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Chapter 1: What experiences led Cara Delevingne to embrace sobriety?
What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Cara Delevingne, welcome to Color Daddy. Hi. I couldn't be more excited to have you here. Seriously. I'm very excited. I'm nervous.
I'm nervous. Don't be nervous. I was just thinking about- I've been nervous all day, though. Don't worry. I have my first show tonight, so I'm just- So there's a lot going on today.
Yeah. Well, I've got you. Okay, cool. It's going to be fine. Yeah. And I also can't believe we've never met. I know.
I feel like I've just- I feel like I've just been a fan of yours for so long and watch the show and watch your documentary. I just think you're incredible. And I love how comfortable you make people feel and how like the different interview styles you get from people.
Yeah, you just have a really incredible way, I think, with people making them feel comfortable, which is something I also like to do.
Well, you are so sweet. Thank you for saying that.
Not that I need to make you feel comfortable.
No, no, no. I feel this is your house. I feel the same way about you. Thinking about coming here, I was like, there's so many different things we have to talk about. Obviously, you came into this industry as literally one of the world's most famous models. Then you just so casually also pivoted and you're in some incredible movies. And now you have an album coming out this summer.
Congratulations. Thank you. How are you feeling?
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Chapter 2: How has Cara's childhood influenced her identity and career?
My husband, who's in that industry, was like, oh, well, she's been the talk of Cannes. So you're getting her at a great time. And I was like, oh, and she's got an album, Matt. So he was like, oh, my God, this is perfect timing. So congratulations on that entire trip. Seriously.
Thank you.
I'm sure you noticed, but the Call Her Daddy studio outside in the offices is under construction. Oh, I'm obsessed. And we are building like a little tunnel for people to walk through when they come to the studio. And I know that in your old house, I was going to say, is it you? Uh-huh. You converted a hallway into a vagina tunnel. Glorified hallway. It wasn't a hallway.
It was for sure. It was the tunnel.
small petite cute gorgeous gorgeous fluffy soft warm vibrates all of it did it have a name or was it just vagina tunnel it was my vagina tunnel and the really the best part of it is that uh people would ask about it and i'd be like yes i've had so many people come through my vagina tunnel it's so great can't wait for you to see it it just was such a good gag even that the fact it existed was weirder but um
Yeah, I think it was just me during COVID. I think I'd done some mushrooms and I was like, I need to make a vagina tunnel that you crawl through and you can sit in and you can meditate and it can feel warm and there's like visuals and lights and yeah, it vibrates and is warm. Am I forgetting anything?
No, and there was like a little hammock in there too and then you crawl out of a washing machine and you feel cleansed. It's like baptism.
It's genius and it's amazing and I'm sad I never got to experience it.
I'm so sad. It would have been really up my alley. And no house will ever be like that house. You can't really replicate it. And also I'm in a different time in my life where I don't think that's also something I want. But I do want a vagina tunnel again. I'll always have one, so I might as well... invite people in, you know?
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Chapter 3: What challenges did Cara face in the modeling industry?
So you grew up in London.
Yes.
What is the most like British thing about you?
I mean, I've made an England tattooed on the bottom of my foot. I don't think that's the most British thing about my personality, but it is. I'm a pretty proud Brit. I love the sense of humour. I'm really self-deprecating, though. Like, I'm really... On the borderline, like, I hate myself. Not anymore. I've done a lot of work on it, but I think that's...
That's part of something about being British. Yeah, the dry humor, which I think a lot of the time in the beginning of my career, people really didn't understand that I was being sarcastic quite a lot. Or maybe I was also just in a bad mood and trying to play it off as sarcasm. Either way.
Isn't that weird in the beginning of your career? You hope you're like, wait, no, that's not what I meant. And now it's kind of like great to be misunderstood. Yeah. Like, I don't care.
I just I think I was so desperate for love and for people to like me so much so that I just, I don't really know what I was doing at so many points.
You, I know that your parents kind of ran in circles of like, that were considered high society. What was that like for you growing up?
It's so interesting because I don't think it's so, I mean, people can see things like stuff on TV, right? Of like, obviously the crown is not how I grew up, but like in that certain way of like, there was nothing quite like British high society. It's, To me, something I really didn't enjoy.
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Chapter 4: How did Cara's relationship with her mother affect her mental health?
I'm way more of a Neanderthal than I am a human being. That's not the right word.
You're like proper and grace for me. We're just not something.
No. And also I, I also think because my parents ran in these circles, I assumed when I was younger, you know, I went to, I was very lucky. I went to incredible schools, you know, I would go on amazing holidays. Um,
But for me, there was something that was missing underneath it all, which was, I think, a lot of about high society is that people try and really pretend to be perfect and act in a certain way and everything has to be wrapped in a very neat box and... When I knew there was so much stuff going on underneath it, it really confused me. And I was like, I don't understand.
