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Better Sex

346: Connection and Intimacy after Addiction and Trauma with Vanessa Carlisle

08 Dec 2025

Description

In this episode of the Better Sex podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman engages in a meaningful conversation with Vanessa Carlisle about reclaiming intimacy and pleasure after addiction and trauma. Vanessa discusses her personal and professional experience in navigating violence, trauma, and sex work. They explore the gaps in support for sexual recovery among trauma and addiction survivors, the cultural and systemic challenges in discussing sexuality, and the path to reconnecting with one's body and pleasure. Vanessa emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, sensory pleasure, and effective communication in intimate relationships. The episode also highlights the role of community and support networks in healing and thriving.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:49 Reclaiming Pleasure After Trauma01:51 Personal and Professional Insights03:51 Challenges in Recovery and Sexuality05:53 Impact of Trauma on Sexual Behavior07:05 Navigating Sobriety and Intimacy09:09 Sex Work, Substance Use, and Trauma13:18 Seeking Healing and Integration18:16 Path to Self-Awareness and Connection21:06 Taking It Slow: Understanding Your Pace22:06 Communicating with Your Partner24:52 Navigating Hookups and Relationships27:52 The Importance of Self-Care28:38 Exploring Themes in My Novel30:27 Vision for a Connected World36:31 Upcoming Events and Resources38:45 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsTake my quizzes at https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Vanessa Carlisle, PhD, MFA (they/them), is an author, coach, and educator in the fields of gender, sexuality, and trauma. Dr. Carlisle’s lived experience includes over twenty-five years in sex work and fifteen years of advocacy for the sex-working community. As a survivor of both intimate partner and institutional violence, Dr. Carlisle now crafts programs that combat stigma and improve conditions for their communities, including trauma-informed self-defense training, somatic coaching, and end-of-life care services. Along with many essays and articles, Dr. Carlisle authored the award-winning novel Take Me with You about a queer sex worker who must face her grief to be able to build the life she wants. Learn more about them at www.vanessacarlisle.com.vanessacarlisle.comWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

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