call it trauma bond i call it support and love and i don't know what else to call it i don't yeah i don't understand it hey if we're trauma bond i highly suggest it for people so I mean, I've confirmed that we're not because we've got confirmed from multiple people.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
we're not abused. And you know what I mean?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Well, I, well, it's like when I, you control all of my things, dictating motherfucker. Um, but people like, it's also even with our friends. It's like, I'll see like in here, some of their issues in their relationships. And I'm like, Whoa, I think we're like, I mean, like, dude, like, I don't think people understand. We don't fight.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And we've never called each other out of like our name. Yeah. I think it's almost like kind of weird that like, I almost like something wrong with us because why are we, it's not nothing wrong with us. No, I tell you. Yeah. They, you just don't learn how to communicate. We have done such a good job of like, well, honey, we've been together for like, what?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I feel like that season was like the moment you mentioned about losing the baby weight because everything was about like, oh, you're our first child we're parenting.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I just think it's interesting, though, how it's like, people, well, every couple fights, and I'm like, that's not true. No, I think do we have... It's not if you fight, it's how you fight.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
But I'm saying, like, I would never consider anything that we've had a fight, in my opinion.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Are you thinking of what I'm thinking? I don't know. Are you thinking of what I'm thinking?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I remember the fight, walking on the dirt road all drunk, trying to catch you. Like, I don't want my girlfriend to walk down the road. I was like, we gotta get her, dude.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
No, yeah, he was driving. Yeah, he wasn't. But we were like, I'll remember saying, like, don't let her walk. I'm walking home. I'm like, dude, we're 50 miles from home in the back roads. Who started it? I don't know either, but... But yeah, like, we don't... We just don't fight. So I feel like... And I'm saying, like... It's not if you fight, it's how you fight. Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
You're getting married now. And it came all about your weight. And I remember being like, we talked about it all the time. You always mentioned about like, I want to lose weight. I'm going to do Weight Watchers. I want to do this. I want to do that. And so... we talked about it a lot and it never, it never was like a negative bad thing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I think how we fight, I wouldn't call it fight, but how we disagree is not toxic. It's not... No, it's healthy.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Or, like, I know there's a lot of, like, people we know, they'll, like, just pretend that nothing ever happened.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And that's the worst. I could never deal with that anxiety, bro.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I couldn't do it. I could not. I couldn't do it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
One fucking year. But your panic attack was pretty bad.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
What's that? Like, even with something with your mom recently and stuff, you're like, I'm calling.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And it's kind of crazy because look at the polarity. Like, I don't need to come in the bedroom and say, hey, are you okay? Something's wrong with you. Right. You go, something's wrong with me. I got a call.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I don't know, honey. We're going to definitely traumatize our fucking kids eventually.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I, I, but I think when you're in a situation and you're filming a show and they're like, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, we're eating a meal. Right. And we're talking about, and they're like, Hey, so how, how's the weight loss thing going?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
We're the only country that has this problem.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I agree. And it should be covered. Absolutely. It's a mental health thing. Absolutely. But I think the whole problem is that we have to eventually get to a point where... We're looking at it as a real... We need to look at mental health the same way you look at diabetes. Oh my God, you have diabetes. You're diagnosed? Okay, great. Epi, pen, diet change. You get a treatment plan. Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
We need to literally look at mental health the same exact way. It's an illness. To incorporate the mental health into the full biology of health issues. You know what I'm saying? Stop separating it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And stop like demonizing it and stop like, you know, just stop. Stop doing that. It's a health problem. Yeah, it's sick. Come on, dude.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, or divorced parents who are, yeah, that's a whole, yeah, so it's like.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. And that's what I was concerned about. I knew something was wrong. I'm like, dude, I really, yeah, I just, yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
that's not a good feeling no no suicide suicidal ideation is fucking and i also think it's crazy too because i'm just glad that you never had to deal with it like watching some acts i think i like i think you'd have a hard time if you watch me just like completely just oh my god horrible time it's just like because you're you start it's hard i've been doing what you did i'll be like all right we're going here yeah we're talking to this person also it's hard enough to question is something wrong with me
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Oh, remember when I was like, it's gotta be me. I gotta be like, you know, you're like, no Tyler, it's nothing with you. It's me. It's my own shit. It's my mom. It's my life. It's my trauma. And I'm like, are you sure? Because you know what I mean? Like it's hard not to internalize it. Like, okay, she's just not happy with me or something. You know what I mean? Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I feel like when that situation was going on, it was like what the TV didn't show was that behind closed doors, you were talking about how bad you want to lose weight.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I would say boundaries is the only way to do it. Because, and I mean boundaries, and I think people should understand the difference between boundaries and ultimatums.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
They are two different things. And I think people can sometimes like mesh them together and they're not.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Well, a boundary is to protect me. And an ultimatum is to control somebody else.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And their behavior. Right. You can never control somebody else's behavior. Impossible. Can't do it. Waste of time. You're going to drive yourself crazy trying to do.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So, you know, so you can't just first off, get those two things out of your mind where I think my boundary is, you know, you don't stop doing this. I'm going to do this that, you know, a boundary is not a response, right? to them doing something wrong or bad in spite, despite them. It's, it's, it's for yourself. It's to protect yourself. It's, it's, you know what I mean? Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
It's just... So in a way, it's almost like your boundaries, actually more or less like your boundaries to yourself. Like my boundary is I will leave and remove myself from the situation if I notice her drinking.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
The boundary has nothing to do with her, you know, personal behavior. It's like, okay, well, boundaries are also really... Nobody can enforce a boundary but you. Right. The person can't... You are in control of enforcing the boundary or not.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And those are your words. You're like, listen, you need to hold me accountable because I'm not good at this. I was like, okay. And I'm like, I think, you know, 10, 11 years ago, I was, my delivery was off. I messed up tremendously with my delivery. I won't say, I don't think my intent was wrong. I just feel like the way I delivered and expressed that intent was wrong.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Because it can be scary to enforce your boundaries. Especially when you're so used to a certain dynamic.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
It's hard to break that. I always call it the dance.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I remember it's funny because I remember bringing it up to you like years in your relationship where I'm like, you and your mom have a certain dance you do. And that's the only way I could explain it. I'd watch it happen in real time.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And come to find out, it was like your dynamic. That's the dynamic you created with your mom. Right. And so it takes one person to stop moving. I'm going to stop dancing. Yep. And the other person starts going, whoa, you missed a step. We got to twirl. What are you doing? You know what I mean? Yeah, and you're like, I'm not doing this anymore. You're not dancing the right way. Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Well, I'm actually just kind of stopping this dance. I'm stopping this dynamic. I'm switching it to something more healthy for me.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I would just, first of all, I'd be honest. You have to be honest and communicate. Yeah. I mean, I think going into it with the intention of trying not to hurt their feelings is going to be messy.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. Like going to have been like, my goal is to make this amazing. Right. Not to criticize you, not to judge you, not to make you feel like shit about yourself. It's so literally just, I'm trying to get the best out of this.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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I get it. Yeah. Um, especially if it has something to do with them. Like, and this was a female.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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I guess my thing is, though, is that you can't worry about hurting his feelings. You first need to just ask yourself, what do I want? What do I need? What am I missing? And then you fill in the gaps. You don't need to tell him why you're... Well, it's like, just, okay, this is what I want. This is what I need. And then my whole thing is that, like...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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It's completely a possibility that what you want or what you need, he can't do. Okay. And that is something that I think people need to like get comfortable with.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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It's a whole different... Okay, right. Right? So we got to first establish this is what I need. Can you provide yes or no?
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Right? And then I think asking yourself the question to yourself first before asking him, I need this. And it's like, well, he can't do that. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay. And then kind of prioritizing it in your own head before coming to him and saying it. Because that might... If you do it to yourself in your head, you can go, okay, oh, but that could help. And so I definitely think...
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don't approach him without having your own solution. I thought about it, what I want and what I need. And here's a solution. You know what I mean? And that I thought of, do you have any solutions? Is there anything I can do? Also, I think reciprocating like, Hey, I'm going to tell you what I wish you could do better or what I missing or what I need. And then invite him to do the same exact thing.
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Exactly. And there, and that's, what's kind of creating this weird, like, Ooh, I don't want to hurt your feelings. I don't want to hurt your feelings. And it's like, well, you know what? If we're in this for the long haul, I've always said this. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. I kind of apologize later on if it happens, but we got to get to the nitty gritty.
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Because me and you are a firm believer that that is one of the pinnacles.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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You have to be honest. You have to communicate and you have to have a healthy sex life. It's, it's, it's, that's it. I mean,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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And especially when you're filming a show and this is like the fourth time they've asked this question.
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Right. You know? Do that again. Or that was really great.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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I think sometimes it's also better because you're –
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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you're in the moment it's organic you're not like you don't have time to go oh man all right she didn't like that last night right so maybe that's what i'm saying yeah or if you don't want to hurt his feelings like oh when you do this this that feels fucking amazing or when you do when you do this that out no that hurts or you don't like that that's weird right i don't know yeah i mean i guess i'm thinking about oh my god i don't know if we're in the middle of doing something you're like ew don't do that well you don't say like that you say ah no that hurts
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It's like, all right, you know, how much points is that? Like, what's, you know. After a while, it gets super annoying. But I did it because that's part of our job when we were filming. So I just feel like I've been seeing all these comments and the people tagging us. And I'm like, well.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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You're just talking about pain. I know. Not every girl's getting hurt. True. What I'm saying is that, like, if it's not heading to the pain and you're just like.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Because what if in the middle of a role reversal, in the middle, I'm like, ew, don't do that. Or I will say ew. Yeah. Why would you say ew? Don't do that.
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Because you're thinking of pain, though. Don't do it. You know, you've got to get out. Okay, I'm thinking of, like, not everybody's in pain. So what I'm saying is that vice versa, you don't want to hurt me besides when you had the fucking IUD. But if I said something, like, don't do that. That wasn't hot. I didn't like that at all.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Maybe that's what needs to happen. How about everyone just, you know what? Hey, whoa.
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And I think, listen, you don't always have to use words spoken. You can write it in a note. You can text it. Everyone feels safer. Just communicate in the safest way for you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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But I also think, like, talk about your needs and wants and then come up with your own solutions. Or at least I give you a solution.
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Because what I'm telling you right now, I think even man, woman, if I tell you, I don't like that. And then you go, what should I do? And I go, I don't know, but I don't like that. Yeah, it doesn't help. You know what I'm saying? So figure out what... your own solution could be.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Cause you imagine, I was like, I don't like you do that. And you're like, well, what should I do different? I'm like, I don't know. Don't do that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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But then you don't know what needs to happen. It's interesting that you bring that up because one of the things that I kept seeing from our Instagram was, uh, the, the, a frequency, uh, I think when we say the relationship advice, a lot of it's sexual. A lot of it has to do with it.