But there was a certain element where I was like, oh, you know, all my friends and their kids, they get trust funds. Like, when does that happen? My dad was like, are you kidding? You don't have a trust fund. And I was like, oh, so you run in these circles, but it's not to the same degree. if that makes sense.
It's a perception of, you know, go to the parties and do all the things and look nice, but it's not the same level of like... It's not the same reality. No. But also, I think for my... You know, I love my parents. There's been a lot of like...
There was a lot of resentment I had towards my upbringing and growing up, but I also think because I pushed myself too hard and it took me a long time to get over it. But I think their perception of how it was, especially for men and women, you know, my dad had three girls and his...
his ideal was for us to you know marry someone who would look after us and i was like that's never i never want to be looked after by anyone it's so interesting obviously generationally when they have like an idea for you and you're like trying to break away from it but it also feels like then you are abandoning what your parents want which means feeling like you're letting them down and i also don't think he thought it was possible for a woman to i don't know in the same sense that i'm sure he did but
I also just knew I was different too. Like I knew I was a little queer kid running around. Like I didn't feel like I belonged in my body, in my family, in any of it. So I was like... Yeah, anything you guys tell me, I'm not gonna listen to, which also is part of how I am in just terms of like rules. I can't really handle them.
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Chapter 5: What role did music play in Cara's journey of self-discovery?
It felt normal. It felt normal until, you know, being at a certain age where you're told your mom's gonna die and being in hospital and being like, huh? Like, I don't understand what that means. And also the very, very physical, visceral memory of...
her being away a lot and you know either being in hospital or in rehab of some sort and that feeling of not knowing where she was no one told me so i just thought she was dead and i didn't understand so
And that's when that kind of thing of like trying to control the uncontrollable would come in where like I just would stop eating at seven and like just be on a hunger strike because I didn't know where my mother was. I was not going to eat because that to me was the only thing I had control over.
And what would you like? Would you ask your father and he wouldn't share?
No, I didn't. I just I don't know. Sure. Again, I don't remember. And I think my dad, we all have very different memories of this. My sisters are six and eight years older than me. They were teenagers. They were out the house. My dad, bless him, my drive and my ambition and my... He works really hard. And to him, security and money is the most important thing and to look after people.
But in the same sense, he wasn't around a lot. As much as I think I... I was around I guess my mom.
Well and I think something Cara that is so weird as adults that you have to we have to start to realize which I have a lot of conversations people about is like we love our parents and we also were like that was a weird fucked up thing that happened in my childhood and I think it's hard to grapple with like you can still say that
things did not feel right in your childhood and both things can kind of exist. And I think it's an odd feeling because it seems like you've kind of made amends with your family and you guys are like on great terms. But also a child's perception is everything. It doesn't matter if you were seeing it slightly different than maybe your father was seeing it. That was your reality.
And so the fact that you were saying, I literally thought my mom was dead. I had no idea where she was. That's like your... you're in shock and you're going through grief and all of those things at a really young age and you're just alone. And like, it seems like you didn't really have anyone to talk to. I just didn't have the tools to talk.
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Chapter 6: How does Cara handle the pressures of fame and public scrutiny?
I've loved getting older in the sense of that resentment and that anger that you hold onto is just so poisoning. It's just, it's honestly the worst. Like you can do anything to yourself, but when you hold onto stuff like that, you just make, you get so sick.
You really do. And I remember in one of your past interviews, you said, I didn't feel like I had the right to feel. I didn't want to cause any more pain. I'm like, whoa, that's a really heavy burden to carry as a child to basically force yourself not to feel.
If you look back at that time in your life, what traits or habits do you think you kind of developed in response to being like, don't feel, don't feel, don't cause anyone pain?
Danger seeking behavior, for sure. Because I also think at some point around the time of the not eating, I also just started like throwing myself off stuff. And like, I broke like, I don't know how many bones in like a year because I just started I was in pain inside, but I didn't know how to express it. So I just wanted to feel pain. And it didn't consciously happen in that way in my head.
But I remember breaking my elbow straight through for the first time and going to the hospital and finding out it was broken and being like, yay, like I can finally have a cast and say like, ow, I'm hurting. You know, it was like the first time I could like, like feel like I deserve to stay out.
Right, like have someone validate you and be like, oh, you must be in so much pain. I have a past, look. Right. I'm broken, pain now. Oh my God. Yeah. That's so, that's sad, right? As a kid.
