Battle Royale: French Monarchs

62.5 - Marie Antoinette, Part 2

18 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It's now time to rate one of history's most notorious queens! ⚜️ Visit our website ⁠for episode images, score summaries and more! Contact us...

62.5 - Marie Antoinette, Part 1

11 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

By popular demand, we have an in-betweeny episode on the most famous woman in all of French history. How much was she really to blame for the disaster...

62 - Louis XVI, Part 2

19 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This episode, we will rate and review Louis XVI, the last king of France before the Revolution blows everything apart. Will he get through to the Tour...

62 - Louis XVI, Part 1

26 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This episode, we finally get to the beginnings of the French Revolution and how it affected one Louis XVI, a King of France who was in way over his he...

61 - Louis XV, Part 2

29 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It's time to get down to brass tax and rate Louis XV. Was he the do-nothing king later historians have tarred him as? And are good intentions and pret...

61 - Louis XV, Part 1

23 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Not quite the Sun King, not quite the Revolution guy, Louis XV sits between two way more famous kings of France and is often a forgotten footnote of h...

60.5 - Philippe II of Orléans (the Regent)

19 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Louis XIV is dead, and his heir is a 5-year-old child. With so many deaths occurring in the royal family, it falls to an unlikely royal nephew, Philip...

60 - Louis XIV, Part 3

09 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Now that we've finished Louis XIV's life, we're going back to fill in some details and decide what score the Sun King should get. Will he escape the g...

60 - Louis XIV, Part 2

27 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This episode we talk about the zenith and slow decline of the sun king. ⚜️   Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, cont...

60 - Louis XIV, Part 1

20 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

The Sun King is risen. This episode, we chronicle the first half of Louis XIV's life, from his earliest years of civil war and turbulence to the apex ...

59.5 - Anne of Austria

06 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

You've heard of the Sun King, but what about his mother? From Infanta of Spain to Regent of France, Anne of Austria's 50-year career is a rollercoaste...

59 - Louis XIII

03 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

The Louis XIII of Alexandre Dumas's "The Three Musketeers" is a comically naïve and easily manipulated do-nothing king, dominated by his scheming chi...

58.5 - Marie de' Medici

06 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

After seizing the regency upon the death of Henry IV, will the second Medici to rule France be as successful as the first? Get ready for court intrigu...

58 - Henry IV, Part 2

09 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

How will "Good King Henry" fare as we rate him? We know he spent his reign fighting, drinking and womanising, but what did he do for France? And more ...

58 - Henry IV, Part 1

02 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We're back!!! And we're starting off a new royal line with Henry IV, the first Bourbon king. Is this stinky, ill-mannered heretic really the hero Fran...

57.5 - Marguerite de Valois (Queen Margot), Part 2

20 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It's time for Margot to truly REBEL.How will Margot's rollercoaster end, and how will she rate compared to the rest of the Valois clan? ⚜️Visit ou...

57.5 - Marguerite de Valois (Queen Margot), Part 1

12 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The last surviving of the Valois, this beautiful and intelligent princess is often seen as either a victim or a villain, but the memoirs she left behi...

Ranking Roundup #3 - The House of Valois

24 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Au revoir, Valois! We have now ranked all the kings of France belonging to the House of Valois, the cadet branch of the Capetian dynasty which reigned...

57 - Henry III

12 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week we delve into the treacherous, tumultuous and frankly bizarre reign of King Henry III, who is certainly unlike any other king we've seen thu...

56.5 - Catherine de' Medici, Part 2

29 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This episode, we close out Catherine de' Medici's life and give her a score. How does this notorious queen measure up against the likes of Charlemagne...

56.5 - Catherine de' Medici, Part 1

26 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In our first part of the endlessly fascinating life that is Catherine de' Medici's, we chart her rise from an orphaned Italian "merchant's daughter" t...

56 - Charles IX

06 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

There will be blood.⚜️A summary of the major political figures in this episode (most of whom will be dead by the end):Catherine de' Medici, ruling...

55 - Francis II (ft. Mary, Queen of Scots)

23 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

After the sudden demise of his father, young Francis II struggles to grasp his new responsibilities as King of France. Meanwhile, his ambitious young ...

54 - Henry II

08 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

He's the husband of Catherine de' Medici, the lover of Diane de Poitiers, the father-in-law of Mary, Queen of Scots. Can Henry II stand out in a perio...

53 - Francis I (Part 2)

27 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It's time to pass judgement on Francis I, deciding whether or not King Big-Nose deserves the guillotine! With this monarch, we enter a new age of Prot...

