Wolf Fleetwood Ross
Appearances
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
So he says, Taranzan, the first thing he says is, I am the master of form, and from me all forms proceed. I am I. I have shut myself up from the spendthrifts. My gold is safe in my treasure chamber, and I have made every living thing my concubine, and none shall touch them save only I.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
from me come leprosy and pox and plague and cancer and cholera and the falling sickness and i will reach up to the knees of the most high god and tear his phallus with my teeth and i will bray his testicles in a mortar and make a poison thereof to slay the sons of men So that's how he introduced himself. Wow.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
No, yeah, I mean, Neuberg will go to his deathbed saying this is real, and never coming out against what Crowley had written down. They both wrote down what they heard afterwards from memories, and it's basically the same, to my knowledge.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
Yes. Yeah. And they have sacrificed animals. Yeah. And they're in the protective circle. It's like a pigeon is a dead pigeon is at each one of the things. And so then Charanzon starts to fuck with them. And Neuberg hears Crowley say, I don't think I can take any more of this. But Neuberg realizes Charanzon sort of imitating Crowley.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
And now Crowley, they've been separated on this sort of metaphysical plane where they're physically next to each other, but they can't see each other. And then Charanzon says, They have called me the god of laughter, and I laugh when I will slay. And they have thought that I could not smile, but I will smile upon whom I would seduce. Oh, inevitable one, that canst not be tempted.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
And then Charanzon switched axis again and starts telling Neuberg about how awesome he is. He says, I bow myself humbly before the great and terrible names whereby thou hast conjured and constrained me. Let me come and put my head beneath my feet, that I may serve thee, if thou commandest me to be obedient in the holy names. So that's all going on.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
And then, according to Neuberg, Taranzan saw a sort of break in their magical circle where the sand had basically covered one of their lines and makes his way into the circle and physically attacks Neuberg. And Neuberg pulls out his magical dagger and stabs him in the neck and reconstructs the line in the sand as the demon is reeling from being stabbed in the neck.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
So again, sounds like science fiction, but there are two people and one person at one point had no want to protect or ever see Crowley again, but never recanted this. And Neuberg would go on to have a pretty decent career in poetry publishing. Like, he was a man of industry after all of this and, again, would have had every reason to have said this is bullshit, but didn't.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
Yeah, so, I mean, like, you can go buy a John D. grimoire that has all the incantations of Enochian and how to get into the Aethers, but this is the one, too, like...
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
The ritual itself was talked about a bit in detail in some of the books I read, but this is the one I was telling you that I was messing around with ChatGBT, where it's like you can get ChatGBT to tell you exactly how to do a lesser banishing ritual or the Gnostic Mass that the OTO does. You can get literally word-for-word things on that.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
If you say teach me how to summon Charanzon from the 10th Aether... It'll be like, I'm going to try this. C-H-O-R-O-N-Z-O-N. And make sure you write like John D. 10th Aether. It will say, at least for me, what it said, it was like, to summon Tranzon, you must be spiritually and physically prepared to clash with the da-da-da-da.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
Like, I know how to summon him, but I would never share it or something like that. And it was, I was like, what? Yeah.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
You can go sell them and see if it's true.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
I also don't know. Some Aethers seemed really fun. I don't know why you'd want to go to the Choronzon Aether. I just thought it was funny that the chat GPT responses I got were just like, stay away, this is a dangerous beast. And I was like, so is it real?
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
Can AI have intention?
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
So yeah, I mean, Chiranzan's cool. I believe it. Why not?
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
Well, so they also had trouble with Tron's on.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt. 4 "The Great Deceiver" [Patreon Preview]
I mean, you're totally good to say that, because the whole thing is you have to say it in Enochian. Because that's the magical language. So you're totally fine. As long as it's in English, you're fine.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
I don't get this. They looked at me like I had some kind of answer for them and I didn't because I didn't even know what they were talking about. I didn't understand at all in that moment. And I also think I said something like, this is some kind of weird joke and I don't get it. And what made me realize that this was not a joke was when my mother said what she said next.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und ich habe gemerkt, dass etwas sehr falsch war und ich wusste nicht, was passiert ist. Und das war, glaube ich, als es eine Art Kakophonie von Informationen wurde. Meine Mutter, Sarah, Sean, alle waren einfach... Wir haben überall nach dir geschaut, wir sind hier, wir sind da, wir haben diesen, wir haben diesen, diese Person kam hier und diese Person hat auf Facebook gepostet.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und all die Dinge, die passiert sind. Und ich denke, an einem Punkt hat jemand gesagt, es ist Montag. Und ich habe gesagt, was? Was? Das ist nicht möglich. Ich habe eine 3-Hour-Napel genommen und sie waren so, nein, du bist drei Tage weg.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und ich denke, sie mussten den gleichen Scheiß-Moment haben, den ich hatte, als ich bemerkte, dass sie nicht umgekommen waren, als sie bemerkten, dass ich nicht war. Und für mich hat es nur ein paar Stunden gedauert, aber es scheint, dass ich fast drei Tage verpasst habe.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
They tried to tell me everything that they had done and they did, you know, and they had called the police, they had reported me missing. And the first day that I wasn't there, my mom and my husband thought that I was with the other and so they didn't miss me. Mein Mann hat gesagt, er hat versucht, mich mehrere Male zu schicken, während dieser Zeit, und ich habe nie geantwortet.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und er hat gedacht, dass ich nur wütend war über das Haus. Ich habe gesagt, ja, aber ich hätte dich nicht einfach nicht geantwortet. Ich hätte dich nicht gesagt, dass ich wütend bin. Ich habe keine Probleme damit. Ich werde dir sagen, was ich denke. Und er hat versucht, mich zu rufen, nachdem ich nicht geantwortet habe, und es war direkt ein Stichwort. That was weird.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
And I'm not somebody that's glued to my phone 24-7, but it's not off. Going straight to voicemail is bizarre. So when he thought that I was just mad at him, but then it was the phone is off. And then it was, okay, well, you can be mad at me and give me the silent treatment all you want to, but you're going to talk to me about my babies. And that was when he contacted my mom.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
