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Chapter 1: What pressures does the 'cool girl' aesthetic create?
Hello, Daddy Gang. Welcome back to another Sunday session of Call Her Daddy. My life right now is all about finding pants that fit. And, you know, as pregnancy is going along, I don't I refuse to just wear the same stretchy pants like I don't want to be that girl that's like same outfit every single time. So we're trying to make the bump look cute and wear the occasional cute outfit.
Obviously, that does not pertain to today. Today, I Could barely get it together. But when I tell you, I am searching for cute pregnancy outfits because the minute... Here's the thing. The minute I find pants, I buy two sizes up. A lot of cute pants, though, do have a button. And so I can wear them for about two weeks. And then I sadly just... outgrow them.
And so the strategy is constantly shifting, but I will say, I think I'm starting to get a hang of how to dress for the bump. I am taking pride in some of my outfits, but it is, you know, it's wild changes guys, but I am having fun with it and I am enjoying myself. What else is going on in my life right now?
I, oh, I was at my brother-in-law's house the other night with our whole family for his birthday and all of my nieces and nephews were there and it was so cute explaining to them that there is a baby in my belly and that they're going to have a cousin, aka a new friend coming soon.
And my little nephew is like staring at my stomach incessantly with just like pure curiosity and excitement and asking like, what's the name going to be?
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Chapter 2: How does failure contribute to personal growth?
And asking if like if he is allowed to touch my belly. It's all very cute. And so, yeah, anyways, life is lifing and all is pretty good. But enough about me. So I was thinking about something the other day when I was driving home from work. I feel like sometimes when I come home from work, it's either like I just fully listen to music or a podcast or I drive in silence.
And I don't know why, but recently, you guys, I have nothing I want to listen to. So I'm just driving in silence. And that silence has allowed me to really think a lot with my thoughts in my commute home. That is one of the positives, I would say, of like not working from home is like I do kind of like my commute because I'm like, let's get inside this dome, Alex. Like what's going on, sweetie?
Let's have a little therapy session together. And then what ended up happening was I kind of came up with a topic that I wanted to just quickly address with the daddy gang. Something I was thinking about is like, why is it so cool to act like you don't care?
why is it so cool to act like you didn't even try it just happened like I think there is this huge lie I feel like we are all collectively participating in right now which is essentially the myth of effortlessness like why the fuck is it suddenly I guess and maybe it's not suddenly but like it's it feels like people think it's cool to act like you don't care
When did trying become embarrassing or, you know, to try hard? Like if you go on social media, everything is curated to look like it just happened. Like you look at the cooking videos and, you know, these creators throw like three random ingredients into a pan, they snap their fingers, and then it's like a Michelin star meal. And also... their kitchen looks pristine and so clean.
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Chapter 3: Why is trying hard often seen as embarrassing?
Easy, breezy, beautiful, delicious. And what's obvious, what they do not show you is the three hours of prep that went into that food and the camera angles and the sink that is full of crusty dishes and the fact that, you know, they probably burned the first batch. You know, we didn't get to see that part. Or maybe it actually ended up tasting like shit. But we just see the super quick, easy,
couple step meal to make after work. And that is annoying. Even the fitness videos, they look perfect. They're sucking in. The lighting is hitting perfectly. They don't show the gasping for air in between takes. I just... I know this isn't a new concept. I just feel like it's like shouting in my face recently. Like we're just constantly consuming content that says, look how amazing my life is.
And oh, by the way, I barely even tried. Like, look how I barely even, like I barely put effort into this. Look how easy this was for me. And I don't know, I just feel exhausted from it. It's toxic and it's just a filtered lie.
Chapter 4: How can we navigate the myth of effortlessness in dating?
And this isn't just obviously social media. It's definitely heightened there. But I feel like this goes back. It actually reminded me. It's almost like going back to childhood. Stay with me, okay? You're like, Alex, we don't always have to take it back to childhood. Yeah, we do. Hold on.
Do you guys remember the kid in school who would sit down for an exam, ace it, and be like, oh my God, I didn't even study? For me, the kid was Connor. And I was like... Connor. And then meanwhile, you're up. You stayed up till like 2 a.m., flashcards everywhere, sweating through your t-shirt on your way to the test. And maybe, maybe by the grace of God, you got a B plus. Maybe.
Honestly, probably a B. Maybe even a C, okay? And I was reflecting back on my drive home, thinking about like, whoa, why did we grow up feeling embarrassed for being the person who studied? Why did we validate the person who bragged about doing the bare minimum and still had some success or the same level of success as the person who actually tried?
I feel like to some degree, we have carried that exact same energy straight into our adult lives and yes, most visibly onto social media. And then I couldn't help but think. We've also carried it into modern dating. For all my single girlies out there, this one's for you. I want to take accountability. Trust me, I was the number one culprit. I would say don't call her daddy.
