Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hi, Daddy Gang.
Chapter 2: What content warnings should listeners be aware of?
Before we get into today's conversation, I just want to share a content warning. This episode is going to include discussions of domestic violence, sexual assault, and abuse, as well as references to substance use. If you or someone you love needs support, I have included resources in the show notes, so please take care while you are listening to this.
Welcome to a very, very special Sunday session. I am so honored and grateful to be bringing you this episode today. For those who don't know, today, Sunday, March 8th, is International Women's Day, and I am really excited to use today as an opportunity to highlight some truly amazing and incredible women.
I am going to be sitting down with two women who I have gotten to know through working with an organization called Harvest Home. I began working with Harvest Home pretty much immediately once I started the Unwell Foundation. I was looking to partner with groups that put women's issues first and centered conversation around mental health and provided necessary resources for underprivileged
International Women's Day feels like the perfect time to honor Harvest Home because this is an organization that really reflects what's possible when we as women show up for one another and find strength in each other. leaning on each other. Harvest Home is a safe haven for women who are pregnant and experiencing homelessness. They open their doors to mothers and their children.
They provide housing, therapy, financial programs, and so much more to equip these mothers with everything they need during an extremely vulnerable time in their life. From getting to know the stories of the mothers in Harvest Home, one thing I've found is so many of them are coming from unbelievably challenging situations. One's that are often out of their control.
Many of them are survivors of domestic abuse. Many of them are breaking long cycles of generational trauma. And all of them are looking to put the health and safety of their children first. And so today we will be joined by Sarah, who is the executive director of Harvest Home, and by Angie, who is an alumni of Harvest Home that has offered to share her story with us.
I hope through this conversation that we are all reminded that women supporting women isn't just this buzzy thing for us to throw around. It is something that can actually be transformative and powerful in its impact, whether it is your friend, your mother, your sister, your neighbor, your coworker. Every single woman in your life is navigating something that they could use support on.
And just showing up for each other actually matters so much more than I think we even realize. So with that, I am at Harvest Home today. And I am so honored to be having this conversation. And I hope you will all enjoy it. What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. We are at Harvest Home today, and I'm joined by Angie and Sarah.
Thank you guys so much for joining me, and welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you for having us. Okay, first I just want to kick this off with you, Sarah. To someone who may not be familiar today with Harvest Home, could you give a little background of what this is?
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Chapter 3: How does Harvest Home support pregnant women experiencing homelessness?
First and foremost, I think, is that their entire world revolves around this person. So often a relationship that is, you know, does have this abusive element to it, it may not start that way. You know, it starts... maybe by feeling like you're that person's whole world. And it could be what some people think of like falling hard for somebody, right? Like you're their entire world.
But then over time, starting to isolate more from the relationships that you have in your life and starting more and more to maybe things that felt protective in the beginning, like, oh, this person is providing things for me, or this person calls and checks in on me a lot. That feels so wonderful to But over time, you can see that those are actually controlling or manipulative behaviors.
I would say, though, more than anything, those early signs are more visible to people on the outside than they are often to a person inside of a relationship.
Yeah, that's a great point. And how do you think pregnancy could impact when someone is experiencing an abusive relationship?
Yeah, it's interesting. So there's actually been some research that has shown that domestic violence actually increases when a woman is pregnant. It's wild to me to think about that. But if you think about it, if... If the relational dynamics are often about control, as someone who's experienced pregnancy, you have very little control of what's happening in your body.
And I'm sure within the dynamics of the relationship, that is present as well.
Angie was... domestic violence a part of your story? 100%.
Yeah, absolutely. I think it shaped my whole history of relationships because I had never experienced that until I did. And then when I did, it did such damage that I felt that's all I deserve because I ended up believing what the person was telling me.
When was the first time that you experienced abuse or mistreatment from a man?
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Chapter 4: What are the common experiences of women at Harvest Home?
I developed a lot of anxiety. So yeah, definitely my childhood, you know, shaped the relationships that I got into. What was your first serious relationship like? Um, I was in high school and I was with him for like, I think two, three years. I lost my virginity to him and, um, he was a little older and I was in high school still.
So I was sneaking out of my house to go, uh, you know, spend time with him and go drink and smoke and do things that we were doing. And, um, You know, I started going towards like the older boys, you know, just because that felt like that was comfortable. I felt, you know, like I had a way in.
I'm sorry. No, it's okay. I think... It's a very hard thing to describe as a woman. And I think I've spoken to so many women about being attracted to older men. There is almost back to what you were saying about there is this desire. You feel worthy. You feel like I'm special. There's something about me that like
He wants me for a reason and I'm mature and I can hang out with them and I'm different. And so it does play into our insecurities as a young woman. Don't fault yourself for that because there's so many women who get into those situations and you can, yes, look back now and be like, oh my gosh, I could see it. But at the time, you're just going off of your heart and what you felt. When you...
would find yourself in situations that you started to realize, okay, this is not healthy, this is abusive. I think abusers typically try to isolate and control their partners, right? You referenced that. How was that personally for you showing up in relationships, Angie?
