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Chapter 1: What event are the hosts preparing for on June 30th?
Trendsetters, make sure you get ready for Tuesday the 30th of June at 8am. No point giving us a date without any information, Tommy. What are they getting ready for? Mate, the podcast Royale 3.0 tickets, tables and the lot goes on sale 8am. Last two years, these have always been smoked. So get onto the website alpha-events.com.au at 8am on Tuesday the 30th of June to secure your tickets.
It's easily the best card we've had and we have not done this much fun shit around it yet. Before we get into it, we also want to say thanks to our sponsors. Better beer. You know the drill. A man's not a camel. So get into any good bottle shop and stock up today. CTC, get one of the best hats in Australia on your dome today. SP Tools, the official tool of the trendsetter.
Papa Macro's, keeping the kegs off medium shitty. Use the code ALPHA for $30 off your first order and ALPHA10 for 10% off reoccurring orders. Port West, if you want to be safe and still look deadly, get onto Port West. Built tough, just like this community. And Ned's the bookie of choice at Alpha Blokes HQ. Stay Nedley.
I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, I'd like to take this chance to apologise to absolutely nobody. The double champ does what the fuck he wants.
Safety first, stay focused. Keep pinging the kite.
Oh, welcome back to another episode of the Alpha Blokes podcast. We are here to give the everyday butler a voice and delete head noise one laugh at a time. If you're going to have a beer, make it a better beer. Jogging a can, winning a tin. The athlete's choice. And non-athletes. Yep, all of them. That's their choice.
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Chapter 2: What sponsors are mentioned in the podcast?
That's what they say. Now, if you're having a hat on your head, make it a CTC hat. Thecompanycompanies.com is where you go to get them. The company companies? The country companies. That's their hat. You were testing me, weren't you? That's a spot cuss. You were testing me. Yeah, I was. Well, I fucked up CTC the other day. Did you? Yeah, I said CCC.
Oh.
The trendsetters don't miss anything, mate. No, they don't. They fucking don't. They keep us accountable. But if you want to design your very own, go to countrytruckercaps.com. That's where you go. Alpha Blokes is the code. Chit-chat. If you want a discount. Now, Knuckles is a busy man. He is. He couldn't get to us today with a property, but we're going to pretend to be Knuckles, or you will.
Yeah. Right, kick it off, Knuckles.
Strap it, it's time again for Knuckles' proper tree yard.
Yeah, just Knuckles here calling his proper tree yard of the week.
Oh, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, drinking rums and tuning mums.
Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. Oh, fuck yeah.
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Chapter 3: How can listeners participate in the show?
Tommy, Quinny, curious, medium-sized shitty. Jono, the Bayside Bandit here. Cool. I've got a carry-on for you boys. Okay. We're on site working about two years ago now, and the painters are up on the scaffold, so they decided to yell out to one of the chippies. We'll call him Matt, because that's what his name was.
And let's yell out to him and say, hey, mate, can you just let us know how much paint's left in that drum? So, oh, mate, he wanders on over, grabs a drum, pops the lid off and has a look inside. Unbeknownst to him...
The painter was absolutely hanging and decided to blow his back out straight into the drum of paint. Now, the second that lid comes off, I'll make face to face with a full-grown Humphrey staring back at him about six inches away. He freezes. His brain's trying to process what his eyes have just seen.
He then starts vomiting, not beside the drum, not away from the drum, but directly in the bloody drum. So now you've got old bloke's guna and other bloke's spew just marinating together in this paint bucket. The painters are absolutely peeled out laughing. All the other chippies are absolutely killing themselves. Our labourer on site is literally dry reaching. Mm-hmm.
An old mate that's looked in the bucket, literally questioning every life decision that led him to this exact moment. Needless to say, nobody was too worried about how much paint was left in the drum after that. Anyway, boys, love your podcast. See ya.
I'll tell you what, I'd be fucking pissed off. Yeah. Like, I just think... Like, that's a fair stitch-up, isn't it? Like, hey, mate, check how much paint's in that bucket. And he's just steamed a big turd in there for you. Like, yeah, that's pretty wild shitting in the paint you were going to use. No, like I think the bucket was nearly empty. Oh, was it?
Yeah, yeah.
I thought it was a drum of paint. They've stitched him up. Yeah, right. And said, hey, check that how much paint's in it. So he's just opened it. Yeah, righto. Because I was thinking. Big Cleveland Steve. I don't know, for some reason I thought there was a fair bit of paint left in it. And I'm thinking, why would you do that?
