Chapter 1: Why is quitting often viewed negatively?
You always hear people say, don't quit. Don't give up. You got this. Persevere. The only way you fail is if you quit. So don't quit. And you never hear people saying, you know, it's okay to quit. Sometimes quitting is a necessary step in accomplishing your ultimate goals in life. Sometimes quitting is the bravest thing you can do. You never hear people saying that because it's not as sexy.
There's something easy and sexy about don't quit.
Chapter 2: When is quitting considered a brave choice?
And we've been hearing it our whole lives. Or maybe I should just speak for myself. But I've been hearing that my whole life. On Nike t-shirts... in little storybooks for kids. Don't quit. I feel like I grew up thinking that quitting was a negative thing, was a bad thing. And that definitely stuck with me.
Even though now I'm an adult who has the ability to sort of shade in these ideas that I absorbed as a child. There's a weird thing that happens when you absorb something as a child.
Even when you get older and you have the ability to color things in and sort of look at things with a more nuanced perspective, these beliefs that were sort of cemented into the brain as a kid sort of remain there subconsciously, even if you know better. And that's how I feel about quitting. Like I know that the advice, don't quit, does not just apply to everything 100% of the time.
I know that there can be value in quitting an endeavor. I know that. But because when I was a kid, there was sort of a negative connotation around quitting because a lot of the times quitting isn't the answer, right? Persevering, pushing through is the answer. Because as a kid, I was constantly being told not to quit and that failure only really comes when you quit.
I just always felt sort of guilty about quitting. Even when in my rational mind, I know that quitting can be the bravest thing that you can do. So in today's episode, I thought we could dissect the complicated dilemma of when to quit. When is quitting the move? And when is it the move to persevere?
But I think this episode is going to be more focused on trying to figure out when to quit and how to accept quitting as a necessary part of our journeys, because I feel like that's the more challenging feat. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode of Anything Goes is presented by Hotels.com. Save Your Way is a new feature on Hotels.com and it's as simple as it sounds.
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Oftentimes quitting does sound easier, but I think a lot of us feel guilt about it, right? Whereas none of us are feeling guilty about persevering. And maybe I have a unique perspective on this. Like maybe this isn't the universal feeling around quitting. Maybe this is sort of unique to me. I mean, nothing's unique, but nothing can be unique to me.
Like there's no way I'm the only one experiencing this. That's not possible. But I imagine there are some people out there that have the opposite problem. Like, perhaps they feel like if things aren't working, then that is a sign to quit and move on. And maybe they actually need to sort of work on persevering in those moments and potentially...
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Chapter 3: What are the challenges of deciding to quit or persevere?
the founder believed in the business. You know what I mean? It's a tricky one. In a moment of challenge in a business, do you persevere? Do you let it hit rock bottom and pick it back up? Or do you let it go and start something else? That's another example. Another example would be, Moving back to your hometown, maybe you moved to a big city and that was sort of your dream for a period of time.
But perhaps moving to the big city isn't what you thought it would be. Maybe it's more lonely. Maybe the opportunities that have arose aren't actually as fulfilling as you expected them to be. Maybe you're feeling homesick. Well, This could be a huge opportunity for growth.
Pushing through that discomfort and finding comfort in this unfamiliar place, finding fulfillment in this place where fulfillment isn't coming as easily as maybe you thought could be an incredible growth opportunity. It could also be that you had expectations about the situation and they didn't end up living up. And the reality just simply isn't what you want.
You could quit and move home or you could persevere. Another example of this kind of dilemma. Last example, a mediocre relationship, romantic relationship specifically, because I feel like friendship, friendship's different, right? Because you can have a bunch of different friends and you can have a bunch of different levels of closeness with your friends, but
Whereas if you're somebody who practices monogamy, you can only date one person at a time in a serious way. And so there's more pressure on that one relationship. And it's more important that you check certain boxes, right? Whereas in friendship, you can have a funny friend and then you can have like a super supportive friend and then you can have a party friend and then you can have...
A shy, nostalgic friend from your childhood. Like, you can have all these different types of friends that check different boxes in different ways. Whereas with a romantic relationship, it's more important that you check certain boxes, right? Because... You can't check those boxes with other people unless you're polyamorous, in which you can. But a decent portion of us are not.
So I think this really applies with romantic relationships, particularly mediocre ones. One where it's like, let's say you're in a relationship and it's good. You know, it's okay. There's a decent sort of companionship. There's a good amount of potential, but it's maybe not amazing, right? You love them, but maybe you're not really sure if you're in love with them.
But at the same time, like, it's good. It's not bad. It's not toxic. It's not necessarily unhealthy, but maybe it's not electric. Well, that happens in relationships sometimes, you know? Like, the reality of romantic relationships is that it's not always going to be this, like, explosive thing obsessive sort of situation.