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Which I think reiterates my point that I think it's one of the number one pinnacles thing. So it's like if, I mean, what's the frequency? Some people are like, oh, I don't want it more than once or twice a week. Some people are like, I want it four times a week. And it's like, that's also an important conversation. I also think there are therapists that are specifically focused
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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For this issue. Yeah. Sex therapists will probably open up all the doors you need to be opened in a safe space.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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And you talk to a therapist outside and be like, this is my problem. Okay, we can deliver that in a way that protects everybody. Right. It feels great. So, boom.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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I don't necessarily think there is an ethical way to adopt that is completely fully child-centered unless all parties are trauma-informed people. Yeah. That means the adoptive parents, the birth parents, and whatever. They both need to be very trauma-informed about what adoptees experience. My opinion... I don't think infant adoption is ethical. I just don't.
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I think foster care adoption is very ethical because you're already going to children in a crisis who need help. They need help. They're already born. They're already here. They're already suffering, really. The foster care system is full of children yearning for that. So I think the question is, what... do you seek to get out of adoption?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Do you seek to be a mom to a newborn baby and be able to raise the baby from a baby to an adult?
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If so, I don't think you should adopt because no baby is a blank slate. You don't just get a baby separated from its mother and has maternal separation trauma and pre-verbal trauma and stuff like that and it's a blank slate. And try to make it your own. It's not. It's not going to happen and that's an unfortunate,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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I think if you're struggling with infertility, that you should go and heal or at least start the process of dissecting that infertility trauma way before you adopt, way before even thinking about it. And if it comes to the point where you do want to adopt, I highly suggest the next step is through foster care. I don't think private infant adoption is ethical in any way that I can find out there.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about. She actually said that she was not trauma-informed when she first adopted and that she learned. I had to really learn as an adopted mom. I had to break down my own stereotypes that I built in my head. And she's like, I used to justify some of the decisions I made. I used to justify my desire to be a mom.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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by minimizing or pretty much avoiding the fact that it was trauma-based. You don't have adoption without trauma.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Like I joke about that stuff. Yeah. And I feel like in that context, it, Like, I noticed a lot of the clips they play, they don't play the afterwards where it was like, well, do you think I'm a heifer? And I'm like, no, my God, no.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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No. There's not any ethical options. That's why when we're talking about infant adoption, we're talking about adoptions not necessary. Kinship adoption, aunts, uncles, somewhere... Grandmas. Ileal, anything. That's the first option, I think, if a birth mom...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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is in a situation where it's a crisis and she can't do this and it's not actually first option should be like resources well of course no no right second option yeah we would be like kinship adoption yeah kinship adoption and guardianship i even know like the word using the word adoption like guardianship is a really it's the same thing so i think i think all prospective adoptive parents ask yourself what is my intention for doing this is it to help children
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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It's to become a parent because your infertility trauma does not make you entitled to anyone else's baby. And you can't justify that desire by saying, I'm saving the kid. Ew, that's gross. Don't ever say that. Don't ever say it. You're not... No. That's disturbing. Adoptees don't like that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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I shouldn't want to find my birth family. I shouldn't be having these issues, identity crises that I'm having because I should be grateful and I'm taken care of. And that's just not something you do. So I think any prospective adoptive parents... Read the primal wound. Talk to a therapist about your infertility trauma or why you can't have a baby.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Yes. I know that there are some people who they just grow up and go, I don't want to have my own natural kid. I just want to adopt. Okay. If you want to do that, foster care. Right. Help the children who really need it and are already born and alive.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Because foster care... is designed for reunification with the biological family. And that's why.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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We know it's best. There's data out there. So just don't go into this blindly. And also don't go into it selfishly. I know you want to be a parent. I understand that. And I think your trauma about not being able to be one is valid and it's real. However, that is your responsibility to figure out. And it is not the responsibility of an innocent child to fulfill that responsibility.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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whole or that had no choice who had no choice um to rob them of their biological identity etc etc to fill this void that you have because you can't have your own children yeah that's not fair that's not child-centered if you adopt it needs to be child-centered period all the way around beautiful i think so too
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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So it fits their narrative and it works good for their story. Right. But I'm like, you know, like that heifer scene, bro, I will never.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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The child. And you still have guardianship. You still can make all the legal decisions. It's primary custodial. Yes, forever. There's no difference.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Adoption is literally legal transfer. Just strip them of everything. It's a legal transfer. Yeah. That's all it is. Like, it's literally, there's nothing else to it, so.
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We love it. So subscribe, like, share, comment, whatever. Give us all the love. Give us all the love. We need it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Ever live it down. But I think it's interesting because they play it as if I called you one.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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I don't... I think... That's how it comes across to me. I'm like, wow. I think what they do is they try to understand why would this... What's an excuse for her to stay or this to work out? I don't have to have an excuse. And that's the thing. There is no excuse because I never called you a heifer. It was the producer asking, Tyler, what do you look for? I can't remember what she said.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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And I was like, well, obviously, I don't want no... I'm being honest. You asked me what I wanted or didn't want. And I was being honest. And I felt like... Just the same way I'd ask you, like, do you want some big old heffing dude? Right. Beer drinking, beer belly guy? And you're like, no. And I'm like, all right, cool.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Now, I think it's ironic because I think if you said that, I don't think you'd get as much hate. Probably not. Do you know what I'm saying? It was the fact that I had said what I said and then I'm a guy and you're a girl. I think it just... Obviously, I get it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Looking back. And then I also feel like when we were doing all those scenes and they were asking, it always brought up when we were eating. It was like... Yeah, it was all the time when we were eating. The quesadilla thing. Oh, God, yeah. Oh, you know, how's the weight loss going as you're taking a bite? And I'm like, oh, it just came across so...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Yeah. But also one thing that they don't understand is that it was like two seasons, one where you're pregnant. And then they, I thought they just kind of continued on with the weight thing after that, because when you're pregnant, you had gestational diabetes. Yeah. And your doctor was like, it's a big concern. And you went in there and you gained it. And there she was like, you can't,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Yeah, it scared the hell out of me, too. And that's what I think people don't understand is that I was making these – I was making these comments and I was bringing up these concerns based off of being concerned. I was like, I'm concerned because she lists all those... I went to the appointment with you and she listed all those things that could possibly happen to the baby.
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Yeah, the baby could be bigger. All this stuff. And I'm like, what? So it freaked me out. So I felt like the way it was portrayed was that I was doing it in a... Like an aggressive, controlling, like... Like, you motherfucker. What the hell's wrong with that?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Yeah. I also feel like it comes down to, like, I'm concerned for your health. I just... So my intent was my concern for your health. My delivery did not... Wasn't very good. You know what I'm saying?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Dude, I don't know of any other guys out there, but it's so irritating, dude. I like to poke it. Because anyone else's wife could just, anytime, anything random, and she comes out with this finger trying to shove it up my ass, and I swear to God, I'm like, get out of there!
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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So I guess, but I feel like, I don't know. I just feel like that. That's something I see a lot. And I'm like, I take full accountability for my delivery. It was wrong. I was young. I was naive. I didn't know about postpartum depression. I didn't know about like, I guess my main thing was that I knew you didn't take it. No, I didn't.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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And so if you would have said that... I also asked you to hold me accountable. You did. And they didn't put that on camera, obviously. Well, that wasn't filmed, though, either. Right. But... And I asked you, like, is this hurting you? Like, are you offended? And you said no.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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You're hanging out with friends and you're like, hey, right.
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And so I feel like you would have... And if you would have said, yeah, that really hurt my feelings, I would have been like, holy shit. Yeah, you would have felt like shit. I'm so sorry. Yeah, that wasn't my intent. Like, oh, my God. Like, I don't... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that. But... Looking back at clips and the music they play and how they cut, I mean, I see people's perspective.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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And I also feel like I trust you to tell me, hey, that was fucked up or, hey, that was wrong.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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And I'd be like, oh, my God. So I don't know. I just feel like that was something that I see a lot, which I'll probably never let that down.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Okay. And they're going to still say that I called you a heifer. And that's, I mean, it is what it is. That's fine.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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And I was literally answering the producer. She asked the question. I was answering her. I was like, why don't I know whoever? I mean, she asked me that question.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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So like what I would want or what I didn't, what I wouldn't want. So I was just answering the question of my truth. I guess, you know what I mean? But then there's also a scene that I forgot we filmed and it was like, we're eating dinner with your dad and his girlfriend at the time.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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And I watch it back. I'm like, ugh. It was rough. That scene was, it was cringy. Yeah. It was bad because it was like the whole table was like, Well, yeah, and it's going on a 200-calorie diet and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And they aired my part speaking about how, oh, she used to eat so much, so little. Oh, right. You eat like a bird. And you said it first.
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Welcome you guys back to Kate and Ty Break It Down. We are on episode, don't even remember. Nope, don't recall. But we appreciate you guys listening and chiming in and we've gotten so much feedback. We really have.
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You were like, well, I used to eat so much little. And then I was like, I piggybacked off what you said and was like, yeah, she used to eat all the time and get really full. And they didn't air the part of you saying it first about you saying, well, I used to eat really not a lot at all and get full really fast. But that scene, I was like, ooh. God.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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So my face was just like, oh my God. Because that was probably the fifth or sixth conversation the producer wanted to have.
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That whole, the whole, those two seasons were just...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Well, I think a lot of it, when you add postpartum depression, was pretty blurry. Because I remember you were, like, on the couch a lot. And I remember being, like, the cameras were coming to film. And I remember feeling anxious. Because I'm like, oh, my God. You know, like, maybe we should go film in the kitchen or something. Because, you know, you were, like, down on the couch a lot or whatever.
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And so, like, I remember feeling anxious. Like, oh, my God. Like, I don't want to... I almost look like, yeah, no, no, I almost, I didn't want, I didn't want them to see you in that way. Like I was, I was so like worried about you that I was like, I don't want them to see her in this way. You're like, this is not my wife. Yeah. It's not her. This is not who she is.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Like, well, we were married at that point, but yeah. Yeah. But I didn't know about postpartum depression. So I didn't know that. I didn't either. I had no idea. I just didn't know what was going on. You know what I mean?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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We were very disconnected. You were very like couch, phone, bed connected.
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Let alone. You were literally like a robot. And I think people don't really people like, I think people look back at that. And a lot of the scenes that were air were us talking about certain stuff too late for your appointment. And I, and at that point I am. so naive with postpartum depression in general and also just frustrated that this is happening and not understanding why.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And they said we could post the back of her head as long as you can't see her face.
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And so that's what we did. We never posted another pic that was not approved by them.
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Yeah. And I think that's what also when they mentioned to us about saying we don't pretty much we don't want to be on camera anymore. And we were like, that's fine. And the one, you know, boundary that they said was we don't want you repeating our conversations verbatim.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Word for word. Summarization was fine, but don't repeat what we say word for word. We said, okay, fine. They never said, stop talking about Carly. Stop talking about the adoption. Stop all that stuff. Keep our names out of your mouth. That never happened. They literally just said, don't post our word for word conversations or repeat the word for word conversations on camera. We didn't.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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And so I feel like when people talk about these boundaries... that we've supposedly broken with them, I have a hard time figuring out where they are because what I think is interesting too, is that you are literally telling me what boundaries I was given as if like, it's almost like, okay, who makes a boundary? The person, right? And then who delivers that boundary?