Yeah, it must have been nearly empty because then I'm going, if you dropped a knot in there, wouldn't it go down and then be covered in paint so he wouldn't really know what it is? Yeah, nah, they've stitched him up. Yeah, yeah. That's a good stitch up. Yeah, look. Is it? Nah. Human feces. Yeah, don't play with poo on sight. Damo would not approve. No. That's a good yarn, though. Great yarn.
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Chapter 4: What humorous story does the caller share about a school camp?
Yeah, yeah. I'm a stinky cunt. Yeah, look. Oh, remember? The thing snowballed with the big fella.
No.
Well, he doesn't. He fucking.
What? Oh, no, it was the morning shower debate or whatever, but. You know what? I do shower, Trendsetters.
Oi, do you reckon I have time to plan me poll? Yeah.
Yeah.
I've got it here. Yeah, yeah. You just talk quickly. I'll get it up. Yeah, so Pooh's done a poem. Look, Pooh gets some information. Do you want to airdrop it to me? And then, you know, after days and weeks and months, look, can it get mayonnaise added to it? Yes, it can. There's no mayo on any of those yarns. But it's all for the purpose of a good yarn, you know, and comedic value, Pooh.
You stand by that it was like that from day one. Wow. And that's fine. Like, yeah.
I do shower at least once a day, Travis, I promise. Yeah, sometimes.
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Chapter 5: How does food perception change when drunk?
They have nighttime games. Oh, great fun. Fucking cold, Warwick. Not a fan of that. No. Warm up, Warwick. Anyway, we'll see how we go. If Pooh plays a game, I'll play a game. I'm not playing fucking polar cross, that's for sure. I think mustering's my limit. No, you'll be right. You've cantered now. Oh, fucking cantered once. Shitting myself the whole time. Got it back in, though.
Chapter 6: What are the funniest drunk food stories shared?
I'll bring the racket in. Yeah, righto. You just have a few throws around the shed. Yeah.
Righto. Tommy, Pooh, Quinn and Curious. How you going? Yeah, good, mate. It's Kyle from Ipswich. Hey, mate. I just got a question.
Mm-hmm. Do your fellas' food readings go up when it's like, when you get blind, food just tastes fucking better. Fuck, yeah.
So much better when you're fucking blind than when you're sober, you know?
Chapter 7: How do dads feel about using baby carriers?
Just had a steak and onion sandwich. Fuck, it's good. But when you're sober, it's like, oh, it's just steak and onion, you know? I don't know. I just want to know your opinion. Like, is food better when you're drunk or what?
I don't know. I don't know. Up to you, boys. Cheers, boys.
Chapter 8: What do dogs think of different barking accents?
Brother, food is prime when you're drunk. And I don't know, I can eat twice as much. Yeah, man. Like I have some great fond memories of back in the day when we'd go out clubbing every weekend if there was nothing to do, you know. You'd be down at Bowie's fucking hooking in. And then because the taxi line was so shit and we weren't fucking leaving early.
you'd go out and you'd have no chance of getting a cab. So we had to start the trek down to the 24, 24-hour servo to absolutely pop rivet the fucking hot box. And it tasted prime. Yeah. That was just about what you did. Yeah. And then after you'd finish your feed, you'd sit there and go, ah. Fuck, here we get nothing. Or where are we going?
You know? Drunk feeds are prime. And as we've learned from that statistical experiment we did, 2-4 when you're sober, the shittest hot box out of all the ratings we did. Yes. Remember? It was. The thing you gave it a .5.
When they fucking brought out their Macca's family boxes, you could get the little one or you could get the big one. I could smack a big one, but I could never finish all the nuggets. Yeah. What's that, four burgers? Four burgers, two family-sized chips, and I don't know how many nuggets. What's the big shittiest world record eating in one seat, do you think?
Is there anything that springs to mind that's outdone the rest? Oh, smacking a family box is pretty well up there. Yeah, yeah. Like that is fucking ā I couldn't do that. That's impressive. I did that at that fancy fucking pub we went to in Brisbane when I was on the fish bowls. Yeah, yeah. When they used to do the steak challenge.
Yeah, yeah.
I smacked that. I threw the bread ā because I got a kilo of chips. I think ā I don't know what it was. Massive plate of chips.
Yeah.
And I said, oh, I'm not going to be able to get any salad in. So can we swap anything out? So they give me a couple of extra dinner rolls with it.
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