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Alpha Blokes Podcast

Ep. 549 - How Good Are Monday's

15 Jun 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

0.031 - 19.695 Lincoln Allan

Trendsetters, we get to do some pretty cool shit here at Alpha Blokes, and without these guys, we wouldn't be able to do it. So listen up. Better beer. Get around some God's nectar in any good bottle shop today. CTC, the arseless hat salesman, and the whole team at CTC have the best range of hats in Australia. So go get around them.

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19.976 - 42.861 Lincoln Allan

SP Tools, the official tool of the Trendsetter, with everything you need to keep your car guy busy. Papa Macros, keeping us all on track at Alpha HQ. Use the code ALPHA for $30 off your first order or ALPHA10 for 10% off reoccurring orders. Port West, if you want to be safe and still look trendy, go and get around Port West. Built tough, just like this community.

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43.121 - 47.686 Lincoln Allan

And Ned's the book of your choice at Alpha Blokes HQ. Stay Nedly.

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50.829 - 61.725

I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, I'd like to take this chance to apologise... To absolutely nobody.

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62.827 - 74.166 Lincoln Allan

The double champ does what the fuck he wants.

74.566 - 77.251 TJ Power

Safety first. Stay focused.

77.271 - 84.089 Daryl Mitchell

Keep pinging the cup. Welcome back, Squirrel Indigenous, South of the Blanks podcast.

84.369 - 103.618 Lincoln Allan

We are here to give the everyday butler a voice. Delete our noise one laugh at a time. If you're having a beer, make it a better beer. I had a fair few. Got a little buzz on. We just finished the pot. Pooh also had a few, if you could tell. And we've got our good mate Brysey here from the Deadass Podcast. Welcome, mate. Thank you very much for having me, gentlemen, once again. No worries, mate.

103.638 - 118.772 Lincoln Allan

Thanks for hanging around. No, my pleasure. Jeez Louise, what a way to kick off a Monday. Holy fuck, that was wild. Now, if we have people listening, which I'm sure we do, that aren't UFC fans, you didn't watch the White House card, have a look at the chapter things in the notes.

Chapter 2: What insights are shared about the UFC card?

290.746 - 293.533 Lincoln Allan

To hell. Yeah, that just shocked me.

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293.553 - 294.576

Who was on Dorcas?

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294.756 - 295.658 Lincoln Allan

Me. All of us.

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295.779 - 302.291

All of us. Yeah. I just, I don't know what happened there. I don't know if it was the pressure or what.

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302.312 - 318.4 Lincoln Allan

He just didn't look like he was, didn't want to be there. Bo Nickel definitely did not get fraud checked. No, definitely not. Nope. Well, he sort of did. He got checked that he's not a fraud. Yeah. Really? They ran the test. Pretty impressive. They stood him up.

Chapter 3: What hunting experiences are recounted?

318.44 - 335.868 Lincoln Allan

He's like, well, I'll just knock him out then. Yeah. So who is he? I'll just do it this way. So, yeah, very impressive there from Bo Nickel. And then, look, I think Rufy did what he was supposed to do, didn't he? Yeah. That spinning kick of his is fucking brutal. He has got such a resemblance to Conor McGregor's style. It's not funny.

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335.928 - 342.478

How he bounces, eh, in the side and his movement and the way he's so light-footed and likes to throw a kick around.

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342.458 - 367.624 Lincoln Allan

And then, look, I think we were all hoping for a Derek Lewis knockout, but Hokert was almost playing with his food at the end. He was. He was sort of just, he knew he could take him down, but he was just staying up. Yeah, total strikes, 105 from Hokert. Holy crap. And he almost just talked like himself at the end, which was nice. I did like that. And then said that Michelle Obama is a man.

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367.644 - 387.015 Lincoln Allan

That was just so random. What was the guy there? They took the microphone off him rather fast. Real quick. That was wild. Yeah, that is just insane, that cunt. Still hate him, but, you know, he'll keep getting fights. And to be honest, we'll talk about Pereira losing, but... That, if he stays at heavyweight, is there a fight that makes more sense?

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387.155 - 388.497

Yeah. Yeah, that'd be the one he wants.

388.517 - 389.778 Lincoln Allan

The Josh Soka versus Pereira?

389.798 - 398.21

Yeah, 100%. And I think that's more Pereira's weight range too with, was he 230, 230, something like that? Josh is, yeah. Yeah, Josh is.