And when she told him, I thought she was with you, that's when they knew they had a problem. But that wasn't until Sunday. Okay.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
My husband was staying with his parents that night and he thought that I was at my mom's and my mom thought that I was with him. And so when they realized that I was missing, he immediately went out looking for me. So they started calling. My best friend Andrea, who is the one that organized the Facebook posts of me being missing, they made an effort to drive around and look for me first.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Sean hatte einen Tracker auf unserem Auto für T-Mobile als Hotspot, damit die Kinder mit Tabletten spielen konnten, bevor sie alt genug waren, um Smartphones zu haben. Es hat auch Roadside-Assistenz gegeben. Und in der App könntest du den GPS von wo auch immer dieser Tracker war. Und so fuhr er nach meinem Wohnzimmer, weil der Tracker sagte, ich sitze da und das ist, wo ich war.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Also war ich so, okay. Außer er sagt, er hat mich nicht gesehen. Und wenn er den Tracker schaut, weiß er, was es aus der App aussieht. Es ist nicht Google Maps und es ist nicht so präzise bis zu den Füßen oder so, aber es gab ihm die Crossroads, was ein Toe Truck eigentlich für eine Frage hätte. Also ging er zu dieser Location, die der Laden war.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Aber er sagt, er fuhr vorbei und er hat mich nicht gesehen, er hat das Auto nicht gesehen. Und ich denke, das ist das gleiche, was Sarah und Andrea gemacht haben, als sie auf der Straße nach mir nachgesucht haben. Sie suchten nach meinem Auto. Sie suchten nach meinem Auto. Also sie suchten nach einem weißen SUV.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
So, the gas tank was total, like, empty. Like, I, and I didn't notice this. My husband actually noticed it once I was back. He said the gas is empty. And I said, well, I didn't go anywhere. Like, I couldn't, I mean.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und dann ist es so, okay, wenn die Fahrt die ganze Zeit läuft, vielleicht, aber ich hatte, oh, und das war eine andere Sache, die er mir gesagt hat, dass er wusste, dass ich das letzte Mal Gas bekommen habe. Und er ist so, ich meine, vielleicht, wenn es die ganze Zeit läuft und die Luft bläht und da, da, da, da, da, aber ich hatte es gerade gefüllt.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Also für es zu sein, er hat gesagt, dass das einfach nicht wirklich Sinn macht. Und es hätte sein müssen, dass es geführt hat. Und alles andere in der Fahrt war einfach normal. Wenn ich nach Hause fuhr, war der Telefon für mich völlig in Ordnung. Es gab nichts drauf und es gab keinen Grund, dass da was drauf war. Und es wurde in den Auto eingepackt und die Batterie wurde ausgelöst.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und als ich nach Hause kam, setzte ich es auf meinen Nachtstand und ging wieder schlafen. Die nächste Zeit, als ich aufgewacht bin und es beobachtet habe, hatte es eine Million Notifikationen. Ich hatte Textmessagen, ich hatte... Ich hatte Facebook-Notifikationen, ich hatte Instagram-Messages, ich hatte alles da, was vorher nicht da war.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und das ist verwirrend, aber ich dachte, vielleicht hat es nur nicht registriert, bis es das Wifi auf meinem Moms Haus gekauft hat. Aber sie waren eventuell da, aber sie waren nicht da, als ich aufgewacht bin und nach Hause gefahren bin, weil ich mir nicht gewusst hätte, dass so viele, dass dieser Einfluss mich aufmerksam hätte. Und es gab nichts Wunderbares überhaupt.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Bis ich zu meiner Mutter kam und wusste, was passiert ist. Es gab keinen Grund, dass ich überhaupt keine Alarme fühle. Einer meiner Freunde, der die Facebook-Posts gesehen hat, ist derjenige, der zum Bar ging. Und er hat mit dem selben Bartender gesprochen, der mich zum Auto gebracht hat. Und er hat eine Frau gefunden, mit der ich gestern Abend gesprochen habe. Und wir hatten einfach...
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Kind of buddied up just for a few minutes and, oh hey, this, that, yeah, we didn't really know each other. But he found this girl and he even got her description of how I was that night and she told him that I was fine. There wasn't any indication that I was in any kind of distress or that I was intoxicated or that I was out of my mind in any way. oder dass irgendwas falsch war.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Er hat mit dem Bartender gesprochen, der mich rausgezogen hat, und er hat bemerkt, dass ich nur ein paar Bier hatte und dass ich nicht trank war, als ich weg war. Und dass sie wussten, was ich tue, um den Katzen zu holen. Und so waren sie alle auf der Art, mich zu retten, um den Katzen zu retten.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Hi, I'm Lee. I am a Floridian, born and raised in the Panhandle near Pensacola. What is affectionately known as the Redneck Riviera. We are in the very far west corner of the Panhandle in the nook of Alabama. So an hour north is Alabama State Line, an hour west is Alabama State Line. And just south of us are the most beautiful beaches in the world. And a
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und er hat meiner Familie all das erzählt, und mein bester Freund und meine Schwester sind auf die Beach gegangen, weil das mein Jam war. Und... Ich habe das seit Jahren gesagt. Es ist immer offen und es übersteigt nie. Und wenn du mich kennst, dann weißt du, dass der Beach eine Sicherheit ist. Das ist wahrscheinlich nicht, wo ich sein werde.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
And they went through every parking lot along the national seashore, even the parts that are protected. They even checked all of that. They went into Fort Pickens, which was a national park that you have to pay to get into. And they did. They went to every single place that they could have. dass wir eine Kindheitserinnerung hatten. Andrea, die ich mein ganzes Leben kennengelernt habe.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Wir sagen, wir sind Besties, seit wir Kinder sind. Wir haben Erinnerungen an diesen einen Tag auf der Straße, als das passiert ist. Das sind all die Orte, die sie beobachtet haben. Sie sind überall gegangen, wo es je geändert hätte. Und ich war nicht da. Und mein Auto war nicht da. Und mein Telefon war auf. Die ganze Zeit.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und in der echten Kriminalität, wenn das Telefon auf ist, ist jemand wahrscheinlich tot. Das ist das schlimmste Zeichen. Und so war jeder wirklich, wirklich gefreut. And I saw the Facebook post with my own eyes and there it is. I'm a missing person. Holy shit. And so finally after my friends and my family... did an amazing job caring about me and trying to find me.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
My husband finally contacted the police on Sunday night. They took the report and that was that for the night. It was time to just call it a day, put the babies to bed and try to get some sleep because God only knows what tomorrow is going to bring. And when the sun came up, I came home. The first thing that I was sort of aware of once I was at my mom's house was her lifting the sheet up.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
And I thought, that was weird. And so after I found out that they had been desperately searching for me, I realized that she had been checking my body for injuries to see if I had been hurt somehow. And there was nothing, there was not a scratch on me. I was totally fine. I had no injuries. I had no scratches. I had no bruises. I had... Obviously, no blood if I don't have a scratch or a bruise.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
