Whitney Cummings

I'm a new mom, and I feel like I want to make my child this overachiever who has a skill, but his dad had him putting on TV at two.

The documentary about him was fascinating.

He didn't get to have a childhood, and I see this so much.

I'm sure all of you have, where if you didn't have a childhood, you're going to have to have it at some point.

There are plenty of kid actors who didn't have a childhood and don't become drunk drivers.

Name one.

I'm kidding.

I can name several.

I'm just kidding.

Did not see this coming. I did not think that Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds would be the people that united this country, and it has happened. The most liberal people I know are now obsessively following Candace Owens for her take in journalism on the situation. Thank you, Ryan and Blake. for having such terrible personalities that we are now united as a country.

Did not see this coming. I did not think that Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds would be the people that united this country, and it has happened. The most liberal people I know are now obsessively following Candace Owens for her take in journalism on the situation. Thank you, Ryan and Blake. for having such terrible personalities that we are now united as a country.

Did not see this coming. I did not think that Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds would be the people that united this country, and it has happened. The most liberal people I know are now obsessively following Candace Owens for her take in journalism on the situation. Thank you, Ryan and Blake. for having such terrible personalities that we are now united as a country.

Also, yes, I have followed this story so closely that I'm just wearing beanies now. Like, I am fully in the Lily Bloom simulation. I don't even know where this came from. Like, I don't even think this is mine.

Also, yes, I have followed this story so closely that I'm just wearing beanies now. Like, I am fully in the Lily Bloom simulation. I don't even know where this came from. Like, I don't even think this is mine.

Also, yes, I have followed this story so closely that I'm just wearing beanies now. Like, I am fully in the Lily Bloom simulation. I don't even know where this came from. Like, I don't even think this is mine.

2024 election fried our brains. The Democrats couldn't hold a primary because they were too busy holding a body upright. Kamala was forced on us so hard you'd think she was patented by Pfizer or Moderna, whichever one's... Oh, God. Andy just gave me a very scary look. No! I thought being a mom would mean that less people will want to come see me.

2024 election fried our brains. The Democrats couldn't hold a primary because they were too busy holding a body upright. Kamala was forced on us so hard you'd think she was patented by Pfizer or Moderna, whichever one's... Oh, God. Andy just gave me a very scary look. No! I thought being a mom would mean that less people will want to come see me.

2024 election fried our brains. The Democrats couldn't hold a primary because they were too busy holding a body upright. Kamala was forced on us so hard you'd think she was patented by Pfizer or Moderna, whichever one's... Oh, God. Andy just gave me a very scary look. No! I thought being a mom would mean that less people will want to come see me.

I'm now playing, you know, like, 3,000-seat theater, which is about the viewership

I'm now playing, you know, like, 3,000-seat theater, which is about the viewership