Join Big Al for a solo episode full of chaotic story times and life updates. Alex reminisces on the time her school girl role playing went horribly wrong and when she enlisted her parents’ help in a genius plan to outsmart a fuckboy. Then, Alex reflects on her recent weekend in Chicago with her girlfriends and discusses how to best maintain adult friendships despite being in different phases of life. Enjoy!
Chapter 1: What chaotic stories does Alex share from her college days?
okay because you're not cool enough yet to like go the weird embarrassing route like you're still trying to make a name for yourself on this campus and you're a freshman so you're like I want people to like fucking remember me and think I'm hot so My freshman year, I was none other than a slutty schoolgirl. So fucking original.
I had the pigtails, the glasses, the micro little skirt with the thigh highs, the whole thing, okay? So... I remember I was all dressed up. It was Halloween weekend and my friends and I were hitting the frats of Boston on Alston Street, ready to find ourselves some men at BU. And I remember shortly into the night, I found myself talking to one of the Boston U guys.
hockey boys that I had my eye on for the first semester okay and so I'm laying down my moves I'm popping out the tits and eventually I worked it enough that we headed back to his dorm to hook up and this is where this is really where the canon event begins okay sit back relax and get your fucking popcorn
I was a water bottle of vodka deep at this point, if you know, you know, and I'm in the elevator up to the dorm and I decided my drunken state that dressing up as a school girl was only the beginning, right? So we got into his room and we started to aggressively make out. And when the moment felt right, I knew it was time for me to fully embody my costume.
And I flipped a switch and I began to role play as a school girl, as if my life depended on it naturally. You know, you may be wondering like, oh damn, like was role play like a thing that you had been doing before, Alex? Were you like role playing it up in fucking high school? Absolutely not. This is probably the first time I was fucking role playing, okay? I had zero experience with it.
But in that moment, I felt like a goddamn veteran. I got into character and I was the school girl and this guy was my teacher. I started slow. I started slow. I started off easy, throwing a little softball. I said something like, do I get extra credit if I make you come? Just like some light porno classics, you know, like just like really scratching the surface. OK. And as we kept going.
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Chapter 2: What was Alex's Halloween canon event as a freshman?
I kept ramping up and I was so into my character that I wasn't picking up on the cues that this guy, he wasn't necessarily, um, he wasn't vibing with my performance. Okay. It still hurts to say to this day. And so after I was hitting him with line after line, like given him honestly, like grade a type shit, his energy had clearly shifted.
And he kind of looked at me and was like, just like enough talking, like just suck my fucking dick. And again, intoxicated, like you don't take the social cues like you would if you weren't fucking drunk, daddy gang. So I'm in my own world. And I was fully a schoolgirl at this point. There was no turning back. And I was not ready to give up yet because I'm still like in a fantasy land.
So I'm like, OK, if he doesn't want me to talk. I just gotta act this shit out. So I remember I jumped off this man's bed. I stumbled over to his desk and I'm on the hunt for a ruler. And unfortunately, newsflash, unfortunately guys in their 20s apparently don't keep rulers around. So I found the next best option, a thick spiral notebook, a five star thick boy, okay?
And I brought the notebook over to this man and I handed it to him turning around so he could spank me with it. I was so proud of myself. Like I'm thinking I'm rocking this guy's world in the moment. I'm like, oh my God, I'm fucked up. And I can think of this genius shit. I'm literally bent over ready for Papa to give it a swing. And then I'm just kind of like air is like bristling my butthole.
And I'm like, what? He didn't spank me. Okay, he didn't spank me. He'd even pick up the fucking book, okay? And after a minute, I looked back at him kind of like, what the fuck is he doing? I turn around. This man was sitting up, getting out of bed, putting his fucking pants on. And I watched in absolute horror as he proceeded to button his pants, put his shirt on.
He handed me my schoolgirl skirt and he said, the most... dreaded words a girl can hear he said I'm gonna go back to the party
like no my ego in that moment to be like you're my skirt was off I'm ready for the big boop boop and he won't even fucking touch me in that moment I realized I was not the school girl of his dreams and I had in fact made a massive fool of myself and I think I remember like waking up that morning so fucking mortified about what he probably told his friends and was like talking about with them that morning but the glorious part of college I will say is
is that you are never, ever, ever, ever alone in ruining your life, especially on Halloween. Something about costumes clearly makes all of us girls act fucking insane. And I remember I'm tucked in bed in my single fucking trunk in my little dorm room. And I'm on the verge of just flinging myself out the window and ending it all because I'm like, it's the hockey guys. They're going to talk.
I was supposed to be the hot new freshman. What the fuck? And I remember the next morning, My first friend barges through the door and she has cat makeup smeared down her face onto her tits. She has a little bandeau on and she is wearing long, long, long boy shorts. She has size 16 shoes on, sneakers, like whale fucking boots. And she comes in announcing that
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Chapter 3: How did Alex's experience with a fuckboy evolve?