There was nothing wrong with me. I was totally fine. I wasn't hurt at all. I didn't feel sore. I didn't feel any kind of foreboding for the potential of a nefarious reason that I had been missing. Like if I had been drugged or assaulted, I would have felt some kind of way. And I didn't. I didn't feel anything like that. And I, not to overshare, but I've been through an assault.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Not that anybody ever mentioned, but you're the first person that's ever thought of that. And there was nothing on my clothes, there was nothing that looked dirty or stinky or anything that would have identified that I had been sitting somewhere for days or that it had been any kind of We still don't know. It's still unanswered. It took a while to sink in. It really did.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
It was just like, wow, okay, I'm going to need some time to sort of absorb all this. It was too much to really take in in one day. And slowly but surely, I realized that this didn't really happen to me. It happened to them. To me, I took a nap. It was three hours. The end. Aber für sie war es Trauma. Und es war ein großer Trauma.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Meistens ist es ein gut gehaltenes Geheimnis, aber es ist offensichtlich ein großer Touristen-Attraktion. Und wie wir Locals wissen, bekommen wir unseren Beachpack nicht bis nach Labor-Tag. Und wenn der Frühstück beginnt, gehen wir einfach nicht. Und ich bin momentan eine Zuhause-Mutter.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und ich fühle mich bis heute noch verantwortlich für nicht eine Antwort. But I don't. And the missing time, I can't describe it because it's not in my vernacular. I can tell you when I've had too much to drink and I have blackout spots because there are bits and pieces and I usually know where I was and what I was doing. I just had a little too much and I don't remember everything.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Das war nicht das, was das war. Das war etwas anderes. Es war ein schwarzer Loch. Es war ein Void. Es gab keinen Blitz, keine Erinnerung, keine Fragmentation. Ich erinnere mich nicht daran, mein Gewicht zu verändern, mich ungeheuer zu fühlen. Ich erinnere mich nicht daran, die Temperatur zu fühlen. Ich habe keine Perseptionen, die ich in diesem verlassenen Zeitraum hatte.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und der einzige Grund, warum ich es konnte, die drei Stunden, war, weil ich wusste, wann ich die Bar verlassen habe und wann ich nach Hause kam. Das ist der einzige Weg, auf den ich Zeit geben kann. Und das ist, wie bizarr das wirklich war, dass ich nicht möglicherweise drei Tage schlafen konnte. Und das ist es, was meine Schwester sagt. Sie sagt, selbst wenn du schlafen warst, gibt es keinen Weg.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Du hast nicht geschlafen, du hast nicht gegessen, du hast nichts getrunken. Du hast dein Telefon nicht gecheckt, du hast es nicht angetan, du hast nichts getan. Und ich bin so, ja, nein. There's no way. You're right. You're absolutely right. There's no way that I just slept the whole time. If I wasn't there, where the hell was I? And that, for me, is the scariest thing.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Because if I wasn't there, where could I have been? I've chilled. So during all this, we were in the process of moving. So by that time... We should have left and he was late to this new job and we had to haul us back to Atlanta. He had to go to work. And so we just resumed our routine because we have to. When you have little ones, you don't have a choice. You resume your routine.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
And the more time passed, the more unwell I became. I have always been a really hyper but happy person and I really found myself facing depression and the way that I phrased it by the time I left Atlanta is that I was dangerously depressed. I was not okay. And that sort of embarked a very distinct before and after in my life was that weekend, that missing time.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
The before that ever happened to me, I was me. And after, not so much. I think the most recurring thought was, if I wasn't there, where was I? If I wasn't aware, who was there? Was this some kind of split personality? Did I have some kind of fracture in... not be aware. Is that what we're talking about? Is that even possible?
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Ich habe viele verschiedene Arbeiten durch die Jahre gehabt und ich glaube nicht, dass ich genau weiß, wer ich sein will, wenn ich groß werde. Aber bis jetzt bin ich nur eine Mutter. Bevor all this happened, I didn't really think about things in terms of being paranormal or not. Honestly, I didn't think about it all that much.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
I felt like I was defective somehow, that there was something wrong with me for me to be able to Ich habe sogar so etwas erlebt. Und es war einfach so, was ist passiert? Wo war ich? Hat jemand mich gesehen? Hat niemand mich gesehen? Ich habe immer gefreut, ich glaube, dass ich unbeleuchtet bin, was wahrscheinlich der Grund ist, warum ich so laut bin.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Aber ich fühlte mich so, als würde ich einfach evakuieren und niemand würde es bemerken. Und das ist, glaube ich, das Hauptstück, das ich nachher fühlte, als ich allein war. I was afraid. I had never really been scared of anything, really. But I was afraid of pretty much anything, because it could have been anything. I don't even know what to be afraid of, but I'm just afraid.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
I did what, you know, a lot of people try to do, and I... Ich versuchte, mich selbst zu medizinieren und ich erinnere mich daran, dass ich trinke, was wirklich nicht meine Sache ist. Ich bin noch nie ein großer Trinker. Ich trinke selten, aber ich erinnere mich daran, dass ich einfach nicht wusste, was ich tun sollte.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und ich fühlte mich sehr allein und ich war einfach, ich würde einfach im Bett bleiben und ich war unmotiviert. Und das normale Ich war immer so, geh, geh, geh, geh, geh, du konntest mich nicht stoppen, wenn du versucht hättest. Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017 Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Yeah, that's like I said, I went to, like, see, I sought help, because I was like, no, this is weird. And so, yeah, I've been thoroughly checked physically and psychoanalyzed, etc. And I still see my cancer, but even the last time I saw her, she's like, you know that this comes to an end at some point. You know, I'm good, I'm stable, I'm
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Happy and healthy, there's nothing to really justify it anymore. But yeah, I mean, I went to them. I was like, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to process this. So I'm okay now. But yeah, this is just, this is a very bizarre, unexplained event that didn't just happen to me. It happened to my family too. And I've looked into other missing people.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Die Leute verpassten Zeit oder was auch immer. Und es gibt einige Geschichten, hier und da, da war ein Typ, der in einem Ski-Lodge war und dann auf der anderen Seite des Landes endete, mit keiner Ahnung, wie er da war. Jeder hatte ein neues iPhone. Ich glaube, die klinische Antwort war ein dissociierter Episode, aber das erklärt nicht wirklich, wo ich physisch war. Why did he not see the car?