53 - Francis I (Part 1)

21 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The long-awaited Renaissance king has finally arrived! This episode we go through the big moments his life from birth to death, from his famous meetin...

52.5 - Louise of Savoy

07 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

From unwanted daughter to first lady of France, this episode we chart the gradual rise of Louise of Savoy - the mother, mentor and "great regent" of K...

52 - Louis XII (Part 2)

24 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Now that we've done his life, let's pass judgement on Louis XII, AKA the Porcupine! Does he deserve a place among the great kings of French history, o...

52 - Louis XII (Part 1)

17 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

After a life spent in second place to his royal cousins, how will the Duke of Orléans fare with his new promotion to King of France?Stay tuned for Pa...

51.5 - Anne of Brittany (Part 2)

03 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

 In Part 2, we learn of Anne's second marriage and her ultimate fate! Does she deserve the score she got? Were the unicorn tapestries inspired by her...

51.5 - Anne of Brittany (Part 1)

25 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This episode, we take a brief detour from the Valois boys to visit gorgeous Brittany and give our latest queen, Anne, her own episode, as she was also...

51 - Charles VIII (Part 2)

11 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

As we reach the shocking end of Charles the Affable, we'll see how he measures up to his fellow kings of France. ⚜️  Visit our Wordpress for epi...

51 - Charles VIII (Part 1)

04 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

 Charles VIII's exciting and storied reign takes us on an adventure (i.e. invasion) of Italy at the height of the Renaissance and all the soap-opera-...

Regency of Madness - Results & Quiz!

29 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It's time for us to close up a loose end and finally announce the winner of the Regency of Madness mini-tournament. And to help refresh our memories, ...

50.5 - Anne of France

20 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Also called Anne de Beaujeu or Madame la Grande, this princess inherited all the best traits of her father the Universal Spider. Like him she was cunn...

50 - Louis XI (Part 2)

07 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Louis XI, the Universal Spider, is perhaps the ultimate antihero. We've rooted for him every step of the way as he takes down his enemies and returns ...

50 - Louis XI (Part 1)

31 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

France may be out of the Hundred Years' War, but it's not out of the woods, and none knows this better than the suspicious, cynical and sinister chara...

Introducing Battle Royale: French Mistresses

23 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We hope you are all enjoying the festive season! We have a very special Christmas present for you all this year, and it's the gift of the scandal, sku...

49 - Charles VII

17 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

He may be "Charles the Victorious", for finally ending the Hundred Years' War, but this king has a somewhat mixed reputation among historians. This ep...

48.5 - Joan of Arc (Part 2)

03 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It's all downhill from here.🔥⚜️Recommended reading from this episode: Helen Castor, Joan of Arc: A History Larissa Juliet Taylor, The Virgin...

48.5 - Joan of Arc (Part 1)

26 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The Maid of Orléans is well-known for having taken the intricate chessboard of the Hundred Years' War, tipped it upside down, kicked it across a fiel...

48 - Charles VI

19 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It's now time to review the life and deeds of the "mad king" himself, Charles VI. In this episode, we talk about what the king was like before his men...

Regency of Madness 5/5 - Charles of Orléans VS John of Bedford - ft. Passed

05 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Our final two Regents of Madness bring the Hundred Year's War to its apotheosis. Henry V's brother Bedford was Charles VI's regent at the very end of ...

Regency of Madness 4/5 - Isabeau of Bavaria VS Yolande of Aragon - ft. Queens

30 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Katy from Queens Podcast joins us for the showdown of showdowns: Isabeau VS Yolande, the Queen of France VS the "Queen of Four Kingdoms". As we go thr...

Regency of Madness 3/5 - John the Fearless VS Bernard of Armagnac - ft. Grand Dukes of the West

23 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Get your tickets for Intelligent Speech Online (November 4th 2023) and use discount code ROYALE Josh Zucker from the Grand Dukes of the West podcast j...

Regency of Madness 2/5 - Louis of Bourbon VS John of Berry - ft. Passed

24 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Veronica from Passed podcast joins us for our second foray into the regents of Charles VI. This time, we're covering his two remaining uncles. Veronic...

Regency of Madness 1/5 - Philip the Bold (of Burgundy) VS Louis of Orléans - ft. Grand Dukes of the West

17 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Josh Zucker from the Grand Dukes of the West podcast joins us for the first episode in our 5-part miniseries on the regents of King Charles VI of Fran...

Special Announcement! - Intelligent Speech Conference 2023

16 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Go to intelligentspeechonline.com to get your early bird tickets for 4 November! And stay tuned for more announcements about when Ben will be speaking...

