309: Staying married is the hardest part with Bonnie Comfort

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman talks with psychologist and couples counselor Bonnie Comfort about her book 'Staying Married is the Hardest Part,' which delves into the complexities of her 30-year marriage. Bonnie shares her motivations for writing the book, driven initially by grief after the loss of her husband, Bob. The conversation explores Bonnie's personal experiences with the ebbs and flows of her marriage, particularly the struggles they faced around sexual incompatibility and fetishes. Through their discussion, Bonnie emphasizes the importance of honesty, empathy, and self-advocacy in maintaining a long-term relationship. The episode also addresses broader themes such as the unrealistic expectations set by society about marriage and sex, and provides insights for both therapists and individuals struggling with similar issues.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:50 Meet Bonnie Comfort: Author and Psychologist01:52 The Journey of Writing Through Grief02:23 Therapists Are Not Perfect: Personal Struggles04:25 Navigating Marriage Expectations05:30 The Romance Industrial Complex06:27 Dealing with Sexual Incompatibility15:58 The Impact of External Stressors on Marriage18:04 Balancing Self-Care and Partner Support19:35 Navigating Sexual Differences in Relationships20:48 Balancing Personal Desires and Partner's Needs21:36 The Role of Empathy and Compromise22:27 Manipulation vs. Coercion in Relationships24:48 Overcoming Sexual Insecurities26:06 The Importance of Honest Communication29:22 Deciding to Stay or Leave a Relationship31:23 Psychological Insights into Relationship Dynamics32:41 Lessons Learned and Moving Forward33:57 About the Book and Final ThoughtsWant to take my quiz? https://www.sexlifequiz.comBio:Bonnie Comfort is the author of "Staying Married is the Hardest Part," a new memoir that explores the complexities of long-term love. She has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. Her novel, “Denial,” a psychological thriller from Simon & Schuster, was published in eight countries and translated into five languages. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a guest multiple times on podcasts about marriage and has taken extensive workshops with marital and sex experts like Terrence Real, David Schnarch, John Gottman, and Marty Klein. She currently lives in Portland, Oregon, with her long-time partner. Find out more about her at http://bonniecomfort.com.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

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