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The person delivers it to me, not you. So you're telling me what the boundaries were. That's insane. Cause you didn't see our private conversations that we had.
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Off camera, not even in public at all. Just me and you and Brian and Teresa talking.
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Thank you. When did they release that information to you? Because you're going off of what you assume.
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And that's dangerous. And that's kind of why I feel like with this podcast, we can get into certain stuff. We can, you know, shine some more light, give some more context because I do believe context is super important. Especially when you're taking old clips that are edited down and putting them all together to fit your narrative or whatever it is you're trying to prove.
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So it's like, I think it's interesting when people are telling me what the boundaries are from a private conversation that I had with brand trees that we've never even shared. We've never shared. Yeah. So it's like, and also about communication, like you don't know how often we texted on a daily basis.
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You're assuming that we didn't talk a lot or you're assuming that we message every two months or you're assuming if it was me, I would only message maybe once, twice a year. Well, you don't know the normalcy of our communication. You don't know
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hey four plus four equals ten for you right fine like that's where I'm at in my life four plus four equals eight for me so you know like I'm yeah but I also think it's like like you said to just get I'm going to address it one time one last time and that's it I think it's important we can do that we're allowed to do that and I think it's
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
It gives clarification for people who are making all these assumptions. People on TikTok making these assumptions is dangerous.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And I think it's hypocritical for them to go on these TikToks and say privacy. They want to be private. Stop talking about it. You're talking about it more than I am.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
You're making multiple videos talking about our situation.
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While simultaneously preaching against us doing it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
So I think that people should really kind of self-reflect a little bit. You're telling us certain things and you're making these videos with all these assumptions which none are verified. None are... I just think it's like it's crazy.
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I also feel like it's kind of a lose-lose. Like there's no winning because if we didn't reach out, people would say, you're an idiot. Why would you not fight for your daughter? And if we do reach out, they're saying, stop fighting for your daughter and be quiet and silent. You're hurting everybody. It's like, so I don't think there's a, there's no winning for birth parents in this situation.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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I think we just have to go off of what we know, which is like, okay, like you said, every adoptee we talked to said, I would want to know that you still tried.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah. So it's like, I mean, and honestly, you know, you said in the text messages that you did, that wasn't normal text messages. You only started addressing Carly personally. Mm-hmm. on Teresa's phone after the fact of her saying, like, I'm not going to be responding anymore. And you said, well, you may not be responding to me. That's fine.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
But I made a promise to Carly to always reach out, give updates, pictures, letters, whatever. So that's what I'm doing. And like you said, you can choose to not show it to her at all. That's fine. And you can choose also not to talk to me at all. That's fine. But that's also separate from my promise I made to her.
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There's Always More To The Story
Yeah. And I feel like... But what do you feel like, though? Do you feel like... Is there anything specific that you were like, listen, I really want to, like... I think the number one thing to me that bugs me the most...
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And how I feel that she should, you know, the information she should know, whatever.
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And so I think people see the screenshots of like, or the, you know.
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So it's like, yeah, if you think two text messages a month is overboard or too much or. Whatever. That's your perception. That's valid. But like I said, your perception is based off of your perception. It's not based off of the normalcy and the track record of communication that we've always had with them. You don't know those specific details. So you can't really tell me that's overdoing it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
That's what I'm saying. When did Braintree tell you that, hey, we only text once every five months, so twice a month is too much. You know what I mean? You're going off of these things with... Honestly, I feel like what people don't understand is that it's dangerous. And you're making these assumptions and having people on the comments. And Carly could read these comments one day.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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And I think people should just really just step back and think about that for a second. I'm only here speaking my truth as a birth parent. So that way, if she does come and look for information, there it is.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And she has a truth. But she's not going to have the truth on top of all these assumptions and these speculations and none of the details, none of the information, the correct information. A lot of it's false. A lot of it's wrong. Yeah. So, like, the whole thing about it being five years. Mm-hmm.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
There has been the finalized paperwork for our open adoption agreement, which we have, which I don't know where it's at, but people are confused saying that the adoption was only for five years and that me and you should be grateful for anything above and beyond that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And that is my thing is like, that is false. The paperwork that you're getting the information off of was from a not finalized form of our adoption agreement when Dawn gave us that at the table.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Yeah. So, and the whole five years thing was only about a picture that I wanted on her birthday, specifically by herself for the first five years. So that way,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Not the way. It's fine. I never argued about it. Whatever. I never complained because I was like, listen, I'm still getting pictures. I was happy about it. But the information that they're going off of that little clause in that piece of paper that they're zooming in from a TV show is not the finalized open adoption agreement. We have the finalized open adoption agreement.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Once a year. Annual. A-N-N-U-A-L. Annual visits. That is one visit per year until she's 18. Right. All of our signatures are on it. It's all in black and white. It's all there. But God forbid you keep going on your little screenshot of a TV show from 10 years ago and zooming in on the little clause on adoption paperwork that wasn't the final form.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
So you're making these TikToks and these damaging accusations based off of false information.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And we did. Yeah. And you – and I honestly – I want everyone to understand that is okay. Birth mothers are allowed to change their mind once that baby comes into the world because everything before the whole nine months of being pregnant is all speculation, wondering, not knowing what it's going to be like and how you're going to feel. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And so I think people don't understand that during the whole adoption process, they always say, well, once the baby's born – Things may be different. And they always said you could change your mind. And I believe that every woman has a right to change her mind, especially when it comes to being a mother for the rest of your life or not being a mother. That's a huge, lifelong, altering decision.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
So I think people don't understand that it's also not legally binding. You think this open adoption agreement is legally binding? It is not.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
You'd walk in and they would jump all over you immediately.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I think it's interesting because people, like I said, people are looking at the situation 16 years down the line.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Okay, so you're like, oh, watch this old clip. Oh, my God, they're right. It's like, dude, you guys, first off, you didn't know the future, and second off, they were on crack. Literally. Okay? They're on crack and drunk and getting evicted and going to jail. Are you guys seriously going to tell us, oh, you should listen to your mom, you should listen to Butch and April? Right, I'm like, no.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Think about that for a second. You're telling me I should have listened to Butch and April 16 years ago.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Like, it is actually mind-blowing. And it's like, I get what people are saying. Like, oh, well, April was able to, you know, fish out Dawn or sense that adoption was wrong. But I'm going to let you guys know, her intention was not to save us from being screwed by adoption. Her intention was to have what she thought was hers and what she thought was right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And what she wanted to be a grandma, wanted you to be a mom. It had no...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, and I think people are confused that, oh, they tried. No, their intention behind wanting us to keep Carly was not based off of because they thought we were going to be screwed by adoption. They could tell that adoption was a scam or whatever the case is. They did it because of selfish reasonings, and that's the truth.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yo, don't judge me for the fedora, guys. It was a thing. I don't know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Because one thing that people also don't realize is the day that we sign off our rights in court, They fought us in court. They literally stood in the back of that courtroom and screamed that they object and they want custody of her.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Did they get escorted? Yeah, because your mom was mad and my dad was mad and all this other stuff. And it's like, yeah, because they were on crack. We're not going to listen. And honestly, you're fighting for custody and you're getting evicted at the same time.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And also people just don't, they just don't know what it was like in their house on the day to day.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And the fact that you're saying, oh, you should listen to April and brought her back to that house.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
are you serious like you said we can't predict the future i can't predict the future right of course i mean i think people are saying oh you should have kept her you should have parented her because we're on this tv show for 15 years and it gave us all this financial freedom and all these resources that we never want to have all blah i would say if i could go back to that 16 year old and be as wise and know all the information that i know now i might have made a different decision but unfortunately nobody can do that you don't have a crystal ball you can't just go back in time so but yeah but for people to be like april but we're right i'm like huh
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Like, my mind, when I see that comment and all the likes on it, I'm like, are you guys for real, dude? You want us as 16-year-olds to listen to crackheads?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
That's insane, bro. Yeah, I just think it's interesting that we are even having to really go down this rabbit hole. But I think it's justified because, like I said, real people have... real consequences and things happen when you go on these videos and you make all these damaging speculations and accusations and you're fueling a fire that shouldn't even really be brewing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
So you don't want the truth? No. Isn't that weird? So weird. I'm reaching out to you personally not to... I have no... You can still not like me. Yes, you can still not like me. I'm not even trying to change your opinion. What I'm trying to do is give you the accurate data and the facts so that way when you do make these videos, you're not spewing damaging accusations and speculations.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
You actually have all the data. Do you want the data to make better informed videos? And you go, no. I want to keep, I'm like, what? That's an answer, right? So you're like, okay, you're, you're literally, so you don't want, you don't want the data. You don't want the truth.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I'm saying like, you know, I still think certain things I wouldn't do if I were you, blah, blah, blah. But I understand on a deeper level of what's going on. Thank you very much. That's all I wanted. I'm like, you know, I can't control people's opinions and what they do and what videos they make.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
But I definitely think if you're going to make the videos hate on me, I want you to have all the accurate data to do so.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Misinformation because it's damaging. We know how bad misinformation can harm stuff. I just feel like I think people should check their hypocrisy when it comes to making continuous videos with speculations
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
You would have literally asked Siri to spell it for you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
You get hype without the E. H-Y? Yeah. H-Y-P.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
see why i don't know yeah anyway so yeah the videos people are making it's hypocritical to preach about privacy that oh you're breaking boundaries because you keep talking about the situation you keep talking about it publicly but you're literally making 10 times more videos than i've ever made you're talking about my life all the time public um that's hypocritical and i think you should do some introspection on that totally agree anything else
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I know. But I was trying to think, like, hey, okay, our whole goal of the episode was to just kind of, like, go through what we're seeing right now, which is a lot of turmoil. People are very – and I also feel like these creators, once the algorithm kind of feeds that thing, now they found their niche, right? Ooh. All the other videos have 1,200 likes or 1,200 views.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
But this one video they made on their opinion about our adoption story got 24,000 views. So now what do they do? I hit the golden ticket. This is my – They must have done their views. Yeah. They're like, oh, my God, this is it. So if I keep talking about this subject, I'll keep gaining all this stuff. So it's like they found their little niche.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I think what people are worried about, though, is the wording. It was like you said, like, oh, I didn't want to go against your decision, or I was afraid you were going to leave me if I came home from the hospital. It wasn't like, you know... So I get why people are, like, saying this. I understand it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Thank you. I mean, honestly, I just feel like I like that part. I like the little anonymous stuff. Yeah, I think it's... Because that stuff's like, I just... Then I get in the loopholes, and I want to know all the... You're like, I want to know all the details.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, people still want to hear us talk after all these years.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
It was like the wording. And I get, like, watching, I'm like, oh, yeah, I understand where you would get that perception because that's what was said. But it was more or less like I was afraid you were going to leave me eventually. I was afraid, you know what I mean? Not that I'm going to leave you because of if I don't do adoption. You know what I mean? It was more or less like.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I guess it's one of those things, though, where you take it personal, right? How do you not take it personal?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
You know what I'm saying? Of course you would take it personal. Because then you're like, dude, I'm literally laying right here, bro.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
This never would have worked if we didn't communicate.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, because everyone has different preferences and what they like, what they don't like. And, you know, some people are just crazy and shit.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Some people aren't. It's vanilla. Tie me up. I'm not into that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Kick me in the face. I'm not really into that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