Bastille Day D&D Special - The Beast of Saint Ulphia

14 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

To celebrate both the National Day of France and the second anniversary of the podcast, Ben is running a game of Dungeons and Dragons with Eliza and t...

47 - Charles V (Part 2)

19 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In the second half of our Charles V episode, we give him his scores and decide whether or not he should be admitted to the Battle Royale Tournament. I...

47 - Charles V (Part 1)

16 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The Hundred Years' War rages on, and the young Dauphin Charles upon becoming king is one of the most scrawny, disease-addled kings we've ever had. But...

46 - John II

31 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

How good was John the Good?  Despite his dedication to honour and chivalry, John's reign is a hot mess, starting with the first outbreak of the Black...

45 - Philip VI

17 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

There's SO MUCH to cover in this episode! We didn't plan for a 2-parter and the recording ended up being very long, so we put a poll across our social...

Capetian Retrospective with Dr Gary Girod (The French History Podcast)

01 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

As the final capstone to the Direct Capetian Kings of France, we've invited Gary from THE French History podcast to talk power centralisation, the Cru...

Ranking Roundup #2

17 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Before we delve into the Valois kings and the Hundred Years' War, it's time to take a breath and have a look back at the dynasty of Hugh Capet, and ho...

44.5 - Joan II of Navarre (ft. The Black Death!)

05 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Born into scandal and passed over for the throne several times, Little Jeannette finally got herself a throne at the age of 16, albeit not the one she...

44 - Charles IV (ft. Isabella the She-Wolf)

20 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In 1325, the Queen of England returns to her native France, and this time the She-Wolf is out for blood...Oh, and Charles IV is also here! Will the ru...

43 - Philip V

06 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Philip the Tall is not only built like a maypole, but has some fantastic ideas about how to get France out of its crisis period. As the middle son of ...

42 - John I

25 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

John the Posthumous (born after the death of his father) had a long and successful reign. The end. We also have a quiz this episode! Have a look on ou...

41 - Louis X

13 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Louis "le Hutin" (the Turbulent, Quarrelsome or Stubborn) is yet another Louis with big shoes to fill - both from his formidable father Philip IV and ...

40 - Philip IV

30 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Philip the Fair, also called "the Iron King", is about to prove himself a real dark horse in our little competition! Quiet but cunning, from a young a...

39.5 - Joan I of Navarre

22 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Joan I became Queen of Navarre at 18 months old, and Queen of France at 12 years old. Due to her age and gender, she was prevented from taking a very ...

Vercingetorix (Patreon Teaser)

16 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Eliza is under the weather, but we didn't want to leave you guys without an episode! So we're taking a break from the 13th Century and going back into...

39 - Philip III

11 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Philip the Bold's reign doesn't get off to a great start. Not only is his father dead, but he is sick with dysentery, losing a siege on the failed Eig...

38 - Saint Louis IX

28 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

When Louis IX comes of age, taking over from his mother and regent Blanche,  France finds itself at the apex of its medieval golden age. The young ki...

37.5 - Blanche of Castile

14 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

 More than just a stop-gap between Louis VIII and IX, Blanche of Castile proved definitively that a woman could not only rule France but lead its arm...

37 - Louis VIII

01 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

 This week, we get to know King Louis I of England. Yep, you heard that right! But his role as the Capetian who just about became King of England in ...

Halloween Fairy Tales with Elspeth Olson

16 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

 This week we invited on our resident librarian Elspeth Olson to talk one of our biggest mutual interests: fairy tales! Ben and Elspeth each tell a t...

36 - Philip II Augustus (Part 2)

05 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

In the second episode on Philip II's jam-packed reign, we step back and look at the broader picture, considering how Philip ruled, the impact he made ...

36 - Philip II Augustus (Part 1)

27 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Though he's often overshadowed by his flashy ex-boyfriend Richard the Lionheart, Philip II is one of the most famous medieval kings for a reason. So m...

35 - Louis VII

13 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Our seventh Louis, called Louis the Young, is overshadowed by practically everyone around him (his dad, his wife, his vassals, his friends, his enemie...

34.5 - Eleanor of Aquitaine

01 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Our most anticipated episode for some time has finally arrived! In this episode, we examine Eleanor's life outside of the English perspective through ...

34 - Louis VI

15 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Louis the Fat was so much more than an unflattering nickname. He owes a lot to his chronicler and best bro Suger for building his reputation as the fi...

33 - Philip I

01 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

King Philip the Amorous got his name for following his heart rather than his head, which of course got him into big trouble with the church. The chron...

