Beyond Zero Sum: Rehumanising our Conflicts with Carm Aufderheide of NorthStar Training Solutions

All flourishing is mutual, that's a given. And yet the schisms in our culture, the tribal divides and limbic hijack seem to grow deeper and more powerful by the day. It doesn't have to be like this.  We do have the tools of connection, of genuine listening, of offering trust to gain trust and offering respect to gain respect, we just need to know how  - and when - to put them into practice.  If we're going to move forward into that future we'd be proud to leave behind, we need to start practicing these skills as if the world depended on them - because it does.  This week's guest is someone who practices and teaches the deep, transformative skills of conflict resolution daily.  Carm Aufderheide has a master’s degree in conflict and dispute resolution (CRES), and qualifications in positive reinforcement dog training from the Karen Pryor Professional Dog Training Academy (KPA-CTP and CPDT-KA) and in Separation Anxiety from Malena DeMartini, bringing both to her consultations in her NorthStar Training Solutions in Oregon. Together, these put her right in the middle of quite fierce conflicts that rage around the dog training world over the various styles of dog training, most of which boil down to: do we use force or don't we?  This is a perfect microcosm of the greater macrocosm of our torn and wounded world and Carm brings her dual skills to this with grace and intelligence and a fierce compassion that is a joy to encounter.  I first came across Carm on the Functional Dog Collaborative podcast and was blown away by the clarity of her thinking, and her capacity to live true to her convictions. I made contact later that day and we set up time for the podcast.  That was roughly six months ago, when the world was a different place. Now, recording on the day of the Pope's death, as our reality spirals deeper into chaos, it feels ever more essential that we learn these skills.   Carm suggested a whole set of reading before we recorded and I have put a link to all the books, as well as Carm's NorthStar website in the show notes.   Northstar Training Solutions https://www.northstartraining.info/ Street Epistemology https://www.streetepistemology.com/Albert Mehrabian's 7-38-55 Rule https://www.rightattitudes.com/2008/10/04/7-38-55-rule-personal-communication/Carm on the Functional Dog Collaborative podcast Carm's Recommended readingHow Minds Change by David McRaneySupercommunicators by Charles Duhigg High Conflict by Amanda RipleyThe Book of Beautiful Questions by Warren BergerNever Split the Difference by Chris VossWe Can Work it Out by Marshall RosenbergIf you're interested in joining us at a Gathering, or in the Membership, please follow the links below: Accidental Gods Gatherings https://accidentalgods.life/gatherings-2025/Accidental Gods Membership https://accidentalgods.life/join-us/

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