398.33 - 419.483 Lincoln Allan

Yeah, he seems like a dude who could definitely cut down to light heavyweight, but he's like, nah. He's literally said, it's like the division sucks, so I'm just going to stay like this. Yeah, that makes sense. Just keep winning. Yeah, Sean O'Malley next too. Yeah, Sean O'Malley just in style. You were thinking that's what he had to do and he did what he had to do. Yeah, yeah.

419.543 - 440.516 Lincoln Allan

It was a poo that you called round two KO too, didn't it? Yes, he did. Yeah, that was pretty cool. He didn't like he staved in the second time and just saluted before the – Before he, yeah, old mate wasn't even quite on the ground yet. Yeah. No, it was pretty cool. And then our hearts were torn. Well, mate, we thought we were on right. Yeah. Because we had a multi going in.

Chapter 4: What upcoming events are mentioned?

1425.058 - 1443.899 Lincoln Allan

This will be sweet for ages. The spare key to override it. The emergency key. Emergency key. Yeah, don't put that in the safe. So I've fucking put the cunt in the safe thinking this is brand new. I'll put it all in there and I'll figure it out later. Didn't figure it out later. Realised that was in there.

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1444.019 - 1463.907 Lincoln Allan

So I've had to get the gun, go to a property I've got it fucking, you know, licensed at with them and store it in there while I'm waiting for my new keypad to rock up. So that was gay. Fuck, I was just like, oh, come on. That was one of the all-time greats. But in your defence, my spare key for my car is in the glove box.

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1465.49 - 1472.236 Lincoln Allan

But at least there's a trick for young players though, you know, or old players or everyone. Don't do that. That's dumb.

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1472.536 - 1494.957

I had a mate get his car stolen at the front of my house years ago and he had two sets of keys but he didn't realise when he bought the car that there was a third sitting in the glove box of the car. So some local deros are coming in, smash the window, go on in to steal shit out of it and then realise that there was a key in the glove box.

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1494.937 - 1514.117

Took it for a joyride and we're like, we got back and we're like, where's the car? And we're like, oh, shit. It might have been around the back, hell of a back foot. Maybe one of the boys put it away. Nah, fucking being stolen. And then about five minutes later, we get a phone call. hey, what are you boys doing down at the beach? We're like, we're not down at the beach, bro.

1514.258 - 1522.581

He's like, oh, okay, well, your car's down here. He'd gone over a roundabout, fucking hit a post. He's like, yeah.

1522.641 - 1530.635 Lincoln Allan

Is that a rule? Like if you steal a car, you have to be a fuckhead in it? Is that the, like, you don't just steal it and just go for a drive? You go, like, do your general shopping.

1530.675 - 1536.562

I'm going to drive over this roundabout because I stole the car. Yeah, and then just, like, gracefully put it back somewhere, like, neatly.

1536.942 - 1542.509 Lincoln Allan

That would be the smart thing to do, right? If you're going to steal a car, just drive it, park it up.

Chapter 5: What did Bryze experience on his recent deer hunting trip?

4134.755 - 4149.157 Lincoln Allan

One of the greats. So chefs go pound six beers in an hour. Very keen. Did you get the menu? Yeah, I got it. I was just amazed by the specials. What about the cocktail menu too? I want to see that. Not straight away, but at some point. Yeah, blue food. Sydney rock oysters. Oh, yeah.

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Chapter 6: What hilarious news story is shared about a house squatter?

4149.177 - 4178.557 Lincoln Allan

Natural Kilpatrick. Yep. Warm mixed olives. I do get around to warm mixed olives. I do like them, yeah. Nice. I know it sounds a bit. Buttermilk fried chicken wings. Hot chips. Cobb life. Cobb life. Love that. Yeah, we do love that. Squid, yep. Straight up. Bowls. Bowls. We've just got bowl. We've just got bowl. Thai beef salad bowl. Lamb skewer bowl. Love bowls. Big bowl guy.

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4178.577 - 4201.08 Lincoln Allan

Pastas, burgers, classic cheeseburger. The LOB, Angus beef patty, cheese, oak lettuce, tomato, Westmont pickles, burger sauce, crispy fried chicken burger. Steak sandwich, yep. We love that. Good stuff there. Pork cutlet, salmon fillet, lamb short loins, crispy skin barra. Where's the... Where's the steaks, man? Where's the steaks, man? Where's the Joes, Joe? Where's the Stokes, Joe?