In fact, sometimes that's actually not a good thing because that's like a sign of almost a state of sort of delusion in a way I would, that's my opinion. That can be sort of an unhealthy dynamic, actually. But we love that dynamic because it's so exciting and so fun. So perhaps the relationship is just in a lull. And it's actually a really beautiful relationship.
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Chapter 4: How do societal views impact our decisions to quit?
Up for debate. And I think there's a lot of smart people out there that would say no, who are much smarter than me. So I should probably trust them. But that's a dilemma. You know, what do you do? Do you stay in it? Do you leave? What do you do? I think for me, my baseline, right, as I said earlier, is to stay in it, to keep pushing, not to quit. Because I don't want to fail.
No one wants to fail. You know, that's... No one wants to fail. And I also don't want to miss out on a growth opportunity, right? So oftentimes my default is like, okay, I'm going to stay in it. I'm going to keep pushing. And I think that that can be the right approach. And I think it can also be the wrong approach. But it's really, really hard to tell which.
Let's discuss the pros and cons of quitting. Just like what good can come from quitting and what good can come from persevering? Which should we start with? Let's actually start with the value of persevering, not quitting. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Squarespace.
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And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Emma to save 10% on your first purchase of a website or domain. Now back to the episode. What's the value in sticking with it? Number one, growth, because I think the trickiest part of this dilemma is that we grow when we persevere through challenging situations.
You know, when pursuing a goal, working in a particular career, starting a business, moving to a big city or moving out of your hometown to pursue something, being in a romantic relationship. We do these things because they're usually like goals that we have, right? Like we want to have a certain type of career. We want to be in love. You know, those are goals that we have.
And the pursuit of those goals inevitably will bring challenges. Inevitably. And persevering through those challenges is how we grow. If we buckle and we quit every time there's a challenge, we don't grow. There can be so much value in persevering because the only way to get through the challenge is to grow. The only way out is through.
And I think the drive from the goal is what pushes us forward. to overcome the challenge in this situation. And then we come out the other side a better person.
You know, that's sort of the beautiful thing about having goals and working towards them is that not only are we working towards a goal that could be potentially very fulfilling in our lives, but also the journey is sprinkled with beautiful growth opportunities. And I think anything worthwhile is going to challenge us and force us to grow as people. Okay, moving on.
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Chapter 5: What situations should you definitely quit?
But this is what in the past has helped me. And it was actually really helpful to write these down in a way because I feel like I've had these questions sort of floating around in my head, but I've never written them down. And I'm copy and pasting. these questions and putting them in a document titled, should I quit or not or something?
And I'm going to return to these moving forward and go down the list. Okay. I might even journal about these things, right? Like these might make their way into the journal because I think that having them all written down as sort of like a questionnaire could be really helpful for me moving forward. But these are the questions that I ask myself. Number one,
Is this situation challenging me to grow or preventing me from growing, okay? Is this situation uncomfortable and the only way I could get through it is by becoming a better version of myself in one way or another? Or is this situation just completely stagnant and there's no room to grow? It's just not a good situation or it's just not a great situation.
It's just almost kind of like a neutral bleh situation where there's no push to be better. It's just kind of bleh. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay, next question. Number two, am I persevering in this situation because there's potential here or because I'm stuck in the belief that quitting is bad and I'm afraid of failure? Like, am I just in this for the ego?
Am I just in this to prove a point to someone or to myself? Or am I persevering here because there's genuinely potential? Next, question number three. How much damage is this situation doing to me in my life? And what is the likelihood that it will get better and be worth it? Get rational with it. What's the data? What's the data showing here? Is this ultimately doing more harm than good?
And it can be sometimes hard to tell in these sorts of situations that are sort of jumbled messes of positive and negative, where it's not obviously bad or obviously good. It's just kind of... Both. Sometimes you have to really dig in and analyze to see where it's leaning. Is it leaning more positive or is it leaning more negative?
And what's the likelihood of it going in a positive direction and what's the likelihood of it going in a negative direction? And what's the likelihood of a miracle? And is that worth the risk? You know, if it's like, most likely it's going to go bad, but it could go good if there's a miracle. Well, that's not something to ignore. Miracles do happen, you know, and that's valid.
You're not completely, you know, kooky for giving that a chance or believing that that's possible. But how down bad will you be if the miracle doesn't happen and it ends up going in a negative direction? Next question, number four. Is there something else I could be putting my energy towards that would be more fulfilling? Is this situation getting in the way of me progressing in my life?
Like, is this particular situation so consuming that there's no way to explore options outside of it while within it? Do I have this sort of innate feeling that there's more out there for me and that I'm not pursuing it because I'm in this... I'm kind of complacent in this sort of situation. Next question. Am I ready to make a decision? Have I tried everything? Are there any rocks left unturned?
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