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
I just knew that I had had experiences and I didn't put it towards a belief or not a belief. I wasn't skeptical at all. I guess you could call me open-minded. I can very clearly remember seeing my grandfather after he passed away in the hallway when I was a kid. And the same thing happened with a very, very dear friend of mine who was killed in a car accident.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Why didn't anybody at the store knock on my window and say, what are you doing? And there's no way I was asleep that long anyway. So I don't know what this is, but according to the limited amount that mental health professionals know, it was a dissociative episode. But no, nothing like this has happened since. I haven't lost any more time, especially not in that large a chunk.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Nein, nein, nein, es gab nichts. Ich war umgekehrt von Leuten und meiner Familie und es gab keine Schmerzen, es gab keinen Fall, es gab keinen Schmerz, es gab keinen Schaden an dem Fahrzeug. Das Fahrzeug war völlig intact. Es gab nichts, was mit dem Fahrzeug verletzt war. Es gab kein Schnelllicht, es gab kein Schnelllicht, es gab keinen Bumpen, keinen Schmerz, nichts.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Das Auto war völlig in Ordnung, außer für das Gas. Ich weiß es nicht. Alles, was ich weiß, ist, dass ich es nicht weiß. Und als ich erwachsen war, und jetzt noch, glaube ich an Gott. Ich glaube, dass ich glaube, dass es ein benevolenter Gott ist und dass es nicht alles für nichts ist.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und auch wenn ich falsch bin, bin ich immer noch froh, dass ich mein Leben mit der Hoffnung lebe, dass ich meine Großeltern wieder sehen werde und dass es für einen größeren Zweck ist. And I choose to live my life that way. And I have had moments where I thought, there's no way God's not real. Like some things are just too magnificent. And that was kind of the extent of it.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
I didn't ever really get past that or go farther than that. But since this has happened, I feel like there's so many things that could be now. And that I don't know what it is, but I know that we don't know. I know that it's something. Okay, let me tell you the story too, because this just happened. A friend of mine resigned from life. And... Her Service was going to be on a Thursday.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Wednesday I take a nap and I wake up from a dream that wasn't a dream and I was very upset because I had seen the entire death. I see her in her closet and she's hanging and then she's standing next to me and I'm looking at the scene that is now first responders and I'm looking at EMTs, they take her down, they see if there's anything to resuscitate. There's not.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
The whole time she's standing next to me and she's looking at me with a shrug look where her face said, sorry. But like I said, she never said anything. It was just sort of a look on her face and she stood there for a moment and then the dream ended and it was over. So visceral. It didn't feel like a dream. It didn't have any missing pieces. There was none of that.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
It was a very visiony kind of thing. afterwards we went to lunch and that was when my friends told me that my dream was correct and that is how she died and that just so when weird things happen to me now i can't help but sort of react in like a panic like okay well okay it's weird it's weird it's weird and now it's just i don't know it's sort of like a There's some kind of tether.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
There's some kind of tether. Und ich kann nichts erklären, was ich heute beschrieben habe. Aber ich wünschte, ich könnte. Wie gesagt, all I know is that we don't know.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Both times they just had this kind of peaceful, gentle smile on their face and they had like light around them. And if you had asked me before all of this, I would have been much more skeptical. Since this happened, there's nothing that's not possible. Anything's possible at this point because... Hmm.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Am Tag vor diesem Event, der übernachts stattfand, schlossen wir unser Haus hier in Pensacola auf, weil mein Mann einen Job in Atlanta bekommen hatte und wir da hochgegangen sind. Unser Haus war in einem perfekten Nachbargebiet und ich liebte das Haus und ich war so traurig, es zu sehen.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Aber ich wusste, dass der Tag, an dem wir geschlossen haben, die letzte Chance war, dass ich meinen Katzen aus dem Nachbargebiet zurücksteuern würde. Peggy was her name and she was the kind of eccentric where if you had told me that she was an art teacher, I wouldn't have been surprised at all. Dieser Nachbar und ich waren Freunde, als wir Nachbarn waren.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und das Stehlen des Katzen ist, wo das Fallen herausgekommen ist. Und wir hatten beide ein System, weil unsere Katzen kommen und gehen würden. Und wir haben beide unser System der Garage-Tür verwendet, um den anderen zu wissen, ob die Katzen drinnen waren und sie für die Nacht sicher waren. Oder ob es noch ein Katzen irgendwo war.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Unsere Garage-Türen, wir würden sie kaputt lassen, damit sie kommen und gehen können, wie sie sich gefühlt haben. So when my husband got the job, he went first ahead of the family because I needed to sell the house and I needed to do a little remodel to get it ready to go on the market. And I stayed behind for that.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
The work that they were doing scared the cat enough to where he pretty much started hanging out at Peggy's. Und als es fertig war und ich bereit war, die Stadt zu verlassen, hat sie nicht geholfen, ihn zurückzuholen. Und ich weiß nicht, ob er drinnen war, ich weiß nicht, ob er draußen war. But I didn't have him and she didn't help me. And I was like, are you really doing this right now?
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
And she was like, it's best for him to just stay here anyway. And so that's when it went from, you know, thanks, neighbor, to are you kidding me? And I was mad. Oh, so mad. And I tried repeatedly to talk her into letting, you know, give me my cat back. And she wasn't having it and she stirred her ground. And so that's how the...
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
The mission was born because I knew that I had no other... Diplomacy had failed. It was time for drastic guerrilla warfare. So I had closed that afternoon and went out to dinner with my husband and my kids. And, you know, we talked about it at dinner. I said, I've got one more chance to go get back John Malkovich. And so I need to... I gotta try. I have to try.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
And that's what led up to when it got weird. after I put my kids to bed, which... was at my mother's house, because we didn't have our house anymore, obviously. And so after the kids went to bed, I left again, and I went and sat at a bar in the proximity of my neighborhood.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
I knew the bartenders well enough for them to walk me to my car at the end of the night, but not that we ever spent time socially, but I did frequent enough for them to know who I was, and they knew what I was doing. I think I had three beers, and that was over... A couple of hours, so it was about a drinking hour.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
And like I said, the people that were the bartenders that night knew me well enough and knew what I was doing. And so everybody was aware that we were on a cat nap back mission. And that I was going to be going and driving and all that kind of jazz. And I was by myself, like they all knew that. So there wasn't any kind of... I wasn't on top of the bar taking shots or anything.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
So when they closed, which is 2 a.m. here, I finished up. I probably piddled because I'm just that kind of person. I don't always drive off right away. And it was not even five minutes until I was on my street. I was hoping against hope that the garage would be cracked and that my cat would be outside and that I would be able to get him back. Und das war nicht der Fall.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Aber das war das, was ich in meinem alten Wohnzimmer in der Mitte der Nacht tue. Und ich sah, dass die Garage-Tür geschlossen war. Und ich wusste, dass das das war, was ich hoffte, dass es nicht war. Aber ich glaube, ich habe ein paar Mal versucht, mich an etwas anderes zu erinnern, obwohl ich bereits alle anderen Optionen verletzt hatte.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und ich habe das ein paar Mal gemacht, aber ich bin nie aus dem Wohnzimmer rausgekommen. Endlich musste ich aufhören. Ich fuhr zurück nach meinem Moms Haus. Und ich schlug Richtung Hauptstraße. Und da ist eine Gasstation auf der Kante. Und es war...