And it's not that I actually don't agree with it because it does work, but it was like pretend you don't care. It looks so much cooler. I've literally said it before.
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Chapter 5: What are the challenges of being the single friend?
The person who cares least in the relationship holds all the power. And it sucks because that shouldn't be the case, but somehow it is. In dating, we can get so caught up in playing these psychological games where whoever takes longer to text back wins. And if you show excitement, you're desperate. And if you plan a nice date, oh my God, well, you should just end it all.
You're just doing way too much. So everyone then walks around wearing this like armor of like, yeah, we're just hanging out, but like whatever, I don't really care. And it's a complete defense mechanism because if you act like you don't care, then if it fails, you don't have to face the humiliation of the rejection. You can end up just saying like, well, I wasn't even trying anyways, right?
But as I've gotten older, I've realized it is a very miserable way to live your life. Like, yes, without a doubt in dating, it does work temporarily. The guy may find you more interesting and elusive and confusing and distant. So it makes him want you more because the chase is so fun. Who doesn't love the fucking chase?
But then in the end, you just played a game pretending to be something that you're not all to win the guy that now doesn't even really know who you are. And then to some degree, you have to keep up this facade that is by no means enjoyable or fulfilling.
And I, listen, I have always, always said when it comes to dating, it is so important that you know your audience and you know what your end goal is. If I was watching this podcast and I was in college, I would be like, all I'm taking from this, Alex, is like, play the game, ignore him, make him want me. Because that is so applicable and relatable to your life in that moment.
And like, if you were just trying to get your friends invited by the hot athlete to the party online, Oh my God, without a doubt, honey, you should act away. You should be so cool. You should so act like you don't care.
get in there it definitely works every time but I do think it's important to note because I do think as the daddy gang we are all you know evolving and we're growing and I have some daddy gang that are older with me okay it's not all just high school and college people watching this even though I know you're here so that's why I'm also saying like girl if you want to get invited to the party I'm
oh leave him on read then text him back the next day like make it so confusing for sure but it is a very temporary solve and when you are at a young point in your life a temporary solve is the perfect solve because nothing really is actually you want it to last like I don't actually fucking like the frat boy but I want to go to chi-fi tonight like Hello.
And so this temporary solve, I just think you need to be like aware of because eventually you do need to live your life. And most of us care about our life and our happiness, obviously. And the short term wins depending where you're at in your life and the circumstances when it does become all encompassing and it becomes a part of your life in this like really major way.
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Chapter 6: How should couples approach financial discussions?
because then you are just being disingenuous to a degree that is beyond unfulfilling. I feel like my college self would like slap me in the face right now. I'm like, shut up. I don't want to hear that. So fair, Alex, keep doing what you're doing. Lock in those extensions, put the self-tanner on, put the fake eyelashes on and do your fucking thing, girl.
But I'm just at a different place in my life, right? So that is not as applicable to me anymore. Me being cool and elusive and doing all that, it's not helping me at all. I would just get annoyed and be like, why am I doing this?
I don't need to go to Chi Phi tonight. I don't want to go hook up with the frat bro. Huh?
He's my husband and I want him to understand what I'm directly fucking saying to him. So it's circumstantial. Also, let's say you are that person who... actually does just have things fall in their lap. Like you win the game, you get the guy, you get the job, and you don't really have to lift a finger for certain things in your life. Totally great. to some degree, but what skills did you build?
What resilience do you have? To some capacity, someone could argue nothing, zero. The person who tries, who sometimes fails, who gets their heart broken, who burns the dinner, who has to rewrite the resume five times, that person is inevitably building character. And I'm not saying again, if you are someone where like something comes easy to you, like a bitch, just like go.
But if everything in life is just like, I didn't really try. I just have a sense of that. Like, OK. That's well, that's also no fucking fun. right? I don't know.
I think when you focus entirely on making the outcome look effortless, because most of the time it is, you are essentially completely bypassing the actual point of life, which is the messy, uncomfortable, beautiful process of learning and growing. And so I think we need to stop glamorizing these people online and in life who are pretending it was just so easy to
And great if it actually was for them, but life isn't easy. So maybe the one thing that they're showing online, maybe it was actually easy for them. But you aren't seeing the other 10 things that they really struggled with. And I think it's important to talk about the psychological toll of all of this shit. Because
It is one thing to look at an effortless video and think, okay, that is objectively fake. It's a whole other thing when you are lying in bed at 11 p.m., you are scrolling, and you see someone launching a business or meal prepping for the entire month or doing a 5 a.m. workout routine, and they look flawless.