You know, it's like, dude, I, you know, choke me. It's like, I want to breathe, though.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
What do you consider vanilla, though? I don't even know what you consider vanilla anymore.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Like no BDSM, you ain't taking the whips out.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I don't know what it is, but I don't want to be in pain.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
So that's where it comes down to. Some people are like, that's right. I was like, dude, wow. I mean, I get it. Some people are like. People have different preferences. How did that happen to you? Now I'm curious about your past. I'm like, wait, why do you want to be strapped to a board like the hog and whipped and cut and shit? And it turns you on.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Now I have so many questions about your past and your childhood that I'm like, what the fuck is happening?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
The one where they got married. The first kiss was at the altar. Dude.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Okay. I know. But I guess a part of it, I can see like, okay, you, you, it could be a beautiful. Right. Growing experience. You grow with it together. Yes. But y'all, I ain't marrying nobody if I don't know they can lay it down. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. We have to know. We have to know. You have to know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah. I mean, listen, we can't go back in time and say what would have happened, but I highly assume that we wouldn't have had the freedom to go to therapy at a young age. Everyone hated on us. Remember this? Yeah. When we were 17 and we were like, let's go to therapy. My mom was like, you're an idiot. I can't believe you're going to go to therapy. You're only 17.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
That's true. Think about that for a second. But honestly, yeah, because when we talk, I was going to say, you said you take some off. You would shrink it. It's good. But that also goes to pain, right? Yeah. No woman likes their cervix being slammed.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I know, but, like, honestly, but see, like, girls have to communicate that to us guys because, you know, we grew up... Oh, I will punch a motherfucker.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
It goes to compatibility that you have to communicate. Yeah, you do. If you never would have told me you hurt me, then I never would have...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
That's what I'm saying. No, that's what I mean. It's a communicator. Maybe they like, like I said, getting strapped to a book.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, because remember there, we read that one on me where it was, if you could change something physical, they had to answer it. And you're like, I would just take an inch off.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And I'm like, well, that's not what I was expecting. So what the fuck? But like I said, that brings up the point of like, you have to communicate. So that little, that lady needs to fucking communicate, bro.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, true. Yeah, right. Getting a therapist.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, true. That could be really romantic. Yeah, there you go. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Thank God. Because I'm like, yo, my whole life would be in shambles. I wouldn't know what the fuck's going on. Who am I? Who are you? Who am I? What is this?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And that's what you're going to get used to, talking to us. Like, no, bro. We just, I don't know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
What issues could you possibly have? And I'm like, well, I did just...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I personally feel like people forget that I even had... Like emotions. Yeah, any attachment to it. They're like, oh, you wanted it. That's all you ever wanted from the beginning and blah, blah. And it's like they have no clue that me and you flip-flopped our decision. Both of us did. You wanted a parent. I was like, whoa. And then you wanted adoption. And I was like, maybe I want a parent.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Well, I just figured I didn't want, I feel like people already know so much about us. So I was like, oh, I want to get guests at first. So I wanted to like feel it out.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Because after you kind of... The first time that you...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
said you wanted a parent and i was like okay fine we'll figure this out me and mine wasn't documented that was not documented that was behind the scenes because they were they they left for like a couple weeks and i said they'll come back if anything happens because you're on labor or you're gonna be a labor watch later on yeah but um and so when that happened and you called me and said that we're you know i want to do this i'm like all right like i i buckled up i was like we're gonna go to salvation army mom i gotta get all this stuff what is your mom's
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And she was like, okay, okay. If that's what she wants to do, if that's what we're doing, that's what we'll do. And I remember thinking in my head, like, all right, I'm going to go to Salvation Army and I got like 50 bucks. I'm going to try to find like a $5 this, a $10 that, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And so, but I feel like when that happened and the cameras didn't catch it, they didn't really see the back and forth and how hard it was to like be a birth dad and have to make this decision too. Because at the end of the day, it was like, I could have wanted...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And then we're thinking like, they don't want to hear us talk. Just me and you. But they do.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
But I also noticed that the clip that they played that you're talking about on TikTok where we're on the hill talking, they didn't... play the whole clip where I asked later on during that same conversation, I talk about what I was afraid of. And it was like, we were literally just talking about our fears of if we decided to parent, which honestly, producers ask us that all the time.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Do you know what I'm saying? Remember we'd have situations, but how do you think this would be? Like, you know, if Carly was here. Yeah. So, and then what was that season four of the original? So, I mean, we were already kind of in the nitty gritty of team on world, but. Um, I think it's interesting that people would even like, cause you've even addressed this before and said that multiple times.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And when she was also preaching us, like she wouldn't like the adoption. She wanted us to parent. We'll help you. We'll help you. And then I remember you calling me and you were saying like, She said she was going to help us, and we got in one little argument. It wasn't even that bad, you said. And she said, yeah, well, good luck. Who's going to buy you diapers? And I remember being like, oh, my.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
So you're not going to help us? Or you're only going to help us when it's convenient for you? Or you're going to hold it over my head or whatever? Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Whenever you call me and tell me, you're like, all right, never mind. Adoption's back on. I was like, oh, my God.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Okay. So part of me was like, because you obviously told me that after you said your mom wasn't going to buy us diapers or something like that. I remember thinking in my head like, damn it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
all right fine well we'll just you know i'll figure this out you know my mom will be there i'll get another job or whatever i was thinking of what i was going to do and then when you mentioned it i want to do adoption it's back on all the reasons so let's say the same because remember you mentioned to me well our pros and cons list that we made is still the same yeah nothing's changed we haven't gotten a bigger house my mom hasn't gotten more money i haven't so many things like nothing was changing right you know our parents were still using they were getting evicted so they're
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Still going through school. So like, I remember when you said that and I was like, all right, you're right. Adoption's right. But I feel like that two weeks that we both thought we were going to parent, I mean, yeah, I got excited. I got part of me was like accepting just the chaos. All right, this is my life. It's going to be chaotic.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Whatever it's going to be. But, you know, to say that I wasn't, you know, a little devastated when you called and said that would be a lie because I was. Right. And we talked about that. I mean, we have many times we were in the hospital even look at each other. We remember we didn't have to say nothing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
We just knew we're both like, let's just run. Let's just run.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
So I feel like, yeah, people had the perception that I was just for this adoption 100% all the time. No negotiations, whatever. And I get watching the clip, it's like, oh, you said your decision. It's like, yeah, it was my decision. But one thing you said that I love so much was you said, you're just lucky I took your decision into consideration. So I don't have to. Not all girls do.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And I was like... Boom. You know, that's that's the reality. You were gracious and nice enough to do that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
You could have. That's what I want everyone to understand, though, that you literally could have. Yeah, but you didn't.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
But I think just the wording was like, oh, it was your decision, which took away the fact that, you know, it wasn't your decision. It was all mine and whatever. So I feel like, you know, listen, you can go back and find multiple clips where we made mistakes or said things that were, you know, not the best or paint us in a different light. That's fine. We were on TV for 16 years.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Which I also noticed a lot of people commenting, saying like, where's the full video? I want to watch it. I'm like, dude, I didn't realize. I didn't realize people really want to watch. Mm-hmm. A podcast recording versus just listening to it from audio. So we're learning. We're still learning, guys.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I guarantee you're going to find something, multiple things that just don't sit right with you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Like, I think, honestly, a lot of it, the mistakes were, like, just from being naive. Like, honestly, I think back about a lot of the stuff that has to do with the very first time that we got in trouble with Brandon and Teresa, about posting the thing about Carly.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
The very first boundary that I ever broke, the first and last one, in my opinion, was that one picture that I posted on that slideshow after they went on the magazine cover and after they did the front of the magazine cover and after they did the Dr. Drew show thing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, it was on the fan page. I don't know how many... I mean, still, back then, it was, like, Instagram wasn't really a thing, so it was, like, I think Facebook fan pages were more, like, popular or something back then. But, yeah, it was on that fan page, and I did it without even thinking because... all that stuff happened. Dr. Drew magazine life, you know, whole magazine cover.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And I think what's interesting is they play this clip that was played on TV where we already got in trouble off camera. We already got called. We already got in trouble. So when we had the conversation on camera about me posting that video, it was past tense. It already happened. So you're super emotional. You're pregnant and you're talking to me, telling me,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
you know, they're going to find out this is bad. You know what I mean? And it, and it comes across very, like, I'm very, uh, like, just like, screw everybody. I'm doing it. And to be honest with you, that was true when it first happened. Uh, and I, those are one, that's one example where I feel like,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
young and naive and i'm just just being arrogant and i take full accountability for being arrogant and just just annoyed and uh feeling inferior and just all those things and like that's that's an honest mistake and i think people forget that we actually um you know fix that mistake quote unquote when we went and had the conversation with them and we talked about it all and we got a lot of that conversation on further i would ask for permission of what pictures i could post
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
We're here. We made it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
So they had... Oh, wow. That's way different than... Way different than ours.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. Right. Right. Or kind of condone it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
did you feel a disconnect like you had felt some kind of huge disconnect from oh here i am in my real life in my real house with my husband and my child and my real family and then i gotta do this weird i mean you had to have felt a tug of war and also i feel like it would make you feel like not mentally yeah like oh i was not identity like you know yeah like it would mess with your mental like health i feel like then you start questioning everything like what am i really what do i really want to do what what
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, and even that, though, I don't understand really what happened or what... Were you involved in all that? Or were you not talking to them?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Was that covered on camera though? Like the divorce and all that kind of stuff?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Okay, okay, got it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
More controversial. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Or the difficult things. Hope you had fun on your ski vacation that you filmed. And now I got to come here and tell you that my whole life's... I could see where... Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Right. I'm totally switched.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And the production wanted you, obviously, to pretend that you were still wanting the divorce and stuff. Oh, for sure. Yeah, that is... So, okay, so you and your husband got divorced, but did you think the show had a role to play in that at all?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Okay. But how did all that start? Okay, take me back, because I don't know how, like, where... Whatever you feel comfortable with. Yeah, obviously. But, like, you know, Christy knows best. How did that even happen?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Really?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And my investment's not going to pay off.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
I get that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
So did your husband support the podcast?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, wow. Okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
So he did, he felt like it was not a good idea for you to keep doing the show.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. And it almost sounds like, it almost sounds like unnecessary, like, like almost like tug of war. Like your family wants you to be this certain thing and you're like, okay, I'll do it, but I'm not, but I will. Cause you know, it's like, how do you even know or be able to differentiate what's
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
authentic to me and what's not it almost would to me it almost thought it'd create some kind of identity issue like i don't even know i did have that yeah like what's real who am i what what do i really want because now i'm all confused and i you got everything coming in different ears like that's got to be like stressful well i wanted to fit into both places and i think just a child coming from
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
That is horrible.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Well, did you ever mention to your dad or anyone like, hey, this is feeling really not good for me?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Wow. I wonder what there were. All your other siblings who were involved in the show, obviously, did you ever tell any of them?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
So, like, okay, sex tape scandal, what does that mean? Like, what, like, because that's different for a lot of people. Like, Farrah tried saying it was, she was in ahead of sex tape scandal.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, I'm like, no, this is a totally, like, produced porn, so what is this?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, so you've already filed. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, wow. Okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
I've never even heard of an informational report before.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
It's kind of like a paper trail.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, my God.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Wow. This is your ex best friend.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
