to be human is to be gross, weird, disgusting and bizarre. we're all gross and weird. but most other people don't see us being gross and weird. it makes me shudder to think about it. however, ironically, today, i'm going to be sharing with you all of the gross and weird shit that i do when i'm alone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Full Episode
To be human is to be gross and weird. To be human is to be disgusting and bizarre. To be human is to poop and pee and pick your boogers and talk to yourself in the mirror and itch your armpit and then sniff your finger. To be human is to be ultimately gross and weird. And that's normal. We're all gross and weird. However, most other people don't see us being gross and weird.
On occasion, our family member, best friend, or significant other might catch us being gross and weird. And depending on our closeness to that person, it might not be so bad. But for the most part, other people don't see us being gross or weird. Some of our grossest and weirdest moments usually happen alone. And there's something kind of stressful about that.
I know I personally find myself feeling like, oh my God, I'm a freak and no one knows. I feel like an imposter. I'm putting off this facade to the world that I'm cool, I'm cute, I'm clean. Actually, nobody thinks I'm clean, and nobody has since I was a teenager. When I one time said on the internet that I don't like to shower... that has stuck with me.
And people have thought of me as unhygienic for the remainder of my career. So maybe my feelings are irrational because people actually do think that I'm gross and weird. So that's kind of nice. But people don't know how gross and weird I am. People don't know how We are the only ones who are with ourselves 24 hours a day, seven days a week, to see every single side of ourselves.
Our most disgusting and bizarre of moments come out when we're alone. Recently, in my moments alone, I've been finding myself doing shit that I cannot imagine other people seeing. Like truly, it makes me shudder to think about others seeing into my home, seeing into my car, seeing into my mind in my moments alone because some of the shit I do is just fucking weird or gross or bizarre.
Like it's kind of mortifying. However, ironically, today, I'm going to be sharing with you all of the gross and weird shit that I do when I'm alone to make you feel less gross and weird about yourself and to hopefully entertain you and to get it off my chest.
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Let's begin with a story. One of my most disgusting stories. I actually cannot believe that this happened. And please refrain from harsh judgment because this story is hard to fathom and it's a little weird. So just bear with me here. So I was sitting at my desk in my office, working on my computer one evening around 5 p.m. Sun was going down. It was getting dark. I was like, ugh.
I was sitting there at my desk working, and I was starting to get a little bit distracted, as I do sometimes after working for a few hours. And I noticed that I had a weird taste in my mouth. I think I have a tonsil stone. And I was like, I get tonsil stones every once in a while. If you don't know what a tonsil stone is, let me educate you. This is a little bit disgusting, I'm warning you.
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