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Chapter 7: What strategies can be used to support friends struggling with addiction?
Not a drop of sweat, no eye bags, just pure productivity.
What does that do to our brains? It makes us feel like absolute fucking garbage. We look at them and we think, wait, why am I struggling so hard just to just do the bare minimum? You feel like a failure because your real life has friction. Your house is messy when you cook. You look like a drowned rat after you worked out.
You actually have to cry sometimes when you are stressed about your career. You're not just girl bossing so fucking close to the sun 24-7. And so when other people make productivity look easy, not just, you know, possible, but legit, like, easy work... It weaponizes their success against your self-esteem.
It makes you feel like you missed the memo on how to be a human being who can just do it all and then some, a little sprinkle, boom. And so inevitably we start thinking that because it's hard for us, we must be doing something wrong or we're just lazy pieces of shit. Why can't I get it together? How are they doing that? And I'll tell you why. Because you're at work all day.
And you had a hard day and then you came home or you were at home working hard all day and then work stopped and work could have been being a mother or work could have been a full-time job. And then you had to feed yourself or you had to feed your family. And the last thing you want to do is cook an aesthetic meal. You just want something to literally feed your body and your hunger.
You don't have time to put on the aesthetic cute workout outfit, okay? You're throwing on your ripped college old t-shirt and some shorts with a couple holes in them and you are just proud that you made it to the goddamn gym. And a lot of times, maybe you're not making it to the gym because of the real day you had, the emphasis on the real day.
And yeah, it needs to end with maybe decompression on the couch and not the perfect meal and the workout and the matching fucking set that goes with it. You wanna eat your snacks, you wanna watch your favorite TV show, and you wanna black out the hard day that you just had. That is closer to real life than almost anything.
I also think, and I don't know, this could be a stretch, but I do think that this topic kind of ties into the mythical, exhausting archetype of the cool girl. The cool girl is just like the ultimate embodiment of effortlessness, right? She's hot, but she obviously doesn't try that hard to wear too much makeup. She's successful, but she never talks about working.
And if she does, like, ugh, just happened easily. And by making it all look so effortless, she's never been busier. She is grinding it out. And again, like, cool, great. But please, can we not forget how much effort is going into the effortless image we are all consuming? Guys, I'm telling you, it was a really productive drive. Like I was like, boom, because I was like, I need to hear this.
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Chapter 8: How can we redefine success beyond social media portrayals?
So then I was like, I think the daddy gang needs to hear this. So here's my opinion, because now it's like, OK, wait, so what do we do? My opinion, what is actually cool, what is genuinely attractive is trying. and is evolving and that can be so messy and unsexy and unglamorous and really hard and really exhausting.
But it is so much cooler to meet someone who says, yeah, I am trying this new thing and honestly, I kind of suck at it right now or like it's really hard and I'm working through it, but I'm figuring it out. That takes a secure ego. That is someone I personally want to follow and learn from and be friends with.
And so the next time you see someone making life look so effortless and you start to feel that wave of shame that we feel every time we open our phones and we see the perfect aesthetic and all the 10 step program, I want you to actually just flip the script. Just remind yourself that you are living in the real world. You are doing the heavy lifting and
You are experiencing trial and error and you are actually changing and growing. You are not living to quickly capture something on your phone for everyone else to give you validation over. How do you feel about yourself? If you were never able to open the internet again, if you were never able to post a video again, how would you feel about yourself? Do you feel good?
Are you happy with your life? That's all that fucking matters. So I also think keeping in mind, and maybe this is just like me getting older, Grandma Cooper coming through. But this is not the shit that at 80 years old, we are going to be showing our grandchildren or our friends and our families. Like, guys, look at this picture I took. And like, look how aesthetic my shoes were in this photo.
And it so gave cool girl. Oh my God, look at that. No. It will be the stories about life and living and failing and the struggles you overcame. When you think about the things you are proudest of achieving in your life so far, did they come from an effortless moment or did they come from a time where you worked your fucking ass off or you survived something really hard?
And now you get to look back and be so proud of yourself for all of the hard work you put in because you tried and you care. And that is the least embarrassing thing I truly think. You own it. Be proud of it. Be proud of who you are for putting yourself out there. Be proud of your life. That is fucking cool. And I think that makes you way more fucking interesting. So.
Again, this isn't to like just shit on the internet, but it is to put in perspective for ourselves of like what we are consuming is potentially causing us more anxiety and more harm than good. And you need to be able to differentiate your real life from just like something that you think maybe scrolling is going to alleviate your stress from the day.
And it's actually only going to make you so much more stressed. And so I think that we have to force ourselves to wake up because like I said, when we're 80, we're going to look look back and be like, fuck, I spent so much fucking time on that thing. I'm like, what?
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