But you're saying doggy cam.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, wow.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
No, the math ain't mapping on that one.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
What do you reconcile the guy back together?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, my. Oh, my God. All right. The last thing you need. This is a little.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Wow.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, huge red flag.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Right. Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
No, I'd be like, no, everyone shut up. We're done. We're done with all this.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. This is actually real, our real life to go behind and film ourselves, how we feel, what just happened. But I feel like your experience was like,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Toxic, manipulative, just like I don't even know how you could have survived more than one season because that sounds like, oh my – and then especially having your whole family on top of it almost pressuring you to keep doing it. Like that's like – I'm sad that you had that. I wish the production would have been – Different. Because what channel was it on? USA. Okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
God, it's like, what is going on?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
So you said this ex best friend, obviously you're not friends with this person.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Because my whole thing is that when you filed that report, how were you even aware to file the report?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
No, but how did you even know to do that? Who did?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Wow.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
But how did you get a word that there was a possible tape? How did that even happen?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
So how did you even know to file the report?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
He did?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And your brother never told you?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
I would pretty much contact my sister if someone was like, hey, I gotta, oh, hey sis, I don't even talk to you in a minute, but holy shit. Like your titties are on the video. Your friend just wrote. Right. I'm like, okay, I'm mind blown that the fact that you are literally surrounded by betrayal.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Like, I'm like, wow. That's all it sounds like to me. It does. Like, everyone that was supposed to be on your side... And protect you and support you, yeah. Like, what the fuck?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, wow.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Holy shit.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. And you're only six years old when that first happened. So then you're witnessing... this divide and you're almost too young to even understand fully what the hell is happening.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And what, so was, was, um, was your mom involved at all with the show at all?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Okay. She wasn't involved at all.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Wow. And how, and how do you feel like your relationship with her going through all this scandals and all that stuff? How did, how did you feel supported by her?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
How old was he when this happened? You were six? Five. Okay, he was five. So he's also a little younger. But my thing is, okay, so your mom let full custody happen with your dad? Like there was no custody battle?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, there was. Okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Wow.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And you never asked your mom after all this happened, like, Hey, what really happened? Like, why did we not, why did you not get custody? Why did you not, I mean, you know, fight more or come see me more. Did I ever get like a dress between you and her?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. I mean, especially because we were, I mean, we were obviously surrounded by, you know, just, yeah, chaos and evictions and drugs and all that kind of stuff. But it sounds like you growing up, your family was pretty stable. Like as far as financially, no one was alcoholics. There was no domestic violence or anything. So it's just kind of sounds like,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
I mean, I'm just kind of confused on on where your mom's role in in all this was when all this is going on.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
OK.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
They paid for the condo, but didn't pay for school.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Well, right, because your brother is still actively – is he still, like, having issues or –
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
That's weird.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And all those things that you actually like went through, like were you close with your stepmom at that point through all that stuff or?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Why is he setting boundaries around his children?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And it creates, it actually maintains a disconnect at all times. It almost, it's like, you know, kids, obviously no kid likes to be punished or disciplined, but on the other side of that, the discipline, you know, is coming from care.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And so it's like, it would have been beneficial for you because you would have felt like, you know, I know, I don't, no one likes being punished, obviously, but like, you have known you're, you care about me. That's why you want to discipline me and make sure you correct me or whatever. And the fact that you had to just sit there and like, well, yeah, wait for your dad or whatever.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
That's like, that's also torture. Yeah. Yeah. I got to wait for my inevitable, you know, ass beaten or whatever. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Okay. And then so, okay. So the other ones are, okay, got it. All right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. And you consider that's your mom. Because I don't want to get language.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, really?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, really? Elaborate on that. Okay, so you waited the whole time until 19 and you asked her to adopt you?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, that's right. So disgusting. That's a long time ago.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Because when you did the paper, it didn't really change anything.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
But so the paper, you even wanting and having the desire to do that, you know, get that paperwork done, obviously shows that you yearn for this to all feel. Belonging. Yeah, belonging and to be connected.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
So, I mean, was your dad kind of aware that you felt any disconnect or, you know, like just a difference from the other kids?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
So you literally walked around as a child with this inside the whole time.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Well, it's that self-betrayal. And I think when you live so many years... you know, self-betraying yourself, no matter, no wonder you end up getting older and like almost just having this identity. Like, I don't even know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. It's an identity crisis. I don't know who I am because I spent so much time self-betraying in order to maintain this, you know, facade of I'm okay and everything's fine. Don't worry about me. But it's like, that's heavy. That's heavy stuff to carry around as a kid.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Isn't it weird how you become a mom and it's like a parent?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Actually, I feel like we experience it kind of, we don't know when the next bomb's going to drop because they get to certain ages. And then you get like this feeling of like you get either flashbacks or you get a little bit of PTSD or a little bit of like, oh, my God, like I got to like do this and figure and save this. But it's like, no, it's not an issue. This is a you thing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Like, but it brings up a lot of stuff from when you were a kid raising your own kids. Yeah. And then also it's hard to like. I mean, there's a period of time when you have your own children that you kind of get a little mad at your parents for a minute. It's like, dang, now I know what this feels like. And you let this happen when I was that age. Like, how the hell did you do that?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Because the love I have for this kid is how did you even how are you able to do that? And it kind of your situation reminds you a little bit of your dad being in Florida. And you were saying stuff like, you know, he knew you're at home with your mom dealing with all that stuff. And I wondered if your mom.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
ever knew what was going on with, you know, with you at home if she never, like, obviously... I think she did.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. So that's kind of interesting that...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
It's mind-blowing, isn't it? Because you're a parent. You're like, dude, mom, how did you do that?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, because we always talk about there are certain things that her dad moved to Florida and started his whole family all over again. And she was left with her mom. And it was like, how do you even like... I even asked her when we were getting to know each other. I was like, did your dad ever send you Christmas gifts? And she's like, no. And I'm like, that's so weird that you can just like...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
just close off and then jump over here and then forget that it ever happened. But it's like, give a whole, a whole damn child. How does it somewhere?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Like it's insane.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
It's hard to sympathize if I can't wrap my head around it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
I know. What do you just go crazy?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
It's one of those things too, where it's like, did you even really, did you have that yearning for your mom?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Which, again, sounds like self-betrayal. You're kind of like, okay, I don't want to ruffle any – this sounds great. All right, Dad, you got it. We'll continue to do all this. But did your dad ever – do you think your dad ever tried to bridge the gap? I do. Okay. So he tried to get you and your mom to be involved with each other?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
They're a wild little kid. One time they had to think about.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
So you're saying it did once affect you. I mean, so when did you start going to therapy?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Wow. Okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Because you were actually generally tired.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
I felt like that sounds... It was me. To a T. Kate explained it in a way that I felt like I didn't really understand... depression in her looks different than it does in me. And so when I was like, how could you be so tired and sleep all the time? And it's like one of those things where it's like, I had to get educated on like what depression actually looks like.
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Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, so he actually recognized it. He, he was watching this and witnessing it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. And I didn't even know how to, you don't know how to see. You don't know how to bring it up as a spouse.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And I also don't want to like... It's a touchy, sensitive thing. And it's like, you're also a mom and I don't know... And you're a new mom, so it's exhausting. And I don't know if it's just that. And so you don't even know how to approach it because you don't want to hurt their feelings. But do you feel like... When he brought it up to you, did you kind of like deny it?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Did you like, what are you talking about?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, it was before COVID.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, I imagine the life that you had, you've had anxiety. Because I think even being a little kid and self-betraying, in my opinion, looks like anxiety for kids. Yeah, because we're little. And the kids don't even know that they're having anxiety, right? But they're just kind of trying to survive.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And I almost feel like with your story so far, it just sounds like you were almost forced on both sides to just kind of always...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
be robotic and not like engage in what you're really feeling it was more or less emotionally monitoring making sure making sure we're good we're good even it's a lot when you talk about getting up and taking your kid to school and kind of putting on this i'm a happy mom everything's great and then you go back to your cave and you like you know what i mean be the real exactly right yeah like that's exhausting and i almost and then i didn't want like people
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Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Like why did they not get along?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. Really? So this is actually new, like revelation for you. Like it's, that's, that's huge.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Well, it's a way of just making sure you're being proactive about things because that sounds a lot like you when you're like, I'm like, what are you doing? You're like, I'm having a therapy session. I'm like, oh, well, why? Well, I feel a little weird. Something's off today. I feel something creeping in.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And it sounds like obviously when you're more self-aware, you can be more proactive and hopefully it kind of minimizes that time. So you feel it creeping in. It doesn't fully take hold, but you just jump on it right when you feel it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, but it is really hard when you're the person watching. It's like you don't want to...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
That is insane. Yeah. And so it took your ex-husband to be like, hey, something's off.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
or with your parents yeah in the reality show they would have what if they could have just kept playing well listen I firmly believe in divine timing like you can always timing is always on our side even when we feel the complete opposite and so maybe that was the reason why you guys are kind of rekindled got together for that little moment and then for that to come to fruition because honestly like you know now mental health is it's a work in progress constantly you got to constantly be checking in on yourself being self-aware I mean it's it's a job in itself so
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yes.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
But we're huge advocates for therapy. I mean, I don't care if you're the happiest person on the planet. There's always something to gain from it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, we actually did both. We did separate and then we did together when we went through all of our shit and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Is that kind of what you felt like? Okay, so when you say businessman, real estate, what was he?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And do you think people would be.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And people would not be committing suicide if that was the case. So there's a huge thing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Well, that's why I want to applaud both you women because that's what you're doing right now. You guys are just openly talking about having struggles with mental health on top of being moms and wives. That's huge. And 10 years ago, I feel like no one would accept this. They'd be criticizing the hell out of it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
You know what I mean? But now it's getting a spotlight that I think it's deserved for a long time. So I'm glad.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Well, they're like, if you go to therapy, you're already, you're too fucked up.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. It's like, yeah. Or you're such a stigma cause. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
I know that, but like break it down. Yeah. Instagram, Tik TOK, all that good stuff.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
So how, how was life? Like how's everything going?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Right, what the fuck's happening?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Who's he telling this?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, wow. Really?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
What was that? Why?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
How did that feel for you though? To have your own dad say, Hey, like pretty much hide who you are. Don't like that. I mean, you don't must feel like, what did you feel like?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Okay. Okay. You're like, fuck this.