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
hopp skip and jump away from my house for years so i was very familiar with the people who ran that place and they were just wonderful people they were great and they knew me well enough to order me a case of peace key every week because i would come for it every week and so they ordered a nice case just for me so we had that kind of relationship and as i'm driving i became so sleepy i could not keep my eyes open and i
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
I've been on road trips, I have driven over nights, I have been out late and I've never actually had to stop before. You know, you turn the music up a little, you sort of like, you know, take a drink, you sit up straight, you shift a little, you don't actually stop. But I had to, I absolutely had to. I was so sleepy, I was... Ich musste aufhören. Ich musste aufhören. Ich war so müde.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Ich fuhr Richtung Olive Road von Nord nach Süd. Ich kam auf die Gasstation. Es war auf der rechten Seite. Es war nicht mehr als 3 Uhr. Es war irgendwo vor 3 Uhr. zwischen, sagen wir, 2.30 Uhr und 3.00 Uhr wahrscheinlich. Ich habe es gemacht. Ich habe mich überlegt. Und ich erinnere mich, dass ich versucht habe, der Verkäufer zu sein, weil sie so tolle Leute waren. Und ich kannte sie so gut.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und ich wollte nicht, dass ich mich ausdrücken oder irgendeine Art von Verwirrung verursache, wenn ich nicht aufwache und rauskomme, um sie zu öffnen. Und ich dachte, dass ich... Es wäre weniger ein Nuisance, wenn ich in der Rückseite wäre. Und ich war genug vergnügt mit ihren Anbietern, um zu wissen, dass sie keine Art von Loading Dock in der Rückseite haben oder nichts.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Ich würde nicht in die Richtung da sein. Und ich habe mich hinter die Gasstation gedreht. Ich habe das Auto aufgemacht und ich habe mein Schrank ein bisschen zurückgelegt und ich bin schlafen gegangen. Ich erwartete definitiv nur, dass ich ein kleines Dode habe, wie meine Cajun-Ostin sagen würde, was eine Nappen ist. Ich hätte wahrscheinlich ein kleines Power-Nappen genommen.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Das ist das, was ich wahrscheinlich mehr als erwartete. Und das nächste, was ich wusste, war, dass ich schlafen musste. Und das ist das letzte, was ich mich erinnere. Als ich aufgewacht bin, war ich noch ein bisschen schlafen, aber es war okay, zu fahren. It was around dawn. It had been a couple of hours and the store wasn't open yet.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
The sun was about to come up and I knew I could get back before the kids woke up and not disturb my mother or my kids. It was kind of like the perfect nap. It was just a couple of hours. I felt fine. I knew I would be able to get back and nobody would Es war Zeit, nach Hause zu gehen. Also habe ich das gemacht. Ich habe Oliven getrunken und den normalen Weg zu meiner Moms Haus genommen.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und als ich da war, und es gab nichts Wunderbares an der Fahrt, bin ich einfach nach Hause gegangen. Ich fühlte mich immer noch müde. Und als ich da war und das ganze Haus sauber war und alle noch schlafen, habe ich... Ich bin einfach in den Bett gestiegen und bin sofort wieder schlafen gegangen. Das ganze Haus war schlafen, also habe ich gesagt, okay, toll, ich gehe wieder schlafen.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Und das nächste, was ich erinnere, war die Schicht, die von mir ausgelöst wurde. Und meine Mutter stand da, die Schicht aufzuhalten, schaute nach mir nach. And she was sort of studying me. And I was a little groggy and I remember kind of cracking one eye and looking up at her like, what are you doing? And she put the sheet down and she walked out of the room. And I thought, that was weird.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
But okay, whatever, I don't know. And I just sort of laid there and I was never really back asleep, but I didn't get up physically at that point, so I was just kind of laying there. In that comfy zone after you wake up. After a few minutes, I sort of became more aware of... was in der Hausaufgabe weiter und weiter entfernt war.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Als ich zuerst aufgewacht habe, habe ich gesagt, du wachst, du bist immer noch schlau, du bist immer noch schlau. Meine Mutter war da, sie sah mich unter die Schuhe, was seltsam war und ich konnte es nicht verstehen. Und ein paar Minuten später konnte ich die Geräusche der Pitter Patters erkennen und die Kinder spielten und das war gut und sie waren okay.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
After that, I noticed the multiple voices, which was unexpected. And I'm pretty sure I remember hearing something being cooked. And so that sort of checked off that list of go feed the kids. Well, somebody's feeding the kids. All right, I'm going to take another moment to wake up a little more and Then I heard my sister. Wait, what? Why in the world is Sarah here? Is that even right?
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Yeah, that's Sarah. Why is Sarah here? That's weird. And then the hushed voices, multiple, weren't so hushed anymore. And they sounded urgent. They sounded panicked. They sounded upset. And I remember thinking, what's happened? And that I was feeling somewhat... Ich hatte eine Erwartung darüber, dass etwas passiert wäre, weil Sarah hier ist. Warum wäre sie hier gewesen, wenn sie nicht wäre?
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Sarah war meine Pseudo-Sisterin. Ihre Mutter und meine Mutter waren beste Freunde. Und wir wuchsen wie Schwestern und nannten uns Schwestern, bevor wir bemerkt haben, dass wir nicht wirklich Schwestern waren. Und sie lebte in Navarra, einer berühmten Stadt. Aber es gibt keinen Grund, dass sie bei meiner Moms Haus gewesen wäre. So that sort of really woke me up. There was no lounging after that.
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
Sie alle hatten diesen Blick auf ihre Gesichter. Und ich wusste, dass etwas definitiv passiert ist. Und um Sarah da zu sein, dachte ich, dass es ihre Mutter war. Aber sie starrten alle auf mich. Und sobald ich rausgegangen bin, hat jeder aufgehört zu sprechen. Und das ist nie gut. Und dann kam der schreckliche Rufe. I had to break and I said, what?
Otherworld
Episode 119: Cat Nap
And I don't know if it was Sarah or my mom or all three of them at once, but the next words that hit my ears were, where have you been? And it wasn't nice. And I was confused. What? I don't, what do you mean? I was here before you got up. What are you talking about? I was only on a couple of hours. I just got sleepy. I took a nap. That's a safe thing to do, right? What are you mad about?
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
I didn't look too deep into it. I just took him at its word.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
He was also born tongue-tied, and he had to get his tongue cut so he could never produce R's correctly. Interesting. Kind of funny. Interesting. He was born into a very wealthy family. Yes. His families had breweries all over, and they had these things called Crowley Ale Houses, which was like... a prototype of an English pub where a working man could come in and get a pint and get a sandwich.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And it, I don't know why, but at the time that was like a very novel idea. And in England it just caught on and the family just made a fortune.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
It was the bundling of the food and the ale for a set price.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And the funniest thing is like Crowley was basically born into what I would call like a super Christian cult. So no one drank. No one drank in his family. His father would eventually buck that and start drinking. But for a long time, they were just businessmen who were just – They don't get high on their own supply. No, not at all.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
This religious cult is called the Plymouth Brethren. And from my research into it, it actually could have been a really big movement. But they were so pious that every time they'd get bigger, they'd find a way to separate themselves. So it'd be like, you're not the real Plymouth Brethren. We're the real Plymouth Brethren because we believe – Something very slightly different.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
So this group sort of kept fracturing itself until you end up in the most hardcore sect, which is the part that Crowley's parents were a part of. Yeah, and you have this thing of like – No one else is right. So Crowley grew up thinking that the very small people that surrounded him were the only people going to heaven and everyone else was damned to hell.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
I mean, this is how eventually Crowley's father would sell their shares in a railroad company and invest it into canals. because railroads aren't in the Bible, but canals are. That's really funny. And so Crowley was kind of a genius. He learned how to read at four, but he was only allowed to read the Bible. That's all he read.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And so he grew up with the only sort of comparisons of what a relationship was as sort of God, the devil, the sort of – I wasn't raised religious, but I could only imagine if I was only allowed to read the Bible and only allowed to interact with other people in this very, very small sect.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah, and even their servants, the only servants they'd allow in their house had to be part of this cult. Oh, wow. And then also just the belief that everyone who's not going into this cult is being burned in hell forever. And I think if you have that imprinted on you,
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
from four years old it's it's hard you know uh they would start their day reading the bible he was he read it he basically memorized it um and obviously he will buck this quite hard yeah yes um one could say this was probably even the cause of that you could and yeah just other stuff no christmases no presents no birthdays like just doesn't sound fun for a kid to grow up and
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
No birthdays. Now, his dad probably never held the job. It's unclear. Some people think he did. Other people don't think he did. But definitely what he would do is he considered himself a sort of layman preacher. And he would accost people on the street. And he'd say, what are you doing after this? And they'd say, well, I'm going to go do my shopping or I'm going home. And then he'd go, and then?