Yeah, it is. It is sad. I definitely, I definitely now, like I wish I had given myself I'd been more gentle with myself and I didn't have the tools to do that, but I wish I, you know, now when I look back at like photos of myself as a kid, I was like, oh, I didn't deserve, not that I didn't deserve to be treated like that.
I didn't deserve to then do what I did to myself because things can happen. It's how you deal with them. It's how you hold onto them. No one deserves to, you know, be hurt or to be neglected in any way, shape or form, but I didn't make it easier. I made it a hell of a lot worse.
I know, but I also think that is something that humans, and it is frustrating, and I think especially as women, there's a lot of this of like, when the pain is not something that someone can tangibly and like physically see,
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Chapter 7: What insights does Cara share about her sexuality and relationships?
The pressure of not feeling like I was good at anything or good enough or love myself, all of that, it went away. And what drugs really gave me at that point, which is what I was desperately looking for, was connection. It wasn't real. I mean, it is to some extent, but it's not. It's there, it's tangible, but it's not deep enough, right? For what you really need, maybe what you want.
But I loved that part and I loved the friends I had and the music and the, you know, breaking into, it was just like such an amazing period. But then, especially with things like hallucinogens and when your brain is not formed yet,
I just remember having a really bad trip, a really bad trip where I thought that my dad was God and my mom was the devil and I had to kill her to save the end of the world. I lost my mind. At the end of that trip, though, I thought that Bill Murray, Tim Curry, and Jim Carrey were the same person, and I'm still convinced that they might be. I don't know. Acid is a crazy thing. To be determined.
But I really, I also was taking it like every day. Like I was doing it a lot. And my brain was just not stable enough to be able to do that. And I just kept having bad trips. And I just became suicidal. Just because at that point then, when I was in school, whether it was the drugs or the fact that like, whenever I was anywhere else away from my mom, I could feel her.
I could feel her all the time. I could feel when she was in pain, she would call me, you know, we were so close. So whenever I was away from her, I couldn't think about anything else. It's like almost codependency beyond a meshment, they would say. So yeah, I just, I was so confused because I also didn't have a great relationship with my dad at that point.
But suddenly something started to switch where I was like, maybe my mom's actually not... in the right here. And my dad's actually not in the wrong. And why do I hate him and protect her so fiercely in life? Like what I think my whole world exploded. And I was like, I think everything I've thought for the last 15 years is wrong.
And then at that point, especially at school, I wasn't great at school. I loved what I loved, which was music and theater and put exams and sitting there, my brain just would go so fast. And I also think I'm left-handed. I was forced to write with my right hand, not forced. I just did to fit in. I don't know. But I couldn't keep up with my head.
And yeah, I would just try and knock myself out physically. And that is why I think that same feeling was why I started having a bad relationship with drugs was because I just wanted to. knock myself out.
Yeah, and escape. Did your family at this point in high school when you were using know that this was happening?
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Chapter 8: How does Cara define self-love and its impact on her life?
You're seeing other people's dynamics. And the fact that you were like, is my dad the villain or is it my mom? And your whole reality. And who am I angry at?
I'm so angry. That was honestly the hardest thing is the anger. Because I... That was also the part that I didn't know who to be angry at. I was so angry at the world and I was so angry I couldn't make my mom better. And every time I would go home, something would be different. It was out of my control and that I'd have to go back to school and still, I felt like I was split.
I was never in one place. I was like, my head's here, my heart's there. I don't know where I am.
And so drugs. Yeah. And that helps it kind of all the question marks and all the curiosity, it alleviates that from you so you can kind of- Yeah, wipes it.
But it doesn't wipe it. It puts it under a rug and then the rug, you're a hoarder.
You're a hoarder. You drop out of high school and you pursue modeling full time. How did everyone in your life feel about that decision? Not great.
I didn't also, that was not something I was like, oh, I'm going to drop out and do modeling. It was more that I have to drop out because I will either do something stupid at school. I'm so depressed. I'm going to do so badly. I'm either gonna get expelled. Like I have to get out of here. There's no, this is not helping the situation.
And I think I needed a shock into like, cause I was like, oh, school, this is such a nightmare. My life's so hard. This is so difficult. No, the real life, the real world is way harder. But I needed that. I kind of needed that reality check. And my parents were like, you know, you had to take a year out of school. You know, you manage to get your shit together.
You put on antidepressants and go back. But now you want to drop out. Like, you have to have a plan. You can't just... You know, my parents were also like, you know, you need to go to university. It's like that stuff. And I was like, well, I'll have to figure out how to find a job. I was scouted at a rave. Also, my sister had been a model, is a model, and... Yeah.
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