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Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Like you got in a fight about it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And why is that?
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Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
How many child, how many children, like all siblings?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Dang. Okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
They were like... If you don't do it, we're all going to be screwed. Yeah. Wow, that is... So you're manipulated for sure.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
How old were the three? So they're younger.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
That's crazy.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Wow. Okay. So then, and so the, cause I never watched the show ever. So the show just follows your whole family, your siblings and everything. Uh, so did they get involved in your marriage? Like when did that, did they, like, how did they announce it? Hey, and now I'm married and I'm actually having a kid.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Right. Because it's freedom. I have freedom to control my story. Because like you said, I mean, obviously, I don't think people really realize who are not involved in reality TV that like I could say one thing. And then if these higher up producers don't really want to go with that route of the story.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. then they will. And then you're kind of at the mercy of whatever's ends up on TV. Cause it's not like we get to watch each episode and, and kind of say, yeah, that's cool. That's like, we don't get any say so in what's air on TV. So we don't have to like, just kind of throw our hands up.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
You have more creative control, which is really, trust me, we had creative control.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Things would be a lot different with Team Island. We had a little bit more.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, I also feel like, though, because so since, so you were actually on this show. You said Kindergarten, so you had to have been on it for, what, four years?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Okay, and was your husband involved in that?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, because to be honest, we don't really know anything about anything. I know Chris Lee knows best. I know all that stuff, but as far as the details, I don't know anything.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Authentic.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Didn't feel you're not aligned. I mean, you're not aligned with reality in that point. Cause you're just kind of doing a job.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
My real family, which makes it even weirder because I'm assuming your other siblings are all involved in this too. So are you close with them? Are you like, you're not at all. Are you serious? Strange from all your siblings.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Well, no, she ignored... She told Dawn, we haven't answered that question, but you're forbidden to tell Tyler and Caitlin what that answer is. And so my thing is, is that, listen, you... If it was Carly and you're the parent... You should advocate for your child and tell us, hey, you're hurting my kid. Please stop. Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So the fact that you're not willing to do that means who are you prioritizing here? Why are you not advocating for this child and saying, hey – because if one of our kids – if someone is like – I don't care who it is. You're hurting my kid. Stop doing it. Yeah, and this is why you're hurting my kid. Yeah, I have an answer for you, but you're not going to get it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
It's – the power dynamic is weird and doesn't make any sense in – I don't think that you withholding that information from us, which would help and benefit everything moving forward. All I can do is communicate and say, hey, this is what's going on. It would eliminate all this. So I'm confused on why that's not happening. And I just feel like you have the opportunity to advocate for that child.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And also, you know, I feel like we you agreed on this open adoption. You agreed on all these things.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I mean as far as – That means, like, they allow – we asked, can we post pictures? And they said, only the back of her head.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
If you can't see her face, we're fine with it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So that's what we did. And I think people get really confused about – you keep – they keep saying, oh, well, you keep breaking the boundaries with brand treats. You keep disrespecting what their wishes are. And it's like, well, it happened one time where – when we were, what, 17, 18 years old? Yeah, way in the way because –
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Just the back of her head. Just the back of her head.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Everybody does. Everybody does. No, yeah, especially on TikTok. I mean, people got a lot of opinions on Teen Mom. I feel like, yes. Because TikTok wasn't around when Teen Mom first started.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
They did sign up for that. I will defend you guys with that. I will defend that. And they also agreed on the whole thing about, yeah, MTV, you can show the back of her head, and we're going to get compensated for it. Only if you compensate us.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So they financially benefited from this as well. Oh, yeah, hugely, which is why I feel – that it's hypocritical, and I don't understand your moral, if it's a really moral standpoint that you're taking.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, but it's not because you literally went on the magazine when she was five and put her face out there. All over the cover of the magazine. And that was fine, and that was okay, and I really wish we had that article because in that article, that magazine, it says we are so blessed with the open adoption. We love that we can have contact with them.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
We love it for our kids, and we're going to continue to do all that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
and so yeah and things like that and then you know fast forward when we would post only approved pics like she said uh and then she got upset because we posted this last visit we had i don't know if you see when was the last one it was two years ago that's the last time you saw her yeah yeah and i posted a picture on my instagram it was like all of us walking yes yep i did see that and then tyler posted one where it was him car yeah nova and it was the back of them
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
No. MySpace was still around. Because we're around the same age. So now that TikTok's here, it's like, now people are going back, I feel like, and watching from the beginning. And now we have a whole new, like, almost new generation of watchers that are, like, didn't know anything. And now they're all getting...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Because it's not an exclusive picture. Because now it's not an exclusive. Because we did it first.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah. Well, and my thing is that like – and we have stayed silent on all those little details up until now because now we literally have nothing to lose.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And if it made the adoption look really good, they were going to do it. But if you express your feelings or anything that was negative about it, it was like, you can't do that. No, now it's bad. Now we're mad. Yeah. It's just a weird, it's a weird power dynamic. And it feels like for so long we had to be silent because like you said, I don't want to ruffle feathers. I'm not in control.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So we have to kind of be like, okay, like, all right, because I don't want you to take her away. So we didn't speak on a lot of things that happened behind closed doors because that's priority number one is to be able to see her and have access to her. So now that access is taken away, it's like, well, then I mean. You guys don't have anything left to lose at this point.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
opinions so i mean you got a lot to say yeah but yeah i thought it was interesting though because i was like wow like your perception of it is that we you know like talking about carly or our adoption story was you were like not a good you don't think it's a good idea to do it mm-hmm
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And that's pretty much the main fear that we believe is driving everything.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And so advocate for them, though.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
They raised her. Yeah, they raised her.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So they deserve that advocacy in our opinion. Yes. And we will always do that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But I think we take accountability for those things. We always try to put ourselves in their shoes. That's why we did say silent for so long. I don't want to... I'm trying to understand your perception as her parents, and I get why all these things are – you have all these fears and stuff.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But I just feel like for you as a parent to allow your insecurity and this fear to trump the best interests of her doesn't make sense to me. And that's also not what we wanted and what we agreed upon 15 years ago. Like it's – We always were supposed to be a team for her, and so when we ask you, is anything we're doing harming her?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Is anything that we're talking about affecting her, or are these visits affecting her?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, but they don't even want to talk to you. No. So it's hard to like do anything or mend anything when you don't – when you just cut off communication.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
That's what we know of, but I think it's interesting that you bring that up because if I would have said, my only regret is I wish I would have parented, That is literally the same thing as saying I wish she had different parents because I would be – we would be her parents. There's no difference in me saying – and that would have been accepted by TikTok people and everyone.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
That would have been fine if I was like, oh, my biggest regret is I wish I would have parented her. And everyone would have been like, oh, wow, yeah, of course. But the fact that I said I regret – and wish I would have picked different parents for her, everyone freaked out, and it was like... I mean, I was shook. I didn't know what the hell to say. I was like, oh.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But would you have been shook if I said I wish I would have parented her instead?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And also the fact that we didn't get to spend a lot of time with them. We only met them one time and then we met them again when she was giving birth. So it's like, I think for sure.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I didn't find that out till way later in life, which we thought was really weird. But we also were like, Oh, that's why we don't know their last name for years. That's why we don't know their address. That's why we can't have their phone number for years. Like, because at first we were like,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Which that's why I want to bring up to the point that like there were only – there was four people involved in this agreement and two of them were children and two of them were adults. And so when you find out that you originally wanted closed, why did you not just say we're not a good fit? We want to open. Why didn't Dawn say that? Yeah. Well, she mentioned to them.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
She said, hey, they want to open. Why didn't she tell you guys that? We don't know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I think it's because the whole goal is to get a baby. It's messed up. It is. And that's why the industry needs to kind of – we need adoption reform, period, in all branches of it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Well, and also because we're kids, and we're trusting the adults around us to try to like – Okay, I'm going to listen to you. I don't know anything about this, and you do, and you're a grown-up, and I'm not. And so we're going to kind of trust your whole – trust your word, and we're going to go with that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But it's like when we – afterwards, all these things unfolded, and we also felt like I think we were trying to – Kind of like heal about what's going on so we didn't push back at all because we're like, we never did this before. I don't know how to navigate all this or whatever. Yeah, because you don't even know what the questions to ask.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, and I also feel like if you were an adult and you knew what you wanted, I think your responsibility should have been, this isn't a good fit for us. We want clothes. The fact that you shifted your desires to get the baby is –
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
selfish to me yeah i because i feel like that automatically kind of shows that you weren't really planning on you know doing what we agreed upon right away that's what it felt like at least yeah i mean that's what it felt like when we found all of this out yeah and for dawn to not you know tell you guys that is disappointing
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
The whole adoption thing is just crazy. It's insane. The fact that this is such a unique story and it's been shown on TV and people have... Every journey is not the same at all.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
You're putting it way out there. Dang, okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, because my whole thing is that like – and if – like your moral ground can't be shaky. It's got to be firm. And I feel like their moral ground – Like the line is always moving with them. And so it's weird. It's like, okay, if your concern is for her safety or her privacy, then why are you agreeing to get paid for a photo of the back of her head? And what is the point? That's crazy to me.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Why does the moral ground keep moving? I don't know. It's just – it's one of those things where it's like for years, those things would be happening behind closed doors, and obviously we were just kind of like don't want to shake the basket at all. So we're like, oh, we're not going to say anything. But at this point, it's like –
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I think it's only fair that the full scope of the story gets put out there. And for the sake of if Carly is the one not wanting this disconnect, if she's the one that actually wants to have access to communicate with us and they're not allowing that, then this is all I have to advocate for her as her birth parent to get this information out to her.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, and I don't know what they're telling her. So it's just a whole thing of like all the years we've tried to like – Get them on the phone, and they wouldn't – it was like we would have to wait weeks, and then we'd get a response, and it's very like – it almost sounds like a prompt, like a scripted response, and we're over here like – Like an AI kind of thing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
We're like, dude, you're not giving a presidential speech. We just want to talk. Right, right. And so then we used to kind of like be in denial or in their defense, be like, oh, well, they're Southern, and we're Midwest, and maybe – I think we were in the fog.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