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And then, and eventually the person would say, well, I guess I'll just die after that. And he goes, and have you thought about what happens after that? And he would launch into the Plymouth Brethren sort of diatribe about why they needed to convert. And so if you think about it, like he's a really funny character.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
He's a multimillionaire in Victorian England who would do walking tours across the country trying to get people to convert to the Plymouth Brethren. And Crowley would follow him on these walking tours. And he actually really looked up to his dad during this period and thought his dad was trying to save anyone he came into contact to.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And so he had this sort of admiration for his dad as a young boy.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
I'm not exactly sure I have his family tree downstairs, but it might have been his great-great-grandparents. It's old family money. It's old family money.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
I mean, because at this point, if you think about it, his dad never held a job. Crowley will never hold a job. So this money is going back...
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
generations at this point and we're in the 1800s so like they did good for themselves yes yes okay that is interesting and was his dad a good guy was he a bad guy by all accounts his his dad compared to his mom he loved his dad and he thought his dad was great he hated his mom uh he would later claim he hated his mother because she was too ugly to be attracted to but i think that's probably just for shock value one of the most complicated
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
That's Crowley. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And that'll come... Yeah. But... But from all I could tell is while his dad was alive, it was harmonious living, but within this sort of cult. And his father would get sick when he was 11, and he would get – cancer, unfortunately, tongue cancer. And they actually had a connection to the royal family surgeon.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And unfortunately, the Plinus brethren got together, they prayed over it, and they decided that he should do something called electrohomopathy, which is like, I looked into it, I tried to look into it, it's like, just... Gobbledy-gook. And it probably killed his dad. Not saying that he wouldn't have died anyway. Obviously, tongue cancer in the 1800s is probably fatal anyway.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
But I do think this pushing him away from that made Crowley start to hate the Plymouth Brethren because, in his opinion, they helped kill the only sort of good thing about it for him. Also, pause.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah, and I think that Crowley would hate the contradictions. Like, he would start to notice them. He said after his father died, he became a free thinker and was able to sort of view things and just say, this isn't making sense. The literal interpretation of all this stuff isn't making sense. And so... after his father died, uh, his life just got way worse.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Like he got, he started getting sent to these boarding schools that were run by Plymouth brethren and they were intense. Uh, He may have been sexually assaulted during that time. He was definitely beaten. In one of the boarding schools, the headmaster claimed to be so pious that he had never slept with his wife and encouraged the students to do the same.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
But this is when Crowley's dark side starts to come out a little bit, or a lot, considering. Yeah. According to him, this is when he started to have fantasies of torture and being sexually degraded by very powerful women. He also took things very literally to the point where some of his biographers think he might have been on the spectrum to some sort. And I'll give you an example.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
One time in boarding school, he got a cat and He got a cat, he suffocated it, he hung it, he stabbed it, he poisoned it, he smashed its skull, he lit it on fire, he drowned it, he shot it, and then he threw it out the window to see if cats really do have nine lives.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
But he had been told cats have nine lives, and this is his way of, like, testing that.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yes, and it's the same thing with the Bible, because what he'll start to do is, you know, the Bible became literal for him, and he, like— I don't want to get ahead of myself, but he started to try and pray to the devil the same way he had been praying to Jesus via the Plymouth Brethren because he just thought – Let's switch it up. Let's switch it up basically.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
He did so much to the cat. He did so much. And he was surprised to find that it didn't survive because he had been told it had had nine lives.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yes. And on his vacations from boarding school, as he sort of began to rebel again, his mother would refer to him as the beast. And again, taking everything literal, he took to the Bible and sort of the beast.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
I'm not super familiar with the Bible, but obviously 666, the great beast, the ushering of the new era, and the scarlet woman and the whore of Babylon that would be riding the great beast, ushering in this new era. And this idea, this relation to that will come into play a lot later into his life. But it's interesting that at the very beginning of
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
He takes the name of the beast just because his mother scolds him with it.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah. Yeah, and he hated his mother and he hated her whole family because they were all in the Plymouth Brethren to the point where his mother, his uncle, he had an uncle called Tom, who is his mother's brother. And later in life, he would publish Tom's obituary while Tom was still alive in the newspaper and send it to him. That's impressive. I mean, that is English humor. I'm English.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
I know you wouldn't imagine it from my voice, but Crowley is a really, really English character in a funny way.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
I mean, trust me, we have some better anecdotes coming up later.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
So he... He started to begin to have this obsession with trying to leave Christianity. He wanted to sin in a way that burned the bridge behind him. So there was no going back. Like I said, he began to pray to the devil, but it didn't have any results. And he was really disappointed by that.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And then he says in his journal after that, he found out what masturbation was and, quote, I applied myself to this practice with much vigor. So that took the price of playing to Satan was jerking off basically in the beginning.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah, we will definitely get into that. So his... career at boarding school came to an end because he was being punished by this headmaster maybe fairly maybe unfairly actually but definitely unfairly because what was happening is he was being locked basically in a shed in solitary confinement with very little clothing was getting very very sick and
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And when his mother and some relatives came to visit him, they knew that even for them, this was going too far. I mean, it's not like they didn't believe in physical punishment, but they actually went and got that school shut down and Crowley's education. Yeah. And Crowley's education started to, uh, basically come in the form of handpicked tutors, uh,
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And for the most part, they were Plymouth brothers approved. However, there was one tutor called Charles Douglas who slipped through the cracks and really changed Crowley's life forever. Charles Douglas believed it was really important for young men to be physically fit as well as mentally fit.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
So he would take a young Crowley on these long walking tours across England, visiting different villages and historic sites. And so he was getting his education and his exercise at the same time. But Charles Douglas was also a man who was not super religious and he smoked and he drank and he gambled.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And he did all these things, and he introduced Crowley, a 15-year-old Crowley, to all of those things. To the point where, on one of their walking trips, Crowley actually lost his virginity to one of the village girls.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah, it sounds like an awesome way to be educated, I agree.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Learning how to gamble, doing billiards. And you've got to think, like, this guy has been so constrained his whole life. And now he has a literal sense of freedom in his walking tours, but also this, like, revelation of freedom. I'm sinning, and I'm not being shot dead at the moment. This whole world just kind of opened up to him.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
The other thing that he did, which would be with Crowley for the rest of his life, is he introduced Crowley to poetry and classics. And Crowley... You could make an argument that Crowley would have rather been a great poet than a great occultist. He was always chasing poetry fame. He was obsessed with poetry. I'll detail it.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
He would come in contact with the great poets of his time, and his poetry would span sort of – the most insane topics, which I will mention in a bit, to very mundane topics.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
No. But he considered himself to be the greatest poet of all time. So that's important.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah, yeah. So... So here's Crowley returning home from his walking trip. Poor Charles Douglas was eventually fired for all his indiscretions. But Crowley now had a taste for sex, and he would steal money from his mother and go visit village prostitutes all the time. He also would seduce one of his in-house servants and sleep with her in his mother's bed as an extra fuck you to his mom.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And when the servant came forward because she felt guilty, he would deny it. And then that servant was fired for lying.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And then... If anyone else wants to jump down this rabbit hole because I didn't. But according to Crowley, that servant would go to London, live as a prostitute, be killed by Jack the Ripper. Huh? Yeah. And Crowley would claim that he knew who Jack the Ripper was and named him as Robert Dawnston. And I briefly looked into that. Thank you.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
I'm doing good. I'm very excited to be here.
Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
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Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
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Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
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Otherworld
The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
That's actually really surprising. I know, because later in life he'd become obsessed with anal sex with women. But Yeah, I think it's also fair to call him bisexual. I really do. I don't think, at the time, I don't, it's obviously, you could be arrested for that. Yeah, this was extremely illegal. Extremely illegal.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yes, and he would have some relationships with men later in life, but they were all magical-based. They weren't sort of companion-based. That was always for women. And wherever he was at, a lot of times he would go to the Middle East because sex between men at that time was actually okay, more okay over there. And so he would go and sort of imbibe himself in houses of pleasure and stuff. Yeah.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah, so today we're talking about Alistair Crowley, and it was actually your idea, and I think it's super fitting because we're going one up the chain to the guy who sort of more or less created everything that ensnared Jack Parsons.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
So we could dive deep into the psychology of the time. But it is interesting that this is how it starts. So that October, Crowley would fall seriously ill, like almost deathly ill. And he'd start to meditate on how he wanted to leave his mark in the world. And he thought diplomats... would be forgotten. He thought poets were only slightly less forgotten. And he just was sort of at an end.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And at the end of this sickness, he decided that only spiritual things were worthwhile, that he would make his name in the spiritual world because Again, I think Crowley could never escape his Christian upbringing and how much that weighed on him. So it does kind of make sense that he would try and basically create his own Bible later on. Interesting.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Now, these two incidences sort of reunited Crowley's attempts to physically get in contact with the devil. Now that he was older and he had access to funds, he was able to visit an occult bookstore and buy this book called The Book of Ceremonial Magic. Or the Book of Black Magic, depending on which biography you're reading.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And that's the one I actually sent to you, and it's got these beautiful illustrations in it, but it's a bit scary looking, and we both don't want it in our house.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
I don't want a tome. It's like I said, I'm agnostic. Could 100% fly open one night. Yeah, I don't need a flying book. Yeah. So the important thing besides the rituals in this book is that hinted at a secret church or a secret order being out there. And this really got Crowley's attention. So he actually wrote to the author and demanded to know what the secret order was. And the author wrote back.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
and told him to read this book called The Cloud Upon the Sanctuary. And this book didn't do much to clear things up, but it continued to hint at a secret order, and it was written by a different author. So Crowley thought he was sort of stumbling onto this secret society that would be his indoctrination. So returning to Cambridge...
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
This is interesting, but Crowley actually had a sort of boyfriend for the kind of only time in his life. And this person was an early archetype of a drag queen. Really? Yeah, and I have pictures and stuff I can show you afterwards of them in full drag performing. And they had a pretty normal relationship. Crowley quoting was, our relationship was that of a marriage.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
He made a man and a poet out of me and I lived as his wife. Huh. Yeah, again, like super not allowed at the time. Like you're going to jail for a long time if this ever comes out. Unfortunately, his partner was not into rock climbing and not into the occult.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And as these two things started to take more and more of Crowley's time, they eventually got in the way of their relationship and they would part ways.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of people in Portland go through the same thing. It's true. Tale as old as time. Totally. And then... Sort of a new person would enter Crowley's life who's called Oscar Wilde. I've heard the name. Yeah, right? And this would happen towards the end of his relationship with his live-in relationship. And they...
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
hated each other but actually more truthfully i think crowley hated him and oscar wilde barely knew who crowley was crowley would claim that oscar wilde was not actually gay and was doing it to be famous which is just not true at all um that's really funny yeah really funny and um Also during this relationship, Crowley started to suspect that he might be hermaphroditic because he had big breasts.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And he thought that this led him to understood women better than anyone because he knew his feminine side and could manipulate them. And as one biographer put it –
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Okay. But one biographer said he wished he was a hermaphrodite but was unfortunately simply bisexual. Okay. Alright, so he moves on.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
That is Crowley. He's very quotable.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And then... So after this relationship, he meets... this guy called Oscar Ecclestein, who would become his best friend who's not involved in magic. Their relationship would be purely rock climbing. Oscar Ecclestein was famous in rock climbing circles at the time, had invented some new pieces of gear, and sort of took Crowley in as his student.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Oscar was much older than Crowley at the time, and they would form this relationship. Also, he began to publish his own poetry at his own expense. And he would do this for the rest of his life. And it would actually be where most of his fortune would go. Because when he published poetry, it would be like the finest leather, the finest pages.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
What the book looked like at the time was incredibly important. And he would claim, I don't think this is true, but he would claim that's why he was never a famous poet is because his books were too expensive. It couldn't reach the masses. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And I'm not exaggerating. He would spend millions of dollars of his fortune self-publishing by today's standards. It would probably be the number one expense that would drive him to be broke later in his life. And that's another thing sort of along with his sexual escapades is from this point out, he's always publishing books. And as he grows, it'll sometimes be poetry books.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
sometimes be a cult, sometimes be novels. Like this man's output is just ridiculous. So yeah, I'm not going to mention every book he publishes because that would be a fool's errand. But again, you should just be assumed in the background, he's having sex and writing. I love these two caveats.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Exactly. And for instance, at the end of his college career, he's already published five books. Five books in four years. One of these books is very notorious. It's called White Stains. And it was so controversial, it had to secretly be printed in Amsterdam because the publisher feared arrest should he typeset this in England at the time. And a lot of these...
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah, yeah. And yeah, actually, very, very soon we'll get, we're going to get into the Led Zeppelin part very early. And I actually have a special connection to all that.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Poems, I think, are done for shock value to try and get noticed. He has one poem that's about having sex with Jesus as he's being crucified on the cross. Okay. He has another poem titled Necrophilia that is, you know, it's got some crazy lines in it. I can just...
