“I’m telling his story, because Brian can’t” - Emily O’Reilly
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What personal story does Emily O'Reilly share about her brother Brian?
Emily O'Reilly, good morning. You're very welcome.
Thank you, Brendan.
So, Emily, people have known you as the Irish, then European ombudsman. Of course, you were a renowned journalist, investigative journalist, author. But today you're going to talk about something more personal to you. But I think you think there's an untold story here. So. Your brother, Brian, was many things, a brother, obviously, a son, an uncle, a partner. He was also a gay man who contracted HIV back in the late 80s, early 90s. And he died three years ago yesterday. Is his anniversary a hard day for you, by the way?
Yeah, well, obviously it's the memory of Brian, his birthday as well, because that was just a few weeks before he died. And yeah, but I think of him literally every day.
Do you? Yeah. And he was the baby in the family, your mother's favourite, I believe.
Yeah.
Yeah, I said that at his eulogy. I'm not sure how my siblings, my other siblings thought about it. But yeah, Brian was, he was the baby. We were incredibly close as siblings. Not always that usual to have that close a bond. And I reckon he was my mother's favourite. Maybe not exactly at the time he came out. But in later years, I mean, she absolutely adored him. And yeah. Yeah.
So would you have been aware of his sexuality? When would you have known?
No, I was thinking about this. I mean, there was never I can't pinpoint a moment of sort of before I knew, you know, that Brian was gay. And afterwards, it was kind of like it was just Brian. It was sort of seamless. I mean, I do remember. I mean, he came out. very early, very young, it was 1981, so he was only about 20 years of age. And I do remember I'd been teaching in France after I finished my degree and I went home and it was Christmas and I went to Christmas Eve Mass with Mum and with Brian and he must have just told her, told them.
Okay.
And I remember I was sitting between the pair of them and Brian quietly weeping on my left shoulder and Mum quietly weeping on my right shoulder and But that was all the drama that I recall. And it was, you know, I wonder, you know, why Brian came out so young, given that a lot of people even nowadays delay that revelation for quite a while. And I think it was either that he was confident enough in our parents' love for him to know that he wouldn't be rejected again. Or else because he knew he was heading off to the US and he was going to be out of the frame for a while. But I like to think it was the former. And it was true because our parents, I mean, I think they were upset. They were maybe angry.
They had all the typical reactions of people of that generation. But they loved Brian deeply and they never rejected him. In fact, at one point they went out to see him when he was living in New York. It was the first time my mother ever flew. That was a big deal for her. So I think that showed the depth of their love for him.
So when did he go to New York?
He went to New York around 1981.
And do you feel, did he feel he had to go there to be able to live his life freely?
Yeah, absolutely. That was his, you know, he wanted to have the life that everybody else to express his sexuality, to be free. And we remember at the time, gay male sex was still illegal and would be for another 12 or 13 years.
Yeah, you see, it's hard for young people now to imagine that this is modern Ireland, early 80s, but it still would have been a huge...
How did Brian's HIV diagnosis impact his life and family?
Oh, absolutely. I mean, it was criminalised. And so anything was done if you wanted to go to clubs or pubs and meet other men. You know, you always run the risk of a raid by the Gardaí or being sort of exposed in your workplace or whatever. So that was a huge deal. And it's hard to remember. In fact, before, you know, today, I decided I kind of just refresh my mind about that. And I watched... A documentary that was made a few years ago by Bill Hughes about Vincent Hanley, the RT presenter who died of AIDS in the 90s. No, not even the 90s, 1987 he died and he was 33 years of age. And I met him in New York with Brian, but the documentary, it's a wonderful documentary and well done, Bill Hughes again.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What personal story does Emily O'Reilly share about her brother Brian?
0:00–3:54
2
How did Brian's HIV diagnosis impact his life and family?
3:54–8:47
3
What challenges did Brian face living with HIV in the 1980s?
8:47–12:21
4
How did societal attitudes towards LGBTQ+ individuals affect Brian's experiences?
12:21–16:14
5
What were the medical challenges Brian encountered as his health deteriorated?
16:14–20:40
6
How did Emily navigate her brother's healthcare and treatment decisions?
20:40–25:47
7
What insights did Emily gain from reviewing Brian's medical records?
25:47–31:06
8
Why does Emily feel compelled to share Brian's story now?
31:06–31:56