So I was already isolated from the jump because I had moved from California where I was born and raised and I had my family and graduated from high school Everything that I knew was in California. So I moved to Washington State after my mom moved there. So I was all alone. Right. And I started trying to meet new people.
And I met this person and I should have gone with my first gut instinct because my first gut instinct said nothing. I don't really like how you do things. And I said, I don't want to fuck with you anymore. And he got really upset, right? We didn't talk for like six months. I ran into him again and he approached me in a different way. And he got me.
I was like, oh, maybe I was wrong about you, right?
Yeah.
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Chapter 5: How can early signs of an abusive relationship be identified?
I think everybody does to an extent. And I remember this woman was so genuine with her admiration towards me, I guess is the word, that it made me feel so good that I wanted to keep doing better.
you know what I mean and she was so like you're so strong I always see you you're on top of your stuff and you're in and out and you're always busy and you're always doing something and I know that if you can do it I can do it she's like I always looked up to you and she is just such a sweet sweet kind loving person that I gravitated toward her too because she was so strong and even her story too she was just
she's the gentlest woman I think I've ever met, you know? And she helped me a lot through a lot of times that she probably doesn't even know that I was struggling mentally and she would just come up to me and tell me random little things. She's like, damn, she's like, I really admire how you do A, B and C, you know? And she probably has no idea that like that helped me so much.
And also hearing Angie from, The years that you experienced the complete opposite of people telling you you weren't worthy and you weren't going to amount to certain things, like to have other women that have no agenda other than just being honest, being like, I recognize these beautiful women.
parts of you how amazing then you are internalizing those finally for the first time in a long time and you deserve to internalize those because they're accurate to who you are as a woman how do you think when you look back at your time at harvest home did your confidence shift from what we did initially talk about where it was you didn't have that confidence at all
Oh boy, it's a complete 180. I still struggle, you know, with my little negative talk. But yeah, like, because, you know, harvest home, like we cook for each other, right? Like we, we cook like once a week for each other. And, um, I forgot how much I love to do that. Right. So like certain little things that they implement here in the program that kind of reawaken some things in you, right?
Like whether it's exercising or crafts or cooking or, um, just being with the littles, you know, and, um, I think the cooking really helped me get into that a lot because it's such a love language for me. Like I've always loved cooking and I love cooking for everybody else. So like that made me feel so
capable in the kitchen makes me feel in control you know because i know what i'm doing with these things and i know what the timing of everything is like so it's my my little center of control right like i can't control anything else but i can control how this dinner is gonna look right so um that helped me a lot personally you know the cooking especially
you know when everybody enjoyed it and they weren't faking it you know so that was even the best thing like i remember one of the girls was um she when i first the first meal i cooked i think was like a marry me chicken or something like that she's like dang that chicken was fire and she had never talked to me before right she's like chicken was fire she's like and that rice was perfect i was like i've been making rice since i was like eight you know
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Chapter 6: What impact does pregnancy have on women in abusive relationships?
Like I had to get my foot back in the door of like school to get, you know, where I wanted to go. Right. And it gave me the confidence to do it. You know, it gave me the confidence to actually be like, yeah, I can do that instead of like, oh, no, I don't know if I can or making excuses.
So I'm good at making excuses for myself, you know, or no, I have a kid or oh, no, I can't do it with my son or blah, blah, blah. No, Harvest Home gave me the confidence to say I can do this and that and more.
Yeah.
You know what I mean? And I did. Like I was able to go to school. I finished my course as a peer support specialist, you know, Medi-Cal peer support specialist. And I'm going to take my state exam soon, you know, and I'll be working in the field soon. I'm not sure where I'm going to end up at, but I'm...
confident that it'll be okay i'm not terrified by the future and i'm not like super scared about it you know so it gave me like a good footing it gave uh our relationship a good footing to start off on and to continue to seek help which we have you know me and my partner have he's in counseling he does his therapy i do my counseling i do my therapy and We keep up on our agendas.
We do things differently. We hear each other out. It's the healthiest relationship I've been in. We've had our ups and downs, but that wouldn't have been possible without the experience that I had here, without the therapy, the classes, the
the hope you know the hope that i got here you know that the courage the they believed like she said they believed in me before i did in myself right they loved on me until i could love on myself because i'm always the one to love everybody else and i forget to fill up my own cup you know and um They're always on, what are you doing for yourself? What are you going to do for yourself tonight?
What are you going to do for you today? You know, and they always bring me back to self, right? Because that's where it starts. That's where everything begins within me, you know, um, It's been invaluable. Now I have my own two bedroom. Now I have both of my kids full time, including my oldest. And I've been fighting to get my oldest and I finally have him.
He's nine years old and he's finally with me. I'm sorry, I'm just so happy that he's with me.
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