[video available on spotify] hey there and welcome back to advice session, a series here on anything goes, where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and I give you my unprofessional advice. today’s topics are failure, work ethic and perfectionism. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What are today's topics on Advice Session?
Hey there, and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topics are failure, work ethic, and perfectionism. And perfectionism in particular is a topic that I hold near and dear to my heart because I myself am am a perfectionist.
And no, I'm not humble bragging. Okay. I'm not over here like, I don't know. I just have an incredible work ethic. I know it might sound like a blessing, but I promise you it's a curse. It's exhausting being this perfect. No, I'm not saying that. In fact, I'm saying the opposite. I actually think my perfectionism gets in the way of me achieving. If perfection did exist, it doesn't.
But if it did exist, my perfectionism would be preventing me from reaching that. My perfectionism holds me back. When I call myself a perfectionist, it's derogatory. You get the idea. This is not a flex. That's sort of a misconception about perfectionism is that it ultimately is a blessing in disguise. And maybe it is. Maybe it is.
Like, maybe if I were to observe myself, my current self, who I am right now, and myself in an alternate universe where I'm not a perfectionist. Perhaps me, the perfectionist, would achieve more than the version of me in an alternate universe who isn't a perfectionist. Perhaps. Perhaps. But we'll never know that for sure. And as far as I can tell, it gets in my way.
Maybe for some people it's a blessing in disguise, but definitely not for everyone. And it is not a fun thing to deal with. And I've been dealing with it for many years. And it's gotten better, I'd say, but I definitely don't have it all figured out. Like I haven't cured my perfectionism by any means. It's still something that I struggle with actively.
So when I give you advice about it, take it with a grain of salt because I don't have it all figured out. If you want really good advice, go find somebody who has it all figured out. And then also send me that person's number because I need their help as well. Anyway, without further ado, let's begin.
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Somebody said, as a perfectionist, I never feel like I'm doing enough. I see other successful people and I constantly feel like I'm not enough. How do I fix this? Well, these are two separate issues, okay? Number one, never feeling like you're doing enough. Never feeling satisfied with your accomplishments, with your productivity, et cetera. And comparing your success to others.
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Chapter 2: Is perfectionism a curse or a blessing?
you're more likely to facetune your Instagram photos to oblivion, you know, to a point where you don't even look the way you look like in real life anymore. And that's mortifying. Like that's not something, that's not an admirable thing to do. You know, the list goes on.
Or if your self-esteem is rooted in your romantic relationship, you're going to be obsessive about your partner because they are your confidence, you know? So like if they don't text you back, You're like, oh my God, they're cheating on me. Oh my God, you freak out. Do you see what I'm saying? It causes more harm than good. You will obsess over whatever your self-esteem is based on, okay?
And what comes with sort of obsession? Comparison as well. So if you are basing your self-esteem on your success, to take it back to the dilemma that we're facing here, if your self-esteem is based on your success, okay? other people's success is going to drive you nuts. And you are going to compare yourself to oblivion, okay? Because you're obsessed with your success.
That's what your entire being is relying on at this time, you know? It's like your backbone, your foundation is that. But what's ironic is when your self-esteem is based on the right things, okay, it's based on your character. It's based on how generous and kind you are. It's based on how you make the world a better place in small or big ways. It's based on your morals and values.
It's based on being a good sibling, a good child, a good wife, a good husband, whatever the fuck, okay? When it's based on your character, who you truly are, material things aside, you don't compare yourself to other people. You don't care that other people are hotter than you. You don't care that other people are more successful than you. You
You don't care because your self-esteem is in the right place. So you don't need to compare because you're not trying to measure your physical appearance, your success, etc. You're comfortable with what you add to the world. You know what I'm saying? The point of all this is the reason why you might be comparing your success to others is because that's where... your self-esteem lies.
And that's not good. That doesn't feel good, okay? The best way to stop doing that is to build your self-esteem in a healthy way. And it sounds simple, but it's about having discipline, you know, taking good care of yourself, taking good care of people around you, being a good person. The list goes on. I mean, it's about having self-esteem rooted in non-material things.
Genuinely who you are as a person. And then all of a sudden, you won't care that other people are more successful than you. There is no most successful person in the world. That doesn't exist. So let go of that, okay? All right, let's move on. Somebody said, I'm extremely afraid of the future and of not living up to my potential. I'm scared of failure. How do I combat this?
I think it's incredibly helpful to differentiate what you can and can't control about your future because then you can let the elements you can control empower you and even inspire you, right? It clarifies like, all right, what am I working towards and what can I do to get there? And what type of plan do I need to orchestrate to get there? And what's the next step?
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