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Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, that's what you said. And so I want you to elaborate on why you believe that is.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Because I think in this regard, it's like, okay, fine. And everyone's – it's funny because people are like, respect them, respect them. Okay, I respect them. I won't sign gifts.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But who's that harming? I'm making sure Brian and Teresa are good.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Which, honestly, doesn't that kind of prove the point of the intention of doing this? Because people are still like, well, just get a lawyer. It's like, you guys don't even know how adoption works. There's nothing legally binding at all. It's a verbal agreement with this adoption agency, and that's it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And I think it's interesting because people will bring up the contract that we signed at 16 that said the first five years or something like that. But... Does precedence not matter? I know you said for the first five years, but you continued to have this pattern in ritual and tradition. And so it's like people are like, well, go back to the contract. It's like, what?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Guys, they are the ones that didn't – it changed. It changed. Yeah, they changed that. Which we always say we're really thankful that the fact that – It's a double edged sword, right? We're glad that you want to close and you chose to kind of vulnerably open it up more than you ever wanted to.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But at the same time, like it's just doesn't make any sense that now you take it away without really a good enough reason.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Right. You know, I watch time our kids and they talk. So it's like, yeah, just cut it all off and pretend nothing happened.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And that's funny. Oh, you're talking about the clip that we had. Yeah, when we had the conversation. Yes. I think it's really interesting to bring that up because we don't watch the show and we don't really –
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah. But I have gotten clips from that. People have sent it to me. Yeah, it's circulated. And I think if you pay attention to her demeanor and her – She's spicy. And her delivery. She is, yeah. And her respect or empathy, it's like it's – that is what we have dealt with the last 15 years. It's kind of like when I'm expressing a vulnerability, you're like – Like, it's like a, you know what I mean?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, it's all it is. No, it comes across really like.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But she doesn't like when, you know, I don't think she wants to be kind of painted in that light, so.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So I guess we're the ones that get in trouble for that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But I also feel like what a missed opportunity. You're an adoptive parent. You could have really helped the community in adoption. You could have really been a voice for adoptive parents. You could have taken this opportunity and really – Just put a different light on it. But you didn't. And you're okay with it sometimes and not okay with it other times. Yeah, it's inconsistent.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Now we're in trouble. And we were able to say the word sisters for years. And now we're not allowed to say that word because you don't like it. And it's just...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So was that the cherry on top? I have no idea. I'm not – I don't know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
No, I asked Dawn. I was like, is there anything that I've done online? Okay. Any new things that I've done? Like, you know, I didn't outright say it, but... Yeah, yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I shut it down. I said just because that's a good point. Okay, I get it. We live a very different lifestyle than they do. And I think that's okay to have different morals and ethics and what's good and what's not. And so even if that was the case, fine, take it down. We took it down. Shut it down. Shut it down.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But you acknowledge you were wrong. And also, I think, is it not safe that things change? Opinions change. People evolve. Things that were taboo 10 years ago are not taboo now. We have more information on it. And so I think...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
people should not be so concrete like oh my god it's like no no wait we are allowed to shift our values are allowed to shift and change and move with new information and new data and that's what's happening so i feel like all i can do is say uh i'm sorry for the way that she uh was treated yeah um am i do i feel she's very not a nice person Right, you can dislike her for a couple other things.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And I think people get it confused that that's why she was fired, and it wasn't. She used Teen Mom in the title. It was a whole produced...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
film versus yeah a paid paywall 18 and older website which is blocked by you know so yeah there's a difference there's a difference i'm not saying that like it justifies anything but you've gotten a bunch of hate for it i mean no i mean there's porn stars there's sex well it's because she said it was a home video like yeah and it wasn't yeah that was our production like don't let me tell you so i say like don't lie just just to say yeah nobody cares yep i did it
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah I'm on team I want to capitalize on my shit And this is how I did it Yeah I'm like girl Yeah I want to follow Kim K's thing And you did that It's fine I think the approach was really weird Because you're like Trying to pretend It's just Yeah there is a little bit of that Where it's like I would apologize to Farrah And tell her that you know I don't think she'd really hear it No I mean not But you know But we do She might hear that now Yeah she might Maybe I don't know I'm not really sure But I guess It's all I can do right Right Take accountability Okay yep Yep we took the only Fans down
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Which is the main thing. The adoptees need some kind of platform.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Just in case if that was a thing. Yeah, if that wasn't what it was. I think it's really clear, though. Do I agree that that is not morally correct? It's like, no, I have – we have freedom and everyone does it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Right. But I think it's one of those things where it's like we're allowed to live different lives and have different –
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I have a question. Do you believe that other people on the cast manipulate to get sympathy or to recruit people to get on their sides? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Because I feel like, because I feel like, so where do we cross the line with sharing our story on a reality TV show as people or then turns into manipulation for sympathy? You asked, where'd you cross the line? Where's the line?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
no not really I think it's empowering and it's freedom and that's what it is and I think anyone Pamela Anderson she's allowed to have kids just because she did her thing doesn't mean she's not allowed to be a parent I think people the backlash is like you have children it's like well yeah and how do you get children You have sex. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And, you know, how do you like, you know, and eventually those children are going to be adults and do the same fucking thing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And what's the difference between a model on a billboard in Times Square or a bathing suit guy in a bathing suit at the beach? Like your children. So it's like it's it's I think it brings up an interesting topic.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And my morals, they have changed. Yeah, my beliefs have changed. Yeah, I have more understanding or whatever the case is. Yeah, I mean, so this whole thing is just messy.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And it's gotten to a point where it's like I have, I only have control of what I have control of, which is us sharing our story. And so that's what we're going to do. And I feel like if people are going to go online and have strong opinions, just, I want you to have all the information. And so that's the whole, the whole, the whole goal.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I really, I mean, um, it's not our job to protect brand trees. And I think people even kind of deem that as controversial, but when you know their operation, how they've handled this for the 15 years, it's like it's, it's hypocritical to, to think that they're, you know, we're not protecting them. They're not even doing the things that they said publicly. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So it's, it's just, the whole thing is, it's just messy.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
You said you're the child of an addict. You're an addict yourself. We talked about this on Instagram, which I commend your sobriety. I think it's amazing and great. You got me Googling. I think that's really great. I wonder if that is why your opinion was so strong about... They're manipulating for sympathy.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And I was like, oh, it's kind of interesting because I wonder if you are almost saying that because you've done that. You spot it. You got it. You've done that as an addict.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, but I get your perception. I just feel like, you know, that's why I asked about the whole thing of where's the line of me sharing my story versus now manipulating for sympathy. It's kind of a, you know what I mean?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Where's the line of like, Oh, I'm just, you know, a reality TV content person, you know, whatever that it's sharing my story have been doing it for 15 years. Where's the line cross from just sharing our story, being vulnerable, honest to manipulation to get sympathy or recruit people to be on our side. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I was going to say too because I wonder if now with that understanding, do you think that some of your opinions on other reality TV or anyone that you talk about pop culture-wise – You should try to just, I mean, as much as you can, try to dig into that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But I also feel like making the decision of placing your child for adoption, I think it should be like really talked about that. That should be the last resort. The first resort you should have is support, resources, being a young child in a crisis situation. And adoption should be the very last thing that you look at as an option. There are options. There are grants.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
There are foundations that can help you. So I feel like –
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, it was pretty much... We were pretty much told that the best thing for you to do is let go and do this sacrifice for her. And so, of course, we were like, okay. And like I said, we have adults telling us this thing. So we don't have adults saying, hey, you know, there's someone who will help you get an apartment and there's someone who will get you a crib and...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah. Yeah, you don't know. I don't even think you watched the live that we did.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And there were times when we were going through the adoption where it was told to us like, well, what's best for her? Are you going to take her back to your bedroom and have a crib in your bedroom with your alcoholic and drug addict parents? And we were like, oh my god. So in a way, it's like they make you – it makes you feel like –
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
not doing the adoption is wrong, and you're a bad parent already, and you haven't even birthed this child out in the world yet.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And learn about adoption trauma and what that means because all adoptees inevitably face it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I can see it, yeah, in her face and stuff.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So we can't, I don't even know. You've never watched it. We only watched it once when we were young. I can understand. We never watched it ever again. So I can only imagine what it's like after knowing everything. Now I'm going back and watching. It's probably a whole different.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
It's hard to watch. I mean, it's hard for me to watch. Well, yes. Now, you know, you're right. Team. I'm a historian. So now you're going back. You know, it's like, it's wild. Yeah. It gives a different.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
10 times worse. Because now they're all attacking you. And it's like, it was horrible.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Well, hopefully now – and you have a platform too.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, because the whole goal is not to persuade you differently. No. No, I get it. I just wanted to hear opposing viewpoints and then obviously the information.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I mean addiction. I really want to have you back on. I would love that. I would love to have you back on and kind of dive deeper into that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Thanks for coming on Kate and Ty Break It Down. Thank you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah. And where can we, where can everybody like, where can they find you? What's your Jordy Cray on all social media? Awesome. Perfect. Great.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah. Yeah, it happened really fast. I just messaged you and was like, hey, don't go live. And you're like, yeah, give me 15 minutes.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So it's not really a shocker. It's not nothing new.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I was like, oh, my God, I'm not prepared.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And she also said no to the dinner because we were like, oh, we'll come to you. We'll make it really easy. I know you're busy with the kids. And if that's a problem, then we'll just come to you and make it meet up at a restaurant for an hour dinner. You know, make it simple. Not like a long weekend, long visit like we usually have. That's typically how they are.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I mean, I felt like we had a good conversation. It was pretty civil, you know? I mean, I felt like, you know, got a little more information. You got some more context. Yep. Okay, I wanted to ask you, though, what did you... After we had our conversation, did anybody reach out to you as far as, like, adopted people on TikTok?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Don't you like our gifts? Right, you know, or whatever.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Did anybody, like – because I know TikTok's, like, your big – that's, like, where all your followers are, right? How many do you have? Like, where are you at now?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
that really took me a tie back because we never thought i mean gifts are gifts they're not even gifts like i feel because i feel like honestly i would accept a gift from anyone for my kid how am i gonna stop and withhold uh an expression of love to the child when it's been happening for 15 years especially but even just like anyone can give my kid a gift and i'm like awesome that's great right you know so i love it yeah he doesn't have a gift yeah it's a gift we never thought
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
like okay we get you're you're upset you don't want to talk about anything that's fine but not to send gifts and also not to send gifts when it's been a thing for 15 years it's all carly's ever known so how do you explain to the child now all of a sudden the gifts stop yeah and and i and i since i can't talk to carly and tell her that what how are you doing that and what you know we we have no say so and how she gets that information about not getting gifts like she watches the show
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And they agreed. They were totally on board. They were...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah. I mean, because the fact of the matter is we even asked before being blocked, like, we just want to know if what we're doing is harming Carly or not. Yeah, is it... Is it her? Is she saying, hey, I don't want to see pictures of my sisters. It's hurting me. Or I don't want to get gifts. And Teresa responded... No, she just ignored me.