My dad drove me to New Jersey Transit. I got on that train. I rolled up to his place, purposely looking like a little disheveled. He was insecure as ever, asking me, like, why didn't you answer me last night? Like, were you with another guy? And I was so coy. I was like, stop. Like, we're not even exclusive. Like, chill. Like, calm down. Like, we're going to have fun tonight.
Just playing it so casual. We went out together that night. And later, he floated the idea of us being exclusive. The war was over, ladies. I had fucking done it. I got more out of that Khaleesi costume than I could have ever dreamt of. And a canon event was secured for sure because that, I fear, was the moment, like one of the moments I really truly saw like the power of Khaleesi.
finessing a fuck boy in a way that like you can't help but get a little off on it right because when you've been done dirty by them and you every girl has had that where you're sitting up and you're waiting for their text message and you're like kind of just completely on their terms when you flip the switch and the roles are reverse you're like
this is intoxicating and this is, and then I went on to date him and it was like the most toxic relationship, but like, it's a classic, like, like exactly how you got them is how you're going to lose them. It's a classic and it's a tale as old as time. Anyways, those are my two like memorable Halloween. I mean, I have a lot more Halloween stories, but that's enough for today.
This year, I did not participate in Halloween at all. Matt and I actually... This is more wholesome. Now we're going to transition to a more wholesome side of the episode. Matt and I actually flew to Chicago this past weekend to spend it with Lauren, who you all know. She's one of my childhood best friends. She's been on the show. And it was Lauren's 30th birthday. And she is going through...
an unexpected life change right now and is moving into a new apartment by herself, which is definitely overwhelming. So Matt and I knew we weren't gonna let her just like do this all alone. And we wanted to physically be there with her to support her in person. And so Matt and I told her we were going to come to Chicago, but we had also cooked up a little surprise of our own.
We had told Lauren that we were going to come in town and like hang out and go to dinners and like celebrate her birthday. But little did she know we were planning to surprise her by furnishing her entire apartment. Our girl didn't have a single piece of furniture to her name in that place yet. And Matt and I were like, she needs this and we got her. And so we got to Chicago Friday night.
We met up with Lauren and Kristen, my other childhood best friend. She also lives in Chicago. Um, imagine the FOMO I have that my two best friends live in the same city. And I'm just like over here in Los Angeles, the amount of dinners where I've been like, but what if you guys just like moved? And they're like, no, I'm like, okay.
But like, what if you just, and they're like, just come visit us more. I'm like, okay, fair. So we went to dinner that first night and it was 10 out of 10. Amazing. It was just like the three of us girls. And with Matt, um, If you're ever in Chicago, also just highly recommend. We went to this restaurant called Bavette's.
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Chapter 4: What creative strategy did Alex use to get the attention of a guy she liked?
Chapter 5: How did Alex's mom and dad help her with her Halloween plans?
When you see those friends who are in those situations and you're like annoyed with them being like they've been such a fucking bad friend lately. I know that sometimes our natural inclination is to be like she's just been like such fucking shit like she's not. I get it when they're MIA. But if you're really tuned into your friend.
You should know it has nothing to fucking do with your relationship and your friendship. And it has everything to do with the fact that your friend isn't in a good place and their romantic situation. And it is like eating them alive and it's affecting everyone around them. It's difficult to see it when you're in it, but it's obvious.
Like one person is usually way more capable to show up for the other. And that's just the natural ebb and flow of a friendship. I'm also pleased, like, don't get me fucking wrong. I can already see the DMs coming in. Like, I'm not talking about the people who are like, well, she hasn't shown up in seven years, Alex. Like, that doesn't fit. Like, no, then it's time to boot the fucking bitch.
That's not what I'm talking about. But everyone goes through their hard spells. The point is, I think female friendships are some of the most incredible relationships. And I have been through so much with my friends. And even when my life feels good and Matt and I are good, There is truly nothing like when I'm with them. And it was so cute. Oh my God. It almost like made me emotional.
It was so cute because Matt and I were on the plane ride back from Chicago and Matt like grabbed my thigh and turned to me and was like, I love seeing you this happy. And I was like, what? And he was like, this weekend was so amazing. And the bond that you have with your friends is so incredible. Like you guys are so lucky to have each other. And I remember I just looked at him and I was like.
They're my people. Like since six years old, they've been my people and will always be my people. And so the last thing I guess I will say is like reminder, daddy gang, especially when you become an adult, you don't need a giant friend group. You don't need all these different people in your life. You need one, honestly.
And I'm fortunate to have a few, but you don't need a big friend group to feel fulfilled. If anything, it allows you to invest more time
into those few friends that you're really really close with anyways daddy gang um thank you so much for listening to this week's episode it's just a little girly chat for us you know sometimes on a Wednesday we gotta kick back and just talk and hang um so thank you so much for listening I love you guys very much and I will see you fuckers next Wednesday goodbye
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