32.5 - Anne of Kyiv

19 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

She may now be a symbol of friendship between France and Ukraine, but who was the real Anne of Kyiv? In 1060, the sophisticated and gentlehearted Anne...

Bastille Day Special with Tudoriferous and Ranking '76

10 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It's been 1 year since our god-awful first episode was released, and we are once again celebrating la fête nationale, this time with guests!We've pul...

32 - Henry I

28 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

While he may be King of France, our first Henry finds himself overshadowed at every turn by mighty figures in his kingdom like Odo II of Blois, Geoffr...

31 - Robert II

15 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

 Robert the Wise is yet another of the lesser-known kings of France, however, an abundance of sources combined with a lengthy reign means that Ben ha...

30 - Hugh Capet

30 May 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Surprise!! Ben and Eliza are BACK and ready to dive into the High Middle Ages with Hugh, the first king of the Capetian Dynasty. Named for his simple ...

Carolingian Retrospective with Dr Rutger Kramer

18 May 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We are delighted to be joined by historian Dr Rutger Kramer on today's special episode recapping and re-examining all the Carolingians we have ranked ...

29 - Louis V + Ranking Roundup!

20 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It's a series finale (of sorts) as we encounter the last king to be a direct descendant of Charlemagne. His reign is full of intrigue and scandal, fro...

28 - Lothair

06 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

 Lothair has a pretty smooth time getting on the throne, but once his powerful mentors start to die off, will he be able to hold his own? In this epi...

27.5 - Gerberga of Saxony

30 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It's been too long since we talked about a powerful queen-regent. There have been "no girls allowed" in Neustria since the notorious Queen Fredegund! ...

27 - Louis IV

15 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

After a childhood spent across the sea in England, it's time for Louis d'Outremer to show us if he learned anything from his time as Uncle Athelstan's...

26.5 - Hugh the Great

08 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Though he refused the crown, Hugh the Great remains too major to overlook in this period of French history. So, join us as we decide whether he deserv...

26 - Rudolph

28 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reind -- I mean, Frankish monarch -- never asked to be the king, but his wife Emma sure did, so when her father died she hugged ...

25 - Robert I

21 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

 The posthumous son and namesake of Robert the Strong was a thorn in the side of our last king, Charles the Simple. Now that he's stepped up to take ...

Valentine's Day with "Love is Dead"

14 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Bonne Saint-Valentin! Today we are taking a brief sojourn from our Frankish kings to share three love stories from French history, from the 12th centu...

24 - Charles the Simple

09 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

 He may be called simple, however, his reign is anything but. Sit tight as we take you on a roller coaster, from a weak little boy at the mercy of hi...

23 - Odo

01 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It's time to see if the long-awaited son of Robert the Strong turns out to be an O-do or an O-don't! And if that dad joke wasn't enough to entice you,...

22 - Charles the Fat

24 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

After decades in the background of our Carolingian series, it is time for the large-and-in-charge Emperor Charles to come to the fore and lead West Fr...

21.5 - Boso of Provence

18 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

By popular demand, everyone's (least) favourite clown has arrived to crash the Carolingian party! As the first non-Carolingian ruler within Charlemagn...

21 - Carloman II + Quiz #2

12 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Listen to our friend Roberto's podcast, History of Saqartvelo Georgia!Hot off the heels of his brother and co-ruler Louis III, will Carloman II be abl...

20 - Louis III

04 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The Carolingian family tree is starting to shrivel up, but Louis III is a spot of light in the darkness, known for his famous battles against the Viki...

19 - Louis the Stammerer

28 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It's time for Louis 2: Electric Booga- Oh, wait, his reign's already over?  Thankfully, Louis the Stammerer is no Merovingian, so we have bountiful e...

Christmas with Pontifacts! (Patron Saints of France)

21 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The most wonderful time of the year was made even more wonderful by our first ever guests, Bry and Fry of the Pontifacts podcast, who rate all of the ...

18.5 - Robert the Strong

13 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This week we're zooming in on northwestern France to talk about an initially minor nobleman named Robert. From humble(ish) origins, he will found a dy...

18 - Charles the Bald

07 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Another jam-packed reign, with possibly the most tricky and controversial ranking yet. A lot of deliberation was cut from the ranking segments! Will C...

17 - Louis the Pious

30 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Charlemagne is a hard act to follow, but Louis the Pious shows promise. Will he pull through and escape the guillotine? This lengthy episode is jam-pa...

16 - Charlemagne (Part 2)

23 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Now that we have gone through Charlemagne's life and conquests, it's now time to take a look at how he ruled, the innovations he brought to his empire...