Pour Minds Podcast
All My Children
But a million dollars for them six wings? Yeah. Oak it up. Now they are expensive. Go ahead.
Pour Minds Podcast
All My Children
I honestly don't eat a lot of fast food, but if I had to, it would be Chick-fil-A, Wendy's, or Popeye's.
Pour Minds Podcast
All My Children
Yeah, they be putting love. It don't taste different to me. It's somebody auntie, mama, and grandma in that kitchen.
Pour Minds Podcast
All My Children
Okay. Ty, what are we drinking today? Well, speaking of different cultures, I'm going to change this up real quick. Yes! So this is an honor to you, ladies, the Travel Queen. Yes! Okay, that's what this drink is called. Congratulations on your new show. Thank you. The debut on BET. We're so proud of you. We love y'all. Thank you. So this one we're going to call the Travel Queens.
Pour Minds Podcast
All My Children
You can add any spirit of choice. Lex has some vodka. We're going to add some grapefruit. I muddled some cucumbers and jalapenos, so we have a little bit of kick of spice. a little bit of lime juice, and I actually made a cucumber syrup. So that's in there. Give it a, like, refreshing taste.
Pour Minds Podcast
All My Children
And then we topped it with a sparkling water mixed with grapefruit and lime sparkling water together. I gave the rim a celery salt mixed with tajin. It's a little paprika, a little salt there. And then we garnished it with some cucumbers and jalapeno coins. Okay.
Pour Minds Podcast
All My Children
It is good. Thank you, Ty. So welcome, travel. How did you make the cucumber syrup? Just kind of, I made some, like I used agave actually for that one. And then let the cucumber set in it. And then I actually added a couple jalapenos, but I don't feel like it was that spicy.
Pour Minds Podcast
All My Children
Yeah. Okay. See? She be bringing it up. She do it every week. She low-key got a crush on him.
Pour Minds Podcast
A Star Was Born
with these tequila tequila towels alright and Drizzy Drea who the fuck is that me what's the name Drizzy Drea and you are no I'm not shit leave me out of this bitch Lex Kelly Lex Kelly
Pour Minds Podcast
A Star Was Born
We'll be drinking, sis. Okay, girl. We're going to call this one 30 Glow. Ooh.
Pour Minds Podcast
A Star Was Born
The floral notes of Saint Germain or elderflower liqueur capture her grace and magnetic energy.
Pour Minds Podcast
A Star Was Born
Birthday sex. Girl, you know I. Girl, you know I. I was doing the background.
Pour Minds Podcast
A Star Was Born
She's back, y'all. It's Todd. It's Todd with these tequila. Tequila Todd.
Pour Minds Podcast
A Star Was Born
I think I'm ready. Been locked up in the house way too long. It's time to get it. Because once again, he's out doing wrong. And my girls are so real. Said it's been a minute since I had some. He's been acting up. But he won't be the only one. Because when he acts wrong, that's when you put it on.
Pour Minds Podcast
A Star Was Born
This is your song. Hold on your back. Time to impress. Pull out your freaking dress. Oh. Put your freaking dress on. Oh. Put your freaking dress on. Oh. Every woman got one. Shut it down when it's time. Pull out the big guns. And put your freaking dress on. Put your freaking dress on. Put your freaking dress on. So now you saw me. Turned out about how the dress was fitting tight.
Pour Minds Podcast
A Star Was Born
It was short and backless. Seeing my silhouette in the moonlight, it's such an attraction. Ooh. Keep telling me how my outfit's so nice. Well, did he know? My man gonna take it off tonight. Because when he acts wrong, that's when you put it on. Man, I'm on time. This is your song. Tell him to get back. Sounding impressed. So watch your freaking dress. Oh. Put your freak gum dress on.
Pour Minds Podcast
A Star Was Born
I was doing your backup. You got your freaking dress on. It's your motherfucking birthday. your song. Hold out your bag. Time to impress. Pull out your freaking dress. Put your freaking dress on. Put your freaking dress on. Put your freaking dress on. Put your freaking dress on.
Pour Minds Podcast
A Star Was Born
I ate that towel. I ate the background. I love a little twerk. Yeah. Put your freaking dress on.
Pour Minds Podcast
Toot It N Boot It
Everything. Yeah. It has to be spring now. It is, finally. We got our calendars. The sales are going crazy. So thank y'all for the support. Yeah. Vixie's booked in busy. We got different activations with Crown. I'm just really just blessed. Yes. By just being thankful. You know? I love that.
Pour Minds Podcast
Toot It N Boot It
I'm a winner in anything I do. When I worked in insurance, I was a winner. I started bartending five years ago, 2019, January, when I got my certificate. I never knew that. Have you told us that before? I don't think so. I left corporate America and moved to Spain. But in the interim, I was like, yeah. This was fun. I could just do it. Help me party with my friends. Right, right.
Pour Minds Podcast
Toot It N Boot It
Never thought that I would make a career, switch careers completely, have a whole business. But anything that I put my mind to, I'm going to achieve. And I think that's what it takes to be a CEO, to run a business, to be able to hire employees. That first couple years, I couldn't hire nobody. Right. I was grinding. And I still, to this day, do a lot of things behind the scenes. But now...
Pour Minds Podcast
Toot It N Boot It
I'm not operating out of a space of survival. I can be strategic. And now I can hire a team of people to come on. So that way I can multitask, do the show, do the job, do the this, do the that. But again, you have to have that within you. And I'm a winner at everything I do.
Pour Minds Podcast
Toot It N Boot It
Yeah. And entrepreneurship is hard. It's not a walk in the park. Like you really, like they say, you have to put so much of yourself into it. Like it's just so much that people don't see behind the scenes. But I also feel like people get discouraged when it's not instant gratification.
Pour Minds Podcast
Toot It N Boot It
So, like, if they doing it for a few months, they feel like, oh, I should be here already versus... No, you have to really get that shit out the mud. You really have to put your best effort and everything that you have into it and give it time to grow. Give it some space for that fire to catch on. Right. And for people to really grow your following and to really fuck with you and your brand.
Pour Minds Podcast
Toot It N Boot It
Yeah, they don't be hungry. So, Todd, what we drinking today? Okay, so since we're talking about getting it out the mud and all of that, I'm going to call this one some pressure. Ooh! Because that's what we putting on them. We putting on the pressure. Period. Period. So this one's cute, y'all. This can be, you can add it as a mocktail or you can have it as a cocktail. Good.
Pour Minds Podcast
Toot It N Boot It
We have some strawberry. We have some mango. We have some lemon juice in there. We also have a little bit of ginger beer. So it's kind of like a mule, but also like a martini. It's kind of giving. And then I did like a cute little garnish. I took some strawberry leaves and just kind of garnished the top of the drink with that.
Pour Minds Podcast
Toot It N Boot It
I'm going to be listening to Silence in a minute. All these people getting canceled. I mean, when I tell you the devastating...
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
You're going to definitely play. If you see that, once you watch that movie and you see her, you'll be like, oh, yeah, I can do that. Yeah. I can for sure do that. Okay, Ty, what are we drinking today?
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
A travel pack? I need a travel pack for my hair on.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
And y'all know we are in a new year, and we all have new weight loss goals. So we're going to tell y'all how to reach your goals at 4HERS.com.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
Yes, all you have to do is go to 4HERS.com and they'll get you a personalized treatment plan. So they have oral treatments, GLP-1 injections, whatever you need to reach your goals. So what you're going to do is go to 4HERS.com backslash poor minds and start your weight loss journey today. Start your initial free online visit today at 4HERS.com slash poorminds.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash poorminds for your personalized weight loss treatment options. 4HERS.com slash poorminds. HERS weight loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. Restrictions apply. Wegovi and Ozempic are not compounded. Actual price depends on product and plan purchase.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
And y'all know we are always talking to y'all about how important your credit is. So we have linked with kickoff.com to get your credit score boosted.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
Ooh, I like that. Save a little money. Kickoff has over 100,000 reviews and 98% of them are five stars. So I'm telling you, if you are having problems getting your credit together, Kickoff is the site for you. So what you're going to do is go to getkickoff.com backslash poorminds. That's getkickoff.com backslash poorminds and get your credit right today.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
That's kickoff without the C. Get 80% off at kickoff.com slash poor minds. Must sign up via getkickoff.com slash poor minds to activate offer. Offer applies to new customers first month only. Subject to approval. Offer subject to change. Terms and conditions may apply. Point stat based on Equifax.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
Advantage score 3.0 changes for kickoff users starting under 600 who made their first on-time payment between January 2021 and March 2024. Payment and credit activity outside kickoff can have an impact on your credit. Individual results may vary.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
Everything. That's why we be bleeping our cuss words out.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
They make a lot of money, but it's so hard to get, what are they called? Because it's not, is it subscribers on Twitch? What's it called?
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
You post every day at this time, I'm going to push your content out. So I think it's all of that stuff, like with the algorithm and stuff now, it's so tricky and it's so hard. But like I say, anybody that has a podcast out there or doing skits or vlogs or whatever you're doing, I always say I never understand what people do things in seasons. Or when they take breaks. I never understand.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
It works for some people. Maybe it does. We ain't taking no breaks over here.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
You are. Like... My hair can't reach no goddamn bun.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
Get to sleep. You can go to sleep in the back. I be curling my hair with rice.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
Yes, and it also can help you find doctors that are in your insurance and your network. So whatever you need, you're going to go to ZocDoc.com backslash poor minds. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com backslash poor minds.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash poor minds. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash poor minds to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
Yes, and they're free from all the harsh chemicals, so you won't be doing no damage down there, okay? So if you want to try Good Wipes, they'll be available at Target, Kroger... Any place that you can get your local groceries and you can find them in the toilet paper aisle. If you're more of an online shopper, look on Amazon. Tell them we sent you.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
If you want to upgrade your restroom ritual, you can grab good wipes at Target, Walmart, Kroger, and most local grocery stores. Just head to the toilet paper aisle and look for the bright aqua, rose, and emerald packages. They're also available on Amazon if you're more of an online shopper.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
You know what I'm saying? I agree. So she kind of ate that down. Rest in peace to Ms. Lorna. That's a true story. I ain't lie that time.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
Ever since I was a little girl, I've loved being on camera, entertaining myself and everybody around me by sharing my thoughts and opinions on anything pop culture. For the past few years, I've heard your requests, but now it's finally time to deliver.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
Oh, no. Okay, so yeah, move on, move on. I think you should move on. All right, question number two. I need to vent and figure out how to move forward from this situation, ship.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
Period. Muse Beauty. And you can see me featured on the Valentine's Day ad.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
A model. Okay. A true model. Repertoire. Beauty model.
Pour Minds Podcast
H'eron Heroines FT. Blynn Cuhh
We're reviewing Love is Blind right now. So y'all make sure y'all tune in. Real Housewives of Atlanta is starting on March 9th.