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4201.742 - 4202.565

Oh, there they are.

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4202.625 - 4222.535 Lincoln Allan

Holy, I was going to write. 250-gram rump. It's a fucking outrage. 250-gram sirloin. 300-gram Scotchie. Scotchie. That's a good touch. Yeah. That's prime. We got I don't know, which is chicken nuggets. I don't care, which is battered fish. I'm not hungry, which is your snag. And vanilla ice cream.

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Chapter 7: What are the details of Poo's Reviews this week?

4222.996 - 4223.957 Lincoln Allan

Just says what it is.

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4224.017 - 4224.498

How good's this?

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4224.558 - 4225.399 Lincoln Allan

Snag and chips.

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4225.419 - 4226.801

I'm going to send that menu to the missus.

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4226.901 - 4235.072 Lincoln Allan

What do you want for dinner? I don't know. Nuggets and chips it is. Yeah. Sure. Nice. Cool. That's a straight up the gutser, isn't it?

4235.113 - 4237.655

Great. One of the greats. Cocktail menu. Yeah, please.

4238.036 - 4250.95 Lincoln Allan

Just want to make sure there's no bussies. Yeah. 12 o'clock somewhere. Sure is. Yeah, the girls. Oh. Italian stallion. Margie party. Honey, I'm home. No bussies, mate.

Chapter 8: How do the hosts reflect on their podcast journey?

4251.09 - 4255.214 Lincoln Allan

Yeah. Great. One of the great ideas. Who's our daddy? Paloma.

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4255.254 - 4255.935

Hey, Charlie.

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4256.115 - 4282.213 Lincoln Allan

Tommy. Tommy. I've got my eyes. Tommy's. Nice. That would be all right, I reckon. Yeah. Probably wouldn't be real tasteful to name a cocktail after me. Yeah, they already have. What? The wet pussy. The wet pussy. The wet pussy. $15 happy hour cocktails Friday, Saturday, 5 or 7. That's prime. Yeah, the big turd and squirtly cocktail probably wouldn't entice many, eh? No, mate.

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4283.715 - 4308.154 Lincoln Allan

So shout out to the Lakesview Hotel. Bit of cocoa around the rim of the glass. You can stay there. Oh, accommodation. Love staying there. Functions. I do get around a good old pub motel, eh? Fuck yeah, man. Yeah, a little drive-in one. Yeah, we do. Fuck yeah. Now, I've got a bit of pub ammo, so I've got a new stinger for a little segment. We talk about fuck names all the time. Hit it, Quino.

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4309.923 - 4337.703 Lincoln Allan

That's a fuck name. Nah, nah. The simpler the thing, the more I'm fucking amused. So speaking of fuck names, the world record for the longest legal name belongs to a bloke named Lawrence Watkins, except that's not really his name anymore. He legally changed it to a name containing 2,253 words. Jeez. Not letters, words. The thing is so long it takes about 20 minutes to read out loud.

4338.024 - 4359.571 Lincoln Allan

Can you read some of it? Nah, well, I'd be here for fucking 20 minutes reading it. We're just like the first. Can you look it up a bit, Quino? Say world longest name because I just got a bit of a blurb on him. I watched like a thing about it and he did it so he broke the world record in the Guinness Book of Records. Wow. So what's it say there, Quino? Shit that he's got in there.

4362.195 - 4387.904 Lincoln Allan

I think he just went random words poop. Like as many words as he could find and just put them in there. Here it is. Yeah, he would have done it just so he could get the record right. Yeah. It makes naming your kid Ryant or Thiebaut Goudgeon seem pretty reasonable. Let's have a riot. Yeah, we had a riot. We had a feedback gouging. He messaged Buster. You need to keep up. Feedback gouging.

4387.924 - 4388.885

I know. I'm sorry. I'm so behind.

4388.905 - 4413.896 Lincoln Allan

Feedback gouging tried to cause controversy between me and Buster and sent him a message and said, hey, mate, I got your information off the poo bandit. Is it true? You said I could stay at your house and plug me van in to work on it. So now we pretty much use like if someone's been a feedback gouging. Yeah. You know what I mean. Yeah, now I know. And it doesn't mean lion tamer. No.

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