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
I mean, I can send it to you, but, you know, to quote a little bit, to gnaw thy hollow cheeks and pull thy lustful tongue from out its sheath, to wallow in the bowels of death and rip the belly fill, fill. My hands with all putridities to true thy dainty testicles, to revel with the worms in hell's delight in such obscenities. And that's just... two paragraphs from a much longer poem.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
So you get the gist. And in Victorian era, this would be considered like... just unknown. You know what I mean? This would put you in, this would put you in jail basically with this guy out there.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah. Like just doing, going out and just doing insane stuff for shock value. Um, cause that's what a lot of this sounds like in the early times is, is trying to get noticed via shock value.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Well, the thing is what he couldn't put his name on white stains because he'd be arrested. So he would, he would send them out under pseudonyms at the time. Uh, It's hard to figure out why exactly he was doing this other than I think if the book was well-received, he would come out and be like, it was me.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
But to give himself cover at the time in case no one cared, which no one did care at the moment and later in life.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yep, and books. And he reaches the end of his college career. He gets very good grades but refuses to sit the final examination because he considers it's a waste of time. So he just leaves without a degree after four years of studying.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Basically. I think there were some famous poets and famous thinkers from Cambridge that had done the same thing. So he was sort of trying to be like, I'm as good as that person.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah, I think Tennyson might have done it. I could be wrong about that. But some very famous English poets did that. So he was trying to put himself in the same category as these people.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Um... So after college, he's mountain climbing with Ecclestein in the Swiss Alps, and he gets sick, and he has to climb down. This is 1898, and he climbs down into the village of Zermatt, and he goes into a beer hall, and it's a big, crowded place, and he starts lecturing everyone on alchemy, even though he doesn't know anything about alchemy. He just kind of makes a fool of himself.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah, I guess as Aleister Crowley, you could say, was like the last mainstream magus. And sort of, if you look throughout history, the magician or... the sorcerer, Merlin, the round table, they've always been real, and figures that are actually real, such as John Dee, who was Elizabeth I's court, who did all sorts of magic. Caligistro was another one who ended up, unfortunately, in a jail cell.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
but and this is crazy one of the attendants in that beer hall was a man called julian l baker who was a real alchemist and practicing occultist magician and he sort of pulls crowley to the side and starts talking to him and crowley tells him i want to join the secret order like what is the secret order about and julian l baker confirms it's real and
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
but says he's not a master and he can't help Crowley, but when he returns to London, because this guy also lived in London, he would connect him to a master who could initiate him. So upon arriving back in London, he meets George Cecil Jones, who would be Crowley's magical mentor and friend for many, many, many years.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
they'd eventually actually co-found their own magic order together and then have a horrible falling out. But right now Jones is Crowley's like connection to the occult. This initial thing is sort of forged. Um, so Baker and Jones set out to, before they introduce him to the order and bring him in, they want to train him a bit. They want to, They want to like see if he's a worthy disciple.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
So they give him some magical practices, meditation and astral projection. And apparently both men were astounded at how fast Crowley could astral project and go and fall asleep. And they would move things in different rooms and Crowley would be able to tell them exactly where stuff was.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And they just hadn't, according to what I read, they hadn't seen anyone sort of take to this practice as fast as Crowley did. Um, so Crowley again asked Jones for admission. Um, I'm, I'm pretty sure it's the same order mentioned in the books, but I just, you know, who knows?
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
There was a bunch of secret orders at the time, but Crowley ends up becoming an initiate of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
But it was this role in society. And Crowley is not only the last one who took that mantle, but he pushed it very far. And he ended up probably going a bit too far, some would say. Yeah. He was famously known in his time as the wickedest man alive. You know, he went by a lot of great names. Some of them were self-prescribed, which was 666, the beast, Master Theron.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
You know, he was really looking for attention.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yes, yeah. And he thought a lot of himself. He thought of himself as a prophet, as someone who had been given a new religion, a new social order that would overthrow the current order and that he would be sort of among the gods in ushering in this new age, but I don't want to get ahead of myself.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry, Sergeant Pepper.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And that's kind of the funny thing about Crowley is he would have loved his influence. He would have – oh, God, if he had lived to see how big he became, he would have just – it would have been all his dreams come true in a weird way. Because by the time he died, he was not super well-known anymore. His books had never sold. He had thought of himself as a failure. Yeah.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And as time went on, his influence just sort of grew and grew and grew until you're in a world where Jay-Z is wearing a T-shirt that says, do what thou wilt, which is the sort of number one proponent of Crowley's religion. Yeah.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
I can name a couple, but Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin, he has all of Crowley's originals, his journals and stuff, and he even bought Crowley's mansion in Scotland for a while and lived in it. And it's funny, I was talking that I was going to be doing this with my grandpa, who's an old rocker. To say the least. Yeah, he's a pretty good rocker.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
But he was telling me, like, I was with Jimmy Page, and we were partying, and he was doing rituals, and I was right there.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah, so he had some sort of firsthand experience with Jimmy when Jimmy was going down that rabbit hole. He didn't partake in it, but he was like, it wasn't a passing fad. These guys were actually doing the rituals and really into it. So again, and then I have to say, the really annoying thing about researching Crowley is...
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
on both sides of the he's the wickedest man in the world or he's the greatest sorcerer ever, people have an agenda. Like back when he was alive, he was just like, Their version of tabloids at the time were just hammering him. And so you could write a book about him killing children or whatever shortly after his death, and that would be accepted.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And now in today's time, there are people who make a full-on living just writing and lecturing about Crowley. So they're sort of – want to show the best side of him at all times. So you kind of have to cut your own middle ground between worst person in the world and greatest sort of godly magician spreader of Thelema.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And I just want to say, like, by all means, To truly be an expert in Crowley would take years. To read all of his first... He kept three journals and wrote... His Confessions, which I've read some of, is like 1,500 pages alone. So there are people who are definitely more knowledgeable in the world who have dedicated their life, or at least a significant part of it, to Crowleyism.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
I think just before we jump in, I just want to quote someone who is much more into the occult than I am. And they had a really good... which is occultism is what is hidden from sight. And it's the belief that what is hidden is most of the world and most of reality. And the physical world that we're aware of is a very small part of a much larger reality.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And the methods and practices of occultism allow people to enter the larger reality or access the larger reality to be exploited in the physical realm. And a direct quote from Crowley is, magic is the art and science of causing change to occultism.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
change to occur in the conformity with will so i just want to lay out though because we're going to be talking about magic and occult a bunch and i think it's good just to that's the sort of stuff we're talking about it's Weirdly, it's close to manifestation. A lot of ritual magic is about concentrating your will and manifesting stuff.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
So it's not too far adjacent from beliefs that we hold today pretty openly at any Silver Lake coffee shop.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Yeah, really good point. Really good point.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
He would love it. I mean, there's that not to already start with the conspiracy theories, but it's like the CIA was studying astral projection at a time. He would have loved that. He would have loved that.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
Let's dive into this. Let's dive in.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
All right, so Crowley was born 50 years after the death of Napoleon in 1875. But he died somewhat in the modern era after World War II. And I think it's really interesting when you're talking about this time period because it's when the Victorian era sort of becomes the modern era. And the people who live in this world are living in a world where not all the maps are filled in.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
You know, like there's... there's this unknownness about the world at the time and it sort of fades away within their lifetime. So you, you find these really interesting people that are crawling out of Victorian era repression or religiousness into this sort of new world where anything can go. Um, so, Anyway, he was born on October 12th, 1875. He was originally born Edward Crowley.
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The Life of Aleister Crowley Pt 1: "The Great Beast"
And this is before the Nazis, so it didn't have that connotation. Okay. And he claimed that is the mark of the beast. He was also born with a veil of afterbirth on his face, which is indicative of great magical abilities, according to him. And then finally he had a membrane restricting his foreskin, and that is apparently the sign of the Buddha according to a book I read.