Vanessa Van Edwards

They're right at you. That's already going to set you up for success because I know we're on the same page even if you're looking at something else. Then you want to think about 60% eye contact. It's very specific. In Western cultures, they find that the ideal, the sweet spot for oxytocin is 60 to 70%. Some East Asian cultures, it's less eye contact, so that's okay.

They're right at you. That's already going to set you up for success because I know we're on the same page even if you're looking at something else. Then you want to think about 60% eye contact. It's very specific. In Western cultures, they find that the ideal, the sweet spot for oxytocin is 60 to 70%. Some East Asian cultures, it's less eye contact, so that's okay.

But if you can hit that 60%, that's not 100%. Especially when I'm making an important point, like you'll often be doing notes and you'll look up at me when I'm making an important point. That's all I need to know I got this. Keep going. And then really powerful people make eye contact at the end of their point. So you could be talking like this, explaining this, remembering something.

But if you can hit that 60%, that's not 100%. Especially when I'm making an important point, like you'll often be doing notes and you'll look up at me when I'm making an important point. That's all I need to know I got this. Keep going. And then really powerful people make eye contact at the end of their point. So you could be talking like this, explaining this, remembering something.

But let me tell you, at the very end of my point, that's when it matters.

But let me tell you, at the very end of my point, that's when it matters.

And I think you actually do that pretty naturally. I don't know if you realize you're doing it. But if you're in a meeting or presenting or you're an interviewer, that's actually what matters more is that at the end of your sentence, you're sealing it with that eye contact.

And I think you actually do that pretty naturally. I don't know if you realize you're doing it. But if you're in a meeting or presenting or you're an interviewer, that's actually what matters more is that at the end of your sentence, you're sealing it with that eye contact.

Yes, and that actually is good. It shows me that you're processing. We know as humans that I cannot do complex math problems while making eye contact.

Yes, and that actually is good. It shows me that you're processing. We know as humans that I cannot do complex math problems while making eye contact.

We can't do it. And so actually it makes you look very thoughtful and pensive for the 40% you're not looking at me when you're gathering. That actually – leaders do that because they're showing I'm authentically coming up with the answer. It would be very weird if you were delivering 100% with 100% eye contact because I would feel like it was scripted.

We can't do it. And so actually it makes you look very thoughtful and pensive for the 40% you're not looking at me when you're gathering. That actually – leaders do that because they're showing I'm authentically coming up with the answer. It would be very weird if you were delivering 100% with 100% eye contact because I would feel like it was scripted.

That's one of the reasons why I think presenters make this problem. And whenever I watch like Shark Tank or Dragon's Den, a big mistake they make is they're so rehearsed, they don't break eye contact. And it gives you sort of a robotic feeling. So if you're practicing a presentation, you actually want to have a little bit of like ad lib in there.

That's one of the reasons why I think presenters make this problem. And whenever I watch like Shark Tank or Dragon's Den, a big mistake they make is they're so rehearsed, they don't break eye contact. And it gives you sort of a robotic feeling. So if you're practicing a presentation, you actually want to have a little bit of like ad lib in there.

You want to be processing around because it shows you're authentically grabbing the information and that shows competence. Right. Right? Highly competent people, they don't need a script because they know their stuff so well. They can just grab it out for you. They can think on the spot. Low competent people are memorized.

You want to be processing around because it shows you're authentically grabbing the information and that shows competence. Right. Right? Highly competent people, they don't need a script because they know their stuff so well. They can just grab it out for you. They can think on the spot. Low competent people are memorized.

That is why like the TED Talks that we like the best, the pictures we like the best, they're basically having a really smart conversation with you and you like it. So I like that you're gathering away from me, that you're thinking of a question. The worst interviews I have is where someone is just beating me with questions and not thinking about it.

That is why like the TED Talks that we like the best, the pictures we like the best, they're basically having a really smart conversation with you and you like it. So I like that you're gathering away from me, that you're thinking of a question. The worst interviews I have is where someone is just beating me with questions and not thinking about it.

Okay, so gestures, eye contact. It's okay to make only 60% eye contact. That's the triple threat. The other thing in a first impression that I really like is breaking the script, right? I think in a first impression, it's okay to be like, hey, good morning.

Okay, so gestures, eye contact. It's okay to make only 60% eye contact. That's the triple threat. The other thing in a first impression that I really like is breaking the script, right? I think in a first impression, it's okay to be like, hey, good morning.